This is where I rot - 26.09.2025

These are the bits of me I don’t say out loud. Some of them make no sense. Also TW

Welp, I confirmed my feelings for him. FML. Now I am thinking every notification on my watch is him texting me, that maybe he does feel something. And let me tell you, tonight will be a full-blown shit show. Hope this entry will make some sense cuz my head is a mess, but dont worry I will go into detail.

But before I embark on tonight's journey around Echo's head, I would like to make this entry a journey (Thank you, random grammar checking software). I think by now I have established that I am a Daydreamer, and still to this day, she is someone that can make me cry instatnly. I had my fair share of crying moments today already, but I feel like there is one more big one in me. So Echo, here is what we are going to do. (Also it's my real me talking to Echo). We will grab a bottle of wine together and we will relive some really emotional moments. We will open up to each other and all with Adele, so let us together launch the Munich concert from the 23rd? Ok? Ok.

Hello It's me Echo. I am wondering who the hell have I offended so much to deserve what I am going through. I know it could have been sooooo fucking much worse. But to me this is currently the worst. I have lost the sense of who the hell I am. Living witht a stomach that is basically a ticking time bomb and could explode in any moment of my day, when I get angry or scared. And who are you? I am your crush. Oh well hi nice to meet you. I am going to show you some basic human emotions and friendliness and I hope you are going to interpret this as me falling for you. Oh don't worry I will. Hello.

Okay, so, Hello, during this part, I was already tearing up. The woman who has "seen me" cry the most and knows all my deepest fears, secrets is standing right in front of me. Altough, there is like 80.000 in the arena with me, I feel like she knew I was there. The unforgettable night 7. When she was walking down the catwalk, she turned around right in front of me and started waving. Like I was not at the fence or anything, but if there is a 0.00001% chance she saw me, I feel like a piece of my soul just found inner peace. That woman who knows me the most now knows I exist.

And now I can belt Hello? Like hello. I fur fuck sure will. Oh for fucks sake I said hello to Adele. OH, BTW there is a concert video where I see myself at all times and just 2 I was having sooo fucking much fun, and fuck I look so bad jumping around,

Anyways, let's go down memory lane and open up on a random friday night like never before.

Rumor has it that my first boyfriend cheated on me 6 times. We met right before I wanted to make something very stupid and that is suicide. Fuck we talked in the blissful February rain and immediately fell in love with him. He was all lively and liked it. At this point in my life I never kissed someone or anything. We talked and had a couple of cigs together. It was 3 days before Valentine's Day. We walked home together and immediately started texting. Next week I am at his parents' house and we kiss. FUCCCK I never felt anything like that before. Who turned out to be my first one and possibly also saved me from suicide, is a couple of months later he breaks up with me over text. Fuck that skinny bitch. Now I know he has a boyfriend, but he still fucks around. Fuck that skinny bitch... I still see him from time to time, but never approach if I have to.

I drink wine and I want to go on a journey. So after this break up I get drunk numerous nights in a row. Adele's face is lighting up the room as I cry like a fucking weeping baby. Now I only soak up wine. But then I used to drink a bottle of vodka and cry 'till 4 AM. That hurt like a buttcheek on a stick. BTW I am also letting my personality shine through, so don't be blineded babe.

But for real why am I obsessing about the things I can't control, this is litereally me, like hellooooooo, I did not plan this but here we fucking go. I never planned to be gay, never planned to live in a place where hook-ups are more trendy than a normal relationship. STG every gay guy is a whore around here. I just need someone I can hold and love. That would be my drug, like a lovedrug. But now I am crying for all of my exes. OOOOO FUCK YOU ALLLLLLLLLL, for making me who I am right now. Like, I am strong to a point, but you all broke the fuck outta me. I just wanted you all, but you either wanted my money, or used me because I was naive and thought you all loved me on the past. Well that was not real. All the times I wanted to get a tattoo with your initials I am glad I chickened the fuck out in the last minute. fuck you all. fuck you for making me believe I found the on,e and you would be the one for the rest of my life.

Oh I am so fucking happy that I saw Adele with my very own eyes. I deffo was one of the very rowdy, lively and noisy ones that were smiling and swaying the whole concert. This will make sense later.

But all of those bitches made me believe I was a special person, why the hell were you holding me like you were holding me if you were not the one for me. Fuck I am emotional. Like you were holding my hips in your hands under the lamp post at the place we always used to meet up and kiss. It was winter and all, but I felt the warmth of your kiss lighting up my world. But you the second one also decided to whore around behind my back. You were telling me this will last forever. A zit on my face lasted longer than our relationship. I wanted love, you wanted to chase people until you get an STD. Keep it up, catch a train to the end of the world and fall the fuck down from the face of the earth. kthanksbye

We skip a few guys, where it just did not work out. Here we decided toghether after a couple of weeks/months we were just not for each other.

I am trying to wash all the pain away. I get a promotion and get a chance to travel as part of my everyday work around the country. This is where the hook-up happens. Please be gentle IDK how to love anymore. Fuck not, he grabs me by my tie, and I end up in his room. Oh for fucks sake you told me words you do not remember, because you were so drunk. I gave up my dreams and myself to be with people who loved me not, and you show me what I have never got from them. A fucking orgasm. I remember I told you that night, that fuck I have fell for you, you did not remember me. I deleted grindr where we talked first, and not have spoken to you ever since, but for the love of god, I have been thinking about you for a fucking long time. Maybe if we talked again?

OKAY, STOP, PAUSE. I need to share a fucking important moment with you Echo. Between my 1st boyfriend and the Adele concert 8 years have passed.

I have got to know my beautiful boyfriend at the time, and my life has turned from the gloomy grey bullshit into a beautiful field filled with tulips and rainbows, I kid you not, I am on cloud 9. Everything is just so perfect.

Okay, so here comes the part of the concert where in the video I look like I am not bothered and I am on my phone. That is true. I was texting to my beautiful boyfriend. Please enjoy "One and Only" while I cite word-for-word what I texted him:

"Xy, We have been together since xx.xx.xxxx and ever since I was you at *somewhere* I fell so fucking hard for your beautiful eyes as you looked at me for being confused as fuck. 8 years ago I planned to commit suicide, but for the love of God I am so fucking happy I did not do it, since I would have never me you. You showed me I can still love and there is someone who can still love me. I just wish you were here with me in front of God herself. When All I ask is going to play, now I will not think about the past fuckers, but only you. All I ask if this is forever, or is this heaven on earth. I love you and can't wait to hug and kiss you as soon as we get home.

Now, please consider it, this song was not in my top 10 before. Now this is the song I want to propose to someone. I want to take someone special to somewhere beautiful and get them to a Karaoke bar on a random night during the trip. I will start singing One and Only, but when the piano and the chorus take over, Adele will come out and start singing in the background. I go down the stage and grab the hand of that special someone. Get right in front of the stage. Tell them how much I love them, and I want to give the rest of my life to them. I kneel down, and when she does the thing with her shoulder, I ask the question "Will you marry me?" and she sings "I dare you to let me be your one and only" fuck, like a movie. Now this is my most listened song on spotify. Thanks, delly

This is my dream. Thanks for listening, back to my brainrot.

So during this song, I saw the pearly gates of heaven and fuck I want to get there.

OH, MY. GOD, tell me how it is, that already a year has passed how the hell is this possible? I never had a relationship this long. BTW, after finishing this I will most definitely relisten the entire concert with a deodorant in my hand as a microphone. But how the hell is this possible that after all this bullshit that happened in my life I am content? It works? It is just like a movie? What the hell. This is to good to be true, how did I end up in your arms? Fuck I love you.

Now, knowing what I know, you were like the others. Fuck you too. You have said on the last day of our relationship: To me, you were like a friend with benefits. BITCH, I was planning my future with you, and you tell me this after 1.5 years of me thinking we are a couple. When you kissed me for the 1st time, you did indeed tell me you are not looking for someone. BUT FOR FUCKS SAKE, you were the one to buy the 1st Christmas gift, you pulled me in for a kiss in the beginning, most of the time. Why the fuck have you not told me you don't want me and you just want to fuck around? Did you just fucking pity me and decide not to send me South? Well, both of us were stupid. But you came to see Dua Lipa with me you fucker. I thought you were the one. Iwas planning what backsplash to use in the kitchen of our forever home. You piece of shitm you led me because I was what? Naive.

To hometown glory, I can not think of something love-related, but fuck the Vodka is kicking in.

BUT LOVE IN THE DARK, now we are speaking, this is what I felt in the hotel room after Dua Lipa. I felt you wanted to leave, and you were here just because. Even tho we were in the same bed, we were oceans apart, then you came around and hugged my arm as you fell asleep. I thought you loved me, but you did not. You just came because you were "obligated". I let you into my world, we say Dula Peep together. You little piece of shit. I was the right to drive you around and all, but when I said "I love you and I am thankful you came with me, you said nothing.

We were joking in the UBER, I was crying for my doctor to help me not throw the fuck up because I wanted it to be a magical night, I bought the whole pharmacy just to make my stomach feel better. I almost passed out on the highway as I was driving to the town where the concert was held, while you slept. I was fighting not just my stomach, but also my tears, because I was so fucking happy we were together, just you and me, and at that time, I did not know you were fucking around with other dudes.

I loved you, I stil do, now I can't listen to Dua without thinking about you. Fuck you. Anyway, back to Munich, this is where the girl I was with at Adele realized she had to break up with him. Oh fuck, Adele, you saved us from a toxic relationship. At least I did not know it at that time.

Make you feel my love is where I got jealous as fuck. People are proposing around us. I want that, I need that. It is my fucking dream to be eloped to someone till I die. We will see how drunk I will get, but at this time, I am wearing my old wedding ring on my finger. I took out my old wedding ring to wear, so I can show the world I am committed to you. And you did what? fucked around. You know how hard it was to wear that ring? bitch...


*Skipped sections* Maybe one day I will share


You know, there are days I imagine Adele bringing me up to the Munich stage. I would have:
A. Died
B. Asked her to lower the microphone and tell her how much she helped me to live through the shittiest parts of my life.

Let the Skyfall, bitch. I am ready if you are.

OH BTW, I have 2 hidden tattoos. They look like skin tags, but they are actually star constellations. Both for my late husband, one of them is the Orion and the other one is the Big Dipper constellation. When we were out late at night. I would look up at the stars, and these two I would immediately notice. My late husband told me, when I miss him, he would be in those constellations.

Listen, all you fuckers, who hurt me, we all met during a storm, and when you kissed me, we set fire to the rain. You all made me believe you were the one. Where the hell are you now? Fucking with someone else. Fuck you all. During this song, I was at church.

You all made me believe I was the one. I was one of the many that you fooled. I was planning the rest of my life with you all, you leeches.

So let's close this before I crash the fuck out.

This is for my new crush. Fuck you, we are supposed to see a fake Adele concert. We talked about her for a long time. Fuck you, I shared my secrets with you, my dears, like you were Adele. I believed you were the one.

Adele actually, during "Hold On" looked my way and sang, "Just be patient" at the end of the song. She was not directly looking at me, but felt like it. Then "When we were young came on", this song just means a shit ton for me. I felt really insecure about a lot of things about myself.

During this song, I caught the one and only confetti. It said "Everybody loves the things you do". I am really insecure about what and how I do a lot of things. I try to be the sun in everyone else's life. I hope I am that sun. Since the passing of my late husband, I want to make everyone feel loved.

That confetti flies in my hand, and I am crying. No, not crying, weeping. Fuck I am emotional again.

So, before I get into the last 2 songs of the concert. I want to tell myself something, Echo, I know it hurts; it hurts me too. But one day we both will be happy.

Now let's catch that fucking confetti.

Also, now I remember myself at the local soccer field. Listening to Adele with my ex. Someone like you would come up. It gives me chills thinking I would listen to it with him. I know the whole of Munich heard me say it to his face: "NEVERMIND I WILL FIND SOMEONE LIKE YOU". I would love to know how to sing and belt the fuck out this song, singing it to their face. But you know what. Fuck them. Fuck them for using me. Fuck them for lying to me. Fuck them for cheating. Fuck them for believing they love me.

This is what Adele said: "Being receptive to all of the energy that you give back to me, cuz you know, I do, I hope you feel my energy, it is very pure, and very very real, and I try to make every single one of you feel like you are the only person that I am here with, so i hope you feel like that"..." Addele I felt like that, like you were only singing to me. You know my pain, but you don't know me. But trust me, your songs know me. You know me

Now this is for my crush: Listen, you twat, you basically underessed me with your eyes. I thought you loved me. You gave me signs that you love me. You gave me an orgasm like no one else before. You know what, I will be delusional. I will think you love me. I think you just need time and space. YaY, let's be delusional. But ISTG, the whole of Munich heard me when I sang Someone Like You. I will, or at least os far, never find someone like you.

I thought we had something going on. I thought you liked me back. Now I don't even want to text you. Fuck you too for leading me. Fuck you for playing with me.

Adele, please help me heal.....

Okay, before we go into rolling in the deep, I want to remind myself. The 10-year-old me who was belting the fuck out of this song in my grandmother's kitchen without even knowing what the lyrics meant, since I spoke no English back then. You all fuckers, yes you, my exes, fuck you for making me bleed to this song. Fuck you all for leading me by my nose. Fuck you all for breaking me.

I still hear myself in that concert video not belting, not whispering, but screaming, the lyrics " You are gonna wish you never have met, tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep". I hear myself loud and clear screaming the lyrics with Adele, and that is all that matters.

But in the end, just one thing counts. Adele said, "I love you and I always will."

Echo out.