This is where I rot - 27.09.2025

These are the bits of me I don’t say out loud. Some of them make no sense. Also TW

I saw 11:11 on the microwave. I am sure he will kiss me.

Anyway, I read the last entry. To be fair, I was shitfaced.

Why the hell am I in such denial that I still think this is going to work out? Like we deffo talk more openly since I confessed my feelings for him. Oh, BTW< he friend-zoned me.

This will be just a small entry today. I want my love life to be a fucking movie, but I cast people who would not be able to be extras as main characters.

Also, on the other side, I myself wanted to be an actor. Why the hell can I just not act like I am fine and ain't bothered.

Sometimes, I feel like this is my curse. Feel and give love; I will never get back from anyone. Wait, I am lying. Yesterday, I skipped one of my exes. He actually died. well FML, that was not planned. But yeah that happened.

So yesterday, I was in my feels. I posted a couple of stories to Instagram, hoping someone would reach out to know if I am spiraling or mentally insane. Guess who reached out. My most recent ex. He wanted to make sure I was okay. Like I am actually surprised. I did not post anything niche, but he just texted "Are you ok?". Well, now not anymore. He made me emotional. I said yes and he told me he knows me enought to know what was going on.

He broke my heart to pieces, for crying out loud, but you are the one to ask me if I am okay, and you are the one to know what the fuck is going on inside my head.

But I am so thankful we separated peacefully and you reached out. I wanted my family to reach out, and still you, who I broke up with, ask me if I am ok? That is fucked up. Or the so-called friends, holla where you at? *sent from Excel*

Also, I need to say, since I am journaling, I feel so much better on the inside. Today I ate lunch and, you know what happened. NOTHING. I did not feel dizzy or anything. I actually jumped up from my seat at work, and announced it to the whole department. I ate a croissant and I am not feeling bad.

Also decided to work on myself, read, listen to music, and with my colleague we will go to a hair spa.

Time to do something with myself....

Echo out.