Let's be honest: Life is hard

I started writing this story last year. Will upload one chapter a week. (Working title)

Chapter One


Finally, it’s Sunday. The only day of the week that I truly enjoy these days. I’m not saying I don’t enjoy school or even week long breaks. Of course I enjoy those as well, it is the only time I can prove my worth to my parents.

To father.

He doesn’t think I’m even worthy of being an altar boy. Well he doesn’t say it, but his eyes do. They speak louder than his words, sometimes I even believe they are what he’s really thinking.

Anyway, I finally get to see my church again. Finally get to see my community again. I basically grew up with our church. I know everyone and know everything they think of everyone else, because for some reason they trusted me with their thoughts. I have been an altar boy at my church since I was 10 and I finally feel like I’m doing it right.

Sure technically there’s no “right” way to be one, but I’m sure before I was horrible. Finally I feel like I’ve connected with our priest and have been able to support him.

“Theo?”

I hear a voice say.

“Theo? Are you alright?”

I look up to see Father Bennett looking at me concerned.

“Yes Father, sorry I wasn’t paying attention”

“That’s alright, just finish fixing the altar now Theo. We’re counting on you”

He smiled at me and everything felt right with the world. Father Bennett was always a kind soul who put everyone at ease.

Soon I was done and I got other things ready for later during the service. I felt so accomplished when I got everything set up and ready for the mass. The way everything ran smoothly because of the extra effort I put in was enough to bring me great joy.

I heard the clamoring of voices fill the pews and knew it was time to start. I took a deep breath and put on my altar server vestment.

“Ok…you can do this…” I whispered to myself.

“Yes you can”

I jumped slightly at the sound of Father Bennett’s voice. He patted my back.

“Just follow God's direction and this will be fine.”

I nodded.

I knew what he meant.

Last time I didn't have everything ready and it ran horribly. To be fair I was tired that day, but that’s no excuse for me to be anything but absolute perfection, or at least the closest to perfection a person can be.

Father showed how disappointed he was by not talking to me all night, not even at dinner. Soon I heard Father Bennett beginning and I grabbed the things I needed.

Okay, I can do this.


Chapter Two


Once mass was over and everything was cleaned up I started walking home. Of course father couldn’t be bothered to pick me up after I was done cleaning the church. I should’ve known this by now.

Mom is too timid to mention they should wait, although she also tries to stick up for me in simple arguments.

It’s not her fault father hates us.

Well not hate, but aggressive dislike.

As I was walking I saw the store DeadRockers, a sort of alternative clothing store in Long Beach.

Not that I was interested.

Why would I be?

Fashion isn’t important to me at all, but I went inside just to take a look.

No real reason. Just to look.

I went straight to the guys section and looked through the clothes. It was nothing like the “basic” stores my mother took me and my little sister shopping at. Those consisted of jeans, jeans, jeans, and belts. Along with some button up shirts and very … American shirts.

The guys' clothes at DeadRockers were just amazing. They reminded me of those guys whom I’d see riding their skateboards at the skate park near my house. The guys at school who would hang out with their small group of close knit friends who all dressed similarly yet different all at once, which is more confusing the more I try to decipher the difference. The guys who dressed freely, while father would’ve killed me if I dressed like that.

If I’m being completely honest I’m a little bit obsessed with guys' clothes.

Not the guys wearing them, but specifically their clothes.

The clothes other guys wore.

I somewhat have become accustomed to judging them on my own personal scale from fashionable to absolutely horrendous. It's almost like a hobby of mine.

I perused the store till I felt like it was late enough to head home and be safe from father’s disappointment. He should be napping by now and mom should be getting dinner ready, while Daisy would be coloring something or doing some homework she put off. I hope she doesn’t have homework, because I really am not in the mood to help her tonight.

I left the store yearning to stay, but knowing better than to stay out longer. I started my walk back home.

Trying to think of how I'll prepare for another monotonous school day tomorrow.


Chapter Three


Now that dinner was over I started gathering everyone’s dirty dishes to wash them. Since father had a long day of work he passed out the second he arrived home, thank goodness.

I turned on the water and began filling the sink up to wash the dishes that wouldn’t fit in our dishwasher.

Of course my brain began to wander and think about school. We would be just getting back from Thanksgiving break and getting back into routine would definitely prove difficult.

“Theo! Pay attention to the sink!” I heard my mom say sharply and I immediately turned the water off before it could overflow.

“Sorry mom!”

“It’s okay hon, something on your mind?” I heard her voice get closer.

She had come into the kitchen and was standing next to the sink.

“I’m all good.” I said, trying to brush her off.

“You sure? I know you’re going back to school tomorrow and-”

I interrupted her swiftly.

“It’s fine.”

She was silent for a moment.

Waiting for me to look at her, but I didn’t.

I kept washing the dishes, eventually she let out a disappointed sigh and walked out of the room.

“Whatever you say. Just remember to brush your teeth before you go to bed, okay?”

“Mhm..”

Soon I heard her footsteps depart and I turn on the water in the right sink. As I wash the dishes my mind wanders to how school will go, especially after everything that’s been going on.

The rumor.

I force myself to focus on the good things.

I’d get to see Mr. Douglas, my AP calculus teacher, again! He always encouraged me to join other AP classes.

I can finally have a peaceful lunch without Daisy asking me questions every two seconds about anything and everything.

Mostly about my love life.

About my girlfriend.

It’s been a couple days since I last texted Sarah. I probably should, but I need to get a good night's sleep tonight and not stay up all night talking to her about what outfit she should wear.

Sure I enjoy fashion, but not girl’s fashion.

I truly don’t know why she asks me for my opinion.

Almost as if on cue my phone buzzes next to the sink with a notification.

A text from Sarah.

Should I open it and show it as read? Or wait till tomorrow and pretend my phone had died?

As if she could read my mind through the phone, she calls me right then.

I picked up the phone and put her on speaker.

“Hey what’s up-”

“Did you get my text?” She interrupted before I had a chance to start a full conversation, per usual.

“No I didn't, I was doing the dishes. Do you want me to look now?”

“No it’s fine, let's just talk.”

The tone of her voice showed she’s hiding something.

“Babe, what’s up?” I say turning the water off for a second.

Nothing, I don’t know why you would think something’s up-”

“I can tell something’s up. I’m not blind to your near invisible cues.”

She laughs a little.

“It’s stupid.” “It’s not stupid if it’s something you’re feeling, Sarah.” I say in a serious tone.

She goes quiet for a moment, then says in a quiet voice. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.”

I could almost hear the smile appear on her face as she proceeded to talk about her break. How she’s been hanging out with her girlfriends, and the stupid movies she’d been watching with her little siblings. We ended up talking for about an hour before she said she had to go to bed.

“Good night.” I said softly, while laying on my bed.

“Good night, I love you”

“I love you too Sarah.”

As soon as she hung up I put my phone down, plugged it in, and let out a heavy sigh. Talking to girls, more like talking to Sarah, takes lots of energy out of me. I turn my nightstand lamp off and crawl into bed.

Trying not to think of the horrors to come tomorrow morning.


Chapter Four


My alarm went off at 4:00am and I reluctantly got up to turn it off. I turned my alarm off and went over to my dresser where I’d laid out clothes Sarah picked for me. Honestly, her taste in men’s clothing wasn’t that great, but I decided to let it slide this once since she was so excited about matching.

I hear some slight clanging in the kitchen.

Father’s awake.

Now the main problem of the morning. Should I go out now to shower and maybe face his wrath and disappointment? Or stay in here till he leaves in an hour?

I’d be behind schedule if I do the second one, but I don’t have the energy to deal with his words. Then, as if my silent barely prayers were heard, I hear the front door open and shut.

He was gone.

I realized I had been holding my breath and let out a heavy sigh of relief. I grab my clothes and go to the bathroom to take a shower. As I stand in the cold water I think about what will happen today. How today will go and what class will be absolute … heck.

**

On my way to school Sarah texted me, of course, talking about how she’s so annoyed about her semester 2 schedule. Basically just complaining about the teacher and how creepy he was. I told her if he did anything to her I’d end him.

I know that made her smile.

Her talking about how our schedules changed reminded me to check mine before I arrived at school. I’ve been wanting this one class for a long time, but father wouldn’t let me take it. My mom had told me it was finally okay to take. I opened the app our school made with our student profiles and clicked “Semester 2 Schedule”, and there it was. The class I’d been wanting since I first came to high school.

Band.

I was going to be playing my flute, which I’m not great at, but I’m excited that I finally get to play music at school. Of course I’m slightly worried about not knowing anyone, but that won’t put me away from the thing I love.

I’m at school sooner than I thought I would be. I must’ve walked fast subconsciously. I’ve literally been waiting for this my whole high school career, although I still have a year left.

“Theooooo!”

I recognize the voice before I recognize her face.

Sarah.

“Oh, hey.”

“You’re here early…” She said, seeming suspicious of me.

“Not planning to meet up with another girl are we?”

“Oh, please. No one could compare to you!” I said, smiling at her.

She pushed me a little. “Oh stop! You’re making me blush!”

“Oooo they’re flirting again” I hear one of Sarah’s friend’s voice behind me and look back and realize it’s all four of her girlfriends, or best friends.

Scarlett, Stella, Summer, and Sabrina.

The one who spoke up was Scarlett, who is known to be the flirty one of the group.

Girls, boys, literally no one is safe.

“Oh, please as if you haven’t seen it before.” I said laughing slightly.

“I’m just a little jealous … Anyone would be jealous of your hot girlfriend.” She said, wrapping her arms around Sarah and making kissy faces towards her.

“Scarlett not in front of my boyfriend!” Sarah said pretending to be caught cheating in front of me.

“He had to figure it out eventually, Princess”

“Alright shutting that down right now..” I said carefully but firmly removing Scarlett from Sarah and putting my arm around her.

“Sorry you’re just gonna have to stay jealous.”

Scarlett sighed and leaned on Summer, who was on her phone.

“Seriously, you two are, like almost married!” Sabrina said, seeming to be looking for her boyfriend in the crowd of people.

Sarah leaned into my arm and I pulled her closer.

“Well, that’s just because we’re mature beyond our years.” Sarah said, seeming slightly smug.

Summer laughed and looked up from her phone. “Oh please. Theo maybe, but you Sarah? You’re far from mature.”

“Oh shut up!” I laughed a little bit and earned a death glare from Sarah.

“Ah! Brian there you are!” Sabrina said as her boyfriend walked over to the group.

Along with Mateo and Jason.

My….’friends’..

“Hey baby, what’re you guys doing?” Brian says as he puts his arms around Sabrina.

“Just standing around.” Stella and Summer said at the same time.

“Jinx!” Stella said excitedly. Summer just rolled her eyes at this.

“Yooo is that Theooo?” Mateo said when he saw me.

“Yo.” I said back and fistbumped him.

“Dude I didn’t see or hear from you all break!”

“Ah, sorry I was with my family most of the time.”

“Uh huh, but I bet you even had time to text your girlfriend. Bros before hoes man!”

I hated when they’d say that. That word.

Hoes.

It was an ugly word.

“Oh please! He was so busy he didn’t text me at all!!” Sarah said in a pouty tone.

“Ohhhh made a mistake there buddy!” Jason said, entering the conversation.

“Babe, I told you I was busy..” I said to Sarah as I rubbed her shoulder.

She pouted slightly. “Still could’ve just said hey..”

“I’m sorry, I’ll text you next time..” I said kissing her on the cheek.

Jason and Mateo were looking at us then at each other a bunch. It irritated me to a high degree.

“What?”

“Soooo, is it true?” I was confused for a moment, but as I realized what they were talking about Sarah spoke up.

“Is what true?”

Mateo and Jason snickered slightly before Jason asked, “You know … did you two … do it?”

I knew this was coming, but I just wished that we could talk about something tasteful for once. Sarah immediately got embarrassed and uncomfortable, understandably.

“What?! Absolutely not!!”

The two of them snickered as she reacted this way.

“I’m taking that as a yes.”

“She said we didn’t, and that’s the truth.” I said in a serious tone.

“Oh please. You expect us to believe that when you two are so close?”

“Can’t a couple be close and not have had sex yet?”

“Oh my apologies, Mr. I’m above sex and feeling horny.” Mateo said in a condescending tone.

I gritted my teeth. I wanted to punch him more than anything, but I know I shouldn’t.

“I’m going to class.”

While I was walking away I could hear them laughing and saying stuff like:

“What’s his problem?”

“He’s so sensitive.”

I hate them so much. I just need to stop thinking about this. Stop thinking about it.

“Theo?”

I felt my sleeve being slightly tugged and I looked back to see Sarah.

“Uhm…”

“What.” I said, it sounded more like a statement than a question.

She seemed even more nervous because of my tone. I want to apologize, but I just feel so angry.

“Well, we haven’t hung out and just talked in a while … so I wanted to uhm hang out…”

“Yeah, we will, at lunch.”

“I meant like … now?”

I don’t know why, but when she said this I started feeling even more annoyed.

“What do you mean ‘now’? We have class!”

“I know, but-”

“What do you mean ‘you know’?! I’m not going to skip class Sarah!” I said angrily, raising my voice at her.

She froze and just stood there for a moment.

“... whatever. Fine, have fun in class.” She said in a flat tone before walking away.

I felt slightly bad as I walked to my class, but it disappeared soon and was replaced with pure annoyance.

Thank goodness my first class is band. I walked into the band room. I saw several chairs put in rows and in the back what seemed to be the percussion section. There were musical posters around and it basically looked like what I imagined.

People were sitting in chairs and talking. There didn’t seem to be any particular order or way you were supposed to sit, so I just sat in the second row at the end. I was sitting alone and was about to go on my phone till …

This boy came up to me.

“Hey, can I sit with you?”

I looked up and saw a boy with brown hair and blue tips. He seemed to be a very nice person, especially because of his bright smile.

“Uh yeah, sure.”

“Awesome!” He said sitting next to me promptly.

I don’t know why, but this boy just asking to sit next to me erased all my nerves.


Chapter Five


I didn’t expect the boy to talk to me beyond asking to sit next to me, but oh goodness I was wrong.

“I don’t think I’ve seen you in band before! You new?”

I jumped slightly at how loud his voice was.

“Uhm … yea” My voice sounded so small. I was actually surprised by how timid I sounded.

“Awesome! It’s always great to get more musicians!!” He said smiling.

“Oh! I’m Griffin by the way! I play the trombone!”

“... My name is Theo … flute.”

“Aww! I was hoping we’d be in the same section! Flutes are awesome though, very underrated!” I could barely look at him. His voice, demeanor, everything about him really was so bright.

“... Mhm.”

I had never felt so quiet and tonguetied before. I don’t understand why it’s so hard to talk to this guy.

He kept talking to me about basically everything in his life. His dogs, his two little siblings, his random obsessions. Even though I just met him I feel like if someone asked me questions about him I could answer everyone of them correctly. Then a boy walked over to us. He was looking at Griffin.

“Hey Griffin, who’s your friend?” The boy asked, seeming to size me up.

“This is Theo! Theo, meet my friend, Mercury!”

I looked at Mercury. He also had dyed hair, but it was fully red.

“Nice to meet ya Theo” He extended his hand to shake mine. I reciprocated the gesture.

“You as well…”

“Theo plays the flute!!” Griffin blurted out as Mercury pulled a chair from the row in front to sit on the left side of me.

“Geez Griffin, let the guy introduce himself. Sorry about him, he’s a hyper one.” Mercury said to me, smiling slightly.

Mercury dressed just like those boys at the skate park. I could’ve sworn he was one. He seemed very laid back.
“Ah, I guess I should introduce my instrument. I play percussion.”

When he said this it immediately felt like that was the right instrument for him. I could see him playing drums, vibraphones, and all that.

“Oh, I see…” Gosh I wish I could get more words out. These guys seem so nice, but I’m just not used to normal conversations with other boys.

“Not much of a talker huh? That’s fine, Griffin probably talks enough for you and me both. “ Mercury snickers.

“Hey! I don’t talk that much!! I just have a lot to talk about!!” Griffin protested.

They continued slight banter between them. Just seeing the bond they had beyond talking about dumb stuff like girls, sex, or whatever surprised me. It made me laugh a little. I liked how these two interacted. It was interesting and entertaining.

“He laughed!!!” Griffin said excitedly while looking at me.

“You laughed!! Your laugh is so adorable!” He burst out.

“Huh-” I never expected him to say that. No one’s ever called me adorable other than my mom.

“Don’t mind Griffin. He just says whatever’s on his mind, just take it as a compliment.” Mercury said while picking at his nails.

“Sorry! You were just so quiet, so seeing you laugh was cute and surprising!” It hadn’t hit me that I had been so quiet.

“Ah, sorry. I’m not used to … talking like this to other guys.”

Why did I just blurt that out?!

“Don’t worry about it man. It’s not like we expect you to be totally ready to join a conversation with two guys who were already friends. Sorry if we came off as leaving you out.” Mercury said, smiling apologetically. His smile was so nice, but it was nothing like Griffin’s, which was as if an angel came down upon us humans and bestowed his kindness upon us all.

“Oh shit! I didn’t think about it that way! I’m sorry too!” Griffin said frantically.

I laughed slightly and said “It’s alright. It was fun seeing how you two interact.”

Griffin smiled at this and then looked at Mercury. Mercury smiled while rolling his eyes at Griffin’s enthusiasm.

“So, tell us about you Theo! I want to know more about the mysterious and shy flute player” Griffin said in a mysterious and mischievous voice.

“Well, what is there to tell? I’m your age, I’m in band, I play flute.” I said not knowing what to tell them.

“What’s your favorite color?”

“Uh … red I guess.” Mercury smiled at my answer.

“Me too, could you tell?” He said jokingly.

“What? I never would’ve guessed!” I said back.

Griffin immediately seemed eager to share his favorite color as well.

“I like blue!! All shades! Do you have any siblings?”

“Just one, a little sister.”

“Oh what’s her name?”

“Daisy.”

“That’s so pretty!!!” He exclaimed loudly.

These types of questions went on till the teacher came in to start class. She just started with basic information on band and then instructed us to get into section order.

I said bye to Mercury and Griffin, and I went to sit with other flutes in the front row. I knew we’d be doing a get to know each other assignment.

Honestly, for once, I was excited for it.


Chapter Six


After first period was over I had already made two new definite friends and met my whole section. I have already decided that Band is now tied with my Calculus class for favorite. My second period was Calculus, so everything was lining up perfectly. I felt elated by the time I got to Calculus, although Sarah was still on my mind.

I felt my phone buzz in my pocket right before class was starting, so I looked at the notification.

I swear Sarah seriously can read my mind or something, because there was a text from her.

Sarah:
[Hey, I’m sorry. You were obviously angry and I shouldn’t have tried to push you.]

I quickly typed a reply, because class was about to start.

Me:
[I was in the wrong too, so I’m sorry as well. Shouldn’t have taken it out on you. Class is starting, love you. See you at lunch.]

Sarah:
[Love youuuu, c u ]

With that I put my phone away and focused on class. The thing I mainly liked about Mr. Douglas was that he went right to business. No ‘how was your guy’s breaks?’ just ‘Ok let’s start the new unit!’. By far he was, and always will be, my favorite teacher.

**

Calculus passes quicker than I thought it would, in fact I wish it went slower.

Mr. Douglas doesn’t usually like to listen to student’s stories about their breaks, but he was very kind when I talked to him about mine. It could have been because I was done with the classwork, but I prefer to think it's because I’m his favorite.

It was rare to see Mr. Douglas smile or laugh over something that wasn’t a student just being plain stupid, but every time I’d tell him about something he’d listen intently and smile.

A genuine smile.

It still didn’t hold a candle to Griffin’s.

There he was again. In my thoughts, Griffin. We’d only talked a little bit and yet, it’s like he embedded his voice in my brain. No, not his voice. His being, his soul, he embedded every single part of himself in my head. It’s not like that was bad or anything. Just, different.

A different feeling.

A weird one.

One I can’t describe.