All four of my daughters were vets from the moment of birth. They were all born while I was on Active Duty, were born in Army hospitals, and bounced back and forth between the U.S. and West Germany with their mom and me (the eldest ones more than once).
Ouch. Too real for me today. I was homeless years ago and Montana has a high vet population struggling with personal issues. This literally could be today's headlines here.
My comment is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE POEM
The poem is a nice tribute to a military mother.
WHAT I LIKED
I can totally relate to this poem having served in the military myself. There are often times one worries and finds things to pass the time, but their loved one is never far from their hearts.
STRUCTURE
This is a villanelle. A villanelle is a highly structured poem with 5 tercets and ends with a quatrain. There are 2 repeating rythmes and 2 repeating refrains. The poem followed the structure. I thought the repeating refrains were very respectful and reverent. There's a nice rythme and flow when spoken outloud.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to increase font and make easier to read on the website.
DESCRIPTIONS
I liked: With steadfast devotion, she prays to relieve the anxiety" The description draws up a visual of a mother, prayerful, with a holy book, or a passage, heart on their sleeve, looking to find peace. It's a great description and taps into somber emotion well.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The opening engages the reader. The title is a nice fit for the poem. Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.
I'll take you to my secret place,
where sunlight spreads chantilly lace
across the verdant forest space.
We gather there,
away from city's frantic pace--
our pied-a-terre.
Convening squirrel, rabbit, fawn,
we meet to greet the coming dawn
and welcome grace of tardy swan
with hearty "Ciao!"
There is no need for Amazon.
It's here right now.
1. The Burns Stanza, aka Standard Habbie, is a Scottish form made popular by Robert Burns. The structure consists of six lines with a rhyme scheme of aaabab, with the "a" lines written in iambic tetrameter and the "b" lines written in iambic dimeter, as explained and demonstrated in the following links:
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My comment is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE POEM
WHAT I LIKED
