All four of my daughters were vets from the moment of birth. They were all born while I was on Active Duty, were born in Army hospitals, and bounced back and forth between the U.S. and West Germany with their mom and me (the eldest ones more than once).
Ouch. Too real for me today. I was homeless years ago and Montana has a high vet population struggling with personal issues. This literally could be today's headlines here.
My comment is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE POEM
The poem is a nice tribute to a military mother.
WHAT I LIKED
I can totally relate to this poem having served in the military myself. There are often times one worries and finds things to pass the time, but their loved one is never far from their hearts.
STRUCTURE
This is a villanelle. A villanelle is a highly structured poem with 5 tercets and ends with a quatrain. There are 2 repeating rythmes and 2 repeating refrains. The poem followed the structure. I thought the repeating refrains were very respectful and reverent. There's a nice rythme and flow when spoken outloud.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to increase font and make easier to read on the website.
DESCRIPTIONS
I liked: With steadfast devotion, she prays to relieve the anxiety" The description draws up a visual of a mother, prayerful, with a holy book, or a passage, heart on their sleeve, looking to find peace. It's a great description and taps into somber emotion well.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The opening engages the reader. The title is a nice fit for the poem. Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.
The Sha'ir or Syair or Sjair from 17th century, Malysia, is a poetic narrative that not only tells the human story, often in romantic adventures but also expounds on local conflict and gives religious instruction. Because this form originated in a maritime trading center, the characters are often cosmopolitan. Shorter versions are known to use birds, fish, animals in allegory. The form originally performed, presenters would sit before an audience with an open book and sing the verses out loud.
The elements of the Sha'ir are:
1. metric, accentual, folk meter often using 4 stresses with the beginning syllable stressed and ending in an unstressed syllable. More important than stress is, all lines should be similar length.
2. stanzaic, written in any number of quatrains.
3. mono-rhymed. aaaa bbbb cccc etc
4. used to communicate romantic adventures, local conflicts, allegories and religious instructions.
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