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Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent work, Tim. Reality, especially in the animal world, is often more gruesome than fiction.

I see the a-a-b-b rhyme scheme in your four quatrains. Interestingly enough, the rhythm you have chosen has a lilt and a gait that lends itself to implied humor. This is a part of anapestic meter that does not always appear on the surface. Short-short-long, when repeated, is the same kind of gait used by Dr. Seuss in his work.

This, in some ways, looks like a Far Side comic. So sorry if that was not the intent.

The poem is good. WRITE ON! Jay
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Review of Angel Feathers  Open in new Window.
for entry "Spiritual Struggle" Open in new Window.
Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This is an excellent free verse poem, Amethyst Angel.

Thank you for dealing with hard questions so honestly. "Do I worship a Man? Isn't that idolatry?" There is a conundrum here. If Jesus is merely a man, then it would be idolatry to worship him, but the reading of Scripture has convinced me that Jesus is 100% God, while at the same time being 100% Man. My mind can't grasp that with human logic. It is a conundrum.

If I believe John 14:6, KJV, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No man comes to the Father, but by me," then the 100% God/100% Man Truth I must believe, too, since this is how He presents himself. Logic holds court here. If Jesus is Truth, and truth cannot lie, then He can live the life of a human while being worshiped at the same time.

"Did He ever claim to be God Incarnate?" He did in John 14:6. "Did he really rise again?" 500 witnesses of His Resurrection in I Corinthians 15:6.

I could not know any of this without being transformed apart from any of my efforts. John 3:3, KJV, "Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God." I could not birth myself, physically, the first time. I could not birth myself, spiritually, the second time. We see the Divine Obstetrician.

Ezekiel 36:26-27, KJV, "26 A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh. 27 And I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep my judgments, and do them." My heart change came as the result of the operation of the Divine Cardiologist.

Your poem is great! I pray my words help you if you are in the process currently. I believe the Lord is working in your heart, since you sincerely demonstrate care about this subject.

If I can help, please let me know. For now, I'm praying for you. May the Lord truly bless you. Jay (aka "Stan")
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for entry "Granny" Open in new Window.
Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Such a wonderful story, Amethyst Angel. This is a great example of learning about the nature of The Lord by pointing to His Creation (aka "Nature.") How do we share the hope we have in Christ? We spend time with our loved ones, gently answering questions, while asking wise questions of our own.

Pointing to the broken fellowship between God and Man, and can show Jesus in His death, burial, and resurrection. That has the power to mend our fellowship with the Lord in the Merits of Jesus Christ.

I seem to be easily preachy. You show wisdom quietly in the picture of "a tiny daisy." Thank the Lord for your gift.

Blessings Always. Jay
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for entry "Cake" Open in new Window.
Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
"Short and sweet." *Wink* CAKE. YMMMM!

Hope I'm not just being slow, but this seems like the cake for her own wedding reception. CONGRATULATIONS!

You iced this story! (or was that you aced it?) HMMMM?

WRITE ON! COOK ON! I think you have a future in both. *Smile* Jay
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Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Understanding the reference, Jim, I think I'd give you a kinder moniker. Besides, I'm not sure how you could play the fiddle and drive at the same time. I'm sure the "fiddle player" and his minions have many residences in the Atlanta area, but sadly, they are all more faithful in church attendance, statewide, than most members on the rolls.

I've kept the references to the song gentle, due to Jude 9. The references to you, I'd like to keep hopeful, especially with regard to safe traveling mercies.

WRITE ON!
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Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Great post, Jeff. You gave me much more information than I think I've ever had about Netflix. The life of Ingrid Bergman is terribly sad, but not that surprising, considering the type of morality that Hollywood is known for. I fully understand the desire to interact with a parent that has died. So much to say. So much to hope for, especially if the parent was a real encourager, leaving a great void by his or her absence.

Well-written and succinct. WRITE ON!
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Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent message, Patricia A. Maniaci.

As to the form of this poem, it appears to be eight couplets, based solely on the rhyme scheme of a-a for every couplet. You've chosen to format this poem as a long uni-stanza, rather than eight separate couplets, which is, of course, poet's choice.

There are only two spelling changes, that I can offer, and these are easy enough to find, since they are in the first and last lines.

Line #1 - May I suggest, "An eagle flies around" rather than using the possessive form of the word, "fly."

Line #16 (last line) - May I suggest, "and they have intuition, too." This fits your meaning, since it is interchangeable with "also."

Excellent Work! Blessings Always! WRITE ON!
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for entry "gun Terza Rima Poem" Open in new Window.
Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Potent message, JCosmos, especially in light of the news of the past 24 hours.

The rhyme scheme of interlocking tercets a-b-a, b-c-b, c-d-c, d makes this a variation on the theme. Most of the examples I've seen end in a couplet, which would be d-d in this poem, but I also got the idea that the form is not as firm as some other poems are.

You've chosen to use 10 syllables in each line, instead of eleven as the examples I've seen, but again I get the impression that it is the poet's choice. Ergo, the syllabic and rhyme variations of your poem fit quite well with the theme of your poem.

The concern over the impact of poorly used lethal weapons, mixed with the most lethal weapon of the human heart, that can't be regulated by the laws of the land, creates an environment of living with too much grief.

Your concerns are well spoken and strongly heard by this reader.
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Review of Up a Tree  Open in new Window.
Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh, I feel that, Dan. There are so many things that are easier to get into than out of.

There was the time I fell out of a hay loft into a pig pen, being terrified because my cousins convinced me they were "killer pigs" or something like that.

Apparently, you made it out of your situation no worse for the wear because you're still writing poetry. Good on you.

Technically, I see tetrameter at work, rhythmically, with a mixture of iambs and anapests. The rhyme scheme is a-b-c-b.

Well done, Friend. WRITE ON!
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Review of her writing desk  Open in new Window.
Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Lexiemarie, you are so right. Sometimes, the greatest love is found in the ink of the pen. Writing is such a gift. Imagination aids us when reality seems so lonely.

Four quatrains in free verse do well to bring the reader to an important understanding. "Hope remains alive 'at the writing desk'."

Excellent work, lexiemarie. WRITE ON!
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Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
That's so understandable, Ri_leigh.

This 13-verse free-form poem says so much that many of us recognize. We were made for connection. Hope and sanity come in relationships. We were made to know others, personally, in friendship and we are never fully at peace until we know our Creator, and the ones He created as well.

Some of us are homesick for a Place we've never been. Is there a connection? I think so.

WRITE ON!
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Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a well-prepared poem, Tim Chiu.

The form is consistently anapestic tetrameter with a-a-b-b rhyme scheme.

The story told is a very sad event with an excellent ending. "Crime does not pay." The consequences are more than anyone in their right mind would want to pay. Thank you for reminding us of this truth.

WRITE ON!
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Review of Angel Feathers  Open in new Window.
for entry "I Will Praise" Open in new Window.
Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
EXCELLENT! Most encouraging, Amethyst Angel!

It's so sad that ID didn't realize about John 17:9, KJV, “I pray for them: I pray not for the world, but for them which thou hast given me; for they are thine.” Jehovah's Witnesses do not believe that Jesus is Jehovah. I've gotten funny reactions when I've said that I do believe this, but I'm convinced this verse proves that He is the God Who prays.

I don't know your background, but I hope I'm treading lightly enough on this subject. I simply danced around this piece of trivia to say, "I believe the Bible shows that Jesus is the God Who prays."

As for the technical aspects of the poem, I see some rhymes. The rhythms seem to mimic the song as you've indicated. Nicely done.

I had to listen to the song as I was unfamiliar with it. Makes me sad to see the cynicism and hopelessness.

I'm sure we both much prefer John 6:37, KJV, "All that the Father giveth me shall come to me; and him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out."

This is a wonderful reimagining of the Imagine Dragon's song. WRITE ON!
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Review of The Unforgettable  Open in new Window.
Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you, Asif, for sharing this piece of prose that is so realistic. This work is short, to the point, and very honest.

May I give you an idea? This would be an excellent piece of writing in a longer format, too. Could it be a poem about the emotions experienced in the flood event? Could it be a story about the event of the flood coming, and taking so many things away?

Please, keep to this idea, and give us more. WRITE ON! Welcome!

Jay
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Review of Red Wildflower  Open in new Window.
Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nicely captured photo, H. C. Blakemore. I love digital photography, too. The bokeh in your background makes the subject striking.

Finding little gems, like this one are real joys, I consider to be such gifts from our Marvelous Creator.

Please, keep on breathing the fresh air, keep on finding these wonderful photo gifts, and keep on posting for us to enjoy.

Welcome to Writing.Com. I'm so glad you found us. Blessings Always! Jay O'Toole
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Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you, Lomi, for this poem about love.

Love is all of those things, and more. When I was younger, I was taught that love is a choice. That was a good thing, too, because the feelings of love have a short shelf-life. Love must be able to choose to love, honoring the loved one in good times and in bad.

People who are married for many years are not so because they are better at loving than other people are, but because the commitment of love in their hearts continues to love, even with dents and mud stains, showing on the outside.

I have been married to a lady for nearly 40 years. As two responsible adults, I don't have the right to force her to do anything. I have learned how to express disagreement with respect, continuing to love her, even when she chooses not to go my way.

Excellent free verse poem!

"Is it the best thing in my life?

It is." Well said. WRITE ON!
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Review of Touching Angels  Open in new Window.
Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent work, Ken. Great vocabulary. Only slight exception in form is the fourth stanza, line #3. A single syllable, instead of two.

Listening, watching, running, striving to gain all of the pretty things in the environment, only to see that you were making a snow angel.

Works for me. WRITE ON!
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Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
poorwestwood, this seems like a pretty well-written piece, but I have removed one star because of my confusion as to purpose and form.

Your greeting, "Sunshine," and your signature, "Birdie" taken literally seem to mean an affinity for nature. However, it could mean a sarcastic Cupid is talking with a human, or two humans are having a relationship of some sort. Of course, you used the word, "lyricist," which means a song writer.

Is this a free form poem? Or is it a piece of prose? I'm sorry. There seems to be a depth of meaning that I can't grasp. However, WRITE ON!
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for entry "my Backbone" Open in new Window.
Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is an excellent free verse poem, Sam.

Three verses tell all the maladies of life without The Lord Jesus as your backbone. The final verse tells of the good reason you are glad, that the Lord Jesus is your backbone.

I can say a strong, "Amen!" to all of these things.
1. Without Jesus as my backbone, I am "isolated" and lonely.
2. Without Jesus as my backbone, I would be "weak" and "unable to stand" as an utter "failure".
3. Without Jesus as my backbone, I would be "lost."
4. With Jesus as my backbone, there is "contentment", "victory", and "His Honor".

"Thank you, Lord, for all the good You have brought to my life. In this, I agree with Sam." Thank you, Sam, for penning this poem. We are so grateful to the Lord for the Joy we share in Christ.

Blessings Always! WRITE ON!
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Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
WriteWithJanney, modern work is "walking the tightrope between tradition and
innovation." Well said. I'm grateful you've pointed out the need for human interaction, not giving over completely to technology.

As a Baby-Boomer, I've seen progress virtually remove from history many of the tools I used as a youth. For instance, digital photography can never fully replace the quality of images captured with film.

Though I've learned to work with tech, I pray we never lose our humanity, and the creativity, that comes with it.

Good piece. WRITE ON!
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Review of The Write Stuff?  Open in new Window.
Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nicely done, Dan, given the constraints of the sadistic Sparrow. *Wink* Your two hemistiches are well-chosen and completely understood. Some of the forms we are learning from Dr. Dave are indeed "brain-busters." However, in this case, you have no worries, Sir. You created the form flawlessly. WRITE ON! Jay
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Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Welp, I must say, "This is not my usual piece to review." However, I shall sally forth to address a few positive items, since redress would be my first hope for Father Christmas.

The form is good, technically speaking. Six quatrains of a-b-c-b rhyme scheme with tetrameter/trimeter couplets of mixed iambic and anapestic rhythms. Although the forms in the content were a bit much. *Wink*

My year-round love of Christmas was challenged herein, being that your concept was quite clear. Must binge on Christmas music today, and if I had time, Christmas movies to cleanse the palate. (shudder...) (Half a star removed purely for content.)

I shall look twice next time I see your name next to a Christmas poem title.

That is all.
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Review of Storm  Open in new Window.
Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent poem, H. M. Marie! I like the concept of connecting haikus to create a larger poem.

We have something in common. My home state of Georgia in the US is noted for growing peaches. Peach trees can endure the extreme heat of summer and the freezing temperatures of winter in The South.

You maintained the 5-7-5 syllables of haiku structure, while amending the style slightly to tell the bigger story. You deal with some sadness early on, finishing on the positive note of a smile.

Nicely done! WRITE ON!
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Review of April  Open in new Window.
Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Words, this is an excellent form poem that emphasizes form. Wonderful imagery of April, the month of beautiful growing things.

Since I don't see a rhyme scheme or rhythmic pattern (syllabic form), I believe we have a free verse poem that was molded much like one molds a pottery bowl. Your word choices are a nice mix of extensive vocabulary and playfulness.

Thanks for sharing. You accomplished your purpose. Your poem looks like a rain cloud.

WRITE ON!
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Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Amethyst Angel, I like this very much. I’m invested in the characters. I want to learn more. In fact, you’re “reading my mail.” I have the same sorts of questions, that your characters do. How can we share the Gospel in an impersonal world?

I think you should write more because this is a great story. Blessings Always. WRITE ON!
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