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Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent work, Tim. Most inspirational!

Life is full of tests and challenges. Sticking with a task is needed until we achieve the goal for which we strive.

The rhythm (iambic tetrameter) and rhyme (a-b-a-b) are consistent throughout and well written.

There's not much to add, except WRITE ON!
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Review of Winter  Open in new Window.
Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nicely done. Emotionally warm, gentle, tender, yet somehow sad. The two clues I saw were the photo attached to the poem and the phrase, "and it was empty," lead me to a couple of conclusions. First, the poem refers to a faithful fur baby pup, who has died. Secondly, it could refer to a child or children who have left home. Hence, the "empty nest."

The first possibility seems more likely, since a child is never mentioned. If that is the case, I am so sorry for I lost a dog, who was a longtime, faithful friend, last year in April.

I have no grammatical suggestions to make, since this poem is well-written, touching the heart. WRITE ON!
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Review of First Tanka  Open in new Window.
Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Snaps on this excellent offering in the tanka form.

I write a lot of haikus, but not so many tankas.

You have created a great, peaceful moment for the reader. Time alone on the beach is a gift. Sunrise or sunset alone on the beach is exquisite.

You should write more of these. The syllables are 5-7-5-7-7. Well done. Thanks for the reminder.

Thanks for mentioning the Lord. I'm glad you know Him as your personal Savior. Me, too.
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Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for sharing from the heart, Marvilla.

This piece was hard to read. I have no doubt it was hard to write.

We certainly have some connection points. We are both PKs (Preacher's Kids). Both our fathers served during the Korean Conflict. Both served in prison ministries after their years of service to their country. Both were flawed, not fully knowing what their children needed from them.

"Stuffing Self because preacher's kids don't act that way," I certainly understand. We were spared some forms of abuse, but we fully understand other types. Dad didn't get as far as yours did with the physical abuse because my lasting spanking at age nine changed something in me, and I became much more compliant and hidden.

There is much to honor about our dads, but much to grieve, too. I'm glad that in Christ we can forgive them. You're right, we must forgive ourselves, too.

Not much to talk about grammatically, but I believe the word "aides" was intended to be "aids."

Thanks for sharing your memory of your Dad.

Blessings Always.

Jay
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Review of WIND  Open in new Window.
Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent, Monty. Pithy. So much loss, strongly felt. Brings back memories of living in the Oklahoma Panhandle and the fear I felt when a tornado warning was sounded. "A tornado has touched the ground!"

Consistent structure of tercet verses, flowing rhythm, and a-a-x rhyme scheme. The last line of each tercet "tips the hat" to the title.

WRITE ON!
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Review of The River Of Life  Open in new Window.
Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is amazing. Well done.

I confess that prose poetry often leaves me cold because it is hard to do well, but this example did just that. As I read these two paragraphs, I heard rhythm, like poetry, though a rhyme scheme I could not find.

The phrases framed the images like pictures in an art gallery, adding to the poetry element, that kept the reader diverted away from typical prose.

The message is clear. "We start life with rough edges, but life has a way of smoothing off that roughness, until we reach our last day."

WRITE ON!
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Review of Nothing But Dirt  Open in new Window.
Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent poem, Marvilla. This is almost a praise song. The Lord can certainly make something of us that we could never make of ourselves. In Jeremiah, the prophet went down to the potter's house to watch the potter work. One vessel became marred, and he had to pummel it back into a lump to start over. That's the part of the process that is no fun, but The Lord accomplishes all His Holy Will without stopping to ask our permission because He is The Lord.

Well said, Sis! WRITE ON!
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Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
What a gift!

This is a great poem, Dave. This is well said in the small format. Grief leaves a hole never filled. They are honored, never forgotten. Still friends, always missed.

I hope these are not too many words. The poem is almost too sacred to comment on. I'm remembering my own griefs, processing these, and taking in the wisdom of your skill.

God has given us a great outlet. Thanks for sharing, my Friend and our Leader. During my days on Writing.Com you have taken the place of my high school English Lit teacher, both of you are now mentors and friends.

Blessings Always.

Jay (aka "Stan")
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Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent work, Spiritual Dawning. Heartfelt and full of encouragement. Blessings Always.
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Review of The Holy Temple  Open in new Window.
Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Spiritual Dawning, this poem seeks to point the reader to the Lord in so many ways. It is consistent in this focus.

The A-A-B-B rhyme scheme is maintained throughout with verse two's B lines written in poetic license, which I am wont to do as well when it helps the thought.

The rhythms of each line are encased in tetrameter, using an interesting mix of iambic and anapestic feet.

The lone question mark caused me to stumble momentarily, regarding the meaning of the word order, but I agree, that the Lord is hard to express in human words.

To know the Lord, and even more incredible, for Him to know us is the greatest of all human states.

Poetry from the heart! WRITE ON!
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Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
It would be nice to know the number of words each winner got.
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for entry "Week 38 - Stripes" Open in new Window.
Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Encouraging, AmyJo. Write on.
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Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
WOW! My neck now needs a massage. That was definitely a whiplash piece of writing. I hope you got to school without being too late. I'm wondering if your tummy was growling like mine would have been because I didn't hear anything about breakfast, and I need breakfast without fail.

"Middle Schooler," hmmm? I think this has to be a memory from the info in your Bio. I think middle school is a challenging time for every human being. I know my middle school years were.

Excellent writing! Here's a thought. You might want to consider paragraphs unless the run-on effect was a creative choice. If that's the case, then you nailed it!

Keep Writing!

Blessings Always!
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Review of Dead Ends  Open in new Window.
Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Pensive. Moody. Intriguing. I have to think deeply about this one. I'm not sure I get the point, but that appears to be the point. This piece is a strong dead end, which is what we sometimes feel, that Life is when it's not panning out the way we wish it would.

Excellent thought-provoking piece of writing. You've accomplished your purpose. ONWARD & UPWARD.

Blessings Always, Emphire.
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Review of To live in fear  Open in new Window.
Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Jayesandz, this is an excellent poem, filled with pathos and hope. I have found poetry to be a healing balm for the pains of childhood. It’s obvious, that you have found this ointment as well.

For the events you describe in this poem, I’m sorry. That The Lord met your need, I’m glad.

Consistent a-b-c-b rhyme scheme. Your quatrains are made of consistent couplets of four feet followed by three feet of mostly iambic meter, but sometimes anapestic meter thrown in for flavor.

You have handled your situation as well as anyone could ask. I’m glad The Lord has given you peace.

Truest blessings always. Please, join us at The Poet’s Place on WDC. Speak with Dave Author Icon about joining.

Jay
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Review of Wishing Well  Open in new Window.
Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent poem, Spiritual Dawning.

You have a consistent A-A rhyme scheme for these couplet verses.

The message is true to the season. People, like me, who love Christmas tend to feel sad and misty when the day has recently passed. That's me "to a tea." However, you have displayed hope to help us pass through the sadness into a new year of possibilities.

"The wishing well" seems to contain the double meaning of "Sadness is now, but we are wishing you well in the future."

This is such an encouraging thought as an antidote for the feelings I am experiencing right now.

Blessings Always.

Jay
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Review of Gossamer  Open in new Window.
Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is an excellent poem, Sherasi. So compassionate. So understanding of the difficulty faced.

My Dad died young at 73, but one of the telling things he said to me in those last few years was, "Pray for me, Son. I'm concerned about my "thinkability." I think he was in the early stages when he died.

I'm part of a group on WDC, called "disABILITY WRITERS GROUP." Viv is a great leader. She's very encouraging.

I have learned something very important over the years. Everyone needs to be treated with respect. Dementia individuals, autistic people, and Asperger's souls, like me, need to be understood.

We need to be heard. Your poem is all about being heard. I hear the heart of this poem. Well done. Jay
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Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good poem, Chariot. Nice insights. Perceptive. Very imaginative. Write on. 😃
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Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy Birthday, Angus!
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Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey, AmyJo! Great activity. I hope I haven't cut off my attempts too quickly, but I don't want to run the risk of forgetting to enter these words in the attempt of finding more.

Blessings Always. Jay *Smile*

1. Awesome:
---awe
---some
---saw
---me
---so
---was
---seem
---a
---mesa
---same
---soma
---owes
---swam
---woes

2. Mathematician:
---math
---me
---thematic
---nice
---cite
---mate
---mama
---time
---him
---a
---name
---I
---match
---meat
---team
---mice
---main
---mine
---mane
---antic
---hem
---mace
---tat
---cat
---hema
---thin
---meant
---cent
---tent
---man
---he-man
---came
---Namath

3. Teacher:
---teach
---her
---here
---hear
---cheat
---ate
---eat
---reach
---each
---tear
---care
---a
---cheer
---tea
---arch
---race
---ache
---hate
---ear
---are
---the
---thee
---he
---heat
---hat
---rate
---rat

4. Amalgamation:
---amalgam
---a
---am
---lag
---mat
---gain
---glam
---tail
---no
---lion
---talon
---in
---on
---mail
---malt
---not
---tan
---nail
---gait
---gamma
---aim
---lit
---got
---nag
---tag
---lag
---I
---glint
---mit
---tin

5. Contraindication:
---train
---a
---I
---rain
---diction
---indication
---nation
---no
---on
---ton
---not
---ant
---din
---dint
---nadar
---ration
---tad
---dain
---ordain
---onto
---into
---cat
---dart
---contraction
---action
---inaction
---indict
---contract
---cant
---cartoon
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Review of Gentle Reminder  Open in new Window.
Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent. Great thoughts, AmyJo. We need to rest in The Lord Jesus, always. The good times. The bad times. They’re all His. Great encouragement. Keep writing like this, Sis. Blessings Always.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of "Poppies"  Open in new Window.
Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nicely done, Sis. What an excellent homage to In Flanders Fields in emotion without actually rewriting the same.

Blessings Always to an excellent poet, and my Big Sis! *Smile*

Jay (aka Stan)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of "Polka-Dot-Boots  Open in new Window.
Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
SWEET. You’ve got personality, and writing skills as well, Sis. ONWARD & UPWARD. Stan 😃
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Review of "Songs of Angels"  Open in new Window.
Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thanks, Teresa. This is a masterful poem. What a great tribute to our recent discussion about wind chimes.

I wouldn’t change a thing in this poem.

Blessings Always. 😃


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
LeJenD, there is such great pathos in this poem. You show just how much two hearts have become knit as one. How does one live without the love of one's life? It remains to be seen for both of us. I can't imagine the continuing of life without great effort on my part with support from God, Who has made me.

It almost feels disrespectful to express this many words because your poem speaks for itself. Thank you for the privilege of reading your heart-cry, while offering a few thoughts of my own. Jay
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