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1,624 Public Reviews Given
1,625 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I have a review template that is only used for in depth reviews, usually those that are specifically requested. These will be as comprehensive as I can manage, including everything I have noticed in reading the piece. Most of my reviews, however, are more in the nature of reactions to the piece with brief notes on things I find particularly good and suggestions on dealing with any obvious flaws in the writing.
I'm good at...
Reviews of stuff I particularly like. If I think the writing is good and the ideas original and inventive, I will say so and become enthusiastic about it. I will point out flaws, particularly where I feel that they interfere with a positive reaction to the piece, but I will also offer suggestions for fixing such problems.
Favorite Genres
I have a broad spectrum of genres I'll review. It's easier for me to list the genres I won't touch.
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, erotica, overly dark subjects without a good reason for existence.
Favorite Item Types
I'm unsure what is meant by this - I would have thought the genres sections covered this.
Least Favorite Item Types
See previous section.
I will not review...
Again, see the genres section that lists the genres I won't review.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
It's certainly a valiant effort to link all the required words. Each explanation was quite believable, although I did think it might have been an idea to link them all together at the end and so provide one last, giant usage of the terms. My imagination running riot, no doubt.

I found the story to be amusing enough, especially when the words specified by the prompt were so disconnected. It's well written, using a slightly hectic pace that fits with the story. And no mistakes or typos!

However, I must admit that I took the sponge business quite literally, guided by that description of "Tommi was the memory of a sponge." Now that's different, I thought. Fancy writing about a sponge's memory. I read on to find out how you'd do it. So the truth was just a tiny bit disappointing, but that's my fault, I guess. You might consider changing the description a little, even so.

To sum up, it's an entertaining tale ideal for the reader with a few minutes to sit back and be entertained. Nicely done!

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Beholden
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2
2
Review of Hide and Seek  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Charming little story, brings back memories of similar games in childhood. You tell it well, with an easy flow and gradual build up to the final surprise of the tale. In fact, I can't find any errors or typos and the story is marred by only one thing. Unfortunately, it's an important one.

You've written the whole thing in the present tense, in itself an unusual but not unheard of technique, apart from the following:

"I let out a startled scream as I spun around. But nothing was there." Past tense. This sudden break with the tense selected is distracting to the reader, especially as there doesn't seem to be any point to it. When writing in the past tense, it's effective sometimes to switch briefly to the present when you want to give extra emphasis and immediacy to a certain aspect. But I can't see any reason to do things the other way round with the past suddenly interrupting the present. I suspect that you may have slipped into the more natural and common way of telling a story by this lapse into the past.

It's quite possible, of course, that you're trying something new with an intent that I've missed. So ignore me if this is true. Perhaps worth thinking about anyway.

You should also consider enlarging the font used. It's not easy for older people with weaker eyesight to read very small fonts and I'm sure you don't want to limit your readership to only the young.

Otherwise, it's a pleasant short story that amuses and gives repayment for a few minutes read. Well done indeed.

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Beholden
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3
3
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This is quite a powerful poem. It does exactly what I think you wanted it to - for it encapsulates that frightened yet fascinated state of being waylaid by a first or very early love. The compelling need to get closer fighting with the fear of being dreadfully hurt. Most effectively done.

It's the metaphors that create this tension, in particular the first stanza, where the door is compared to the experience of love. You communicate well the need to pass through to see what happens and the fear that is implicit in finding out your fate.

There is, too, the intimate consideration of your feelings presented to be done with as may be. The What Ifs gather and multiply, making things so hard, so complex. Sometimes the only answer is to simplify things by action, just as envisaged in your final stanza. It's a stark and vivid poem, stating the problem graphically for the reader and then offering the only solution at last.

I take it that the driving force behind the poem is experience. And that makes me add just a word of advice - consider that the object of desire may well be feeling the same feelings and that whoever forces the issue may ensure reward for both of you. Nothing wrong with being the one with the courage!

Beautiful poem, very effective and, most especially, true.

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4
4
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This poem, the first I came across in today's venture into Read & Review, reflects exactly how I feel about Dylan Thomas' poetry. It is indeed a place of magic where reason is lost in the pure expression of being. He is also my favourite poet, almost certainly because he writes in a way that I just cannot. I am too steeped in the wine of logic to ever approach his mystical visions but I can see how beautiful they are.

And your poem has the same attraction, especially in the first two stanzas. How well you have stated the need to abandon oneself to the imagination and spirit in these words. I love the way you paint vivid pictures with so few words - "collude with and coddle dragons simmering underground" and "the ragged margins of the universe" for instance.

I am unsure when it comes to the last stanza however. I think I get your warning regarding polished surfaces, but I don't know what the "microscopic needle" means. No doubt that's my fault but I still love the words. In fact, the whole poem seduces me in just the same way that Thomas does - I am transfixed by the deliciousness of the words. Meaning is there, hovering and insubstantial, but it is less important than the pure sounds combining in perfect harmony.

Wonderful stuff.

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5
5
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I think we can take it that the prime genre this story should be filed under is Romance/Love. Which is not a genre I have a huge experience of. I've written a very few, mostly experimental, to see if and how I could handle it, but would not call myself massively qualified to review the genre.

Having said which, the first thing that strikes me about the story is that it is different. It does not start out with the couple meeting, as do 90% of romances. No, this one begins with them broken apart and, apparently, pretty permanently too. And that's a head start you've given yourself over all those other stories - difference is half the battle these days.

The piece then turns into almost a detective story, with Daniel using the facilities of media and the net to find out Myra's present whereabouts. This leads to the discovery that there has been no movement on her accounts since the break-up. Not surprisingly, this worries him and he eventually dumps his job so that he can see for himself what is happening to her. He finds that she is not happy in her circumstances and, after some persuasion and a confrontation with the bullying boyfriend, they escape together and enter a new realm of marital bliss.

I understand that romance tales need to end on a happy note - it must be the most reader-driven area of writing. No one reads a whole novel getting to know and care about the life and loves of a fictional character only for them to be disappointed in the end. So I cannot blame you for going with the expected here. Of course the couple must ride off into the sunset with all troubles behind them.

The plot is refreshingly new in its beginning and follows the required patterns thereafter. The writing, too, is vivid and entertaining, with new similes and metaphors rather than the usual clichés. The opening passages are particularly full of arresting descriptions to the point where I should warn against getting too dramatic with the adverbs and adjectives. The piece is fine as it is but, with just a few more, it would become as gaudy as a Victorian sitting room. There is nothing wrong with poetry in prose as long as it is kept within limits.

Your writing in general is very competent and the dialogue perfectly tight and believable. There were only two errors that I noticed, and one is a hobby horse of mine - not to be taken too much notice of therefore. This is my first quibble: "...not to try and contact her.." This means literally, "Don't try" (to do what?) and "don't contact her." The correct way to express it is, "...do not try to contact her..." I know that we all (except me) say, "Try and do" nowadays and they probably accept the form in the latest grammar books, but it really doesn't make sense. So I fight my rearguard action against the forces of bad grammar.

Later, you wrote this: "He watched, laughing, as he thrashed, entangling himself..." The first time I read it, I took it that you were referring only to Daniel in this sentence. It took a while to work out that it was Trent watching and Daniel thrashing. Probably best to insert Daniel's name for the second "he."And that's about it. You write too well for me to carp at length and the story is sound enough to hold up its part of the deal. Altogether it's an entertaining and enjoyable story, and that's more than I can say for most of the genre. Well done indeed.

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6
6
Review of Rot  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I suppose "writing" is as good a way to define it as any other. It is a story of sorts in that it has progression from one understanding to another, but it's more than that really. I would describe it as prose poetry, since it conveys the feelings and situation that created the need to write it down. It's very powerful in spite of dealing with something undefined and undeclared. The reader is left with an impression rather than an understanding.

Much depends on your reasons for writing it. Is it a desire to communicate or more a need to express the emotions, to get rid of them by catharsis? If it's communication you want, you're going to have to be more explicit and write much more. Few readers are up to the impact and demands of so powerful a piece.

As catharsis, a howl in the silence, it works extremely well, I'm sure. It's beautifully written and enormously expressive of the emotions that impel it.

To some extent, I must assume that you want to be read or you would not put the piece in your portfolio. In which case I would advise that you continue to write but with more of an eye to communication. You have begun the process of being known. Now you need to tell a bit more, allowing the reader to receive events as well as emotions.

But the piece is powerful, powerful stuff. And that's a wonderful foundation on which to build.

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7
7
Review of The Sound  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Well, it's certainly different. It's a little hard to figure out what exactly is going on, what the Sound is, and whether there's any reason behind this death of all things. I'm not even sure that the protagonist becomes the Sound in the end, although I like the irony inherent in her becoming the instrument of her own loneliness. Perhaps that's what you meant.

Is this uncertainty a problem? I think not, particularly in a short story like this one. It's the feelings that matter and you have concentrated on them from beginning to end. The difficulty comes in transferring the feelings to the reader. It's insufficient to tell us about the feelings of the protagonist. If the reader is to share in them, the cause of those feelings must be presented rather than the central character's response to them. It's the old "show don't tell" mantra.

And that's hard to do in the format you have chosen. Since all the death took place in the past, before you started writing, it's difficult to make it real for readers. They need to see and understand the importance of those deaths. As I said, you can get away with it in a short story but anything longer and it would become a tedious list of emotions without any reality.

So my feeling is that the story is an interesting format but needs more interaction of the reader to become excellent. Which means you have to make the reader care about the characters before you kill them off. They need to know them.

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Beholden
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8
8
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
An interesting little story that progresses from the banal to the philosophical in less than a thousand words. I admit that I was taken in by the apparent silliness of the debate about so trivial a subject. But this served only to increase the impact of the ultimate wisdom pronounced by an onlooker at the end. Judging by the way he speaks, I guess this onlooker to be the janitor, a man who works with his hands and knows full well how to get the best of the ordinary mortals around him. Certainly, he knew a good orator when he saw one!

The final truth is delivered with great aplomb. "He know how to laugh at himself." In that short sentence is the soul of good comedy delivered (and modern comedy dismissed in its nasty, critical and destructive soul).

The whole is written so neatly and in few words, a veritable flash fiction tale to teach something worh knowing. Altogether an enjoyable story with a sting in the tail .

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Beholden
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9
9
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
I have the feeling that I reviewed something of yours recently. It's hard to say either way because I'm old and forget names almost as fast as faces these days. If I'm right and I've done this before, I apologise and hope that I don't repeat myself.

And so to the piece. It's a great start. All it needs now is a story to follow. I like the idea of a talking and worldlywise crow, the name is great, especially as he insists on dictating how it is spelt, and your own reactions as the protagonist are all quite believable. The overall tone as well is refreshing, avoiding the nursery tale pitfall of talking animals and including a fine seasoning of cynicism and weariness. I like to think I'd be as laid back were I to meet a talking crow myself.

As for the writing, I detect no problems there. You express yourself well, your grammar's fine, and everything flows at a reasonable pace and with clear intent. I really can't find anything to carp at.

There remains this lack of an ending. There seems to be a spate of such pieces on Read & Review at the moment, to the point where I'm wondering whether the latest generation of writers is merely practising before getting into the real stuff. I would encourage you to write more endings. Eloquence is all very well but it goes nowhere if not combined with stamina.

Anyway, the piece is most enjoyable, a real treat that deserves extension. And I still have the feeling I've said this before.

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Beholden
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10
10
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I become too concerned with the way in which a piece is described. And this one is a case in point, it being described as "Fiction." While I am looking for short stories. "Fiction" is always true of short stories but it's more general as a description and so rarely used when "Short Story" would be more exact. So I begin to read hesitantly, unsure of whether this will suit or not.

The quality of the writing reassures me, and I decide that I'll review it whether it turns out to be a chapter or excerpt or something else. With writing this good, I don't need to know the whole story - there's plenty to say without there being an ending. It is quite beautiful, with names being carefully chosen, atmosphere created with skill and patience, while story unfolds like a red carpet beneath the reader's eyes. My applause for the writing alone.

And then to the plot - something original and different, equal in weight to the words, the story emerges and conforms ultimately to the short story. The piece may be a part of a much greater story but it stands confidently on its own and has its special reason for being. It is wonderfully subtle and considered, leading the reader into a world entirely different from the one we're so used to. The writer understands the allure of games.

Altogether, I'm glad I decided to read this one. It has been a joyful experience throughout and I can see no way to make it any better. It works so well. So refreshing to read such good writing handling an entirely original plot. You have to keep writing if this is the quality you are producing.

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Beholden
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11
11
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Since the Notes state that this piece is written for Chapter One, I must presume that it is intended to be just that - a first chapter. As such, it works very well, setting forth an interesting scenario and an even more fascinating character assuming the role of protagonist. I found myself wanting to know more of this strange delapidated zoo and its inhabitants.

Which is exactly what a first chapter must achieve, of course. This is an author's chance to impress upon the reader that life will hardly be worth living unless the rest of the book is read. You have definitely established that need with this chapter and I wonder whether you have any plans to proceed further with it.

One result is that I think you should change the description of the piece from Short Story to a more accurate depiction, Fiction for instance. It helps when readers are deciding what to read and/or review.

I particularly like your language in the piece and the descriptions you construct with it. Such skill with words is quite rare these days and it is refreshing to read so well illustrated a piece. With no mistakes or typos as well. Can't ask for more than that, can I?

A most enjoyable read.

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Beholden
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12
12
Review of Mirage  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
My first thought was that the reader would need to know the story of Dune to make sense of this little tale. As popular a book (and movie) as it may have been, that would limit the clientele at least a tad. Still, if you're willing to take that risk, it's certainly worth borrowing some of the desert atmosphere of the book. Saves a lot of work in a story almost certainly restricted by word limit.

I'm uncertain as to the ending of the tale. Is it as innocent as first appears? Or is there more implicit in that final descent of darkness? If that is unintended, I doubt that the unsuitability of Albert's marriage is sufficient reason for the story. The lack of undertsanding between spouses is surely just a little too common to concentrate on here.

So I hope that deeper and darker meanings are meant in that last sentence - perhaps Albert's decision to end his relationship right then and there. If so, it needs to be a bit more explicit. But it would certainly be the more exciting of the two possibilities.

A well written story needing a more definite ending, I think.

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Beholden
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13
13
Review of Catching Cold  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Well, there's no doubt in my mind that you can write. This piece is a case in point - it is exactly the kind of thing that I'd love to write but cannot. The way you urge the reader to read between the lines and understand what is going on without your holding their hand and guiding them through it. With me, the urge to be understood is too strong and I try so hard to make it clear to them.

But in this one I think you've gone too far. I'll be honest and admit that it didn't mean much to me. Oh, I get the usual feelings I do when reading your stuff, the feeling that I'm missing the point and it's just going over my head. Usually, if I concentrate and read it a few more times, I get the idea but not on this occasion. I really get very little from the events reported and the dialogue.

No doubt this is thanks to my own inability to grasp and understand the subtlety and nuance of the piece. But I do wonder whether there's a limit to this business of making the reader work for it. I'm sure the characters know exactly what they mean when they say their curious little speeches but I don't have the benefit of experiencing all that makes sense of what they're saying. The terrible thought grips me: if I don't understand it, what chance that others will? A question for you to ponder on, perhaps.

Needless to say, I can't answer your questions at the end. I was completely unaware of the feelings each character has for each other - just not enough info for my doddering old brain to pick up on, I'm afraid.

But there's no question you can write. That's what I'll rate you on because you write so well. Even I can see that! I will have to deduct a little because you stretched my understanding beyond its limits however. Sorry about that.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
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14
14
Review of Crazy Loon  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A fine tale of the old days in the west. I like the slow, rambling style of the piece, how it echoes the old timer's unhurried style and determination to tell the tale once he'd started. The atmosphere is built and expanded by the occasional interruption of the usual events around a campfire at night and the reader is taken along with the story into those days when Bob Pierce howled at the moon. A wonderful evocation of the time and the place.

I must admit to some disappointment at reading the note at the end. My curiosity is roused at the knowledge that there is an alternative ending to the tale, but not enough for me to request the key to the locked document. The story is good enough as it is, after all, and I am far too lazy to start requesting keys at this stage.

To me, the story has echoes of Zane Grey's best short stories and that is a huge compliment. I consider Grey to have been one of the finest of America's writers, especially in his short stories. This tale is every bit as atmospheric and intriguing as Grey's work. Really a most enjoyable read and without errors or typos too.

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Beholden
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15
15
Review of Final Flight  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
You caught me out a bit with this one. I didn't pick up on the clues as I was reading (seemed a bit strange that they were coming over Manhattan - I should take more note of titles and realised that they were in an aircraft of some kind) and wondered why there was so much concentration on Ellis' stomach problem. Once the realisation hit that he was a passenger on the Hindenburg, the causation between stomach ill, cigarette and match became clear.

So I'm wondering whether there should be more clues before final revealing of the form of transport. And I think it's more a matter of my lack of attention that needs seeing to. I like the idea of saving identification of the event until as late as possible and the subtle weaving of the chain of causation into the story deserves praise rather than censure. So that's a plus.

If I have a problem remaining with the story, it's that the dialogue seems a little stiff and awkward. That may be intentional as there's no denying that conversational styles have changed a lot over the years and they did speak with more formality back then. So again, I let that pass with just the comment.

And that leaves me with nothing to complain about at all. It seems that I must congratulate you on a well written and engaging tale of an important historic event. Most enjoyable indeed.

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Beholden
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16
16
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
An abrupt and shocking explosion of a tale. No time is wasted in consideration of the world in which this action takes place - what we learn is gleaned from incidental details scattered throughout the account. And that is how it's done, of course, especially in the seriously abbreviated form of flash fiction. This is an excellent example of the genre.

What we know of the world presented is quite intriguing. The importance given to the bean sprouting into life is at the heart of the tale, surely a strange world indeed when plant life is so precious. But we hardly have time to consider these implications when the scene is blown apart by the arrival of nemesis in the form of a creature almost beyond description. It seems almost a waste to ignore the potential for world building inherent in the first paragraphs of the story, but we should remember that it is flash fiction. There is no room for extensive development therefore.

Even so, I think you have the germ of a much longer story here. You might consider enlarging the tale with further details of both the brothers and their world before ending it in so explosive a denouement (if that is how it has to end). It is a roller coaster ride of exposition and catastrophic ending as it is and it seems a pity to let the invention in the created world dissipate so swiftly.

An exciting story indeed.

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17
17
Review of The Red Harvest  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a fascinating little treatise on how Mars might one day be successfully colonised and become self sufficient. In spite of its brevity, the piece takes a serious look at how things could be done to achieve a genuine settlement and, ultimately, create a paying business on the planet.

As a story, however, it falls a bit short. There's no human interest or struggle mentioned, just the easy progression of the endeavour from humble beginnings to final success. If it is intended to be a story, it really needs much more personal struggle and difficulty to keep the reader interested.

Not that it isn't interesting. As a suggestion of how such a project might be instituted, it is quite fascinating. But it's like building a world and then forgetting to put people into it. The means of construction is interesting in itself, but to hook the reader and get him involved, much more is needed. Fiction readers want human involvement.

So it all depends on your aim in writing the piece. If all you wanted to do was show how a settlement on Mars might work, the piece is fine. But, as a story, it's just a beginning. Fine bit of writing though, either way.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
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18
18
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a pleasanr little tale with no ambitions of changing the world or creating revolution. Just to point at something uplifting and warm, to brighten the reader's day. And it succeeds in this so well. No, there's no major drama, no sudden surprises - just a delightful and unexpected meeting that gives us hope in a darkening world.

It's no mean feat to write something with so light a touch and yet with such staying power. Your style is well-suited to the task. There is an honesty about your writing that is very appealing, that takes the reader by the hand and takes them into your world easily and without fuss. The pace is unhurried and the setting meticulously created so that we are soon immersed in place and event, ready to receive what the story has to tell.

If there is anything to quibble at in the tale (and I don't really think there is), it lies in the very last sentence. Is it necessary, I wonder, to append the lesson at the end of this little gem? Is it not clear enough without being spoken so clearly at the end as a piece of advice? Almost like the moral at the end of a fable, it comes close to being the wagging finger of instruction. Or maybe I am just looking for something to say. It is a beautifully written piece, after all, and who am I to deny you the chance of summing up the whole thing?

A most enjoyable story.

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Beholden
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19
19
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
You've created an interesting world where it's possible to enter books and live a life there. But the problem is that you do nothing with it. I suspect that the piece is not finished and you were going to come back to it at some time in the future. It certainly needs an ending.

Your writing is clear but a little too eager to help the reader toward understanding. Many of your explanations serve only to slow the pace. Descriptions especially do not need to be so detailed and precise - it's better to give a taste with one or two interesting points and let the reader build the character thereafter.

There are also places where you suddenly switch from writing in the past tense to the present. This can be done if you want a sentence or event to stand out, but never do it in the middle of a sentence. Choose your tense and stick with it is my advice.

One sentence is missing a word, I think. You have written, "both of us are into imaginations than reality" whereas I presume you meant, "both of us are more into imagination than reality."

Apart from these minor errors, you write well with an imaginative and interesting premise. With a little more work and development further into a story, the piece could be very entertaining. Think of all the wonderful books you could take us on a tour through!

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Beholden
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20
20
Review of Who is Happy ??  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Ah, a clever little moral tale with an uplifting piece of advice at the end. Almost Aesopian in style, its simple, clear narration ensures that the message is fully understood. Add to that the impact of repetition in the process of each bird approached, and the lesson is learned quite effortlessly.

I am also reminded of Kahlil Gibran and that can only be a good thing. Fable writers are few and far between these days, so the world can always use one more. There is no reason why you should not be that singular successful writer. You write clearly with a simple style ideally suited to your subject and intent, producing such tales that can appeal to both children and adults.

There are some minor matters of presentation that could be improved (you sometimes insert a line break in the middle of a paragraph which is mildly disconcerting to the reader) and there are a couple of places where you have omitted a word. The piece really needs one more careful edit to clear up these matters, and it would be a fine and enjoyable story.

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Beholden
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21
21
Review of The Operation  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
A party with a difference! This story really stands out as a complete departure from the common run of horror stories. I envy the imagination that came up with such a tale. You have taken the protagonist and not only subjected them to all sorts of terrible things but made them an unwilling but forced partner in the goings on.

I couldn't help noticing that you include quite a lot of British slang in the voices of the old men. Haven't heard the word "manky" in many a long year. It helps to provide colour to the narrative, even if it may mystify the occasional American.

Your final paragraph is a delight. Those pork chops are a delicious bit of humour in the tail. Relieves the horror but lets us leave with a smile on our faces.

It's an original and well constructed story that should have the strongest stomachs feeling a bit queasy. An entertaining read.

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Beholden
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22
22
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This really isn't my thing but I can't resist having my say on it. It's so well done that it doesn't matter that it's way above my head. Like the mysterious concerns of another world. For me, it's a matter of sneaking a glimpse of a world that I've never considered before, never been attracted to, and did not think I'd want to know about. And then you write this gloriously atmospheric piece that I find quite beautiful.

It has to be satire, I know, but it floats out there, way beyond my reach. All I see is the delightfully accurate and incisive dialogue, the infinite care in picking the world to pieces, the positive wallowing in the precise pointlessness of it all. You write it so well that I have nothing to contribute except my admiration at a thing done so exactly.

I suppose we all admire most those things that we know we could never do. That's how I feel about this piece. You invite me in and display its world in a way that seems entirely authentic to me and I can see you doing it but I can't understand it. I am both attracted and repelled. Attracted by the cool, endlessly picky atmosphere, yet repelled by a world that seems so empty to me.

In the language of my generation, it's really something else, man.

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Beholden
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23
23
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
A beautiful story, beautifully written. The strange thing is that it never approaches drama. There's a certainty about the tale that wards off thoughts of dying of thirst in the desert or other possible fates. Instead, we are treated to a walk in the heat of New Mexico, with a lad who sets out with the sure purpose of finding his grandmother and not a single thought that he might fail. It's somehow very believable; at least, I've known people who exude such innocent confidence, especially children.

Much has to do with the sheer quality of the writing too. You have an easy touch with description setting the scene with accuracy. Add to that an unhurried pace and the precision of the words chosen, and we cannot but feel that we are in good hands and nothing too terrible is going to happen. The reader feels that you know the country intimately, so vivid is your description of it. And, if our guide is so knowledgable, what is there to fear?

And so it proves. We arrive at the end of the story without fuss and all turns out well. It's not even so over the top that it becomes sentimental; your clear and honest style prevents that. The result is a story that's a pleasure to read, a tale that allows us to share in the boy's experience and to end with a feeling that everything was under control at all times. A most enjoyable read.

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Beholden
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24
24
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
I'll start with the good - it's short and sweet. A lot of imagination and "otherworldliness" is packed into these few words, however. In short, it's a good beginning.

And so to the problems, most of them grammatical. Your first sentence is actually two. This can be fixed by replacing your second "he" with the word "and." Otherwise it's what we call a run on sentence and editors frown on such things. Next, your first three sentences begin with "he." Such repetition is distracting to the reader and should be avoided, perhaps by giving him a name. That way, the problem is avoided in that you can start with the name and then only two "hes" will follow.

Then there's the matter of capital letters at the beginning of sentences. Remember to do it. Your second last sentence is in the past tense and the word "are" should conform to this - "...who were the Trik'ods..." And then, right at the end, remember to close your quotation marks.

That's the little details dealt with. Now we can look at the actual story. It's interesting but far too short. Not enough happens to justify it being a first chapter. Sure, there's enough to keep a reader interested, but he needs a little more if he's to be persuaded to go on to the second chapter.

Basically, your hook is the Dream (not "Draem") Eaters. It's an interesting enough name to get people wanting more. Which means that you're going to have to supply at least a bit more before ending the chapter. Alternatively, if you're relying on the name to keep them going, you're going to need more in the build-up to the name.

But, as I said, there is some interesting stuff even in the few words you've written so far, certainly enough to justify writing much more. Now all you have to do is write it all down. *Wink*

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Beholden
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25
25
Review of Madam Valise  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Refreshingly different (I have read an inordinately large number of short stories through Read & Review today, all of them unsuitable for reviewing). So I guess it has to be this one, even though I seem to remember reviewing something of yours fairly recently. I do try to space things out a bit more fairly but it's not always possible.

I should also mention that I haven't read your accompanying and prequel (I presume) stories, Mr Moonlight and Lafayette Kouri-Vini. So I am definitely qualified to announce that this story, Madame Valise, is perfectly able to stand on its own as it is. That's important, especially if it's what you intended. And not very easily done, as I know from experience.

After all that, I can also say that the story is wonderful, marvellously atmospheric, positively reeking of magic and mystery, and expertly told. I have just one criticism, perhaps a generational matter but worth mentioning in case you have older people reading the tale as well as younger. You can say the following in a much more exact and less disappointingly modern way: "Roland pulled a 'what the f***' face."

Apart from that, the story is so good that I wish I'd written it myself. I can say no better than that, but it does also have to stand up to the test of my reading its previous tales. That was always inevitable, I suppose.

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Beholden
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