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1,595 Public Reviews Given
1,596 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I have a review template that is only used for in depth reviews, usually those that are specifically requested. These will be as comprehensive as I can manage, including everything I have noticed in reading the piece. Most of my reviews, however, are more in the nature of reactions to the piece with brief notes on things I find particularly good and suggestions on dealing with any obvious flaws in the writing.
I'm good at...
Reviews of stuff I particularly like. If I think the writing is good and the ideas original and inventive, I will say so and become enthusiastic about it. I will point out flaws, particularly where I feel that they interfere with a positive reaction to the piece, but I will also offer suggestions for fixing such problems.
Favorite Genres
I have a broad spectrum of genres I'll review. It's easier for me to list the genres I won't touch.
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, erotica, overly dark subjects without a good reason for existence.
Favorite Item Types
I'm unsure what is meant by this - I would have thought the genres sections covered this.
Least Favorite Item Types
See previous section.
I will not review...
Again, see the genres section that lists the genres I won't review.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This really isn't my thing but I can't resist having my say on it. It's so well done that it doesn't matter that it's way above my head. Like the mysterious concerns of another world. For me, it's a matter of sneaking a glimpse of a world that I've never considered before, never been attracted to, and did not think I'd want to know about. And then you write this gloriously atmospheric piece that I find quite beautiful.

It has to be satire, I know, but it floats out there, way beyond my reach. All I see is the delightfully accurate and incisive dialogue, the infinite care in picking the world to pieces, the positive wallowing in the precise pointlessness of it all. You write it so well that I have nothing to contribute except my admiration at a thing done so exactly.

I suppose we all admire most those things that we know we could never do. That's how I feel about this piece. You invite me in and display its world in a way that seems entirely authentic to me and I can see you doing it but I can't understand it. I am both attracted and repelled. Attracted by the cool, endlessly picky atmosphere, yet repelled by a world that seems so empty to me.

In the language of my generation, it's really something else, man.

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Beholden
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2
2
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
A beautiful story, beautifully written. The strange thing is that it never approaches drama. There's a certainty about the tale that wards off thoughts of dying of thirst in the desert or other possible fates. Instead, we are treated to a walk in the heat of New Mexico, with a lad who sets out with the sure purpose of finding his grandmother and not a single thought that he might fail. It's somehow very believable; at least, I've known people who exude such innocent confidence, especially children.

Much has to do with the sheer quality of the writing too. You have an easy touch with description setting the scene with accuracy. Add to that an unhurried pace and the precision of the words chosen, and we cannot but feel that we are in good hands and nothing too terrible is going to happen. The reader feels that you know the country intimately, so vivid is your description of it. And, if our guide is so knowledgable, what is there to fear?

And so it proves. We arrive at the end of the story without fuss and all turns out well. It's not even so over the top that it becomes sentimental; your clear and honest style prevents that. The result is a story that's a pleasure to read, a tale that allows us to share in the boy's experience and to end with a feeling that everything was under control at all times. A most enjoyable read.

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3
3
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
I'll start with the good - it's short and sweet. A lot of imagination and "otherworldliness" is packed into these few words, however. In short, it's a good beginning.

And so to the problems, most of them grammatical. Your first sentence is actually two. This can be fixed by replacing your second "he" with the word "and." Otherwise it's what we call a run on sentence and editors frown on such things. Next, your first three sentences begin with "he." Such repetition is distracting to the reader and should be avoided, perhaps by giving him a name. That way, the problem is avoided in that you can start with the name and then only two "hes" will follow.

Then there's the matter of capital letters at the beginning of sentences. Remember to do it. Your second last sentence is in the past tense and the word "are" should conform to this - "...who were the Trik'ods..." And then, right at the end, remember to close your quotation marks.

That's the little details dealt with. Now we can look at the actual story. It's interesting but far too short. Not enough happens to justify it being a first chapter. Sure, there's enough to keep a reader interested, but he needs a little more if he's to be persuaded to go on to the second chapter.

Basically, your hook is the Dream (not "Draem") Eaters. It's an interesting enough name to get people wanting more. Which means that you're going to have to supply at least a bit more before ending the chapter. Alternatively, if you're relying on the name to keep them going, you're going to need more in the build-up to the name.

But, as I said, there is some interesting stuff even in the few words you've written so far, certainly enough to justify writing much more. Now all you have to do is write it all down. *Wink*

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4
4
Review of Madam Valise  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Refreshingly different (I have read an inordinately large number of short stories through Read & Review today, all of them unsuitable for reviewing). So I guess it has to be this one, even though I seem to remember reviewing something of yours fairly recently. I do try to space things out a bit more fairly but it's not always possible.

I should also mention that I haven't read your accompanying and prequel (I presume) stories, Mr Moonlight and Lafayette Kouri-Vini. So I am definitely qualified to announce that this story, Madame Valise, is perfectly able to stand on its own as it is. That's important, especially if it's what you intended. And not very easily done, as I know from experience.

After all that, I can also say that the story is wonderful, marvellously atmospheric, positively reeking of magic and mystery, and expertly told. I have just one criticism, perhaps a generational matter but worth mentioning in case you have older people reading the tale as well as younger. You can say the following in a much more exact and less disappointingly modern way: "Roland pulled a 'what the f***' face."

Apart from that, the story is so good that I wish I'd written it myself. I can say no better than that, but it does also have to stand up to the test of my reading its previous tales. That was always inevitable, I suppose.

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Beholden
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5
5
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hmm, some food for thought in this one. It's a simple tale with a moral attached and it makes its point clearly. Your writing flows well, with just the right amount of detail. The dialogue is focused, if a little stilted, and everything is tied up neatly at the end.

As regards the theology, I'm a bit worried. The story comes uncomfortably close to that of Ananias and Sapphira (Acts 5:1-11). Although forgiveness is an important part of the Christian faith, it's clear that hypocrisy and lying is not lightly dealt with. Pastor Matt and Donna may have reached a place of understanding but what of those who donated towards the fund for Donna? I'm not saying that Matt should confess before the church, but what actually happens seems a little too easy. It might be an idea to put him through a little more agonising and regret before allowing his restoration.

I'm also a little confused with Donna's situation. How did she hear Matt's confession? Is it her normal practice to sneak around and hide in the pews on the offchance of hearing people's confessions? And it seems a little strange that she manages to beat Matt to the church after he left her at the restaurant.

These problems could be quickly dealt with by a bit more explanation of Donna's movements and motivation. Not everone is going to notice the possible anomalies, but I did so there may be others.

The story is a strong one and the moral point made clearly but without any finger-wagging. It's certainly worth tightening up a little in the ways suggested or some other way that you may think is better. Writing such stories with a moral is not easy and you have demonstrated that you can succeed in this tale. Well done.

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6
6
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I like it. Partly because it departs from all other ghost stories by being set in a pleasant house in a picturesque area. No creaking doors or crumblind stonework in this one! And we never get to meet a ghost, as Marsha is delighted at the chance to do a bit of ghost hunting. Now there's a character I can imagine (one of those wearing people who are constantly overjoyed with life). Let's hope that the ghosts don't turn out to be too malicious.

The story itself is simple but amusing. I can't help but see Marsha's ability to make the best of everything being the point of the tale and I think this is enough to justify the story. She's a cracker and I'm sure you could use her in other tales, too.

Penny does not emerge as quickly. She is much more reserved and hesitant than Marsha, possibly because she dreads Marsha's reaction to the place being haunted. But, from the text so far, we don't know that.

There was just one point at which my attention was diverted by an apparent anomaly. We're told that "...Marsha took it in stride." A few sentences later, she is "Brushing the tears from her eyes." Why was she crying? Maybe you meant that the tears were on Penny's face, but that's not clear. I think we should be told at some earlier point that Penny had burst into tears (it's more her sort of thing, anyway).

Apart from that, it's an enjoyable little tale made brighter by Marsha's sparkling personality.

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7
7
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a wonderful little story told with a deft and gentle touch. There is a sure confidence in your writing, a knowledge of how just a few scattered moments and one-word descriptions can say so much more than long and laboured explanations. Here is feedom for the reader to become involved and to build upon those few details provided to make the tale as much the reader's as the writer's. Just one example will suffice: "...the edge of the ballroom, where the noise was dimmer." It says so much with just the one word, "dimmer."

In only one aspect do I think you've gone slightly wrong and that is in the genres you've chosen to list it under. I can see that it might possibly have some kinship to History and Mythology (but not a lot), but Mystery? I think that's stretching it a bit far, especially as the tale is so clearly a Romance. Don't be afraid of that label - Hallmark is not the only thing classified under the Romance banner and there are many highly respectable stories in that vein. This one is in that company, I think.

The most powerful thing about the tale is the atmosphere it presents. There is nothing heavy-handed in the way you build the background, just a few words here and there to give the impression of a different world, one where there are still things like adventure, social status and magnificent ceremonies. It's a pleasant relief from other stories that try too hard to give us a quasi-medieval world in which the characters strut and perform. In contrast, how elegantly and with laid-back presence do your characters tell their story.

You may have the impression that I like this story. Actually, I love it. And I'm no lover of Romance stories normally. But yours is something special. Well done indeed!

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8
8
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
A strange little tale with a few surprises and a brooding ending (almost an epilogue). I liked the narration style, a sort of 19th Century account of mysterious adventures in foreign places. This was perfectly suited to the subject and added to its effect upon the reader.

Much of the tale is taken up with description and explanation, a necessary thing even in a short story, to set the mood and atmosphere. When the action comes, it's a bit of a departure from the factual introduction - suddenly we're in a world of very strange ideas indeed. These are highly imaginative and succeed in concentrating the reader's attention upon the unfolding events. If there is a weakness at this point, it is the lack of any reason for the events. There is no attempt to link one event to the next and the narrative continues to be a report rather than a consideration of what happens.

That remains as my take on the story. It's great fun and like nothing I've ever read before, but suffers a little from the lack of reason behind the experiences of the narrator. This could be mended by the insertion of a simple myth told by the villagers that then gives at least some foundation for the terrifying events about to happen.

Even without that, however, the tale is most enjoyable. I did notice a few points that don't make a lot of sense and I list them below:

herding goats, milk, cheese, hides and meat - Sounds like they herded goats, milk, cheese, etc. Best just to leave out the word "herding."

standing well over six foot tall and weighed about eighteen stone - Confusion of tenses. It should be either, "standing well over six foot tall and weighing about eighteen stone" or "stood well over six foot tall and weighed about eighteen stone."

a stoic companion. My constable companion was silent... Repetition. We know the narrator was accompanied by only one person, so it's unnecessary to say "my constable companion." It would be quite sufficient to say, "He..." instead.

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9
9
Review of Agreed  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hmm, food for thought here. But first I must quibble with your choice of genre. "Children's" does not seem appropriate. Not because of the open-ended denouement, but the poor little people are being fed enough dark doomsday nonsense in their schools without their stories being full of darkness and destruction too. Be honest - this one is aimed at the adults.

The novel idea of using the wombles as the agents of real power on the Earth is only going to reach the adults, after all. The kids would be most puzzled by the behaviour of the protagonists. Personally, I like the idea. It makes a change from the mice or dolphins being the secret rulers of the planet.

Unless I'm missing the point of the mysterious Operation Pull The Plug, of course. It is open to interpretation, as I've already pointed out. And it's the denouement that seems to me to be the weak point of the story. All the brilliant name-inventing, the careful dialogue, the genius of cuddly little creatures having the answers to impending doom, it's a wonderful beginning. And it leads to the beginning of a mystery that begs further expansion beyond a name. The point of giving operations names is to disguise their intent but, when we're given only the name (and the fact that it's agreeable to all the wombles), the effect is only to confuse. You've had my interpretation but there could be many more. Not good to leave the reader in such a state, I think.

Besides, it's such a good hook and the reader is bound to want more. It should be used, at least for another paragraph or two, is my opinion. Don't leave us hanging!

All that makes it look as though I didn't like the story. In fact, I love it. It has your sure touch of the narrative that borders on the ridiculous without ever tipping over into nonsense, and the dialogue is handled with such certainty and accuracy. It's just that I hate to see such potential fizzling out in an unstated ending.

And now you can tell me that I've missed the point entirely and I shall have to apologise profusely when I realise how ignorant I have been. Still, it's how I see it so far.

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10
10
Review of The Magic Box  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
This is an odd little tale but at least it's different. The reader is thrown from a very ordinary situation into a place where it seems anything can happen. What does happen comes as a complete surprise since it throws us back into the real world. It's all been a plot to dispose of an unwanted husband!

So it's clever and imaginative. There's a simplicity about it that is quite entertaining but everything rests upon the fact that magic can do anything. In this story it certainly does. The idea of shrinking a person to miniature size is not new yet here it has a completely different motivation and application. That in itself is enough to make the tale stand out from a hundred others.

The weakness in the piece is grammatical. You have a tendency to throw in punctuation where it doesn't belong. Periods where commas would be appropriate, for instance, and commas where nothing is needed at all. These are minor details, I know, but distracting to the reader. They can interrupt the flow and lessen the impact of the piece. The best advice I can give you is to use a grammar checker but nothing works as well as knowing a bit more about the use of punctuation. It's worth studying if you're serious about writing.

The story is amusing and entertaining enough and it deserves to be told in your best manner possible. Fixing the grammar slips would help a great deal.

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Beholden
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11
11
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I think Comedy should be one of the genres chosen. Instead of Horror/Scary maybe. Your tone is definitely non-serious (for example - "The aptitude with which we managed to find obstacles and stumble over them was uncanny, really.") and there's a lot of irony (and comic relief) in the admission of guilt before discovering that the intruders were intending to decorate in honour of Gibbons' birthday. 'Tis a comedy of errors indeed.

Apart from that, the story delivers exactly what it claims. There's no denying it's flash fiction and it packs a suitable punch into the last few lines. The opening paragraphs lead us into thinking it's a burglary and this is well maintained up to the denouement. I found no errors of grammar or otherwise (the dreaded typo) so, really, you've left me with little to say except a round of applause.

An amusing little read.

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Beholden
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12
12
Review of A Piece of Cake  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I like this. It's not strained or stretched, the way stories created to a set format or requirement often are. It flows naturally and easy from beginning to end.

And it tells a story worth telling. There are good reasons to let flag etiquette falter, as Bill finds out. All this while including all the requested words.

But I have one slight doubt. Gary's side of the conversation doesn't ring quite true. I think it's the slightly cynical retort, "How are you with resurrections?" Presuming that he has not been attending to the flag through grief over his wife's death, it seems a little out of character. Unless, of course, you wanted to illustrate how we so often put a bold face on our emotions, hiding our true feelings so that we can continue to appear normal. But even them, Gary has just delivered the fact that his wife is dead, so the sarcastic addition regarding resurrection isn't really appropriate.

It may just be my take on it but I think it would be better if toned down a bit. Otherwise, I think the piece is an excellent story with a clear eye on the realities of life. Most enjoyable.

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Beholden
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13
13
Review of Hope  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
A charming little story written in just the right tone for very young children. There are occasional grammatic errors and I made notes on the most important ones. These I'll add at the end of this review.

It may be intended that the story have illustrations at some point, but without them, I think it would be wise to give the reader some idea of the of the nature of the characters you're writing about. I have a vague impression of fairylike creatures or perhaps insects, but this may be far from what you intend. Children readily accept that small creatures can have lives very similar to our own but they need some assistance in imagining talking beasts.

The story is fairly long for the age group it seems to be aimed at and this highlights that you tend to put in a lot of detail that is not really needed. There is also some repetition of information that extends the text unnecessarily.

Apart from those minor quibbles, however, the tale is ideal for children and well-aimed indeed. My notes on the grammar follow:

..., which was short for Mikaratusi - You've omitted the name, Mika.

...Each being the size of a walnut. - This one harks back to my comment about the type of creature in the story. At no other point have you mentioned the size of the character being introduced so this sudden information regarding size comes as a surprise. It begs the question of all the other characters' size, if we are to understand that Patience and Hope were much smaller than the other creatures. This would be solved by making the other characters particular creatures.

...honey (which Romera always to have plenty of) - Makes no sense. I think it should be "which Romera seemed always to have plenty of."

...those sad feeling kept creeping back - If it's "feeling," you should say ""that sad feeling kept creeping back." But, if it's plural, it should be "those sad feelings kept creeping back."

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14
14
Review of Passing  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Well written, this piece is perhaps better described as a vignette than a short story. It proceeds quite predictably towards an ending that is telegraphed from early in the text. There is no conflict, no surprises, no plot as such, which would normally be expected in a story.

Yet it is effective for what it is - a description of the last moments in an old man's life. The presentation as a series of short paragraphs expressing a single thought or step in the action is quite effective in elevating these matters in importance. They are like flashes of insight that illuminate a stronger and deeper current of thought. The simple language used is exactly appropriate to the subject and our involvement in it.

I would argue with the genres chosen, however. I see nothing supernatural or horrific in the tale, and would be more inclined to label it as Emotional, Nature, Philosophy, or Spiritual. Plus Romance, of course. There's no argument there!

Apart from that, it remains an excellent demonstration of your writing powers. I would encourage you to keep writing.

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Beholden
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15
15
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I like this a lot. My only question concerns the enormous space at the end of the document. It makes it look as if you'd planned a much longer story and then forgot to carry on. Maybe it is that symbolic but I suspect that you just entered more Returns than you realised.

Anyway, to return to the story, the plot is very simple and, I dare say, not all that uncommon. But it remains a touching scenario, one that draws us back to our own lost loves and renews those passionate feelings.

It's the quality of the writing that achieves this. You write so simply and yet without a misplaced word, a confusing complication, or fault. Just that gentle, sure flow and unhurried pace that allows the tale to impact the reader without guile. There's no reaching for words that impress, the only important object is to set the story down in its truth and so reveal its simple secrets.

Many years ago I found a cheque that had been given as a wedding present to my wife and I. It been lost somehow in the years that followed. It was from a friend of my father's and I was quite surprised at the time that he should think enough of us to donate. By then, of course, it was way too late to cash it but it remains in my memory while the other presents are long forgotten. Your story has something of the same feel to it - the forgotten years suddenly recalled and new possibilities presented that were once beyond hope.

But you have made a beautiful story of this simple occurrence. And, as I said, I like it very much.

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16
16
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Yes, I'm a procrastinator. But I'm also forgetful. I think the difference is that procrastination is premeditated, whereas forgetting is entirely accidental.

This marvellous little essay (or is it a confession?) evokes a response of agreement from any old person who reads it. We (I'm one of them) smile ruefully as we read, recognition of our own frailty only too apparent to us. Procrastination and forgetfulness are our constant companions, after all.

So your words fill me with a sense of belonging to an age group, a group proud of its weaknesses because there is so little else left to us. I have no doubt that one of my reasons for liking the essay so much is that it reassures me that I am not alone. Old fogies of the world unite!

In reading the piece, I stumbled over a couple of niggles that I noted down so I wouldn't forget them. Here they are, a typo and a style foible of mine:

...there’s now rhyme or reason... I'm pretty sure you meant "no rhyme or reason," unless you're saying that you've had sudden revelation on the matter.

I’m just a procrastinator. On the other hand, just writing this essay, I’ve had to stop several times to ‘think’ about just the right word... That's a lot of "justs." I consciously avoid repetition of words and will go to lengths (not necessarily extreme) to substitute synonyms where possible. In this case, only the first "just" is essential; the rest are superfluous and can be deleted without altering the sense.

Sorry to be so picky but I noticed it so I should mention it. Otherwise it's an amusing and delightful essay. Most enjoyable.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
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17
17
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I don't usually review chapters but this one seemed different and deserving of a chance. Just remember that I'm more used to short stories that present me with a completed piece rather than a beginning but no end.

Straight off, I have to say that you're risking quite a lot in this opening chapter. You're throwing a poem, an exerpt from a fictional book, and a fairly long reflection of someone (ostensibly yourself) assessing his life, at the reader before he has a chance to understand setting, character, or direction. It's a lot to expect a reader to get through before getting a hook or two into him.

What works in your favour is the quality of your writing. It's well paced, has excellent word selection, and an authenticity that is a basic requirement in any story of this sort (fantasy and sci-fi). That's what kept me reading.

There was also this mention of the narrator being the cause of millions of deaths. It's a compelling hook and makes up for the length of the introduction.

So, you have a beginning that requires a little persistence in the reader if he is to be retained, and a hook just in time to keep him interested. If I were you, I'd dump the poem. It's pretty meaningless to anyone who hasn't read the book (assuming that it does become more understandable in the course of time) and the meter is a bit frivolous when compared to the tone of the rest of this chapter.

Other than that, I think it's a good start and I would continue to read on. It's great strength is the quality of the writing and that's always a good way to hook me. Your only problem now is to keep going until you finish the book!

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
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18
18
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Another winner from Sonali. This one made me laugh, just as it was supposed to. The subject is too close to any writer's experience for us not to laugh in response. The only alternative would be to cry and we've done enough of that.

I love the way you kept the Writer's comeuppance hidden through the majority of the tale. Its final revelation could not fail to produce a huge smile on my face. We are clowns indeed, we writers.

The one problem I have is how the story would be taken by those who do not write. Would they understand the humour and impossible dreams harboured in the minds of those new to the game? If they don't, I suppose the tale could be an introduction, perhaps even a warning, for them. "Don't put your daughter on the stage, Mrs Worthington." Noel Coward.

As usual, you have written a delightful little tale, full of good humour and a mischievous insight into our humanity. Even the choice of fonts for the two sections was exactly right. A most enjoyable and amusing read.

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Beholden
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19
19
Review of The Party  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
What a shame you had to give away the punchline by including Ghost as a genre. But I don't suppose many people read that detail anyway.

I like it very much as a piece of clever flash fiction. No need to complicate the setting with too much information - just Caruthers' wig and the revealing of a little ankle gives us an idea of the time, the clothes, and the surroundings. It seems a little odd that the clearly lower class Jack (the flat cap) is attending a party in a ballroom, but ghosts may mix and match as they please, I guess.

So much told in so few words. Now that is how flash fiction is done.

Add to that the clear, precise prose, the absolute absence of errors (I pondered the spelling of Caruthers as it's normally Carruthers, but that would have been too fussy), and the retention of the puchline to the very end (and it being just one word), and you have an absolute gem of a miniature story. Excellent!

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Beholden
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20
20
Review of Glasses  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
The best jokes are those told against oneself. And that's what you've done with this little tale. It's a common occurrence, that's true, and we can all remember similar times when we did something similar, but the lost glasses on the head remain funny. It's the one place we cannot see and, therefore, this contradicts the statement that we've looked everywhere. Embarrassment, thy name is humour.

I like the way you've told the story, using dialogue to create the scene and further the narrative. It also gives an onlooker who can see the glasses from the beginning and allows the humour of the situation to develop, instead of dispelling it by immediately pointing at them. He becomes a major factor in making the tale worth telling - without an onlooker, we do not have to feel embarrassed at our mistake.

Unite this to your clear and uncomplicated writing style, and the piece becomes a little gem, ready to entertain the reader for a few quiet moments. Nicely done.

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Beholden
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21
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Review of The Walkout  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Wonderful idea, not sure that it could ever happen. But that's stories for you - they don't have to be possible. An English movie called "If" deals with the same story but the other way round. The kids revolt by staging a rebellion in which they shoot all the staff and create anarchy. Just as unlikely as the formation of study groups, I think. The truth lies somewhere in between, no doubt.

It reads as though it comes from personal experience. Not necessarily the study group thing but certainly the teacher who doesn't teach. True or not, it's a story with a moral and that's rare enough these days to set it apart.

The writing itself is appropriate to the subject and contains no errors or typos. Dialogue is just a little stilted and could do with a rewrite to spice up the tale. Part of the problem is that the ending is telegraphed by Liam finding the solution halfway through the narrative. Let the kids build the answer through conversation and then act immediately with their walkout. That way, the denouement should come as more of a surprise.

The tale is fine as it is but could be improved with a more dramatic treatment, as I suggested. You have the writing skills necessary to make it more exciting.

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Beholden
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22
22
Review of Smashed Potatoes  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a wonderful tale of hospitality and good fellowship in an Italian village in wartime. It is heart-warming and told with a straighforward simplicity that is totally appropriate to the story. If there is a weakness in it at all, it is that there are too few dialogue tags. Since the story consists mostly of dialogue, there are parts where it's not immediately clear who is speaking. It's important to the story that certain things are only understood by some of the characters and, in fact, the tale does hinge upon one character not knowing a certain fact. So it would be an improvement to make things clearer, particularly at the point in which the chaplain is not told what the relevant saying means.

Otherwise it is a truly delightful story, full of humour and joy at humanity's common frailty. The writing is simple and flows easily, without grammatical errors or typos, leaving the reader with a deeper understanding of the workings of a little village in Italy. Truly excellent stuff.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
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23
23
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I don't usually review poetry. Don't feel qualified sufficiently in that arena. But this one stopped me in my clicking through Read & Review. Hullo, I thought (note the rather archaic use of the alternative spelling of "hello" - it was how I spelt the word in my thought), a triangular poem. Had to see what that was about, of course.

Turns out it's a bit of a tour de force. Not the triangle thing, which has its function as a passerby-stopper, but as a weaver of romantic dreams. It's the kind of thing I find very attractive - nothing definite and pinned down, things emerging from the mist and then disappearing again, lists of names unknown but sounding legendary and mysterious. Very effective at creating atmosphere. And that becomes important and appropriate when the last line confirms that it's all about dreams.

Well, that's a fine way to describe how dreams feel, I thought. I guess this must be a good poem, perhaps even great. Which was a bit of a surprise, really, since I despise shape poems. I mean, there's usually no connection between the meaning and the shape so that the poem becomes merely a word game. But this has that necessary connection to justify the shape.

Because dreams are triangular, aren't they. Starting off all wide and encompassing, then getting more focused and quicker, until ending in the sharp point of waking. Which then expands into the eternal business of the day, but that's another story.

Upshot is, I like it. Very satisfying.

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Beholden
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24
24
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
A beautifully told, magical tale. The language is quite poetic, appropriately enough since the worlds described are places of mystery and magic, and the atmosphere created is very seductive. The one weakness in the piece is identified in the final sentence - "And her story was only just beginning." Exactly. It's very pretty and emotive but needs to lead somewhere. In other words, it cries out for more of a story.

You have created a charming setting with a heroine of considerable attraction for the reader, allowed her to wander off into many different worlds, and then brought us suddenly back to earth (in more ways than one). There's no doubt, on available evidence, that you can write, but now you need to take the story on, to bring purpose and direction into Alira's life, something to motivate her and obstacles to overcome.

You have just one piece, this story, in your portfolio. I would encourage you to write more, to provide this beginning with more story, and to write much, much more. You have talent and now all you have to do is use it.

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25
25
Review of The Gardener  Open in new Window.
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
As I have mentioned, it feels to me like a folk tale, designed as a warning against holding grudges and desiring revenge. At the same time, there are elements that are entirely modern (for instance "Don't bother coming back.!" - such a modern thing to say) yet do not interfere with the atmosphere of the poem. The whole is quite an effective combination of the old and the new, echoes of ancient tales in a dance with a more recent outlook.

Narrative poetry is a difficult thing to write but this achieves success with free verse, a handicap in that it begs the question of whether it be prose or poetry. It's the traditional language and word order that saves this. Without it, the piece would be a short story. Not that there's anything wrong with short stories, but I think it was poetry you were aiming for.

Nicely chosen quote to begin the piece. It sets the tone very well.

I did not detect any errors or typos. The writing is well delivered, with excellent pace and rhythm. And that's about all I have to say. I'm no great fan of narrative poetry and I'm hopeless at it myself - so I don't feel qualified to go into greater detail on the technical aspects of the piece. It seems fine to me!

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Beholden
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