As a die-hard horror fan, this is intriguing! Is this a one-time thing or a to-be-continued? If the latter, I would like to know the details of how the main character kills/stalks his prey and more on his thought process. For instance, the vampire Lestat has a wicked sense of humor and likes to play with his food. I find that endearing. I realize you may not want to reveal that much at first but how about just a spoonful?
Your premise is compelling, the story is well-written with an easy flow. I'm a fan!
This is a thought-provoking, well-written, brutally honest essay. I walked away from it for a few days to consider what I had read. I was a young teen during the Vietnam War. Often, the evening news would be on as we sat around the dinner table. I come from a very military-immersed family. As someone so young, I was often terrified of what the world could become, but I knew soldiers like you would always keep watch and hold the line. I still believe it and always will. I respect your reasons to serve and why you do not want to be thanked for your service. But, please accept an acknowledgment from a young, scared girl who often retreated to a closet. You were the light in the darkness.
As one who loves to visit a witch shop, you have walked me down memory lane. Your description is spot on!
The line about feeling safe and comfortable, returning to a place she had been before, is perfect foreshadowing. Well done!
First, I love SciFi, and your premise is interesting. It took me a minute to figure out POV and/or who was speaking. It's been a while since I have read anything in second person. It's not a knock; it's just an observation. As you proceed, be mindful of the emotional connection in your character's development. Not many people can pull that off in second person, but I think you can! I'm curious as to where this goes!
I marked your work as a favorite back in 2023. I am happy to see you are writing more! You have a unique point of view and a distinguishable voice. Watch your pacing, let us catch our breath. Lol! Beware adjectives and the passive voice. I stumbled over the sentence, "I only had to read slightly before they became worse than the flying gnat slash roach issue!" "Read slightly" is a bit awkward. Instead, use something like "Just two sentences in" or something more descriptive or direct than "read slightly." I hope this helps. I am a fan of your writing and your perspective. Another piece of advice: do not, under any circumstances, Google 'Palmetto Bug.'
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