I'm no poetry expert, but I found this poem absolutely amazing.
Lines such as "By parents who weren't parents,
but were children and were lost," are really original and thoughtful.
You grab the reader's attention from the first line, and don't let go for a second.
I happened to read this with a friend that I share a house with; a fellow Engineer student. We both felt extremely identified with this conversation. We both found this very touching; as if it were written for us, or for people like us.
I find this kind of writing somewhat honest: it's not trying to be anything. It just shows itself as it is, and the reader can either understand it completely (like me and my friend have), or ignore it as they wish.
We all sit back to classify our own lives from time to time, and compare our own lifestyle to someone else's (a ninja in this case), metaphorically.
I know I won't sleep tonight until I find my own metaphor now! Am I a renegade scientist from the eleventh century: misunderstood and defending my values completely on my own, knowing well that I'm right?
I hope I'm comparable to something amazing... why does a Velociraptor spring to mind??!
One of the best short stories I have read. Very descriptive, gets the reader very interested in the characters and brings in the final terror just at the right time.
Thank you for this well written story. I won't forget it in a long time.
I apologize for not coming up with many places for improvement, but I sincerely think there aren't many.
The only little aspect I would add or change, is the fact that the main characters seemed to know well that the gunshots were mad school kids with guns. Even though the class was quickly informed, there would be more confusion, in my opinion.
Maybe a small sentence or two describing how Sarah had seen on the news the many school killings that had happened in the past would be in place.
This is the only thing I could pick out, and it isn't at all serious.
I am not a fantastic writer, but as an eager reader I can say that I didn't personally enjoy this short Story.
There was a lack of description of the character's feelings and thoughts, which would offer a great insight of your (as the writer) impression of death and the afterlife.
There was no explanation to why Samantha's boat would drift into hell, and the rest into heaven.
It could be the case that I have gone about this story the completely wrong way: maybe the island is a metaphor for a hospital, and Samantha and three others survived while the rest died (or visa versa). But the island seems to obviously be death, from the first line of the story.
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