Enthusiasm,
This is a murky, greasy piece of writing. A tale of abuse and redemption, it nonetheless follows a dark course on its way to the light—and even then, the light is dim and gray.
Beginning with a father trying to murder his son—almost, but not quite, dedicated to breaking the young boy's spirit, in any case—the protagonist is defined by survival, and a certain type of resurrection. Once again, there are hints of socioreligious perspective sprinkled throughout, seeming to suggest that religion, and maybe even God, are simply constructs of the human species—that we carry salvation and redemption inside us.
The work is layered in incredible imagery and philosophy:
~ "He knows the weight of broken things." The emotional baggage that unresolved situations symbolize is nicely captured in this line.
~ "Why are you here? he doesn’t ask." With your usual flair, you emphasize the impact of something by defining its negative space. The isolation of Evander is demonstrated by his reluctance to speak more than a few words—and those simple words were enough of a task for him. Silas' silence reiterates the theme of isolation, which is also woven through this story.
~ "...this drowned woman whose shape stutters between flesh and floodwater..." Impermanence is studied several times, as well as your recurring theme of water as an implacable force. Evander somehow survived his own drowning, but he sees here how easily distorted the human condition can become, and how it can be washed away into entropy by the act of one angry man.
~ "Justice is a raft...But truth—truth is the current." You redefine concepts for the reader, forcing us to think along different lines and perspectives. Like a poem, we need to read between your lines to reflect on our own perspectives and meet the challenge of creeping along new ones to see what light or darkness there could also be. Evander sets the example for us as "He bears witness" to redemption amid the wreckage.
Impermanence is alluded to several times, and each seems to hold its own context, its own message—each reader is invited to understand in their own way.
~ The bleeding REPENT sign speaks to salvation through bitter trials. Layered on this is the blood of Christ, the salvation for which the penitent must reach. Overall, however, is the concept that that salvation is watery, unable to be captured and held. Penance and salvation are constant actions, not goals to be attained and sat upon.
~ Silas' wavering outline evokes similar concepts. The direction toward justice is never clearly defined. We have to pick it up where we find it, follow the trails and trials, and deal with the results as best we can; and we are not always the hero, just a means to an end.
Some terrific phrases again demonstrate your ability to layer meanings to conserve words.
~ "All the buried things. Fighting their way up." The truth will out, in other words.
~ "Curled like a question mark." / "Where ferns uncurl." Death can be hidden in mystery; but laying the evidence in the light allows life (represented by ferns) to resolve the question mark into something readable and actionable.
~ "Tectonic." This one word was pivotal to me, mind-shaking. The discovery of truth moves continents in the liminal realm, and the metaphor that it shifts the human consciousness permanently to another position is brilliant.
~ "Festering." The truth is not comfortable, and all the repressed facts we bottle up will eventually come to the surface if we truly wish to "survive"...but it's gonna hurt like a bitch.
The ending is particularly satisfying to me for the specific reason that it is unsatisfying. The hero doesn't win. There's no medals, no sighs of relief. Just more searching—for justice, for truth, for survival. It's genius, because that's life. We find out, we discover, we uncover; and then we go on with our gray lives, nothing special, nothing new, nothing true. It's genius because it reminds the reader that we are all Evander, having survived out own drownings in one way or another, and we are all on the prowl for something worthwhile to do.
I had a couple of questions outstanding, though. Perhaps they don't have ant importance, but maybe they do; I'd love to know more.
~ Silas. What's the significance of the name? Instead of gold, what is she hoarding?
~ Why the repeated references to grease and oil and diesel. Just to emphasize the filth of existence? To illustrate how easy it is for things to slip through our grasp?
~ When did Evander drown again? He downed for the first time at his father's hands. That implies he drowned again, or is going to drown. This loose end bothers me. Maybe it's supposed to...?
Despite the few open-ended items above, this is a gruesome look at the search for truth, redemption, penance, and salvation. Well done, my friend. Well done.
--Jeffrey
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