This reads more like song lyrics. I was wondering if you had written them this way and have music to it or if it just flows like lyrics naturally. I like the message and comparing false dreams and hallucinations to curses in disguise. Very awesome work. Thank you for sharing and I wish you well.
Wonderful conclusion. I agree, f*** cancer. I think the writing itself was great. The formatting could use a little work. One big block of text is kind of hard to read. Ultimately, looking beyond the format, the words themselves were good choices. If this story has any personal relation to you, I wish for you the best and I wish you well. Thank you for sharing this.
What a beautiful short story. This just goes to show that short stories can, in fact, be very short and also compelling. Great work. It has a good intro, slightly builds lore, and has a great resolution. Also, I agree, the best cure to writer's block is to just write. Often, I will just start slapping a story together. I can always go back and fix things if I am feeling uninspired. It's all about getting words on the page. Again, great work, and I wish you well.
I like that the entire story is told through dialogue. There wasn't much prose or exposition because it wasn't needed. Excellent work getting in so much detail between the dialogue. The tension at the end came to a good conclusion. In my opinion I think the ending could've landed a bit harder, but I understand it. With a short story it's hard to squish it all in and have a solid payoff at the end. Either way that's just my opinion. I think maybe if the last line was removed, and it ended right after the "see you in hell" lines. Either way, thank you for sharing and I thought the story was great. Well done. I wish you well.
First of all, thank you for sharing this personal piece. I feel like it read like a stream of consciousness, which I appreciate. I read a lot of poetry on here and most of it has that same cadence that most generic poems have. This was different. Finding oneself can take a lifetime and for most, it does. Exercises like this create beautiful art and have such deeper purpose that it would be superfluous to try and dissect this with review. Excellent work, and I wish you well.
Great poem. I really liked the line, "They bid adieu's to the old from the news". That flowed really well. I also like that this reads more like song lyrics instead of the same rhythm that most poems follow. I also like that you used personal voice, as in, "Don'tcha know." I feel like it gives it a less sterile and personal feel to it. Very well done. Thank you for sharing and I wish you well!
Hello, I came upon this as a random review. First of all, thank you for sharing your work. I like how the stanzas get shorter near the end. It really drives home the anxiety and intensity. If this is a personal piece. I truly hope you have found answers one way or the other. You are never a joke because of someone else's actions. The writing was well done, and I enjoyed the read. Again, thank you for sharing your emotions and I wish you well.
At first, I looked at this as a daughter and mother. Possibly getting to see a daughter after some sort of separation or something. Which I suppose it still could represent. It would be quite the trip to get to visit with yourself from the past. Or the future. If this is about yourself, I am glad you turned out pretty good. Thank you for sharing this piece. I wish you well.
I loved the theme and wordplay. The conclusion was incredible, "no one pulls my strings." The story told was very intense, and I can only imagine it is personal to you, so thank you for sharing it. Excellent work and I wish you well.
Im glad that the form of poetry was described. I'm not sure I enjoy this form, but after having it explained that the final line of the stanza isn't supposed to rhyme, it makes a lot more sense. I like the poetry and words, just not a fan of this form. Either way, great work! I wish you well.
I love reflective journaling like this when writers block strikes. It really helps with introspection and helps dig out those hidden gems in the brain. I liked how well written this was for just a self-reflective moment. It had a great conclusion and really, all the working parts of a good story. Great Work! I wish you well and I hope you have since gotten to visit the James Place Inn again.
I think there may be a few punctuation errors. I was trying my best to follow the overall message, but I think it gets lost in there. I think you are saying if we are provided with more freedoms, we will be happier in life and find love? If thats the case, I like the message. Maybe take a couple passes over it and edit it to give the words more punch. I see what you are getting at in there, it just needs a little more work. I thank you for sharing, and I wish you well.
As short and concise as this read was, it holds a certain weight. I'm having a hard time describing it, but I can just feel the emotion while reading it. Which I suppose means it was well done. The theme here revolves around things rotting and degrading. I like the parallel made with the rotting of teeth. Theres a certain feeling that gives, that I think holds true to the desired effect. Reminds me of a quote I heard, "Everything weve ever loved is dying, and thats why it only ever mattered." Great job and I wish you well!
Reading this takes me right back to the beaches of the PNW (minus the sun :) IYKYK). Excellent poetry. I like how it has a hooky cadence to it. I read a lot of poetry doing random reviews that all have the same rhythm, but this has a nice bounce. The stanza that starts with, "A tannin-tinted river flows," was my favorite. "Wrestles with the tidal bore," was a fantastic line. Thanks for taking me back to some great memories. I wish you well.
As a writer of dark horror, I find bubbly romance really difficult to write. You obviously dont. I enjoyed the story. I think the dialogue is a tad bit clunky but for the most part it reads fairly naturally. Overall, I think you did a great job catching interest in such a short time. Excellent work! I wish you well.
I liked the concept of this story. I thought it was fun and light. I feel like it could be a bit more descriptive (and maybe thats just my taste) especially written in first person. I think the dialogue was well done and I will definitely be checking out part 2. Excellent work! I wish you well.
Fantastic. Short, sweet. Beautiful words in the correct order. Thank you for sharing your work. This was a good one. Nothing else to say other than 5 stars. Great work, and I wish you well.
This was a great random review with perfect timing for spring. I sat here and read this on a wonderful crisp spring morning. I really enjoyed the poem. One time, I wrote a poem like this about fall, but it was more paganistic, like, "All hail the return of fall". This kind of reminded me that I had even written that. All together, fantastic work. Obviously, it won first place for a reason. I wish you well.
This was a great story told in such a short form that included a resolution. It's hard to pack information into a smaller story like this but you did well. I think over all it reads like a child's story (which may have been by design, I didn't see any genre chosen). It could be more descriptive overall, but I liked the story of two children learning about friendship. Well done! I wish you well.
I agree with just about everything written here. As a father of two, I spend a lot of time trying to be a better parent than mine were. Without getting into details, there are absolutely reasons why someone could and should resent their parents. I've used that as a launch pad to ensure that my kids don't have to go through what I have. I enjoyed the read. Thank you for sharing your story. I wish you well.
Excellent word play. I loved the music theme, and the vocabulary used that goes with that. Also having a resolution like that in such a short story is a challenge. You nailed it. Good work and thank you for sharing. I wish you well.
Hey, I would like to know how you are doing. Sometimes we shout something into the void and sometimes it calls back. I don't care much to rate this. I would just like to know how you are and maybe you can tell me something about yourself. I'll start, I am Cory, I write horror.
Interesting read. I selected a random read and review, and this is what I got. I probably should circle back and read part one but I think I get the idea. I'm glad to see someone brave enough to post Erotica. It's a fun concept that you have here. Like an extra Freaky Friday. Thanks for the fun read and I wish you well.
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