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Review Requests: ON
1,310 Public Reviews Given
1,552 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Disclaimer: I am not good at remembering to do requested reviews. Often I have busy things going on with work and my own novels, so sorry if I decline or don't remember to do a review in the short time given. Just a warning. When I review: Long. Depending on the type of story and reason for review I tend to get anywhere from 4,000 characters to on the rare occasion over 10,000. I will make overall comments, technical points and even offer sources when necessary but a lot is dependent on what I'm reviewing. I can even do a full edit but that's take a lot of niceness and time.
I'm good at...
Ummm let me ask someone and get back to you on this.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy. I read a lot of romance/erotica because of the contest I run. I'm fairly open and will read stories, poems, nonfiction, chapters, almost anything.
Least Favorite Genres
I know less about mystery, horror, some nonfiction topics, and westerns. I also don't care for vampires, sorry but just don't interest me.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Probably campfires and interactives. Maybe surveys and polls too though I can always managed to find enough to say.
I will not review...
Shrink or Growth items. I've seen references and yeah, not my type. Erotica is one thing, I can handle most with only few times leaving a story feeling scarred for life, but those two I have no interest in helping. So, unless you want me to say please stop, don't request I review that and if you do, better have it rated appropriately.
Public Reviews
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Review of Wither  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello elysian Author Icon

My name is Dawn and I decided to review the item that I found on your portfolio. I noticed that you are new to the site and wanted to share some ideas over the poem presentation. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.

Initial Thoughts: The random starts with your name cause I like your username. There is also a few other who have chosen Elysian so I wonder if you will find them if you wonder around the site.

This is a nice option with the title choice. While the description is a little lacking in detail, it was a good approach because it gives a little intrigue. While I don't often like the approach of the "you" talking directly to the reader, in this case with the description instead of the item (poem or story), it works. Makes someone want to know what they need to decide for themselves.

Form: When it comes to the poem, on a technical side, this is where you could try out a few different things to see how it could help with the overall reading of the poem. I do like that you did the full sentences, which isn't always done with first posted poems. My own didn't have sentences, in fact, though that was a super long time ago. I liked that you didn't capitalize the first letter of every single line because that gets overdone and isn't always needed.

One thing that you could consider is to divide the poem into a few different stanzas. Instead of having it be one long mass, breaking it up could give a few moments to pause. Doesn't have to be divided into four lines, which might be common and each stanza doesn't have to have the same number of lines. You can divide it in any way that you see fit.

One last suggestion to consider is maybe changing the font size. The standard one is okay but can be hard for some people to read on their phones or computers. I recommend either 3.5 or 4 for any item posted on here and I'm doing my best to fix that for my own items too.

Final Thoughts: I like what you have here and the voice that you are starting to develop. it's a good starting point. Keep writing and I hope to stumble upon more items from you in the future. *Reading*


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2
2
for entry "Tattooist" Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings. Celebratin'Slipslidin'Senior Author Icon

I am reviewing your blog entry today as part of "Blog Week Birthday Bastion 2025" Open in new Window. [E] and because I wanted to go back to look at entries from previous days. I picked this one in part because we chose the same image prompt that day. Nice! *InkBottle* *Quill*

Initial Reaction: You picked a good prompt for the day and I know that it was a challenge. All of the images have potential but this is one that I picked too. I know it was from a previous day but I went back since I might have missed some on that day with all of the other activities doing on. You present a different take but also a personal viewpoint, which is the purpose of many blogs. So, it was enjoyable to read what you thought about the topic because it's a different approach to my own.

Contest/Prompt: You do well with the prompt because you took the image of the guy giving a tattoo and started to wonder what it was like. And the answer does vary depending on artists as to why. I couldn't be a tattoo artist because I can't draw very well, am more of a painter, so the idea of using a vibrating pen that pushing ink into skin, not a good idea. Some people grew up around it, others go outside of how things were growing up. While TV shows have lots of forced drama for the reality competition style, if you check out Ink Master, at times they will talk about why they got into the industry. For women, it's still a challenge like many industries, but they have their different paths for what drew them to the field too. The show and the Angels spin off, will help give some ideas to why people might be a tattoo artists and some of the skills they have. Though my sister also mentions how they have an ego too (at least most of the ones on the show do).

Most do the apprentice approach or find the equipment. They either practice on people or there is technology and other options to help with the training part.


Final Notes and Other Thoughts: Even though it's a blog entry, I am going to recommend something that I am trying to remember to do. Increasing the font size will make the posts a little easier to read. I'm going with either 3.5 or 4 when I remember. Usually 3.5 but lately I have started doing my stories in 4 because I found the chapters and items easier to read, myself, when I go back to them. It will just help like when sleepy for no reason people have to try and comment or review. *Sleep*

I know how your daughter feels. I don't have many but since my main section of tattoos is located on my left arm, It is very visible. Working in pharmacy, one might think it could be an issue but it's a sleeve of flowers, which meant it wasn't a problem. Even when I was working by Beverly Hills, didn't get any complaints. I did have an elderly woman who might have been jewish or I think she knew some Farsi, anyways, she had a tendency to reach over the counter to touch my arm. She said ti was to make sure it wasn't growing (the tattoo). Sort of like when women are really pregnant and some people just inappropriately don't notice signals and touch anyways (even as they are asking for permission). Something about a tattoo on a person makes certain people just want to touch. And I'm personally not a fan of that in general. I am a personal bubble, Kuzco "no touchy!" type. so yeah... no touchy.

Rant aside, great choice in prompt and I enjoyed reading your take on the subject. Nice work!


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3
Review of Crazy Coffee  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings. {suser:

I am dropping a review, instead of a comment today, as part of "Blog Week Birthday Bastion 2025" Open in new Window. [E]

Initial Reaction: This prompt for the day tended to get people talking about coffee. You did a little in the beginning and I'm glad that you branched out into something else so that I could learn a new thing. Granted, I say this is I am drinking my second cup of coffee for today but it was necessary (the coffee). *CoffeeP*

Also, after glancing over the thing you are using for the contest/challenge as a whole, I do find it interesting that you have picked a folder and static items instead of using a book. I know that you can do books and link one as a blog in a secondary account but doesn't mean you have to do it that way. With a different challenge (musicology anthology), some who have smaller portfolios due memberships might post more in a single book while I do folders and static items. So, I have done the similar route before.

Contest/Prompt: You did well with the prompt for the day. It was something you had a good personal connection when it comes to the Eurovision. Even though it's not something I know much about, I can understand your connection/relation to the music and video. That gave you a good branch to take so that it wasn't a post just about coffee. *TV*

You also gave me some things to look up. I might need to see the bloke in a dress, which also isn't that uncommon since I used to go to drag shows in Long Beach and there is a bearded performer there too. I am a fan of the power ballad, so you have my attention.

Final Notes and Other Thoughts: This is a great post where you take a topic but are able to branch from it in a way that makes sense for the connection but also goes unexpected for some. Only thing that might help a touch is to make the font a little bitter for when the eyes are tired and trying to stare at things on WDC. A 3.5 or 4 size helps.

I do not get to watch Eurovision but I'm developing my drag king persona, which means I should follow that advice for sure. I need to get my crazy outfits put together (adding little "stones" to things or glitter) and have some fun. Plus, mmm popcorn. *Popcorn*

Well done blog post and I should check out the rest in the folder. *ThumbsUpL*



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4
Review of Within me  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello there Shan_writes Author IconMail Icon

I was going around checking out portfolios on the site and come upon yours. After looking over what you have posted, this particular poem caught my attention. I have some thoughts to share and hope that you don't mind me offering my opinion for ways you could develop your skill in the poetic sense.

This is a good poem but there are some elements to consider and ways you could rewrite or edit to make it even stronger.

Rhyme/Rhythm: I like the way it goes between the longer lines and the ones that are much shorter with only maybe two words. That is nice in the beginning of the poem and something we also see at the very end that brings about a good connection.

Have you ever thought about maybe trying out different stanzas instead of having it as one long one? Have a little space between sections will give a different flow but also sort of force pauses wherever you give that space. It doesn't have to be every four lines, even if that is a standard length. The stanza can be a variety of line lengths.

Flow: This does have some flow but at times the questions might alter that since it is focused so deep in a personal point but also something others will find relatable. Aside from stanzas or adjusting lines if you wanted to work things through and rewrite to see where things might develop could come on the technical end.

Technical: Overall, it's not bad in the way of the technical from grammar and such. There is an element that could add more to this and that would be in the way of punctuation. It's not bad in the format but for me, with how each line has the capital letters and with how there are so many sentences or questions in the poem, using punctuation would maybe help.

Another addition you could consider is picking a different font size. The one right now is okay and my eyes aren't bad with the computer usage. I do find that 3.5 or 4 is a better size for items to help other readers.

You have some nice poems posted so far and I hope that you will write even more soon. Have fun and keep writing. *PenO*





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5
5
Review of Dreams  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Howdy StephBee Author Icon

Wow!

I saw this posted with the topic over our first items posted on WDC and it's fun to see someone who has been on here around the same length. I also joined in 2005 so posted a couple items I happen to still have from those first months. For fun, I'm sending a little review.

Initial Thoughts: This is quite impressive. Not sure on your age when you started or story, I'm already forgetting any details since I opened the poem this morning and am doing the review at night. Anyways, I am amazed that in the beginning you were doing forms like the Diamente. I'm only familiar with it because Bard's Hall required it last month. My own start was more free verse style until I branched out to the trial of forms in poetry. So, well done in something like this as it might seem easy with the length but having those requirements can be challenging.

Imagery/Topic: The choice in dream and nightmare works well for poetry but also manages to have a unique twist. It's not the overly expected but done in a way that really works. Technically speaking, a nightmare is a dream just one that isn't very pleasant. This makes it work with the start with nightmare but thinks darken fast. The word choices will pull readers in because they can probably relate to what is said even in the minimal form.

Final Thoughts: This is a great job for a poem. I like the approach and I'm guessing the update that got the font choice/size adjusted to make it easy to read. Well done!



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6
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well, hello there KingsSideCastle Author Icon!

I get to review your blog post, which is located in this book item, since you posted for "I Write in 2025" Open in new Window. [13+]. I'm also another blogger taking part in the Blog Bastian challenge, so it's fun to share thoughts and see a different take on the same topic/prompt. Thank you for sharing and picking an interesting day that some might even see as a controversial topic.

Initial Reaction: Considering your background, it both makes sense and is also interesting to get your opinion on the topic of AI when it comes to our world (WDC) and beyond. Most of us have been using it for years in different ways, including the good ol' Google search.

Perhaps you know better links for the creative side or site options. I've seen some pretty bad ones but not had as much experience with good image creation or story writing from the artificial side. But editing and technical items, that I can see more use from my perspective.

Contest/Prompt: You do well with the prompt. We were required to discuss AI and ChatGPT in relation to writers. This gives your thoughts and personal experience in the perfect form, a blog post. We might not have planned to talk about it that day before "Blog Week Birthday Bastion 2025" Open in new Window. [E] gave us the prompt. but it is something thoughtful that we all can relate or disagree over in many ways. Well done.


Final Notes and Other Thoughts: You have some good thoughts here. I have even noticed the fake items situation. On Facebook would see some AI created movie posters. Some were actual movies but weirdly done. Some were movies that looked super fake but somehow did exist. A few others, however, were not real.

Now the role play thing is interesting as a fantasy writer but it reminds me of something my ex would know more about. He did the online computer role play stuff along with actual in person at anime cons. It's not something I have experience in so feel out of place tech wise and beyond. Still, it's an interesting topic and others probably can relate to in that experience.

You do well with what might be a controversial topic and laying out your opinion based off personal experience. Nice work!



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Review of The Worst Thing  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈 Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I noticed your item when doing a little search on the random read feature. I hope you are having a good week so far. This is just my reaction and comments based on my thoughts over the very short poem. You caught my attention and curiosity, so you get to have me ramble too. *Wink*

Initial Reaction: This caught my attention not just because it's very short, which does have appeal some times in these reviews. The title is another source of interest and I wanted to see how you approached with the cinquain. I am familiar with the form though hadn't done one in a while.

Form: Thank you for sharing the form along with giving details on the connection to the novel. My personal preference is to have that information at the bottom of an item so that the poem or story gets the main focus. I'm torn with this example because it does come in handy to know about the heading for the chapter in the novel. I questioned who Arpad Laszlo was but not quite enough to click the link to check it out. I assumed maybe a character or just a philosopher in the fictional sense, wasn't quite sure. IT is a nice touch having that detail after the cinquain as an extra detail. But the way it's started with the "in case you're not familiar" that line makes me want it to be after the poem instead of at the beginning. I dunno. Just my thoughts anyways.

Final Thoughts: You have created a good thought here and something insightful with this sort of poem.

One other random thought. I know it's common for every line of a poem to have a capital letter but since they aren't the start of the sentence, it's all just one sentence, it bothers me a little with them being that way. I would almost want the only capitals being "The" at the very start. At the same time, that also might look weird. Can never please everyone when it comes to the minute details of a poetic appearance.

Anyways... Nice work with this little item. It is interesting and if there are more like it in the novels, those will be nice features to add. I have something sort of planned that way for a novel too but they are the "rules" that knights are supposed to follow. I liked the item and it is nice to see another cinquian.

Three years later, still enjoyable. And I am curious about those novels. hmmm *Reading*


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8
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Howdy!

This is a fun idea but there are some minor things, which is why I'm sending the comments as a review. I like checking out different contests on the site because I want to enter as many as possible to support other contests on the site.

I am going to start with the biggest one. The item choice you made here is a static item. The only way people could maybe enter the "contest" is to send you an email, a comment or send a review (like this one). In the rules, you mention that people can enter through email. Near the end, however, you state that you will announce when it is closed in this "forum" when you aren't using a forum./contest entry

Technically, a contest could work as a static item if you get the entries by review. Have a set deadline (or in this case I think you are just waiting for the 10th entry). You could even post when it is closed by adding "closed" to the title and description of the static item.

An easier way that you will see most people use is to actually use a forum. You can have all the information you have posted in the static item in the body of the forum and it gives people a place to post, instead of doing entry by email.

You can do it this way but another might be easier.

Font: While the green font does bring attention and is easy enough to read, it's also a little distracting when it's the only color for the whole item. Have you considered maybe using different font colors for different sections. Like maybe have the rules be in black font and have the Awards part be in Green. Just an idea but something to consider. Not only can you do font colors with a contest but you can also add emoticons to make things fun.

I kind of like the idea of the ending with so many entries. 10 is a good number. While my contests struggle to get one or three entries, this might work at least a time or two. Does sound interesting for a contest and I might try to put something together even though "finish short stories" aren't my strong suit.

Want to wish you good luck with the contest.


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9
9
Review of Broken souls  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello {suser:

My name is Dawn and I found your item. There is something about it that caught my attention and I decided to send you some thoughts in a review. These are my thoughts and opinions. Thank you for sharing.

Initial Reaction: This was interesting. I like the title and it brought me in to the static item because I saw that and the fact it is listed as a monologue. Had my attention. It got my curiosity going so here I am, now reviewing the item. While it caught my attention, it wasn't quite what I was expecting for a "monologue". Instead, this comes off to me more as poetry. But the topic and the word choices did do a decent job so I read the whole thing.

Form/Style: To continue on the topic of the form or item type. I would recommend switching the description type from monologue to poetry. It's only one "stanza" but the choice of going with the 2 words on some lines and a few more on the others. It's a free form and there are plenty of people on here that like the approach in poetry including a contest or two.

It also has consistent choices, which are appreciated. The first letter of each line has a capital but you went no punctuation for any of the lines.

Final Thoughts: It's a good start and something that different readers will enjoy. I don't have any technical points other than maybe one more minor recommendation. You could work the lines some more, see if there are different ways to affect the flow but that is if you want to play around with things in the poem. Totally up to you.

One thing you could consider doing is having both words of the title be capitalized. That is just standard practice for titles. Mentioning you would like feedback is nice but most of us are okay with that if any item is viewable for others. It would help more to put details in the "about" section so that gives people a reason to check out the thing in your portfolio.

This has an interesting start and feels like there is a personal pull behind the words. Some people will relate and that is a nice approach with whatever kind of item you want to call it either way.

Nice work.

Sig I bought to put on my reviews.




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10
10
Review of Hibernate  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello shaeve Author Icon

My name is Dawn and I found this poem through the site's random read feature. It caught my attention with the first stanza and by the end, I decided to do this review. It's just my thoughts and reaction based off personal opinion.

Initial Thoughts: What I liked about this poem is the visuals that it provides. There are things in it that many different people will relate to in the concepts of fall with the world drifting from summer to winter. It is pleasant in general. I think other random readers will like it overall.

Form: I didn't see a specific form but it does follow a sort of way in that there are four lines per stanza with minimal words used in each line. It isn't set up for sentences, but that is okay.

Imagery: This is one of the elements that is strong in this poem. It's not the most creative it topics or word choices, but each stanzas has lines and words that give images to the reader.

Final Thoughts: Things are fairly well done with the poem. I do have a couple of suggestions as to things you could maybe consider adjusting or changing. One thing you could maybe do is to change the second line in the first stanza. Something about using the same word twice in different ways but in a row is a little distracting for me. So could keep "turned" for the first line but maybe there is a similar word instead of "turning" for the second.

I also feel like the very last line isn't as connected with the poem. I get you are sort of moving through time with the poem but pristine new year brings up middle of winter. The poem seemed to mostly be about fall, which is the pathway to get us to winter. Though maybe the title doesn't match either, now that I think about it except that one might start getting ready to hibernate in fall. I just get more autumn vides compared to getting ready for sleep away the harshest months.

Anyways, These are just some ideas and things you can develop or use in the future. Thank you for sharing this poem and hope that you have fun developing the lines used. Have fun and keep writing.



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.




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11
11
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello JACE Author Icon

I found your poem from the random reads section. I'm familiar with the contest and thought that I'd share my reaction to your diamanté poem. Thank you for sharing your writing.

Initial Thoughts: You got my attention with the title of the poem and the approach you took with the two prompt aspects, the forest and desert. Since the title is a question, it creates a thinking point for the reader. The words chosen to fit the very specific prompt also give particular elements that will have people pondering different thoughts.

Contest/Prompt: I am familiar with the contest because I have also entered Bard's Hall. This is going to be a tough month because there are so many entries and it's such a short poem. It helps that you have the form listed at the bottom with the details so people who aren't familiar with the prompt will know why it is set up that way. This is a good use of two of the options given for topics but Las oone I have seen in a couple of other poems, going from forest to desert. The title may be something that gives yours a different twist.

Form: Looks like you did well with the form and it wasn't easy because you have to use the particular type of words per line without just seeming random. I had to look up "Sylvan" because the first thing that comes to mind with that word for me is the Sylvan Learning Center. Turns out there is also a lake with that name in South Dakota. Didn't know about the shady part. So, I learned something new.

Final Thoughts: I do like the title of the poem. It draws me in and creates a big question. If you take away the trees and things rot, is it still considered a forest? hmmmm The only tiny issue that I had was connecting the title with the poem other. Not that it doesn't exactly make sense. I can see it but at the same time, I almost feel distracted by the title.

Maybe it is the wasteland seems early because we need things to happen first, like the wilting and rotting, to get to that point. Or something. Not sure. I'm just rambling

Nice work!


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12
12
Review of My Singing Canary  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello PinkLime Author Icon

My name is Dawn and I found your item when looking for a random read. It caught my attention with the title and beginning lines, so I felt like it would be nice to share my thoughts. Thank you for sharing your writing on the site.

Initial Thoughts: I like the approach with this short poem. There is something poetic about the canary. This makes for a good subject. You do take a sorrowful approach but it's one that works well in the approach of a poem. I do also understand what you mean about maybe something feeling not quite set in the poem so that you're not 100% satisfied. Not in a way that things are bad but just that nagging of something off or two.

Imagery: The use of the image connected to the item so that it sits above the poem or in your profile for those that might come upon it that way is a good choice. I like that it's a colorful image even if the poem isn't a happy one.

Final Thoughts and Suggestions: Overall, it's a good poem. It has some good lines and makes uses of punctuation in order to create the pauses or spots where a reader can breathe. I do have a couple of suggestions that you might consider if you wanted to do a little work on the poem. I know not everyone rewrites or edits poems but will add this just in case.

The first spot that I am iffy about is the forgotten memory line. The use of the long line after memory makes me feel like it's going to embrace a middle thought before returning. Like maybe we get a memory then back to the same one of the poem with another long line to close it off. I don't get that here. I do see why you go to the canary having forgotten and lamenting over that element but it just doesn't connect at that point as strong.

I also wasn't sure on the flowers being dead but I thought they were still blooming line as it stands because of the question mark at the end. I feel like that almost is a spot where there is potential to increase the poem. Make it longer with a few more lines or play with adding more stanzas before bringing us to an ending. There is the potential for details. How can these dead flowers look like they are blooming. That is where my mind goes at least.

There is some development that could make it even better that could also be helped with a little time. Since this poem is new, I would suggest taking time away before even considering developing or editing an item. It's good to have a break before reworking anything.

The poem is one that I did enjoy. I like the very idea and approach taken from the line of a singing canary. I would even say that I like the title as the first line, which usually I would think it unnecessary. This might work well in this case. Nice work at creating the poem and hopefully you are having fun placing items here on the site.

Keep writing and see where the poetic word takes you. *Bird*



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13
13
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Team Weekly Quickie & Contest ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Well, hello there, DS Author Icon.

Thank you for taking the time to write something for the prompt from my contest. While you did technically miss the deadline for the week, I do know the challenge that comes with writing these stories for the prompts. No one else entered the week, so no winners but I am happy to give a little review.

First Impression: This is a good attempts and something vaguely familiar. I'm not sure if I've read these characters before but they did seem familiar. I could go back and look to see if you entered previous rounds with them but eh, that takes effort. I think this is one that some readers will enjoy but it also left me with a few questions.

Most expect the three little words to be "I love you" but it seems that there is something else implied that doesn't get said.


Prompt: This month, I tried to make the prompts a little easier. Just needed to use the words that are listed in a way that makes sense for the story. You do have all of the words and in bold to make them easy enough to find. Two are at the very end, with can seem like they are done at random to fit in the contest but it does make sense. Awkward wording but makes sense.

Characters/Story: The characters have potential but this one also works well almost on its own except for the unanswered question. I sort of got the idea like the couple might be skirting the edge of BDSM but not quite in the know for things. At least the beginning comes off more safe word dare situation but from my reading, making safe words long and phrases isn't ideal. In fact, many use a coding system like red, yellow or green for status checks. That is only relevant is they are sort of trying to be on that end if she would want things to end or not as the three words.

Granted, at the title point, there was the thought about the romance three words. Spoiler if people reader reviews before stories but you know... And while they do say it in the story, it's so natural seeming for them there isn't really much huzzah made so that doesn't feel like what the title and initial thoughts referenced.

Other Notes: I don't have too much to add with this particular story. Just a couple of minor points.

One thing that I notice right away, and it might be because it's something that I'm fixing myself on my own stories, is the font size. It's a little smile. My eyes were a little problematic today too so I ended up using my glasses, though I'm near sighted and rarely need them when on my laptop. It would help for the variety of readers to put all stories and poems posted on here to a size 3.5 or 4 instead of the basis one that the site automatically uses. That will help make it easier to read.

The very end, it's just a me thing but the wording with the 2 words used in the dialogue come off odd. I don't know if you worded it that way to sound natural but could be trimmed down as it's passive this way and might even be missing a word after tired. Maybe that got trimmed on accident. When I have to edit down to fit a word count limit that happens at times. But good start and thank you for entering. If it had been about 12 hours earlier and other people entered that week, you would have had a chance at placing, depending what the others produced of course.

Again, thank you for taking the time to even write this based off my prompt. I hope you at least enjoyed the challenge and are happy with what you produced. Keep trying and maybe I'll see you this week or during the WDC birthday week. *Bigsmile*


an image made for the contests I host and take part in that are adult orientated


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14
14
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Team Weekly Quickie & Contest ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Batman is at 2343485 Author Icon

Thank you for taking the time to write an entry for the Weekly Quickie contest! I appreciated the entry and hope that you enjoyed the challenge of the prompt.

First Impression: This was an enjoyable story that took a nice approach to summer with prompt words that indicated towards a cabin near a lake with events for the contest. I liked the romance approach with the strangers in the bar even though it is a little on the typical side. With the characters, you get something different that also feels developed even though we know it was short term since the Quickie is only a week.

Prompt: The prompt is easy enough to find with the use of the bold font and they made sense in the context of the story. The only down part would be that they are sort of bunched together. This isn't wrong but at times can make it seem to a judge that they were thrown in because of the prompt. Luckily, they don't seem forced, which is what can come off when that happens at times. It makes sense and the setting started with leads believability that a cabin by the lake would be a place to get together.

Characters/Story: I did like the bit of character development that we got from this story as he starts with the job that summer and seeing the love interest. We also get enough of an interaction between them that feels like a believable bit of conversation. A few of the paragraphs gave details for setting and others gave us character and situation to get to the romance building aspect. Combining those together did well for making the story enjoyable for different readers.

Other Notes: The approach you took worked well overall. I do recommend a minor edit as a few of the sentences did have a flow issue. This includes the first paragraph. The last sentence could use another comma. A time or two might not need a comma but that one feels like it should. Like most stories done in a day or a week, a little edit is always gonna happen.

Nice work and thank you for the entry. Good luck and keep writing!



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15
15
for entry "Around the Campfire" Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Team Weekly Quickie & Contest ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi there Angelica Weatherby- Bday WDC 5 Author IconMail Icon!

Thank you for entering a round of the Weekly Quickie with the cabin and lake word prompts. I appreciated the entry and hope that you enjoyed the challenge of the prompt. These are just some thoughts I have as a reader in ways that maybe the story could be developed more.

First Impression: This does well in putting the prompts to create the setting for the story. It has some small elements with the way of character showcasing and the potential to develop a relationship that could become a romance story. However, it does seem a little rushed. This tells the reader what things you want to happen in a story but needs some development to become a better read. I have a few ideas that I will mention further down in the review.

Prompt: You do all have all of the prompts required since the rounds this month need to have the particular words used and put in bold. That made them easy to find. It does make sense with how you used them in the first paragraph to set the scene. I would recommend in the future maybe trying to hold off with one or two words so that you can use them throughout the story and not just have them placed in the first paragraph. That is just my preference at least, so that it makes the prompt usage feel less forced if they have natural spots throughout the story.

Characters/Story: Due to the limited word count, you did have more you could use for the contest, we don't get much of the characters. 242 isn't very many words to get setting, detail of characters and showcase how the friends could become more than that. I think the story was a little hurt by the lower word count and if you had the time, it would really have helped to develop things more. Give us some details about the characters so the reader can visualize them. Also, show us a little more of the relationship and conflict over her wanting to date.

Other Notes: I do like some of the details and think the story has potential but will need some work. Here are a few of my suggestions at this stage:

Some of the dialogue sounds a little unnatural in my head. Perhaps read them out loud might help. Some things will smooth things along like word choices or in the one after the kiss, maybe part of it should be after the dialogue tag. So, after she says "that felt good" then she plays with her hair before making the suggestion of dating him instead because he also happens to be single.

While most of the story, I would like things added. There is one minor example where maybe editing out a word could help with how the dialogue sounds. In the very beginning, it might sounds better to cut out "how" and have the character just ask "would you like another" Having the "how" and the "would" comes off a little awkward.

Overall, I think it just need more for the story. I want to know some details for the main character so that I want them to be together. Right now, it's a minor glimpse and the character just seems a little wishy-washy to drift that fast from a potential to the friend. Maybe you know these characters well, if you write about them in other stories. However, for this flash fiction attempt, we just don't get enough in the story

Thanks for trying. I really do appreciate the entry and know it's not an easy set of genres for some. Keep writing and good luck!



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16
16
Review of Life Decisions  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings 💙 Carly: Joan Watson Author Icon

I am reviewing your story today since I posted in the I Write forum after you. This means the review is connected to the challenge, "I Write in 2025" Open in new Window. [13+] I hope you are enjoying the challenge and having fun entering the contests.

Initial Reaction: A nice story about a girl who is trying to make a major decision about her life or at least what she is going to do for the next year or so. It was a good attempt based on a prompt that other people will enjoy reading. Was a good entry for the contest too.

Contest/Prompt: I am familiar with the contest, since I've entered it a number of times. This is also one where I often check out the prompt even if I don't enter. I did look this day and saw the prompt about having to look at the crossroads before making a decision. It was an interesting prompt and you took a good approach to the topic.


Final Notes and Other Thoughts: I do like the approach you took even if it isn't the most action packed conflict driven story, it is a nice conversation. I liked the voice you created even if I'm not the fondest of first person POV for stories.

Follow the heart might have been used a little too often. I know that at the end it gets switched to dream for the last couple of times from the aunt. However, it might help to maybe trim one more of the heart references in the middle so that it's not overemphasized. Can keep the all capital one for the emphasis it provides, which normally I would suggest not doing but in this story it works well.

The only minor technical note came with this sentence: Taking on editing job. With the structure of the sentence, I think is should be plural for the job part. So, editing jobs, or do one and having the addiction of "an" for it to be a single one. An editing job would be the other option.

Overall, nice work with this story. Congratulations on the win. You had a little competition so that's pretty cool that you got the win for the day. Well done!

Keep writing!


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17
17
Review of edges  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Sami Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I am reviewing your poem with the help of the random read option here on the site. The poem caught my attention after glancing over the first line, which enticed me to keep reading. These are just my random thoughts and suggestions.

Initial Thoughts: My first glance over was interesting because I read the words based on just the appeal of the first line. It wasn't until I pulled up the review template that I noticed the poem title and description. Those also help and give more understanding to the theme/topic of the poem. It is something that I was able to appreciate. I do have some suggestions on ways to improve on things as an edit will help make it even stronger.

Form: Not a specific form seen but you do follow a rhyme scheme with have sets of lines that rhyme this is fairly common and it wasn't so forced to cause a distraction because I didn't even notice it at first. That is a good sign that it has a decent flow even though there is some editing I have to suggest for the poem in several spots and an overall consistency.

One thing that I did notice is that there is a little bit of an inconsistency with the use of capital letters at the start of lines. This is an example: whispers turn into brawl You have a couple of options because you can either make every line start with a capital letter, or you can only have ones that are the start of a new sentence with a capital letter. Either way works, when also using punctuation in a poem, but I would pick one as right now there are a few lines that miss the capital letter that all of the others have currently.

Another things I have noticed is some minor typos or incorrect spelling for words, like this: and than push away, a frightened child. In this case, it should be "and then" instead. When using "than" it would be done during a comparison. It's minor but easily to type by accident.

A different but similar typo is with this line: I crave your touch, them scream at you "Don't stay." Here it would be "then" instead of "them" for the line.

I would suggest just going over the poem to check for any other typos, issues with punctuation (commas) and such. Doing this will help overall. And perhaps the title is something that you could also adjust so that it has a capital letter at the begging, which was common for any title of an item.

Topic: I like how you approached the BPD struggles. It's very internal and realistic. Feels like some elements that people can relate to on a personal level. I liked it.

Final Thoughts: It is a good start to a poem. There are some thoughts I have, like you could space things out with different stanzas but it also works fine in the one stanza approach. It has a good topic and was a decent read where I maybe have struggled a little with technical difficulties but that's fine. You've got a starting point and can have fun developing your skills as a poet.

I have one final suggestion when it comes to the lines in the poem. The way it is now, this line feels out of place:
I'm not broken, just alive. However, I am torn as to how it should be resolved. Because this feels like a good last line based on the topic. However, that would also mean moving the line rhymed with is and maybe rewriting that line. But the last line of the poem does sound good in its spot too. So, another option would be to just switch the lines so that my mind is followed by my nerves, then it says I'm not broken. The way it is now, the flow feels off because it feels like the mind and nerves are connected and a similar thought compared to the being alive, which is a good final statement after talking about those details.

At the end of the day, all of these suggestions are just my thoughts. You can consider the edits or a rewrite. That is an option. Or you can do whatever you want since it's your poem.

Thank you for sharing this on the site and I hope you keep writing.


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18
18
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello there, J. M. Grey Author Icon.

I am reviewing your story today as I found it on the site. I also have noticed that you are a newer member, so welcome. I hope that you enjoy what you find here and if you have any questions there are many of us and a variety of options for finding the answers.

Initial Reaction: The topic drew me in with the title and the description. Makes me curious since it's the first thing I'm reading from you since it mentions expansion but I haven't read the initial one. Still, didn't hurt anything and I was able to understand/appreciate the comments made. You do make some interesting points here that will have people thinking, whether they agree or disagree.

Topic: The topic is an interesting one even for those of us who might not feel as drawn to violence. However, certain emotions and internal regulation can be difficult. As someone who has worked with individuals who don't always have self control and end up in what are called melt downs, I've seen some times when it is clear there is an internal battle to control when there is actions or almost actions that can be violent. I also studied psychology, so have that background.

For me, part of this reminds me of the topic that I'm drawn towards in psychology which is the concept of the self versus the other. How we develop the divide over the years and the big problems they cause in the world when you really look at things.

Other Thoughts: I have always not agreed with the whole, tv and such causes people to be violent. Violence is realistic, unfortunately, because we have so much in our own world where things happen. Can't really blame games like Grand Theft Auto, Mortal Kombat, or even Duck Hunter. Even Mario cart you can bash against other cars if you do terrible at driving on it. I remember playing Mortal Kombat in the bowling alley back when they had arcade games there. I've learned to use a gun with my dad and did archery once in a PE class. But I tend not to be drawn to that violent side and don't have outbursts at this time. We never know how things will go as we age. Some who have dementia or Alzheimer's can start to have issues and break things.

The only thing I would say on the technical writing side is that this feels a little like a free write and maybe could use a little direction. Are you trying to make it more like an essay? If going that route maybe a format would help like the 5 paragraph structure if you wanted to add a little evidence behind the points. Also, if this is a continuation, I recommend linking the first item because you never know which one someone will find first.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts here and keep writing.



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19
19
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Bernie Celebrating 25 Years! Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I found your poem through the random reads function on the site. This review is just my random thought and suggestions based on my personal opinion. Thank you for sharing your writing here on the site. Also, random comment here: cute costumicon for your case. *Wink*

Initial Thoughts: I like the idea of the poem and was drawn towards it by the title. The description could tell a little more or be poetic but it does enough to let people know at least that they will be reading a love poem. I don't know if there was a purpose for the poem or prompt, any source that gave a reason for it to be written. So, I will go off the idea that you just decided you wanted to write poem.

Form: For the form, nothing is listed. It does follow a basic rhyme scheme that is common for general poems and could work with the free verse approach. While I don't often recommend the use of colorful text for writing in general but I would say that this is subtle enough that it doesn't distract from the poem.

Technicalities: One thing that I would suggest is to perhaps add more consistent punctuation. Either that or don't use any or capital letters at all. Right now, you have the lines set up well like sentences but they don't have the final punctuation, aka the period. You do have a comma in the first line. However, there are other lines that could use a comma but they don't have them. An example is that after "holding me close" a comma would give a good pause point to breath and give punch to the emotions involved in the poem.

The line around the middle near the end, sounds a little strange in my head. "Us, dancing in the stars, so up high" For me, the issue is the "so up high" as so doesn't feel right and really the high in the sky part is implied with the stars. Perhaps a different word choice could go there. That is just me though. Someone might have a different opinion.

Oh and I wasn't sure if you put extra space at the top and bottom of the poem so that it has that space between the title part and the actual poem. Combined with the center choice, it's interesting. Oh, and maybe making the font a little bigger will help those that have a hard time reading but the bold font choice helped.

Final Thoughts: This is a cute little love poem. It's a nice topic choice and while commonplace for poetry (love poem), you took a good approach.

Nice work and keep writing!



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20
20
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings Batman is at 2343485 Author Icon

I am reviewing your story today just for fun since you posted in in the newsfeed section and I had to look at an item about an elf considering it's part of my username.

Initial Reaction: A good approach to showcasing a particular moment in a fantasy world where there are elves and weapons are things like bows, so training is important. I liked the moment showcased and what we get to see from the characters. While I do have a slight question over name choices, overall the micro fiction story was easy to follow.

Contest/Prompt: Thanks for sharing the information about the contest this was entered and the prompt, though I would have maybe guessed the prompt since it is the only section that used the bold. Made it easy to find the prompt too, with the bold. While you had to put the "important" focus in due to the contest, you did it in a way that made sense for the story. That helps as it doesn't come off forced or only done in order to enter. Nice work.

Final Notes and Other Thoughts: I like the idea of this story. My only concern would be the names. I was able to mostly follow without getting lost but if doing a longer story the Elven Elwyn and Eldwyn would get confusing. There was a young adult fantasy story that I read but when he went over to the floating islands some of the people there had similar names. I couldn't keep track of the characters with the similar sounding names as it was confusing. Though I know you could be doing the names that way on purpose, there is that risk someone might get confused.

Sounded like a long time to practice but the one training should be good some day and blindfolded, that is tough. I have actually done the bow and arrow, target practice. Never figured out how to use the guide thing so I mostly rely one what feels right. Fun stuff.

Nice job with the micro fiction story. Congratulations on placing first for the day in the contest!



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21
21
Review of What Time is It?  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there, Amethyst Angel h✟k ♡ Author Icon.

I am reviewing your item today since I posted after you in the forum for "I Write in 2025" Open in new Window. [13+] once again. Hopefully you still are enjoying the challenge of getting the entries in to various contests and doing reviews.

Initial Reaction: While I'm not always certain about the particular contest, the topic did grab my interest. I've done a couple of poems about time and even once wrote a prologue about changing the view of time so we didn't have the different time zones. So, it was something that I found interested with the addition of the particular questions to lay out the personal essay type of item. You also have some very relatable responses that different readers will be able to connect with on their own, personal levels. This was a good read even from a person of none religion.

Contest/Prompt: While I don't know the contest all that well, I did enjoy reading the item that you created in discussing the nature of time, which was the prompt. You did well in bringing the questions of the prompt into the essay format, making certain that the judge knows that you went into the topic based on what they put forth. It is often good to use the question when it's the "prompt" for an essay in the writing of the response to give proof that it is being answered. That is a good approach and won't have other worry about the judge saying it didn't follow the prompt. Well, I have had one professor not agree that an essay followed a prompt even with the approach but your time approach shouldn't have that issue.

On the other technical side, I will say that I liked the approach of the essay formatting. You even have the sort of beginning where you use something like lyrics from a song to grab the reader's attention before moving to the main topic, which you followed with something personal in talking about time perception. It takes a little longer to get to the thesis in that there are a few paragraphs but it still has a familiar formatting that has reminiscence of school but also enough to make it not sound like you had to do it for class.

Personal Reactions and Story Time: You did well with a challenging topic. I like that you brought out questions in return because much of what we believe is trained in what we are taught. I'm starting to get to a philosophical mindset myself where I realize how we communicate what we know is based on words that are made up by the humans. There is much that we created in order to have organization and connections but they also limit us. Time may be in those frames of thought as you can establish with the questions in this essay. And perhaps there are different worlds or variations of ourselves that happen in different time frames. That gets us to things like string theory or whatever the multi-universe concept that puts the world concepts similar to slices of bread next to each other. Various options in the scientific world so not sure on the various religious options or beliefs. Even if there is linear then you have to consider past lives and if we return in different capacities as that could still follow that timeframe.

My one main suggestion is the parts with the number and questions could use adjusting. There are a couple of the questions that you are going to answer where you start with a capital letter but many of them since they are all after a : you just use lower case. The smaller font for the questions also gives an off or odd appearance to me. I would suggest putting the font size a little bigger for the questions and use a capital letter at the start of each question. Or maybe bring down the font for the number question part so that it fits the other and instead keep the underline to indicate the difference or you could even make them bold to help stand out instead of the size difference for the indicator.

Perhaps the footnote could be given a little more space or made a little smaller. I know that makes it a little harder to read but it almost always seems like the foot note is smaller or I am remembering wrong. Hard to tell since I haven't had to look for footnotes in writing fora long time. Maybe if I decide to go back for a Master's degree I will have to face those again.

While I might not understand all of the answers that you have here, I did find it interesting. I could also relate to some aspects like the science talk or the difficulty to keep track of the passing of time. Nice work with the topic and good luck with the contest. *Smile*


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22
22
Review of Product Rollout  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings ChristineB Author Icon.

I couldn't help but review your entry from Writer's Cramp once I saw the approach you took with the itsy bitsy bikini part. These are just my thoughts and based off personal connections to the topic.

Initial Reaction: This was a very amusing approach. It caught my attention in particular because I have competed in a powerlifting meet before, a couple of times. I still have the required outfit that we need to wear and hope to some day compete again. As for this new option, I'm going to say No. I would definitely rather wear the singlet over a bikini any day. Plus, I don't trust the strong ones that just tie. Seems like they would come undone whether it's from a wave or when doing a deadlift. That is not something I would want. lol It might work for bodybuilding competitions since they have a bikini category.

Contest/Prompt: You took a funny approach in a very minimal amount of words to the song title usage, which was the prompt. You did manage to get all three in a funny way that does make sense and doesn't come off forced.

Very funny idea that I can't imagine Chippendales taking control of outfits that are required for both male and female competitors. Made for an interesting choice. Will they pick out the music next? *Wink*


Final Notes and Other Thoughts: I did like the approach and the only thing I have to offer on the technical side is something minor that doesn't really have to do with the micro fiction. Since there is very little to the story, I would recommend that the link to the contest but the ritem form instead of bitem. The way it is now, the link is so big and with the image from the forum, this distracts from what should be the focus of the item. I would even add it without a link too in case the contest ever gets removed, though I doubt this one will. It's something I've noticed from checking old items and is a think I need to start doing on my own since I've seen that happen on items. it is nice to know what influenced the item when going back years later.

Nice work on this micro item. It was fun to read and I am sure you enjoyed writing it too. Keep on writing!



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23
23
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello there, N.R.Nora Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I noticed that you are new to the site. I also saw the call for feedback on the opening scene, so thought that I would offer my opinion. I have been on WDC a long time but have also been a reader of fantasy novels since my years as a young pre-teen, so that was a long long time ago. These are just my thoughts with some focused on how the presentation for the site and others is on the general content presented so far.

Initial Reaction: One thing that I can say for sure is that I want to know more. That is what you want from an opening scene, whether it's a prologue or going to end up as chapter one. You want the reader to have interest in finding out more so that they keep reading. However, I also want more because the "scene" as listed by you in the description, this doesn't feel complete. Keep going and give us more. We don't need everything but something more for information and details will really bring it more into that feeling where someone will be able to see it as a finished scene while keeping the desire to read more scenes/chapters.

Story: I don't know what the main story is because this is just the very first scene. I do get a little about the main character, or at least the first one provided since I don't know if this will be single main character or multiple for point of view. You can go either way but I do recommend keeping it limited in the beginning, depending where you go with the story. Aeryn is facing something and my curiosity is captured.

I will admit for the briefest moment, when we went to graveyard scents and silhouettes, I wanted to go to zombie mode. That may be because I had to do zombie makeup a few weeks ago and keep seeing walking dead style advertisements on tv. Once I read further, the demon style elements did make sense.

Is this a prologue or a first chapter?

Also, is this a first draft? I ask this question because if it is, doesn't matter whether people like prologues or not. If you are still writing the draft, keep going. It takes more than one draft to get a finished novel and even then, there are always things that can be changed but first you need to finish the story.

Technical Notes and Final Comments: The technical side of writing is quite well done. Probably better than my review, which could use some adjusting in word choices and sentence structure. I have some advice on the appearance that are specific to this site that will help make it easier for others to read.

Font size - The automatic font size is okay but can be hard for some to read. I suggest when editing the static item that you use the font size (the one with three S on the image) to put the words at 3.5 or 4 because it's large enough.

The bold for the first line is nice but I have an idea on what you can do with that section. I would put them a little above the rest of the words. Instead of four questions, do two as questions and either two as statements or one as a statement and have the other combined in the question. Like this:

Can rain be red?
Thick and metallic.
Shouldn't it be clear?
Pure and gentle.

This could be sort of poetic and/or the sentence lines could be added to for more descriptions. The part about Hell coming and death had a poetic look too. That brings me to another appearance point. Between every paragraph, I would put a space. Like how I have them in this review. There is an empty line between each new paragraph. Right now it looks like the entire scene is one paragraph even though it isn't since you have the tab for each new one. That isn't needed but if you want to do that you can.

Add more words. Keep going and write us a tale about Aeryn cause I want to know if she is an 8th figure or how things will combine. Thank you for sharing and welcome to the site. If you have any questions, we have many forums for connecting with others and I'm often available.

Keep writing!



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24
24
for entry "Weekend Escape" Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello there, Dave Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I noticed your entry in the Bard's Hall contest. I decided to give this poem a review after giving it a read over. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.

Initial Thoughts: This is an inventive approach considering the prompt options available and having to follow the very specific form. It will create a good image and one of the times where I will say the colored prompt really works with a contest entry. Others will enjoy what you have showcased here.

Contest/Prompt: I'm very familiar with the contest and even found the poem because it was entered there. Still, one thing you could consider is adding that information in the footnotes. I've gone back to a couple of really old entries I've done due to random reviews and now wish I'd put the contest name so that I knew years later. Thank you for putting in the information about the form since it was a major part of what we needed to submit this round. I like how you used two of the prompts that we could pick from for poem topic. It's creative to use the required types of words from one prompt to ease into the other.

Form: You did well with the form. It was a challenge in a way because each line had to have a specific type of word used. That can come off random and difficult to create a poetic flow that people expect from poetry.

Final Comments: I really like what you created here. You've got something that is really up for a chance at placing but it's going to be a tough round. I am betting there will be many entries. Overall, nice job and good luck!



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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, svsaqua

My name is Dawn and I am reviewing your item today because I decided to look around for something to check out on here. It's kind of nice to have something a little different than flash fiction or short poems. I also find it interesting, based on your profile that you have created a profile for this manufacturer company on a writing web site that is mostly dedicated to peer reviewing.

Initial Reaction: It was kind of fun to see the brochure style set of information here on the site. I didn't even know how to do the table like that here. Is it an image? Then again, it looks like you tried to add an image but it doesn't come through on my end. I'm not sure what the issues is with that near the end but that is something you might want to look into for the only item so far on the portfolio.

General Content: While I don't know much about what was being discussed, it was quite interesting and the layout made it easy to read. I am guessing the bottom part has something to do with search algorithms and ways to have the item be found online from web searches.

At first, it read like a student creating something for an assignment at school. Checking out the profile changed that viewpoint so some reviews, if they come through, may not notice that element. Some people will research around a little on a profile when checking out a writing item and other people will just take the item at face value. In that vain, I did sort of wonder if maybe this was met for something else or had a reason to keep everything short. Not that short and sweet is wrong for text but sometimes we need a little more. There might be a spot or two where even more information could be put in to give a reader details beyond the basics because many of us will not really know much about this topic.

Final Thoughts: The final thing that really stands out for me is a question of audience. Who is the reader supposed to be for this item? I can say that for sure, I'm not. While I did find it interesting, I have no connections that would influence the decisions made for industrial water treatment. I'm not sure who, if any on this site have that type of connection but thank you for sharing the information.


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