\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED ITEMS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://web1.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/elusive4lyn
Review Requests: ON
2,168 Public Reviews Given
2,171 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
<   1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  ...   >
1
1
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn. I am reviewing your work today.

"Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.
*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*


*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*
Title: The Bunchy Underwear Incident

First Impression: Not a job I would want to write about, it was amusing.

What needs your attention: Didn't note any punctuation or grammar. Please note a word count is needed in contests.

Favorite Parts: I was wedge underneath him just an inch, and his perspective was hilarious. I agree with Damon, underwear dthat doesn't feel right disrupts my day too.

Overall Impression: The story was humorous, held my attention throughout. It had good pacing and a great ending.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
2
2
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn. I am reviewing your work today.

"Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.
*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*


*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*
Title: The Indecent Proposal

First Impression: I chuckled when Jeeves said he was a trustworthy butler or sassy best friend. Then Jeeves took over Miles's life.

What needs your attention: I didn't notice anything.

Favorite Parts: Date night attempt was hilarious and the next morning Miles with a hammer and Jeeves threatening him with internet exposure and Chloe resolving the problem by disconnecting Jeeves from the internet. I laughed when Mile dropped the kale onto the vacuum version of Jeeves. Perfect conclusion to annoying device.

Overall Impression: The pacing was good, the story flowed smoothly and the author delivered a good comedic approach with the perfect punchline ending.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
3
3
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn. I am reviewing your work today.

"Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.
*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*


*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*
Title: The Day the Goat Stole the Wedding

First Impression: There's a lot on the page and very little white space for the reader to take a breathe. This word count can't be right, did they count characters or words. Let's see what the goat doesn't do at the wedding.

What needs your attention: Making use of the white space to suit your story like extra spacing between paragraphs. At times, I wasn't sure who the speaker was. I understand the intent was for it to be chaotic but this reader felt slowing down and letting the reader connect with someone at the church.

Favorite Parts: Bongo heading for the food tables or was he drinking blood or was he simply disrupting any place he could.
I liked this line--Spotting the microphone, he smiled like a man reunited with his true love.It reminded me of my grandfather, he liked to talk to hear himself talk.

Overall Impression: The story had good pacing but not using enough white space between paragraphs and the different speakers, and signifying who the speaker was confusing slowed this reader's reading experience.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
4
4
Review of Twin Trouble  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn. I am reviewing your work today.

"Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.
*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*


*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*
Title: Twin Trouble

First Impression: Twins are a lot of work and especially with two that manipulate all the adults in their lives.

What needs your attention: I didn't notice anything Sonali.

Favorite Parts: I enjoyed two parts. The twins conning all the parents by the gate because the principal separated them. The twins trying to fool the doctor and for their prank receiving a shot from the doctor.

Overall Impression: I felt the frustration of the teacher, the principal, and the father throughout the story. I would've liked something more to backfire onto the twins as a result of their manipulation than just the one twin falling and cutting her cheek.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
5
5
Review of The Inept Butler  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn. I am reviewing your work today.

"Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.
*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*


*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*
Title: The Inept Butler

First Impression: Hi Sue, I would love to have a James of my own even an inept James would make me smile. Initially, I thought it was her father, trying to convince her to come home but then you introduced James, the ghostly butler.

What needs your attention: I didn't see any punctuation or grammar errors. I will say how many life's of milk did you order made me pause then I got it. Sneaky!

Favorite Parts: I enjoyed the address confusion, the poor ghost was so confused and sad that no one bothered to mention he was at the wrong address.

Overall Impression: An interesting story with a friendly inept butler who is also a ghost residing with a college student. Talk about the odd couple!

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
6
6
Review of False Alarm  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn. I am reviewing your work today.

"Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.
*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*


*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*
Title: False Alarm

First Impression: I hate when a fire alarm won't stop, I can't imagine thirty six hours of one blaring. I laughed when the Dad said he couldn't go he had plans to binge watch Netflix.

What needs your attention: I didn't notice any punctuation or grammar issues.

Favorite Parts: I thought these 2 lines was hilarious. “We can set a fire so they're not false alarms,” Joe mumbled through a blueberry muffin.
“Bro, Dad's rest area project is funded by the national debt. We can't go burning it down!” Nicely delivered.
I jangled through the keyring again, found a little one with a red cover, jammed it into that keyhole, and twisted it like a buzzard's neck.

Silence shuddered down on us like a wet blanket, except that the sprinklers turned off. Chet smacked me on the shoulder.

Really good contrasting imagery, nicely done.

Overall Impression: I thought the story was fun to read with good pacing, good contrasting imagery and nice deliveries on the punch lines.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
7
7
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn. I am reviewing your work today.

"Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.
*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*


*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*
Title: The Great Coffee Catastrophe

First Impression: I had a similar morning on Friday, our coffeemaker died and it was place an order on Amazon, then head to Dunkin because there's no way to function without caffeine as you so nicely described in your story.

What needs your attention: I didn't notice anything punctuation or grammar wise but I would've liked a line describing the work space they were in not just the outside world Simon navigated.

Favorite Parts: I liked this line--And fate, being the cruel comedian it is, chose Simon the intern. Fate is cruel but Simon saluted as he took up the challenge. Nice touch--Sweet, life-saving coffee.


Overall Impression: Interesting entry, the pacing wasn't as upbeat as this reader would've liked but that's just my opinion.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
8
8
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn. I am reviewing your work today.

"Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.
*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*


*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*
Title: I don't speak girl!

First Impression: The descriptives setting the wife and daughter up were great. I enjoyed them immensely.

What needs your attention: Nothing, the pacing was good, the characters were relatable, nicely done.

Favorite Parts: "The pastor smiled modestly. “It’s a gift. Years of study. Careful listening. A touch of divine wisdom.” The pastors steadily growing curves, I didn't see that coming. Hilarious ending. Nice delivery!

Overall Impression: The story was a fun read with a surprise ending that made me chuckle. I enjoyed I don't speak girl very much!

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
9
9
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn. I am reviewing your work today.

"Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.
*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*


*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*
Title: Journey Through Genres: Comedy

First Impression: Interesting take on contest, it was an enjoyable read. You did a good job with the sibling differences and the community's view of each.

What needs your attention: I didn't note any punctuation or grammar. The small font size is challenging for older readers.

Favorite Parts: Irma's approach to the villager's problem wasn't what was expected but she did it to the best of her ability and the results were positive.

Overall Impression: I enjoyed the coming of age story of Irma who rose to the challenge of not remaining in her brother's shadow. It's not easy being the one who sees things differently.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
10
10
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn. I am reviewing your work today.

"Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.
*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*


*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*
Title: The Haunted Doorbell

First Impression: A sweet story about two children having fun but their pranks weren't enjoyed as much by others.

What needs your attention: Nothing that I noticed.

Favorite Parts: I enjoyed the kids taking advantage of the old Bramble house for their antics on unsuspecting passersby's, I could easily imagine their giggles afterwards.

Overall Impression: The story reminded me of my childhood and the silly pranks we used to play. I thought the pacing was good but would've liked the story to be longer than it was.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
11
11
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn. I am reviewing your work today.

"Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.
*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*


*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*
Title: Keep Them Laughing

First Impression: I wondered as I read if any family supports a comedian in the beginning. Fran's concerns and her family reactions felt very realistic. Nice job.

What needs your attention: I didn't notice anything.

Favorite Parts: Fran assuming Constance was a stalker was relatable I've felt that way too when someone's approached me as I'm leaving and I'm unsure of their intent. In my area there are a lot of homeless people and whenever you leave a grocery store or get gas I'm approached.

Overall Impression: I'm glad Fran's parents accepted that their daughter has potential to be successful. The story's pacing worked and the characters felt realistic.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn


12
12
Review of The Uninvited  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn. I am reviewing your work today.

"Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.
*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*


*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*
Title: The Uninvited

First Impression: Unfortunately, there's people that treat others like in your story. I wish that it wasn't true.

What needs your attention: I didn't notice any punctuation or grammar errors.

Favorite Parts: I liked that Norman and Lucy are getting married and no one from their workplace is invited.

Overall Impression: The pacing was a bit slow for me. Nice twist with the food poisoning for the bullies. Other than that your characters were believable and the story had a nice conclusion.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
13
13
Review of Gates to Success  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn. I am reviewing your work today.

"Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.
*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*


*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*
Title: Gates to Success

First Impression: As I'm reading, I'm wondering where the comedy aspect of the story is because it's not clear to me with the exception of the line royalty gives me gas.

What needs your attention: I didn't note any punctuation or grammar issues. I did notice that you listed a prompt and when I opened it was quotation inspiration for September. ooops, wrong contest.

Favorite Parts: "I hate to eat people all the bones get caught in my teeth. I'm into fish."

"Hey me too, how am I supposed to get through that gate?" Germain asked picking up the sword. "
Unusual for a dragon to not want a human diet. He's going to need a lot of fish or maybe a whale.
Overall Impression: The story was interesting but unfortunately did not meet the criteria for this month's contest.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
14
14
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.


Hi: Carly.

Title: Beware Scary Tales

What works: Treat or Treat was a challenging movie to use as a prompt for a poem and you've successfully told the story in the required form/style of Fable with the moral of the story don't blow out your Jack-o-lantern.

What needs attention in my opinion: For me, the use of and on three of the lines slowed your pacing-- the flow of the poem.


Thank you for sharing your work and for participating in 13 Poetic Days of Halloween. Just think between last year and this year's challenge you've written half of a Halloween chapbook.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
15
15
Review of Sleepy Hollow  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.


Hi: Detective

Title: Sleepy Hollow

What works: You did an excellent job of retelling the tale of Sleepy Hollow in your poem. It flowed smoothly from stanza to stanza.
For only Crane can seek amused me because my last name is Crain (different spelling same sound).

What needs attention in my opinion: The part I found a bit confusing was the line to guide and gather flutter lights. I believe it would flow smoother like this-- to ward off shadow and shade with gathered flutter lights to guide the gracious good spirits.

Ps. Enlarging the font helps us older readers read your work.



Thank you for sharing your work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
16
16
Review of Fading Love  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer.

Is the title suitable to the poem/story? Fading Love fits nicely with the poem.

If it's a poem, can it be read out loud? Yes, it can.

Do the lines and stanzas (poem) or paragraphs (story) build upon each other? The couplets work very well here and the combination flows smoothly with each transition.

How did your piece make me feel? The poem gave me a sense of loneliness and despair from the narrator who's questioning a love that's fading.

What was my favorite part? My favorite couplet is: "But through the night my senses gleam as people lay asleep
I think of you and where you are, my heart does gently weep"

This reader is reminded of times when she longed for sleep but was filled with longing for her own love.

What would I change?

1. "Storm clouds gather all above as the moon shines through them all
Trees sway and lose their leaves, oh how they stand so tall." The all I slashed out slows "the pacing of your line and it's redundant because you end with all.
2. But through the night my senses gleam as people lay asleep
I think of you and where you are, my heart does gently weep" I slashed But at the opening of your line because Through gives you a stronger opening to the couplet.
3. Time is slipping far away as the heart beats on and on
Remember when we star gazed to worship the moon and sun? I would flip the lines in this couplet because you have in the last line in the previous couplet-- I think of you and where you are, my heart does gently weep and following it remember when we stargazed to worship the moon and sun... carries the shared memory and then let the reader feel your pain time is slipping far away as the heart beats on. And it carries better into the final couplet with the love so fading away.

Was it well thought out and well written? I think with a bit of tweaking the author's voice will be stronger in sharing the sadness of love when it fades.

Thank you for sharing your writing on WDC! Thank you for visiting my port, I thought I would return the favor. Writing poetry is a passion, I'm glad you share.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
17
17
Review of The Black Hat  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.


Hi: Sue

Title: The Black Hat

What works: The pacing was great and the story evolved smoothly. I really enjoyed the surprise ending when Sam realized what a snake his friend Jake really was and kicked his butt out.

What needs attention in my opinion: Nothing. Not a darn thing, Sue.


Thank you for sharing your work.

PS. I would've kicked him out way before, 6 months is too long to be a freeloading guest, even if he was helping out around the house.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
18
18
Review of My Reflections  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.


Hi: Marvilla

Title: My Reflections

What works: It's been awhile since I've visited your blog. The writing is always very engaging. I enjoyed your cheesy poem, you did a great job writing it. As to your question about lettuce, yes it has gone up quite a bit. The price of eggs is still sticker shot here in Vegas.

What needs attention in my opinion:
I wouldn't change a thing other than suggest blogging more but I am biased and I do love blogging.


Thank you for sharing your work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
19
19
for entry "Caffeine Ecstasy" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.


Hi: Sandra

Title: Sandy Supposes

What works: Whenever I read your blog it's like we're sitting across the table from each other talking and it doesn't matter how long it's been your writing has that conversational feel every time.

Do you prefer being called Sandra or Sandy? I typically go with whatever a person tells me is their first name. Like for instance I'm actually Lyndalee but I prefer Lyn. Lyndalee only comes up when I'm in trouble *FacePalm*


What needs attention in my opinion:

Well, you know I love blogging I wish you had time to blog more. I miss reading your entries. But as to the ones you do write I wouldn't change a thing.


Thank you for sharing your work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
20
20
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.


Hi: T.

Title: Earn the Badge Celebrates

What works:

I thought the word choices were perfect and were an added bonus to celebrate WDC's 25th birthday. The only word I struggled finding was awardicon, I had skipped it in the initial pass and came back to it. I used to do word finds with my grandma all the time, she would have loved doing this.

What needs attention in my opinion:

Nothing, it was fun to do.


Thank you for sharing your work.
21
21
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.


Hi: Starmix

Title: Boulevard of Broken Dreams

What works: Long distance relationships are difficult and the majority don't survive. I think you did a good job of showing Jean's pain. I liked that unbeknownst to Jean James was watching over her.

What needs attention in my opinion:

I found the use of boulevard interesting because it typically describes a scenic promenade for communities. In the first paragraph it is repeated in two sentences when it could easily be one sentence.
Paul and Jean sit peacefully on their favorite boulevard. This boulevard is surrounded by lovely flowers as lovely as Jean and sturdy, tall trees as strong and vibrant as Paul.

Paul and Jean sit peacefully on their favorite boulevard surrounded by lovely sturdy flowers like Jean and trees strong and vibrant like Paul.

They are madly in love it should be They were madly in love.

If you read this out loud you will hear the redundancies that are slowing the pace of your story that we don't notice just writing.


Thank you for sharing your work. Welcome to WDC!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
22
22
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer.

Hi Cheshire

Is the title suitable to the poem/story? Yes, it works.

If it's a poem, can it be read out loud? Yes, it can and I did read it outloud.

Do the lines and stanzas (poem) or paragraphs (story) build upon each other? The first stanza sets a pattern that wasn't followed through.


How did your piece make me feel? It made me curious about the narrator in the poem, what happened ?

What was my favorite part? The first stanza because I felt the author was carrying the Hearts as a pattern emphasizing the loneliness.

What would I change?

Hearts and souls are captured.
Hearts and souls are remembered.
Hearts and souls that will be cherished, forever.

Photographs of times long past.
Photographs of when we were young.
Photographs of what once was.

Memories of all the times spent together in happiness.
Memories that will always be there in a quiet moment.
Memories of love and warmth and laughter.

Our photographs and memories
Our story needs to be remembered.
Our story of a life to never be forgotten.
Our life will never an end.

I feel the repeated pattern emphasizes the emotions. Just food for thought.

Thank you for sharing your writing on WDC!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
23
23
Review of Known  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.


Hi: Jeffrey

Title: Known

What works: I thought the intro to the story was intriguing because I'm fond of antique store browsing so you reeled me in. I thought your word choice of handsome for an older woman interesting.
The conversation between the older gentleman and the lady felt suspicious so you did keep the intrigue going.
The painting tied all the pieces together, reminded me a bit of a scene from Mary Poppins (Julie Andrews and Dick van Dyke) where they slip into a painting.
I enjoyed you story very much.

What needs attention in my opinion: Not a dang thing.


Thank you for sharing your work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
24
24
In affiliation with Blogging Circle of Friends  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn. I am reviewing your work today.
"Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.
*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*

Title: Whispers at Waverly House

First Impression: Someone always wants more don't they. You did a great job at showing greed and bitterness between family members after Mrs. Price died.

What needs your attention: I didn't note any punctuation errors.

Favorite Parts: Milo staying in the house to catch Camille and Mr. Hauser were brought to justice.

Overall Impression: This was nicely written with the portrayal of family greed and their flimsy attempt to get more.
I do have a suggestion, whatever you write add the word count at the bottom so if you do decide to enter it the word count will be there in case you forget.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
25
25
Review of Mayday  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn. I am reviewing your work today.
"Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.
*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*

Title: Mayday

First Impression:
In the intro the author noted a crowded nightclub but once into the story the bar was a dive not a nightclub. I suggest tying up the loose ends.
Interesting detective duo just beginning out with a potentially dangerous case drew the reader into the story.

What needs your attention: I would have liked a bit of setting, like the door creaking when his wife broke their client in crying. Right now it feels like the two women just appeared.

Favorite Parts: I thought the introduction of someone Dan knew made the situation a bit safer briefly but once we were inside and saw Ronnie the tension increased.

Overall Impression: The story was engaging and held my interest. I only noted adding office setting details which would balance the details offered in the dive bar.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
810 Reviews • *Magnify*
Page of 33 • 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://web1.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/elusive4lyn