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Review by findingfeet Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi,

I enjoyed your poem. Love is such a difficult thing to describe. Your piece gives me a clear understanding of your point of view, that is if your point of view is that a person needs to express their love through acts, the time spent, how it is spent and not gifts.

"The littlest things you do that may not seem like love, can be the most precious things to define love"
Is 'define' the right word here or maybe 'express' or 'share'.

"Well, that might be you just being there with them, feels like they have more than they ever hoped for"
IMHO, this is a perfect line.

That's my two cents.

Thanks for the read.

-Finding feet.
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Review of Severed Lines  Open in new Window.
Review by findingfeet Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Pendelton,

Years ago I was an avid science fiction reader. I love it and have opinions on what I like.

Your first chapter is great. The pacing is very good. I found myself just reading rather than critiquing very quickly. Also, a picture of the environment and characters also started to fill in quickly.

You created questions on what Lyra did in the past and why Cassian intervened without dragging the narrative. Same with both the world they find themselves in and the consequences of the character's actions.

In short, I think it's clear you are a talented writer.

My only critique is that the 'overlord vs peasants' caste system is kind of common. In subsequent chapters I hope that you differentiate your world in some way.

I don't have the expertise to comment on grammar and wouldn't mark on a few typos. Maybe selfishly I think grammar isn't important as long as it isn't so obviously terrible that it detracts from the read. What is important is that the writer conveys the story or message they intend. My opinion is you did that nicely.

Thanks for the read.

Findingfeet
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