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50 Public Reviews Given
50 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by FireFly_2 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I enjoyed your poem. It has a good message woven into it. Keep writing!

FireFly.
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Review of The Door  Open in new Window.
Review by FireFly_2 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, AbbyReed Author Icon. Thank-you for submitting "The Door" Open in new Window. for your assignment. I would like to offer my review, and hope you will find it helpful and inspiring. My thoughts are provided with the best of intentions, from one writer to another. I hope you will take what you find helpful and discard what you do not


Overall Impression: Wow! I was taken from the first line and didn't want to stop reading. Your words grabbed my interest, but more importantly allowed me to form some very strong imagery that helped the story flow throughout - great job at 'showing' your story. *Smile*


Favorite Lines: The pleasant surprise of the knob turning in her hand was flash frozen by horror when the bed came into view. You have many good lines in the story, but I chose this one because of the impact it had. This line was well developed. It speaks to the impending conflict, and also hints at previous (unwritten) action (ie: your character was surprised that the door was unlocked).

I absolutely love this line: Silence. Without a word, Grace could feel the syrup oozing under the door turn bitter. If it had been a real puddle, the tint would have changed from a warm brown to a sick green.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: There are a couple of typo's - nothing that a re-read won't pick up on. Otherwise I don't notice any errors, but keep in mind grammar is not my best subject.



Suggestions/Comments: I have a couple of suggestions. These are just my thoughts and not a reflection there is anything wrong with what you have written.

*TulipR* In your third paragraph: “Get out!” She screeched like a bird startled in its cage. There was more shock than anger in Ceira’s voice. I was initially confused at who 'She' was (the main character or the person in the bed) but less confused by the end of the line... this caused a slight pause in the visual image, interrupting the flow. I wondered if switching 'She' and 'Ceira' may work better? Just a thought.

*TulipR* In the second last paragraph, the sister flitted across the room, and attacked with a hug. I thought that flitted may be too light a word for the given and preceding action. (I picture her as bounding or stumbling). (just my visual interpretation) *Smile*

Great job at show not tell.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work!

FireFly_2

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review by FireFly_2 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Joy. I know very little about the world of E-books or E-zines and want to know more. I found your information helpful and interesting. Thanks for taking the time to put this list together.

FireFly.
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Review of A Reason For Me  Open in new Window.
Review by FireFly_2 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Lisa Noe Author Icon.

I have just finished reading "A Reason For Me" Open in new Window. and would like to offer some comments as a member of the "PDG Rockin' Reviewer's Group"

Please note, before I begin, that I am not an expert at reviews and the following comments are provided with the best of intentions, from one writer to another.


Overall Impression: Your poem tells a dramatic story of a soldier's heroic actions in saving his comrade (brother in arms) and finding purpose and a sense of self in his actions.



Emotional impact: Your poem elicited a strong emotion: sadness, but also a feeling of pride for the valiant soldier - I wanted to hug him.



Word choice/Flow: You have used rhyme through many areas of the poem, which flow well. Some areas there is no rhyme and these parts I found slowed the poem down, but at the same time I became engrossed in the story, wanting to know what was going to happen, and this was pleasing - pulling me into the story.


Imagery: good imagery. You allude to various elements in the setting, and characters... I was able to build a good visual image which reinforced the story of your poem and elicited emotion.



Title: I like it.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: grammar is not my favorite topic, and hence is not the best area for me to comment on... but I did notice one line:
For me every thing, it seemed very slow.
In this line, I thought "it" was incorrect in describing the preceeding "every thing" I would suggest leaving the word out: "For me everything seemed very slow"


Final thoughts I would like to share with you: An important story of heroism, and insight to the realities of war. Thanks for sharing.



*Star* Thank you for sharing your work!



FireFly_2
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of Fear  Open in new Window.
Review by FireFly_2 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Ash Author Icon. I have just finished reading, "Fear " Open in new Window. and would like to offer some comments as a student of the "PDG Rockin' Review Academy"

Please note, before I begin, that I am not an expert at reviews and the following comments are provided with the best of intentions, from one writer to another. I hope you find something useful, and leave behind what you do not.

Overall Impression: A very interesting piece (story introduction or segment). I am not quite clear about the character and what is happening outside of this small piece, but certainly would like to. Your idea had the effect of pulling me in. I like it.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: I do not notice any spelling or grammatical errors. I have been offered a suggestion with a review of my own works, to put your character's thoughts in italics - something which may work for you when distinguishing the character's thoughts in your first paragraph.


Suggestions/Comments: Just a suggestion for the overall presentation and ease of reading, it may help to add spacing between your paragraphs. Regardless. I hope you continue with this idea. Write on!


*Star* Thank you for sharing your work!

FireFly_2

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of What I wrote  Open in new Window.
Review by FireFly_2 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello BlackRose Author Icon.

I have just finished reading "What I wrote " Open in new Window. and would like to offer some comments as a student of the "PDG Rockin' Review Academy"

Please note, before I begin, that I am not an expert at reviews and the following comments are provided with the best of intentions, from one writer to another. Please take what you find helpful, and leave behind what you do not.


Overall Impression: An enjoyable poem about the progression of the writer`s talent. I enjoyed the reference in each stanza about what was done with each piece of work.


Word choice/Flow: The word choice in the first line of stanza 1-3 seems lengthy or a little awkward. Otherwise you had good flow.

Imagery: There is some good imagery. My favorite line is It was stuck on the fridge with a cute magnet. This line invokes a good image, as do a couple of others.



Title: The title interested me, and pulled me in.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: I don`t notice any spelling errors. You have not used punctuation, other than a couple of commas. I notice that some people do this, others are more specific about use of punctuation. I am not the best person to comment on why or what is the best way.


Final thoughts I would like to share with you: You did a great job in portraying a writer`s works over a period of time, using some good imagery and invoking some good emotion. Great job. Keep writing.



*Star* Thank you for sharing your work!



FireFly_2

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of The date  Open in new Window.
Review by FireFly_2 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
A great story, and well written. You have built the tension and intertwined the confusion in your reader that would have been present in the room.

Great job!
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Review of Stranger in town  Open in new Window.
Review by FireFly_2 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hi, Rick Author Icon. I have just finished reading "Stranger in town" Open in new Window. and would like to offer some comments as a student of the "PDG Rockin' Review Academy"

Please note, before I begin, that I am not an expert at reviews and the following comments are provided with the best of intentions, from one writer to another. I hope you find some useful, and leave behind what you do not.

Overall Impression: In comparing the two perspectives, I found the second one from Silom's viewpoint to be more engaging, although I found that your writing for the second part offered more details about the scene and character (of both Silom and the guards). I think you could reasonably make either work and of course, your choice would depend upon who your main character will be.



Favorite Lines: Most of these city soldiers were little more than farm boys pressed into service and dressed up to scare the locals. and What sort of city has mud for streets? No cobbles, no decent drainage and their ale tasted like sheep piss. What I liked most about these lines is the visual they envoked. These lines also provided more detail and insight to the scene and character.



Suggestions/Comments: One area that I feel needs some work is in your sentence structure. I noticed that you use a lot of long sentences, which are more difficult to read and this interrupted the flow for me. I would suggest breaking some (not all) of these up into smaller sentences. this may allow the work to flow better, without losing details that are important to your story. Also, while breaking up the sentences a litte, you may want to highlight other facts to help the reader obtain visual images and further understanding of your characters, the scene, and action. For example: The soldiers were carrying Pikes - a further descriptor of a pike would have helped me to visualize the soldiers carrying them since I did not know what (exactly) a pike is.

Overall, I think you have the beginning of a great story idea. I was left intrigued at what Silom and Jack would talk about in the Alley.


*Star* Thank you for sharing your work!

FireFly_2
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of Midwife  Open in new Window.
Review by FireFly_2 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
What an excellent story, and congratulations on a great job of delivery. You didn't mention - a boy or girl?
Your words flowed from begining to end, so naturally, that reading was a real pleasure. Thanks for sharing.

FireFly.
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Review of I Saw a Dragon  Open in new Window.
Review by FireFly_2 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
What a fun poem! I smiled all the way through. I enjoyed the imagery and now have an excellent picture in my mind of a happy and fun loving dragon family. lol. Thanks.
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Review by FireFly_2 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi, savannamaes. I have just finished reading "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. and would like to offer some comments as a student of the "PDG Rockin' Review Academy"

Please note, before I begin, that I am not an expert at reviews and the following comments are provided with the best of intentions, from one writer to another. I hope you will find some of my thoughts helpful, and leave behind those you do not.


Overall Impression: Fascinating! The struggles in the life of a teenager seeking her own identity, laid out in a journal, provides a unique and creative viewpoint. I found that the piece flowed nicely and was pleasurable to read. Your character was quite believable and honest. I enjoyed the wisp of attitude, and the speech patterns that stood out in such a way that I could visualize the character writing the journal. You highlighted important points about the supporting characters, without going into a lot of unnecessary detail. The two strike-throughs, and the first line caught my attention quickly, and made me want to keep reading.


Favorite Lines: The first line is great! "Dear book-that-I-have-to-write-in-because-my-teacher-is-giving-me-a-complete-waste-of-time-that-counts-as-half-of-my-grade-and-if-I-don’t-pass-then-I’ll-fail-8th-grade," I think there may be a word missing after "waste-of-time" (Project?), but regardless, this line introduced me very quickly to your character and the setting. It sparked my interest in a very humorous way.
"...as a bunch of sluts, sorry, disrespectful young ladies who should be more modest in their choice of clothing." I love this line!



Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: I found a few spelling and grammatical errors in the story, most of which a spelling/grammar checker would pick up on. I struggled a bit in determining what would be considered in error, and what is acceptable since the story unfolds as entries in a diary. I enjoyed your use of capitalization, the "RRRIIIIIIIIPPPPP" between paragraphs, and the strike-throughs. These all added image to the story and helped to portray the character.



Final Thoughts: I am so glad to have read this piece. You have, in my opinion, developed a unique idea here. Great job!



*Star* Thank you for sharing your work!

FireFly_2

{image:Hi, savannamaes. I have just finished reading "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. and would like to offer some comments as a student of the "PDG Rockin' Review Academy"

Please note, before I begin, that I am not an expert at reviews and the following comments are provided with the best of intentions, from one writer to another. I hope you will find some of my thoughts helpful, and leave behind those you do not.


Overall Impression: Fascinating! The struggles in the life of a teenager seeking her own identity, laid out in a journal, provides a unique and creative viewpoint. I found that the piece flowed nicely and was pleasurable to read. Your character was quite believable and honest. I enjoyed the wisp of attitude, and the speech patterns that stood out in such a way that I could visualize the character writing the journal. You highlighted important points about the supporting characters, without going into a lot of unnecessary detail. The two strike-throughs, and the first line caught my attention quickly, and made me want to keep reading.


Favorite Lines: The first line is great! "Dear book-that-I-have-to-write-in-because-my-teacher-is-giving-me-a-complete-waste-of-time-that-counts-as-half-of-my-grade-and-if-I-don’t-pass-then-I’ll-fail-8th-grade," I think there may be a word missing after "waste-of-time" (Project?), but regardless, this line introduced me very quickly to your character and the setting. It sparked my interest in a very humorous way.
"...as a bunch of sluts, sorry, disrespectful young ladies who should be more modest in their choice of clothing." I love this line!



Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: I found a few spelling and grammatical errors in the story, most of which a spelling/grammar checker would pick up on. I struggled a bit in determining what would be considered in error, and what is acceptable since the story unfolds as entries in a diary. I enjoyed your use of capitalization, the "RRRIIIIIIIIPPPPP" between paragraphs, and the strike-throughs. These all added image to the story and helped to portray the character.



Final Thoughts: I am so glad to have read this piece. You have, in my opinion, developed a unique idea here. Great job!



*Star* Thank you for sharing your work!

FireFly_2

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Review by FireFly_2 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Oriana Author Icon.

I have just finished reading "A Prayer for Compassion" Open in new Window. and would like to offer some comments as a student of the "PDG Rockin' Review Academy"

Please note, before I begin, that I am not an expert at reviews and the following comments are provided with the best of intentions, from one writer to another.


Overall Impression: In a fantastically good way, this poem is not a light read. It gave me a lot to think about. You have woven much depth and meaning into the poem with the use of rhythm and metaphor. The Fibonacci Sequence led my thoughts and emotions nicely into the fuller body of work. I admire your decision to continue the verses all the way to the 89 syllable level - awesome!

Emotional impact: As I mentioned, the form led my emotions into the larger body of the poem, moving me from empathy and sadness for others, then to a feeling of thankfulness for the gifts and faith in my life which allow me to feel carefree. The final verse gave me a feeling of loss, with a realization that life can change, and hope can abandon us. I felt blindsighted by hope.

Word choice/Structure/Form: You have followed the Fibonacci Sequence well, although (not sure if it is my error in syllable count or not) I only count 33 syllables in verse #9, and 88 in verse #11 (they should be 34 and 89 syllables).
I like how you repeat "close your eyes" in the poem, which also helps to evoke the sense of "blind faith" and feeling abandoned.
I especially liked the words: "and shining Hope walks with dainty steps beside your path". This highlights, for me, the carefree nature of one who throws caution to the wind, not stifled by negative experiences.

I was a little confused with the last line "...and weep for those tied to their past." as it seems to contradict the image/idea earlier in the poem that it is the world's old ways and practices binding people, and not their own past. The last line leaves me with the feeling that people who are bound by their own past have more control over this than if bound by life's practices, and therefore negates such a strong empathic reaction. I think this is a minor contradiction - which I possilby have focused on after reading the poem a number of times.

Imagery: I was able to visualize more in the last two verses of the poem. Your use of metaphors like "heaven...on earth"; "plunging, off a cliff"; and "shining Hope walks" seemed to really drive this imagery.

I love how you have personified "Hope" giving this emotional state form and appearance which intensifies the empathy for those who have been abandoned by hope at the end of your poem.


Title: The title introduces the idea of payer and faith which is highlighted in your poem. I like this.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: I am not the best to comment on this category, but from what I can tell you have used fairly good punctuation and grammar throughout the poem. There are a couple of commas I might suggest, one at the end of verse #6 and another at the end of line #7.



What I liked most: The personification of Hope - brilliant!!



Final thoughts I would like to share with you: Your poem is one of those that evoke deep thoughts, which I really appreciate. Thanks so much for the opportunity of reading this poem! I would love to read more of your work.



*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Keep writing.



FireFly_2

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Review of Wishing on a Star  Open in new Window.
Review by FireFly_2 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Oriana Author Icon.

I have just finished reading "Wishing on a Star" Open in new Window. and would like to offer these comments.


Overall Impression: A very deep and enjoyable poem about the light of hope when one faces life's realities.



Emotional impact: Although the poem
highlights positive notions of hope and light in darkness, as represented by a star, it leaves me feeling a little sad. Your poem has a good emotional depth to it.



Word choice/Flow: I thought you did a great job with the flow, and followed the form well. Your word choice seems to adhere well with the rhyme format. The only word that stumped me a little is in the final stanza: "Injuries leave a scar". Here I sense the meaning of injuries leaving an emotional scar, but on first reading, the plural of 'injuries' and singular form of 'a scar' seem to interrupt the flow a little.


Imagery: The main idea: A star offering light in the darkness, comes to me quite literally on the first read. As I read the poem again, it invoked further images quite well.



Title: It's a good title, but I don't think it reflects the main theme I see in the poem: hope and light.



Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: I am not the best person to critique this section, but I think it all looks good.



Final thoughts: I quite enjoyed your poem. It has left me with much to reflect on.



*Star* Thank you for sharing your work!



FireFly_2

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Review by FireFly_2 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Nice piece. In reading both - I prefer the first, using 'Twin Moons' I enjoy the feel of this version, it generates more emotional and visual context for me when reading it. I actually can relate the first to nature - very interesting. Thanks.
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Review by FireFly_2 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Without naming the animal, you have gently woven a description of a beautiful solitary lion in my mind. The poem tugged at that part of me who hates to see any wild animal trapped in a zoo or cage. I have given a lot of thought to your last line "To be loved with love aside" - Wow, what a powerful line --a line that can relate to many human encounters and relationships! Thank-you for the opportunity to be moved by your work.
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Review by FireFly_2 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really enjoyed the poem. Throughout the poem you conveyed the idea that life, for all of us, has ups and downs, and this is portrayed quite appropriately at the end of the first stanza, in your reference to the "dance of life." Reading through the second stanza left me with a sense of having journeyed through a snapshot of time, from dusk to dawn - sadness to hope. Mental Health is certainly something that we all strive to obtain! Congratulations on a great poem.
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