WOW! An epic of excellent lines and fresh perspectives!
Just an example--
a tangled spider’s web of wanted emotions, a
heart ensnared, this soul you deftly captured
and
No heart-warming tales from softened chairs, cold calls of valour’s salvation
Only thoughts of abandonment remain in my keep, those
Missing gears and sheared cogs, that fog life’s memories
Finely crafted! I'm using this in this week's Poetry Newsletter. ~fyn
Not only did you fulfill the prompt idea exceptionally, but did it in a difficult form to do well to boot! Took me through a day, a glorious ride, in such a way as to hear, see, smell and feel. Bravo!
Wow. Some truly excellent lines, fresh perspectives, and descriptions. I love stumbling across new word combinations I haven't encountered before. This piece made me smile. A big thing!
Your speaking of spring and word choices like betal nuts, figs, and prayer bells tell me we are a world away from each other, and yet, I felt invited into your world! Invited in to share your vision, and to agree with the sentiments.
Well crafted! And this review request is answered, not lost in shuffling leaves falling from ancient oaks to line the paths. Indeed, I found some precious acorns along the way! ~fyn
Enjoyed this! Some truly excellent descriptions! Like: driven by an engine that roared like a lion with a hairball and --> George didn’t thank his son for his hard work. He didn’t pat him on the back for a job well done. He didn’t say a word. A half smile spoke volumes.
This line carries volumes!--->George, ever the soldier, moved ever forward.
Totally enjoyed this! Numerous levels.
No errors, nothing to mess with,
just appreciations of language use--
One example - his words smooth as river stones<--great analogy!
More, there are layers, and nuances and depth.
Bueyond all this, it is in the storytelling this piece rises to great levels.
The repetition of 'melody most recalled, but few remembered.' Zings, wraps and nails the whole piece.
I'm using this as an editor's pick in my For Authors Newsletter this week. ~fyn
Reading this is a lot like wrapping one's self in a cozy warm blanket in front of the fire and falling into the story. I commend your talent with rhyme and meter as this just dances along in the very best of ways! REALLY well written! ~fyn
I see a small piece of my heart
that sings when you look at me
that laughs when my finger is skimmed
by your nose
or held by your piglet pink paws
or when my cheeks are kissed
by those wild, whiskey whiskers
I truly enjoyed this poem! 'Dandelion dreams are carried on the wind' - a super line! I thought this was very well crafted and executed. I'm using this in this week's Poetry Newsletter. ~fyn
So, so, so good! Squirtles! Love it! My Uncle Hump had a 'snamonk'- totally get it! Love the respect and the value you give your grandfather.
I'm using this in the week's Poetry Newsletter. ~fyn
Good thoughts and conclusions! One suggestion, if I may. Edit this, highlight all of it and change the font size to 3.5. This will make it SO MUCH easier for those of us with older eyes to read!!!!!
I'm using this in this week's For Authors Newsletter. ~fyn
Ahhhh...the great 'what if?' What if, indeed! I'm 71. Took me a long time to learn to be me. Unapologetically, me. Be you. It is what you'll be best at!
I liked this. The song and dance we put our brains through while writing is both joy and, at times, misery! And yet, as writers we must join in the dance!
This is an excellent poem, especially the ending stanza. More specifically, the lines
where the umbilical cord is breaking,
where mother is always waiting,
for the day,
her son will return, from lands far and away,
This poem has a lot to 'unpack' (so to speak) and is layered and nuanced. It is one of the ones that invites, almost demands (!!) a second, third, and fourth reading! Go you!
Loved this poem. Especially ---> Toulouse swirls ink with absinthe’s fire <---this!
Super image!
I also particularly liked
She stumbles through the gypsy streets,
where riddles churn and laughter cheats.
Crooked rhymes and chameleons bright
mock the day and haunt the night.
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