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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, ms.aether:
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Here are some comments to consider when revisiting it for tightening and improvement.

Formatting This free format is well done.

*Content Wow! How poignant. I can relate. Thank you for sharing your triumphs, heartaches, and heartbreaks. In all these experiences, patience and forgiveness prevailed, ultimately making you triumphant in the end.

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation I can see you're paying attention to the standard writing composition. I'm impressed with your writing skills.

*Point of View (POV) First Person POV works well in this essay.

*Element of Conflict Yes, elements of conflict show in every relationship you went through, which lends credence to the context of the whole message you convey.

*Climax You may not have found the soulmate or partner you've been searching for, but you gained wisdom and bravery to face the world on your own and be happy with the path you've taken.

Spelling I see no spelling typos or mishaps to speak of. Good proofreading done.

*Dialogue
Since this is a monologue, internal dialogue may add spice to the narrative, but it can be ignored.

*Disclaimer
I don't have much to add or change. I am taken by your expression of bravery in the ups and downs of your journey. I am with you from beginning to end. On this note: I seldom give a perfect 5-Rating score, but this has touched me and I'm compelled to award this score to you.

*Over-all take away. Keep writing. Your personal experience can touch the heart and soul of a reader who has experienced similar disappointments as well as triumphs along the way.


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2
2
Review of The reunion  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Sumojo:

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Here are some comments to consider when revisiting it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting Well formatted for this genre.

*Content I like the beginning, middle, and end of the story.

*Point of View (POV) A combination of POVs among John, Sally, and Jackie worked well.

*Element of Conflict Good push and pull of deciding to go or not to go at the beginning of the story put action for starters; then, Sally had another decision to make once she was with Jackie that put a twist to the story.

*Climax Putting the climax at the very end of the story made this twist unbelievably unimaginable. My eyes bugged out of their sockets with the "You only live once" tattoo! I would like to know how John reacted.

Spelling I just wanted to show you the nuance between the British and American spelling, such as the following:
recognised (British) (American version: recognized)
favourable [favorable]
parlourparlor

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation The relevant issue/issues I want to point out in this exercise are more on punctuation, as shown in the few examples I cut and pasted that need fixing and/or polishing according to the conventional and standard composition:

“Why?” her husband queried. “Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, what about that friend of yours, Jackie? She might be there.”
“Oh, please think about going, babe, it would do you good to have a night out,” John urged.

“I don’t know, hon, they’ve probably all done amazing things, they’ll be asking about careers and stuff. I mean, what have I done? Nothing!” (Enclose the direct object with commas.)

Attribution/Dialogue tags
Dialogue tags are part of the sentence. Use a comma instead of a period and change your tag to lowercase to make a complete sentence.


"...I want you to send off a reply saying you’d love to attend, right now.” he urged. (Attribution)

“I need a drink,” she muttered, desperately seeking the makeshift bar in the corner. (Attribution)

“Ah, babes is it really you?” (Enclose direct object with commas.) [“Ah, babes, is it really you?”]

under dressed. (Compound word) [underdressed]

“Wow, it’s Sally Webster isn’t it?” (Insert comma) [Webster, isn't it?]

As they were chatting and catching up on old times, one of their old teachers Mrs James, them joined at the bar. (Enclose direct object with commas to separate it from the flow of the sentence.
[As they were chatting and catching up on old times, one of their old teachers, Mrs James, joined them at the bar.]

“You only live once guys, you’ve gotta enjoy life. Come on Frank, let’s dance.”
“You only live once, guys, you’ve gotta enjoy life. Come on, Frank, let’s dance.”

*Dialogue
Good application of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. Makes the reader participate in the action, as if the reader is doing the talking and acting.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away. Holy smokes! My eyes bugged out of their sockets to learn in the end why there was throbbing in her breast. I did not expect that! Great twist! It might be interesting to have a sequel to this incident as John finds out what happened the night he let his wife run loose for the reunion. How about it?


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3
3
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, ChrisDaltro-Chasing Moonbeams:

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Here are some comments to consider when revisiting it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting Well done.

*Content What a relief to know this was only a dream!

*Point of View (POV) Third Person Point of View works well.

*Element of Conflict
*Climax Jonathan's concern and insistence in helping her out proved to be a hair-raising experience for him.

Spelling I see no typos or misspellings glaring at me. Well done.

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation
Here are some snippets I cut and pasted showing violations of the use of ellipses according to the English/American standard of composition:

So many dreams come true … yet her feet were like two blocks of cement, preventing her from moving; her past haunting her. Why did she have to leave? [Use of ellipsis]

She was angry; you should never do things … when you’re angry. [Use of ellipsis]

a wild mint scent all around him … or was it of sweet herbs,[Use of ellipsis]

She had fallen … asleep. [Use if ellipsis]

Uses of ellipses: I see this exercise using ellipses in a way that is not intended according to The Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference. Let me share with you what I learned about ellipsis. It might help you minimize its use just as it did for me.
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are a punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.
First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.
The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.
If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.
If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.
The final use of ellipsis is to indicate the omission of one or more lines from a multi-line quotation from a poem when the quotation has not been run-in with the text of the paragraph but instead has been presented as an extract. The omitted line or lines are marked by a line of spaced periods equivalent in length to the line immediately above it.

*Dialogue
Good use of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. It puts me in on the action.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away The only issue I can see in this exercise is your use of ellipses. Other than that, I was glued to my seat with my heart in my throat, waiting for the curtain to fall.

Keep writing, ChrisDaltro-Chasing Moonbeams. You're good for it.

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4
4
Review of 8. Intermission  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi, K:

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Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting Well presented and organized.

*Content Fantasy is difficult for me to digest. I will leave this for others to give you their input.

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation
Here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking according to the standard English/American composition for clear and correct writing:

"I come with empty hands, I mean you no harm." he added. [See Attribution]
Dialogue tags are part of the sentence. Use a comma instead of a period to complete the sentence. Use lower case (for pronoun) to complete the sentence.
Corrected:
"I come with empty hands, I mean you no harm," he added.

The third...Locked eyes with Kire, the only one in the room to do so.

Uses of Ellipsis
I see this exercise contains a few violations of the use of ellipsis. Let me share with you what I learned about ellipsis. It might help you minimize its use just as it did for me.
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are a punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.
First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.
The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.
If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.
If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

While the rest of her clan were too wary to approach the thought and scolded her for her interest in humans[,] Kire tried to delicately make the point that if a good solution were not found the next people hired would likely seek to exterminate them.[This sentence is too long. Break it down to two sentences.] I noticed quite a few long sentences that can be broken into two.

My suggestion:
The rest of her clan were too wary to approach the thought and scolded her for her interest in humans. Kire tried to delicately make the point that if a good solution were not found, the next people hired would likely seek to exterminate them.

*You packed a damn Charcuterie board?!
[charcuterie - use small letter]

Affairs all settled and trying to think of what to say before he left[,] Gobby grabs him in a tight hug[,] standing on her toes and pulling him down to put a kiss on his cheek.[Pause using a comma]

*Point of View (POV) Third person POV works well with this exercise.

*Element of Conflict I can see your demonstration of the conflict between the relationship of humans and goblins.

*Climax Whoever wins in the end remains to be seen.

Is this a part of a bigger story, like a novel?

Spelling I see no spelling typo in this manuscript. Well done.

*Dialogue
Try to employ more dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put action to the characters and involve the reader in the interaction.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away. I'm impressed by your talent in creative writing. Keep writing. Revisit and revise. That's the ticket to becoming a published writer.

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5
5
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Hornyboi78:

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Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are color-coded green.

Formatting
*Mechanics/Punctuation
Dialogue
There are only three issues I would like to address in this manuscript.
Here are the snippets I cut and pasted to show you what I can help you with in the mechanics of writing:

You think about what to do when....
into...
resting...
....The first
decided to...

Solution: Use the conventional period instead of using ellipsis.

1) Uses of Ellipsis
Let me share with you what I learned about ellipsis. It might help you minimize its use just as it did for me.
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are a punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.
First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.
The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.
If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.
Third: If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.
The final use of ellipsis is to indicate the omission of one or more lines from a multi-line quotation from a poem when the quotation has not been run-in with the text of the paragraph but instead has been presented as an extract. The omitted line or lines are marked by a line of spaced periods equivalent in length to the line immediately above it.

2)Attribution and Dialog tags
Dialogue tags are part of the sentence. Use a comma instead of a period (or whatever applies: !, ?) and change your tag to lowercase to make a complete sentence.


" Well that seals his fate, now time for some fun!" She said.

Correct format:
"Well, that seals his fate, now time for some fun!" she said.


3) Dialogue
Try to employ dialogue to break the monotony of presenting a straight narrative. Show your characters interacting with each other. Dialogue puts the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author and finds oneself immersed in the action.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Overall takeaway I'm not making comments on the content of this manuscript. Suffice it to say that my input involves and is limited to the mechanics of writing. Keep writing.


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6
6
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Tani Ilves:

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Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. I hope my observations and suggestions will have a positive impact on your writing.

Formatting You have a good command of formatting in the genre you have chosen.

*Content This is pretty out of the realm of reality, which befuddles the human mind. I am mesmerized by the demonstration of your experience. It is beyond belief.

*Point of View (POV) Good use of first person POV.

*Climax "A night journey into a mystical forest leads to a really supernatural encounter." This summary captured it all.

Spelling Your spelling is flawless. I see no typos or misspelled words. You did a good job of proofreading before submitting it.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need polishing for clarity, readability, and in observance of the American standard writing practices.

1) Uses of ellipsis:
body… and suddenly,
I take one step… another… a third
Want some soup?.. I made it for you…” [Always use three dots]
it was here that the present looked into the face of infinity…
“I set the timer… my alarm is loud” [Missing terminal dot]

I see this exercise is saturated with ellipsis. Let me share with you what I learned about ellipsis. It might help you minimize its use just as it did for me.
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are a punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.
First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.
The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.
If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.
If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.
The final use of ellipsis is to indicate the omission of one or more lines from a multi-line quotation from a poem when the quotation has not been run-in with the text of the paragraph but instead has been presented as an extract. The omitted line or lines are marked by a line of spaced periods equivalent in length to the line immediately above it.

2) Attribution/Dialogue tags
Dialogue tags are part of the sentence. Use a comma instead of a period and change your tag to lowercase to make a complete sentence.
“Why’d you do that?” She asked in surprise. [“Why’d you do that?” she asked in surprise.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue to break the monotony of a narrative, showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away Great exercise, Tani Ilves. Keep at it. You're off to a good start.


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7
7
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, DeelsMe:

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Just stopping in to see what I can find to read and review on a quiet rainy Monday morning. Here are some comments you might consider when you revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting Well done and organized.

*Content I haven't read the book but from your review, it sounds intriguing with twists and turns to put action to the story.

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation
This is a great review. You have captured the core of the story with its twists and turns. There is only one minor issue I would like to point out: Because "Violets are Blue" is the title of the book you're reviewing, I would prefer that it be italicized when referring to it this way, Violets are Blue. That's what I have learned from the writing workshops I have attended.

*Element of Conflict
They are palpable and relatable.

*Climax
What I missed from this review is how the story ended. My curiosity was not satisfied.

Spelling I see no typos or misspellings in this exercise. Great proofreading done before posting.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observation or suggestion can help you tighten minor loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Remember, though, that this is from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away.
Keep writing and reviewing. You're good for it. I like the way you summarized the content of Violets are Blue.

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8
8
Review of Siblings  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Intuey:

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Since this is a poem, I'd rather not change anything you have expressed in your heart. For me, poems are solely soul searching and cannot be changed, amended, or corrected. I love the way the author expressed her interactions with her siblings and I wouldn't dare to violate that personal experience with them.

Formatting
Well done in free verse form.

*Content

This poem is cute and relatable. I was the second child in a family with six children. I loved to hang out with my oldest brother, especially when there were just the two of us initially. He was the favorite, and he could never do wrong in our parents' eyes. When he did something that displeased them, he pointed to me as the instigator for his misdeeds. I always got the bad end of the stick.

When the younger siblings came, I had my revenge. I teased them and blamed them for whatever my wrongdoing was. As we grew older, we coalesced, making our parents happy to see their parenting succeed.

In the end, we supported each other and we've been a close-knit family.

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation I see no violations in these areas of standard writing.

*Point of View (POV)
Written from a First Person POV.

*Element of Conflict
The ongoing displeasure among siblings was resolved when the narrator found harmony as they grew into maturity.

*Climax
Great resolution reached.

Spelling
I see no typos or misspellings to point out in this poem.

*Dialogue
Try to employ dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author.

*Disclaimer
My observations are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt.

*Over-all take away.
I love this poem because it reminds me of my faults and failures as the second sibling of six and how I rectified those violations.

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9
9
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
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Welcome to Writing.com.

You're off to a good restart, acfwesterby. Don't turn back now. Keep going. Launch your writing here on WdC. You will reap dividends by doing so. You will get ample support and encouragement from the community of writers aspiring to aim high and hit the Editor or Publisher's Desk.

And good luck to you. Write, write, write, and revise, revise, revise. That's the ticket!

QueenOwl~A New Day Dawns


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10
10
for entry "That Van Of Mine" Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Sum1's Home!:
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Hi, Jim:

I just thought I'd drop a line and see how your kitchen renovation is doing, as well as the van. I'm sure it has served you well for the ten years you have had it driving around. I know nothing about vehicles except to drive and take me from here to there and back. We used to have a van, but my husband took care of it. Now, my three-year-old Mercedes needs new tires, and I dread spending a thousand dollars to replace all four. But I have no choice unless I take the risk of getting a flat tire on the freeway. Oh, well. Such is life in the fast lane, right?

I really just like following your travels and the delicacies you discover in restaurants you visit while traveling. I see you love seafood. Have you tried soft-shell crab? We had them in Florida. Delicious!


*In conclusion. Anyhow, I see you're joining the WdC group leaders. Glad you're keeping busy now that you're retired. Congratulations!


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11
11
Review of Safety Concerns  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Amethyst Angel:
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It's Raid time, and I take the liberty to pick this exercise to review and offer you my input.
Here are some comments you might consider when you revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
*Content
*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation
You have done well in these areas, except for a minor violation in the use of punctuation in attribution. So, let me point this out to you and you can decide which way to adopt. Here are two snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability.:

["Don't move!" [He] [he] ordered, picking up a crowbar and pulling the closet door almost shut, hiding them both from the intruder.]

"It's Father!" [She] [she] whispered.

Here's the rationale regarding punctuation marks in attribution:
Dialogue tags are part of the sentence. Use a comma instead of a period to complete the sentence. Use lowercase (for pronoun) to complete the sentence.
When a thought is italicized, there is no need to insert attribution, such as, “I thought,” “she thought,” or “he thought.”

*Point of View (POV) All three characters involved expressed their POV.

*Element of Conflict Father's disapproval was explained, but Melody and Julian were not going to give in to him or give up the project they worked so hard for.

*Climax Glad to see Melody and Julian's father come around.

Spelling I see no typos in your spelling.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters engaged and interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away. In the end, this was a win-win for everyone. Keep your writing talent flowing. You have what it takes to be a wordsmith.


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12
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Review of Stardust  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi *Poppy C*
Image for group raid

It's Raid time, and I took the liberty to pick this poem for its lofty meaning. I don't normally review poems because to me, poems are expressions of the heart and soul, and I cannot change or modify your innermost feelings and emotions. But, as I took a glance at this work, I found deep meaning in it.

This is beautiful and profound. It acknowledges our humanity and nothingness. Only if we look up to the heavens on bended knee can we find peace and comfort from the creator and giver of life. As the Scripture points out, "Dust thou art, to dust shalt thou return."

Keep up writing your poetry, *Poppy C*. You have the humility to accept your purpose and plan that the Lord destined for you. And the whole world for that matter.

QueenOwl~A New Day Dawns


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13
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Review of The Long Payoff  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, Jeff:
Group Raid Image
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Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
*Content
*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation Your story is well organized and presented in these areas.

*Point of View (POV) This is a good narration from a third-person POV.

Here is a snippet I cut and pasted that may need cleaning according to the conventional use of Ellipsis:

"The other two, now... they'd really had to hunt for them."

Let me share with you what I learned about ellipsis. I have used the M-dash instead as an alternative. It might help you minimize or avoid its use just as it did me. According to The Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference:

Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational devices composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.)
Ellipses have two important functions:
First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.
The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.
If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.
If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

*Dialogue
Try to employ dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. It breaks flat narration every time.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away. I like the daughter's payback by protecting her father's life at all costs against those gangsters who violated her and consequently rendered him an invalid for the rest of his life as well.

Write away, Jeff. You're on your way to the Publisher's Desk in no time at all.


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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Lyvanna:

~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~
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Here I am on a quiet Sunday afternoon visiting ports, looking for some interesting manuscripts to read, review, and offer my input.
Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement.

Formatting
*Content
*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation
The author's use of ellipses stands out to me in this exercise. Therefore, I will concentrate on this topic inasmuch as everything else is well done.
Let me share what I learned about these three dots and how to use them according to The Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference.
It might help you minimize its use just as it did me.

Ellipses, also known as ellipsis and suspension points, are punctuational devices composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.
First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.
The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.
If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.
If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observation and suggestion can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away. A great Point of View is being presented here. Keep writing. You're good for it.


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Review of The Year 1995  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Wow! What a journey! There's nothing like living like a nomad, right? So, how has life been since then? I hope you have learned valuable lessons from your adventurous journey, with all the ups and downs, and finally landed you with a productive life today.

Writing about your mishaps in your youth is a great way to look back and glean wisdom to carry you through your adulthood. Keep up with your journaling because it is also therapeutic and a catharsis that leads you to maturity and productivity.

And thanks for sharing. Your story is poignant and touching. Write away, Token-Jester. I would like to read a sequel to this story where you successfully rid the demons that pulled you down, and you are now a productive citizen with a clean record.


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16
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Review of QUE SERA SERA  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Naomi:

~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~
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Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting The layout can be improved. This looks choppy.

*Content Good content. It has the potential to shine, given the extra effort to clean it up and polish it.

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation I would like to focus on the mechanics used in this exercise since this is where you need help in cleaning up. For example: 1) your use of ellipsis is not applied properly. Ellipses always have three dots, and they are used only inside quoted sentences. 2) Your use of punctuation marks needs cleaning up. 3) When presenting numbers, write in words numbers from one to ninety-nine. All the rest shall be in figures.

*Point of View (POV) Good use of First Person Point of View (POV)

*Element of Conflict None that I can see in this narrative.

*Climax You performed well, and you were rewarded with plenty of sweets and food.

Spelling I noticed some typos that can be easily corrected. Take a last look to check for spelling errors before clicking SEND.

Here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity:

Grade 4 , [sixth grade]
Acapella...no guitar accompaniment. [Delete this line. Redundant.]
Que Sera Sera.." [Delete one dot]
[...The future's not our[ours] to see
Que Sera , Sera,[Delete space after the first Sera]
Que Sera, Sera,]

Therefore, what I'm pointing out to you is to clean up your use of punctuation marks.

*Dialogue
Employing dialogue can put life into your story as you show your characters interacting with each other.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to writing mechanics. Remember, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away.


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17
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Great exposition, Jay. I love it. I wrote an article of a similar tone titled "Can we Enjoy Freedom of Speech and be Politically Correct?" I wrote it in the early 2000s, long before all the insanity had taken over and settled in. Today, with the new leadership in DC, I see a revival of sanity and I am pleased to see the oxymoronic minds go, although, not willingly. LOL.

I noticed one typo in this sentence, "Nowadays, evolutionary teaching has much greater "Freedom of Speech," whereas the teaching of the Creation in [is] often frowned upon and openly shamed in the dominant halls of academia.

Aside from that, this is an excellent work.
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Review of The Lost Coin  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Amethyst Snow Angel:

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Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting Good practice in formatting. It's easy to read and follow.

*Content I like this children's story. It has a great lesson in honesty.

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation I see you did well in proofreading and paying attention to the standard practices in English composition before uploading your work. It is flawless.

*Point of View (POV) Third Person Point of View works well with this genre.

*Element of Conflict Penny and Andy had a different perspective on what to do with the unique coin Andy found in the yard while playing ball. Andy was kind of selfish in wanting to keep the coin to himself while Penny was interested in having one herself. They decided to keep it until their next-door neighbor friend came looking for his lost coin. Andy was hesitant to return the coin to him but thought better of it.

*Climax Andy decided to return the coin to Peter and Peter rewarded him for it. What a beautiful story to teach a lesson in honesty.

Spelling
Here is a snippet I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability:

"Wanna play?" He called. ["Wanna play?" he called.]

(Note: I'm not sure if a question mark that finishes the quote would be an exception to this rule. I'll have to do more research on that and get back to you.)

Attribution/Dialogue tags
Dialogue tags are part of the sentence. Change your tag to lowercase to make a complete sentence as above shown.

*Dialogue
Your dialogue created the entire story from beginning to end. You showed your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. Well done, Amethyst Snow Angel.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away This is a delightful story for children to read. It will teach them the value of honesty. Great work. Keep writing. You have a knack for appealing to children's formative years.


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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi LightinMind:
Click on the fancy snow image to join us in reviewing the WdC Community
I found the title of your piece intriguing. I couldn't resist reading it. Here are some comments for you to consider when you decide to revisit for revision and improvement.

*Formatting Good formatting applied. Makes reading easy to follow.

*Content If it is a competition between diamonds and trees for humanity to thrive as this narrative suggests, the earth with its waters and trees wins the score. Niobe found that out from her lab research and nobody can argue it. When she realized Gaius Gambino convincingly sided with her by comforting her with his hug, it was the turning point that put tears in her eyes. So the scenario ends with a kiss! How sweet!

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation
Here's a snippet I cut and pasted for you to consider tweaking for clarity and readability:
Hermes Prime remained unattractive to Niobe, a biology student, however, because there was very little life on it outside the two or three human settlements. [...student; however, it was because...] [Revise by replacing the stricken part highlighted in red with the revision in colored green.]

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author; moreover, dialogues beat reading a boring narrative.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that I am not a grammarian; additionally, these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take them with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away I am not a Sci-Fi fan but I appreciated your talent in writing this out-of-the-norm story juxtapositioning the earth and the heavenly body. Keep writing, LightinMind. You have a knack for wordsmithing.

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Sum1:

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Hey, Jim: It's Winter Anniversary Review time and I picked this story you wrote because the title caught my eye.

Formatting Well formatted. Easy to follow and understand.

*Content We do see and meet good-hearted people along our life's pathway. They are a treasure to humanity. My late husband has done the same thing every time we go out for Sunday brunch. He pays the tab for the young men in military uniform who happen to be having brunch, as well. It was his token of gratitude for their service to our country. He was in the US Marines, as well as with the US Air Force during his time.

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation You're a pro. You know your tools.

*Point of View (POV) Third person POV worked well here.

*Element of Conflict The mother who offered to pay for the tab was a total stranger and the amount was nothing to sneeze on. But, she was willing to pay. She was indeed a good Samaritan. God bless her caring and giving heart.

*Climax They were surprised your bill was paid by a stranger and wanted to know why.

Spelling No spelling mishap I see.

*Dialogue
Try to employ dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author.

*Disclaimer
Of course, you know these are from one reader's point of view. Moreover, I'm not a grammarian. As such, take it with a grain of salt.

*Over-all take away Thank you for sharing this poignant and relatable encounter you had at the restaurant. By the way, I seldom (if ever) give a 5-star rating but your work is an exception to my rule.

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Review of Strangers  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Josh:

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Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting Your formatting looks good. It's easy for the eyes to follow.

*Content Your story is deeply relatable and poignant. it touches the heart and soul of humanity. Forbidden relationships have a part of life that nobody can explain. It can make or break the family dynamics and values held by our ancestors. So what is life but a mixture of ups and downs, failures and successes, hopes and dreams. It is a race with stumbling blocks along the way. Some runners fall by the wayside; some barely make it to the finish line; while some others may shout out: Arrived! Yet in all these things, there is hope. A longing that keeps us pushing forward and keeps us alive!

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation This exercise is well organized and observed standard English writing techniques.

*Point of View (POV) First person Point of View is well applied here.

*Element of Conflict She was divorced twice and you were married when you were carrying on a forbidden relationship according to the norm. Moreover, you found out later that she never wanted to be anyone’s possession ever again, which made you realize that you should have known her better.


*Climax Finally, you found her with another man which ended the relationship for good.

Spelling
I see no misspellings or annoying typos I can pick on. Good proofreading job.

*Dialogue
Try to employ internal dialogue to show your conflict within yourself as this is written in a First Person Point Of View. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away Good introspective writing, Josh. This is like a catharsis for your wounded heart and soul. Thanks for sharing your innermost feelings and bright hope for tomorrow.


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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Kieran1998:

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It's Winter Anniversary Review time and I picked your story to review and offer you my takeaway.
Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting You observed proper formatting technique in this exercise.

*Content There is extra repetition of your main character's age referring to Lillian as a "middle-age" woman/blond at least eight times.) Avoid underestimating your readers and spoon-feeding them along the way.

*Point of View (POV) Using the third person point of view in this story works well.

*Element of Conflict A story is not a story without the element of conflict. The small opening of the vent has given Lillian trouble in trying to retrieve her cellphone. She ended up sticking her head inside with her upper trunk in and she can't get out. It's a good thing she and her husband have a sense of humor and laugh about it as he tried to help her out and reached out to their neighbor as well.

*Climax What a relief to see Lillian finally released from her ordeal. Like Aesop's fable declares, "All's well that ends well!"

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation Spelling I see some misspellings and missing articles and participles in this exercise. Do last-minute proofreading before uploading your manuscript.
[realisation] [realization]
[second [piece] [piece] of chocolate sponge cake,

[apologise] [apologize]

(Do I sense from your spelling that you're British? Just a hunch.)

Here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

"...as [she] put the dirty washing in the washing basket [tyen][then] cursed her clumsiness and quickly ran over to the vent in the wall and stuck her hands inside but unfortunately, her phone was just slightly out of her reach.

*Dialogue
Your employment of dialogue is good. They show your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take awayKeep writing and read short stories to see the pattern. As you read more and write more, you'll find your AHA moment right at your fingertips. Finally, when your draft is done, revise. Revision is the key that all writers hate but cannot dismiss willy-nilly.


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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Suzie:

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It's Winter Anniversary Review time and I pick your story to read and offer you my takeaway.

Formatting Format is well done for a Children's Short Story genre.

*Content This is a delightful creative story of a dog and two cats meeting in the forest and becoming friends that children would love to read.

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation You are doing excellent with the use of correct placement of punctuation marks in your dialogue. I'm impressed.

Spelling I see you pay close attention to proofreading your narrative before submission as well. I say this because your spelling is flawless. I see no misspellings or typos in this entire manuscript. Impressive.

*Point of View (POV) Your third-person POV worked well in presenting your story.

*Element of Conflict The element of conflict surfaced at the beginning when Baldwin was lonely being new to his environment and couldn't find someone to befriend. Thank goodness for a couple of friendly cats, Oliver and Noah, who approached him and welcomed him as a newcomer.

*Climax Oliver and Noah were a delight for Baldwin because they understood his language and were able to converse with him. In fact, they spoke all the animal languages in the forest. What a joy for Baldwin to emulate.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Remember though that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away. Baldwin willingly demonstrated kindness and bravery to learn the magic of speaking all the animal languages from the oak tree. In the end, the three friends became the guardians of the forest. What a beautiful folktale for children to read.

Keep writing, Suzie. You have it in you to appeal to the sensibilities of children.


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Review of Captured  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi,Jace:

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Here are some comments you might consider when you revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting Fine presentation for this genre.

*Content That nightmarish trauma came to haunt you in a dream and tortured you, sending you to a psychiatrist. But what a wonderful relief to find Chelsea alive and well in the end.

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation I am going to concentrate on your use of ellipsis in this exercise.

*Point of View (POV) It's great to see you maintained your First Person Point of View from beginning to end.

*Element of Conflict The twists and turns of your mental disturbance complicated with the investigation performed by the FBI which seem to end nowhere devastated your hope to see Chelsea again. What father on earth would not suffer guilt feelings and depression when hopelessness settles in?

*Climax Although you ended up in the psychiatric facility, yet, what burden you bore all along washed away when the door opened and here walks in Chelsea with a beaming face, saying, "Capture me, Daddy."

Spelling I see no misspellings or typos

Uses of Ellipsis
Here are some snippets I cut and pasted showing your use of ellipsis:

"too groggy to capture it ... it floated away leaving me shaking."

"I existed ... and nothing more."

"I hadn't....I got no further with that thought."

"First his wife ... now his daughter."

"Every lead.... I sat down,"

"Not many people were out yet ... mostly joggers and a few folks out for a morning walk."

Uses of Ellipsis
I see this exercise is saturated with ellipsis. Let me share with you what I learned about ellipsis. It might help you minimize its use just as it did me.
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational devices composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.
First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.
The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.
If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.
If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

Using ellipsis here is fine because you're using it inside a quotation:

"Here.I haven't been to work since Chelsea went ... missing."

"Agent Coates ... Jennifer ... the camera," I babbled, too excited to be coherent.


"And...." Agent Coates prompted.[You only use a fourth dot if the quoted statement is a complete sentence.]

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Remember though that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away. Great creativity for a fiction drama. Well done, Jace. I was with you hook, line, and sinker from beginning to end.


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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi,Jace:

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Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting Good command of the application of standard formatting.

*Content This is an intriguing self-examination of the writer's achievements during the year. He is evaluating his successes and failures and looking for a better output for the coming year. After presenting his argument before the court panel, he concludes, as well as the court panel does, that the coming year will be more fruitful and productive than the year before. A positive outlook always wins in the end.

*Mechanics
Great work. The only issue I want to point out in this exercise is the use of ellipses.
Here are two examples I cut and pasted:

["Who would have...."]
["I thought about the commitment I was making ..."]

Uses of Ellipses:
I see this exercise using ellipsis with inconsistency. In some instances, ellipses were applied correctly but these two examples above do not. Let me share with you what I learned about ellipsis. It might help you minimize its use just as it did me.

Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational devices composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.

First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.

If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.
If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.
The final use of ellipsis is to indicate the omission of one or more lines from a multi-line quotation from a poem when the quotation has not been run-in with the text of the paragraph but instead has been presented as an extract. The omitted line or lines are marked by a line of spaced periods equivalent in length to the line immediately above it.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue in this exercise showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author and participate in the action.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away. Great exercise. You presented good arguments that convinced the court panel to give you a stellar thumbs up!


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