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1,233 Public Reviews Given
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Review Style
Casual, friendly. I'll point out typos when I see them and make suggestions about quality, characters and logic, besides telling you how I feel about the piece.
I'm good at...
Does it make sense? Are the characters well portrayed? What's the overall feel of the piece?
Favorite Genres
Poetry, children's, anything rated E
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Anything higher than 18+
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AI Generated Content of Any Kind.
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Public Reviews
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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings, Sue!

I'm here for I Write 2025. You and Brian K Compton reminded me of the possibility of entering these blog posts to Annette's challenge. I almost never submit blogs, for whatever reason. This year only judged items can qualify. Anyway...

It's always interesting having a slice of life down under. I believe you and Steven are the only ones from there. I had to Google "bandicoot," as I haven't seen that critter in writing since I was a kid reading the biology textbooks.

Your encounter was striking, reminding us of the cycle of life and the way the ecosystem functions to bring balance. If we didn't have higher predators, the lower rodent type creatures would overrun us. Sometimes I question the validity of such a setup in civilized areas... You might not be aware of how monstrous the alligators are in Florida. They eat pets and people... It's not an exaggeration. Even hawks... Have you seen the YouTube video of the hawk flying down to someone's windshield in an attempt to capture a kitten inside on the dashboard? The hawk was flummoxed *Laugh* But it wouldn't have been pleasant if he'd had his lunch *Sick*

Such is life. We must respect the creatures and try not to get in their way as they do what they have to. I'm glad the bird's dinner didn't land on your head *Vomit*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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Review of Wheel of Fortune  Open in new Window.
for entry "April 27, 2025" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Greetings *Smile*

Iā€™m here as a fellow member of the PPC5 challenge.

I was browsing your book item looking for entries that caught my fancy, and this one really struck a chord with me.

Paper: that magical substance capable of holding all our thoughts, dreams, aspirations, heartbreak, joy and entire lives "to have and to hold" for as long as it doesn't crumble away to dust.

I relate to your appreciation of paper and how much it meant to have the written word as a child. I wrote so much growing up, forming worlds of pug dogs, sentient stuffed animals and Wind in the Willows sequels that were both childish (naturally) and yet reaching out for something deeper, something profound.

The images of you hauling home that beautiful colored paper feel like they imply you built physical things with the sheets, like construction paper. But I think it's a lovely metaphor for everything we build on a two-dimensional sheet. The simplicity of your choice of beloved childhood toy is heartwarming. I hope you have found yourself in your words over the years.

This is a fine little poem with nothing I could think of to change. Perhaps a gentle rumination of a couple lines letting us know how much of what you wrote was fulfilled in some way would help give it a well rounded feel.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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Review of Building Block  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Fyn!

Oh my goodness, this is so beautiful! I love the message and the innovative way you've told your story! You weave in and out of a fairytale world and teach us all a valuable lesson about self-love and maturity. Your words are so creative and heartfelt.

I relate to the castle on the mountain you used to see as a kid; growing up in Middle Tennessee, there was a castle on the mountainside overlooking a highway; we would drive past sometimes and it was always such a fun sight. Castle Gwynn, home of a yearly Renaissance festival. The thought of that landmark burning down would be quite sad.

Your experience scrubbing castle walls as a teenager was poignantly ironic, making you wonder how your dreams would ever come true. We follow your journey as you grow and gain wisdom about your true self and relationships with others, eventually finding your happy ending in the mundane comfort of a loving, hardworking husband and a safe home, even if it's a ranch house with a mortgage.

The style is charming, taking the castle concept and drawing enduring life lessons from it as you apply the theme to your past, present and future. I like the bold font and centered text, and the free flowing rhythm feels almost like it rhymes even though it doesn't.

What can I say? This deserves an award! Go submit it at "Shadows and Light Poetry Contest" Open in new Window. so we can all appreciate it and see how it gets acclamation. And let me know if it doesn't, because then I'll give it a ribbon myself (I'm a terrible cheapskate *Blush*)

Have you ever tried using the {photo:###} as the cover art for your items? I believe I was able to do that in the most recent Short Shots, when SM changed the provided image from an {image:###} to a {photo:###} if that makes sense. Items always do better when they have a cover pic attached.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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4
for entry "Arrow Flung" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Greetings, Brian!

Iā€™m here for I Write 2025 *Smile*

Does that say 56 ribbons *Shock2* Heavens alive, thatā€™s mindblowing *Mindblown* Iā€™m happy youā€™re getting the recognition, respect and honor you deserve around here. You have a unique mind thatā€™s always fun to poke around inside *Cool*

Ah, the flight of an arrow. It reminds me of the Longfellow poem, https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44624/the-a... . Oh, now I also remember the Bible verse about children being ā€œarrows in your quiver.ā€ I believe thatā€™s what inspired Dan Reynolds (born Mormon) to name his first daughter Arrowā€¦ but I digress.

I like your confidence in giving Webbie and Steph poetry in your blog; I know they said itā€™s ok and even encouraged, but Iā€™m always concerned itā€™s not relevant or interesting or ā€œbloggyā€ enough. This is the first time Iā€™ve tried their Bard's Hall blog challenge, and my head is spinning with all the stuff Iā€™ve assigned myself to do this month!

Youā€™ve expressed existential dissatisfaction and confusion about the meaning of life, which is always relatable as I ask myself the same things every day. Indeed, sometimes I lean into Nihilism, ready to give up on achieving anything if everything means nothing and we're all a bunch of corrupt sinners anyway *Pthb*

Totally random thought: doesn't the "absence of wavelength" indicate death? *Skull* I can't think of anything to suggest you change, add or "fix." You know how difficult it is for me to be critical of poetry. I see the arrow, sent with such practice, so much effort, aimed at... Nothing? Sending one out, there should be a target. What should humanity be aiming for? So much potential for consideration packed in here; I really appreciate it.

Oh, by the way, that story you liked so much placed third at Short Shots *Delight* Just thought Iā€™d let you know because it took longer to be judged. I couldnā€™t have placed without your helpful insights *Hug1**Smile**Hug2*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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5
5
Review of Promptly 4 and 5  Open in new Window.
for entry "Silence" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Beholden!

Iā€™m here as a fellow member of the PPC5 challenge.

What a wise and philosophical theme, inspired by the prompt. I was thinking along these lines myself, of the eeriness and impossibility of total silence in this universe. In fact, they say the Universe itself is constantly singing, or releasing vibrations at a melodious pace *Shock2*

Life is meant to be lived, and no matter how hard we try, silence is not an option *Laugh* You've captured some of the vibrancy of life here on earth. I appreciate this.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Fyn!

I'm here as a fellow member of the PPC5 challenge.

This is a clever, creative and deeply thoughtful use of the prompt image. We see temptation offered in the form of sweets, coffee, and the affections of two charming guys... Or so it seems! Out heroine shakes off the spell and continues on her way, much to our relief, as we realize just how much of a trap she narrowly avoided.

Your bold font is clear and sharp, and the free verse paints an engaging picture of what lies within those cafe walls.

Fourth line from the bottom, the word ā€œtheā€ repeats twice. ā€œDark chocolate golden eyesā€ is almost impossible to conceive for some reason, but itā€™s a memorable image. You can remove the excess WML at the bottom, since we have the image at the top. Also, you may want to throw in a cover image of some kind, just to help it stand out in case someoneā€™s browsing for poetry items.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings, Carly!

Iā€™m here for I Write 2025 *Smile*

This is a lovely, relaxing little storyā€¦ I hope that doesnā€™t sound condescending. I know itā€™s not the usual exciting tale of drama, action, or character development, but stories like this, that engage the senses in a soothing, easygoing way, are a genre in their own right. Something like "cozy comfort" or similar, I can't remember exactly. It's kind of a modern thing.

Anyway, it actually sounds rather autobiographical, in which case it must have been an enjoyable time indeed. It's almost like a journal entry in that regard, capturing a glimpse of three friends having a good time in nature.

I have to point out, this appears to have been written and published quite hastily. You've settled for the default font size, which on my iPad is a tiny and boring font indeed. I would highly recommend using Size 4 Verdana for clarity and a more engaging reading experience. A friend of mine likes to compare the default font to a used car contract, and he's right *Laugh*

Next, there are about a dozen minor typos scattered throughout, indicative of a rapid typing up. I know one's fingers can fly all too fast on the first draft, but that's what Grammarly is for. I would highly recommend you go in at some point and clean up the typos for a more professional appearance. ("Publication-worthy" deserves a hyphen, otherwise it's quite difficult to parse right there in the opening paragraph.)

Other than that, this was a fun read. Is it a vignette of some characters you're working with at the moment?

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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8
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, and welcome to writing.com!

I noticed this on the Read a Newbie sidebar and thought it looked intriguing.

I love this peaceful story of determination and strength, set in Nigeria. The context is rich, with subtle, well researched details that place us into the geography of the area. Just for fun, I Googled the name of your village and the only result was this item on WdC *Smile* Isn't that cool?

You have enough gentle, realistic conflict here to keep us awake, but nothing too upsetting or dramatic. It's a soothing, optimistic story about the possibilities of what one can do for the people back home if one works hard enough. Some people may be cynical and object to such a happy ending type of thing, but I think this is a great story for children to give them hope to dream big, no matter their circumstances.

I would highly recommend you add a cover image to this item, so it stands out against the wall of bland items in the lists when one browses. Speaking of browsing, you should also use a third relevant genre, rather than "Contest Entry." Using all three relevant genres gives you more opportunities to be discovered by readers, and also as many opportunities as possible to be nominated for a Quill Award. I would suggest "Nature," "Women's," "Technology," "Foreign" or "Community."

Also, I saw this first on my iPad, but I can't remember if you settled for the default font size. I always recommend Size 4 Verdana, which can be found by using the row of tiles above the text entry box. If you need any help, you can check out "Writing.Com 101" Open in new Window. or click on the question mark between the script M and the smiley face on those tiles.

You may also want to add a word count to the top or bottom of the item, if you're entering this into a contest.

I really enjoyed this and hope to see more from you in the future.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, and thank you for requesting a review, which I almost forgot about more than once *Shock2*

This was a super cool read. I like the modern, relatable elements that keep it real: Target, FaceTime, social media, Chelsea and Al being the casual, youthful liberal type... I'm an old soul, and I find it hard to incorporate these little details into my work. Usually Iā€™m too caught up in describing the action and maintaining strict word counts to go off on little tangents; indeed, I often forget to even describe the appearances of the people I'm writing about. Sometimes I prefer stories that way; after all, one might like to envision the characters as people of color, or something similar. But now I'm rambling...

I'm wondering if you haven't given too much away in the description at the top. I guess it makes a good thing to draw us in, and since the story is written in an engaging way, we become interested in finding out what happens at each step.

I would like to make some generalized remarks about character development; you probably don't need this, but it's a good reminder to balance "action" with "depth," so to speak.

Characters are the driving force of a story, and they need specific goals, stakes and obstacles. Chelsea has her goal of doing the job and taking home the money. Are there stakes if she is forced to leave because of the haunting? How scary is the haunting exactly? Is it "something evil," or something that's more lost and seeking clarity? What are the obstacles in the way of her goal? Does she have a new goal of solving the mystery?

It's also important for the protagonist to discover something about herself as well as the world around her, which relates to inherent flaws or setbacks she might have which need working on. This creates a more well-rounded person than a simple "do gooder" type. Is there an argument with Al coming down the pike? Perhaps some conflict somewhere, a temptation to do something shady to find the truth? Grey areas and ethical debates can add interest to a story, unless you're focusing on action and considerations of right and wrong might slow things down.

There's also the elements of "show vs tell" and being firmly planted within Chelsea's head. I learned from Max Griffin šŸ³ļøā€šŸŒˆ Author Icon that a story is best told by focusing on the interior perspective of the main character. Sometimes people hop all around, showing us different aspects of the story from many different characters, even the antagonist. This can get a little odd sometimes, especially if you want to focus on a particular character arc.

At any rate, whichever perspective you choose, remember to engage all five senses with vivid details, which is especially important when dealing with scary stories.

I look forward to reading the rest of this adventure!

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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10
10
Review of O' Heralder  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Jen!

I discovered this poem using the Random Read and Review button.

What a creative and amusing use of the peculiar given prompt! Iā€™ve never seen ā€œthe daily poemā€ before, as I only appeared here in July 2023. I wonder if itā€™s still active in any wayā€¦ ah, I see it was hosted by our good friend Jayne, and has been replaced by ā€œCards Against Authors.ā€ Fun!

This was a delightful and fanciful take on the experience of a mouse in the house. We can almost picture the heralder, perhaps an old lady at tea with another one, or maybe the boy delivering the evening news. Youā€™ve formatted everything quite well, though I always recommend size 4 Verdana font to ensure your words stand out upon the page, especially when itā€™s only 8 lines. Also, the phrase ā€œlink text hereā€ is merely an example of; feel free to replace that with ā€œnotesā€ or something similar - but donā€™t use anything with an apostrophe because itā€™ll crash the code.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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11
11
Review of Grayscale  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Sox!

I'm here for I Write 2025.

A fine story of humanity surviving somehow after the great disaster. I love how you took the prompt request and spun it into something striking and unique, without sounding too stilted.

You've painted the charred, lifeless landscape for us in vivid dullness - is that possible? - and left out most of the details of whatever, focusing on the human interaction and the sense of hope coming in at last.

Why does everyone assume that when you're all alone, you're silent? I always talk to myself, long rambling discussions about anything and everything. I usually whisper, though, and I get super nervous and choked up around people as it is, so if I hadn't raised my voice in a while it would probably get quite rusty...

This is a great little story, and I really enjoyed it. I can't think of anything to suggest except maybe a sequel... I'm curious if they can survive and if there's anything else alive out there besides a daisy *Radioactive* *Flowery*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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12
12
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Kate, and welcome to writing.com *Hug1**Smile**Hug2*

Sorry I didnā€™t review your first poem sooner. I usually just do one review a day, and there are so many different things I find interesting. Also, poetry is kind of hard for me to review, because I donā€™t like ā€œpicking it apartā€ and imposing ideas on someoneā€™s heart and soul that theyā€™ve poured into their work. So, I never know quite what to say *Pthb*

First off, congrats on joining! I see you have a yearā€™s upgraded membership. That will allow you to have a bunch of stuff in your portfolio, but youā€™ll have to either work really hard around here to earn GPs to keep it up, or just pay cash, or depend on the generosity of others. Or you can maintain fewer than ten port items and leave it at a free membership. Your choice *Smile*

I love the simple brevity of this poem, the symmetry, the repetition, the flow. I might think itā€™s a little too briefā€¦ is there a way you would like to add more descriptive elements? Perhaps the blue gleam of sky on water shines in your eyes? Or maybe the faint chirping of birds heralds the coming of summer? Or rather, seeing the ā€œmajestic autumn tones,ā€ perhaps thereā€™s a squirrel gathering acorns before the first frost? Is any of this necessary, or is it my own flowery thoughts? Just ignore me *Laugh*

You should use Size 4 Verdana font; your friend Allan Charles šŸ¾ 2340534 Author Icon will tell you thatā€™s my favorite *BigSmile* I picked it up from my friend Jack of Diamonds Author Icon - you might want to check out his port if you like thrills, chills, and hoopla. Anyway, thatā€™s the best font for clarity and ease of sight across devices. Itā€™ll make your poem stand out against our buzzing sidebars and upper tabs.

Perhaps also you should tell us a little something about yourself in your bio block: young, old, writing experience, tastes, preferences, greetings, etc. It makes you a little more human for us.

Aside from that, I really enjoyed reading this and Iā€™m glad youā€™re here!

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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13
13
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Vesper Amara!

I noticed this on the ā€œcurrently onlineā€ sidebar and thought it looked interesting.

First off, I love the balanced and thoughtful way youā€™ve handled the subject here. I was afraid it would be one of those dreary poems about abuse and heartbreak, but instead youā€™ve crafted a beautiful and mature consideration of what could have been a very awkward and unhappy soap opera situation.

The heroine is mature enough to recognize that the path she wants may not be the best way for the one she loves, especially considering his prior commitments to others. It is not a matter of chasing the flame, but of maintaining stability for the others involved for as long as is required. Her strength of character in letting go gracefully reminds me of strong women I know of personally, which adds realism to the portrayal.

I like the balance of your lines and verses, opening each verse with a short opener and continuing with longer thoughts. Itā€™s an easy and engaging read, except I do always recommend Size 4 Verdana font to keep it accessible to everyone.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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14
14
Review of The Moment  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Mouser!

I found this with the Random Read and Review button.

What a cute little love poem. It reminds me of Ed Sheeran or Andy Grammar and their spunky puppy love ditties.

You've balanced it nicely on the page, and seem to have used a good font size on mobile (I almost always use Size 4 Verdana.)

It's a bit simplistic, but that's the charm of it, settling into cozy, relatable cliches and name dropping familiar old creators (though I've never heard of Larry Niven...)

Not sure I have anything worthwhile to suggest here, except it would be a nice thing to write out in fancy font (either by hand or with a word or image processor) and give as a gift to the loved one you're referring to.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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15
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I found this using the Random Read and Review button.

I presume you are Japanese and writing primarily in your native language with the help of translation services. Itā€™s a bit confusing to read, as the culture of Japan is so different, with the terms and concepts, but I slowed down and generally found it understandable. You seem to be telling the story of someoneā€™s life, a person with a bustling, active family of little siblings and elders in modern Japan.

One of the issues with this item is presentation. You have all the text piled into big blocks, separated only by a space at each vignette. English language writing requires paragraph breaks at each line of dialogue and each shift of action. This creates a more open and engaging reading experience. Also, you used the default font and formatting. The row of boxes on top of the text entry area is your key to adjusting the size and style of font. I always recommend Size 4 Verdana for the best results. And if there will be multiple vignettes in each item, you should separate them with centered asterisks, three will doā€¦
***


Also, your writing style is perhaps a bit unfocused. I donā€™t know if itā€™s because Iā€™m only reading random chapters, but thereā€™s a lack of any overarching narrative, theme, or plot. These elements are what keep people engaged in stories. Give your characters goals, stakes and obstacles, use tension, set up situations, even simple ones, that test their resolve and develop their traits, etc. As it stands, itā€™s a random gathering of moments and thoughts and situations that doesnā€™t seem to go anywhere. Itā€™s a fun glimpse into modern Japanese lifestyle and activities, but it doesnā€™t draw readers in with emotional impact and the promise of a deep and exciting story of character development, conflict and personal relationships.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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16
16
for entry "Fly - Week 40" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Ned!

Iā€™m here as a fellow member of the PPC5 challenge.

Now that I see your six lines and Iā€™ve reread the rules, I see two stanzas are not required after allā€¦ it wouldnā€™t matter to me, but I already ā€œadvisedā€ someone else to add another stanza to qualify for the form requirement and the ppc5 rules as wellā€¦ *Pthb* Whatever!

Anyway, this is such a pretty, lightweight, floating sort of poem. When I first saw the wrapped word rule, I thought it looked so infantile. After seeing what everyoneā€™s done with them and using it myself, Iā€™ve come to appreciate the nuances of using a word that can mean a few different things, and the flow is pleasing. Youā€™ve crafted a charming wake up callā€¦ ooh, Iā€™m remembering the old song ā€œBeautiful Dreamerā€ now *InLove2* Say, maybe someday Iā€™ll blog about that song. I have like ten different versions of it stashed on my old phone I use as an iPod.

Yep, your poem is a lovely little creation! *FlowerY* *Moon* *Flowerw* *Sun* *Clouds* *HeartP*

Oh, maybe toss the form details into a dropnote for tidiness *Smile*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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17
Review of A day to remember  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, Sue!

I'm here for I Write 2025.

This is a nice, relaxing take, where not much actually happens and more is given to emotions, scenic descriptions and sensory details than to plot or character development. That's not necessarily a bad thing, as nowadays there seems to be a trend going around of writing "relaxing" stories designed more to give us "the feels" over a cup of tea than to do anything particularly literary.

I enjoyed the casual glimpse into Aussie life, from the google-able word "spruiking" to the wattle bird *Laugh*

What seemed a bit awkward was the flashing back from the opening scene in the evening, jumping away to earlier in the day with some conversations taking place there, and then jumping back into the quiet sunset stroll. It didn't fit well into a story of such brevity and simplicity.

Perhaps you can start with the rush of the crowds and the chat with friends, and then add a scene divider to send us off on a peaceful note as they stroll the now-empty park. A strictly linear timeframe would be easier to pick up on.

Otherwise, it's all good, a pleasant vignette of city life.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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18
18
Review of Wheel of Fortune  Open in new Window.
for entry "May 14, 2025" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Greetings *Smile*

I'm here as a fellow member of the PPC5 challenge.

The first thing I should say before I forget, you need two six-line verses to qualify both for the poetic form itself and for Promptly Poetry. This is great, just add another set in the same mood *Wink*

You've utilized the form perfectly, creating a flowing, naturally cyclical feel without being stiff or peculiar about the repeating words. I always enjoy peeking into your naturalist perspective of life; it's so different from the usual I'm familiar with.

Perhaps you should indent the fifth line... No, I don't think that would make sense. Capitalize the first letter? Because for a moment I thought it wrapped around the mobile screen and didn't create a full six lines. It would probably be apparent on the desktop, however, and is a minor thing.

An interesting read; I enjoyed it. Don't forget to add another verse *Smile*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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19
19
Review of Birchbark  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, Fyn!

I'm here as a fellow member of the PPC5 challenge.

Oh my goodness, indeed! This is such a confusing structure despite seeming rather simple. The way your lines wrap around the page is impossible for me to wrap my head around... I refuse to comment on whether you've nailed the structural requirements or not *Laugh*

I love the unique natural theme you chose here, contemplating the birch bark and going deeper to observe an analogy with our lives as we shed our skins and develop into our deeper personalities. It's thoughtfully done, and the picturesque details outweigh the rules of form and structure.

I might suggest hiding the details in a dropnote, to keep a tidier appearance.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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20
20
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, Sue!

I'm here for I Write 2025.

Well, this is a fun read. I love the rhythm and rhyme, the simple ABAB scheme, and how the story flows along in an old-fashioned way, like Nathaniel Hawthorne or Longfellow.

At first I was going to object to the "happy" ending and suggest there should be a moralizing twist, but that was partly based on the mistaken assumption that the old witch stole someone else's youthful body. But when I looked again I saw she was able to retrieve her own younger self and become renewed, which is what pretty much everyone on the planet would like to do *Laugh*

So, as a poem, it's great, capturing some of that witchy vibe without her causing harm to anyone. I enjoyed reading it, and am glad I took a moment to slow down and read it again.

Now I'm left wondering what happens next... Will she have to keep running that spell every few decades? Or is it eternal as the title implies? There's usually some catch to magic, which is what fantasy yarns are woven of.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, and thank you for requesting a review. Welcome to writing.com *Hug1**Smile**Hug2*

First off, I would like to congratulate you on arriving here and posting a little about yourself in your bio, along with a selection of your work. Itā€™s always great to see fresh faces here, and you have a creative spirit that shines bright.

I can think of a few titles you might consider, but Iā€™ll leave that up to your imagination and discretion. The title you have now makes a pretty good hook.

Formatting around here can be adjusted using the row of tiles above the text entry box. I always recommend Size 4 Verdana font for the easiest and most engaging reading experience across devices. Any help you need can be found by clicking on the ? Between the script M and the smiley face. Also, "Writing.Com 101" Open in new Window. is quite useful.

You donā€™t really have to number your verses. Youā€™re not writing the Bible *BigSmile* ā€œThe Endā€ is also not usually required for publication these days. And the notes at top can be brought to the bottom and placed inside a dropnote ▼

Now for your content. I love this! There is nothing ā€œbeginnerā€ about it. You offer words of encouragementā€¦ ooh, let me say this before I forget. At the eighth line, you have a hyphen connecting two words where a comma or an emdash would do. The emdash can be inserted on WdC by typing {emdash}, like — *Smile*

Your slant rhyme is appealing and refreshing; rather than using trite, predictable rhymes that fill themselves in, you used more natural word choices which still give a rhythmic flow to the piece. It has comfortable, Hallmark simplicity and feels like something that would make a lovely gift if written up in fancy font or handwriting. You could even frame it, or just tack it up on the fridge.

Maintaining a grip on the present moment, without worrying about the future or sighing over the past, is a valuable gift we should all try to cultivate, and you have written a very pleasant reminder to do so.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Ned!

I'm here as a fellow member of the PPC5 challenge.

What a quietly elegant poem, evoking all of one's cozy preconceived notions in a few simple words: "let's move to France, darling."

You nailed the Dansa format, using a flowing, conversational rhythm which reads well and looks good on the page. I remember my first draft attempt, (which I might post someday) before I had a subject firmly in mind, used short, staccato lines and words which felt "glued together..."

I would suggest placing all the poetic form details into a dropnote at the bottom to keep it tidy. Overall, this is a lovely, picturesque poem and a creative take on the prompt form.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings, Wren, and thank you for requesting a review.

Well, this has changed a bit since I first noticed it in your port.

You perhaps give it a little too much context, as now I'm reminded of everything I dislike about politics. I came surprisingly close to visiting a Tesla shop and sitting in on a protest myself a few weeks ago; I received the invite from an activist group I'm subscribed to. They promised it would be "nonviolent," but I had my suspicions. Why should we harass innocent people doing their jobs at the dealership, and frighten those trying to make an environmentally sound purchase? Does it really make a dent in Elon Musk's pockets? Sigh... Next thing I knew, my friends were gleefully talking about the snowflakes being abused in jail for burning Teslas, and I just facepalmed like "ok, whatever. Please don't tell me about it." I'm glad I never attended a protest.

Your poem is perhaps more specifically about random acts of vandalism than the much-publicized burning... Either way, I'll try to get past my muddled feelings about the issue and focus on the piece.

The staccato rhythm is memorable, in that you delve into darkness in a politely metaphorical way. Lacking the context of those pesky Teslas, it could be about almost any bad decision and the consequences thereof. This elusiveness of theme is better, in my humble opinion, than throwing the specifics immediately in our faces to dominate our thoughts on what you've made.

In that regard, perhaps removing the socio-political context from the subtitle and top of poem and adding them instead to the bottom in a dropnote ▼

Your formatting is creative, and the structure is well crafted. I guess I don't have all that much to say about it *Pthb* I'm a sensitive soul. This is an impressive piece, though, don't get me wrong *Smile*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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Review of Storms Path  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, Apondia!

I'm here for I Write 2025.

This is a great poem, capturing a unique aspect of storms and their aftermath. You bring us through the storm cycle and remind us that all things work out for the best to continue the path of life. The sun rises again, broken branches provide warmth in the winter, and new seedlings replace what was lost.

I especially like the opening lines, bringing us the ominous strum of the deepest guitar string as a comparison to thunder warning of the storm. This was a creative opening metaphor to hook us into the poem.

I noticed you misspelled "scarred" as "scared." Aside from that, I don't see anything to improve upon here. This was an enjoyable read.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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for entry "Pathological" Open in new Window.
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Greetings, Jeff *Smile*

I'm here for I Write 2025.

I like the psychological dabbling of this poem, peering into the mind of one who is loose with the truth. In a way, I know that mindset... I might even dare to suggest, as authors, we all know how it feels to craft what is not real and present it as though it is. We live in our minds, dreaming of what has not happened. Why write nonfiction when fiction is so much more fun *BigSmile*

This is well crafted, with straight lines and no attempts at fancy indents. It's easy to read and perhaps too easy for me to relate to *Yikes*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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