This is aptly titled. Very well written. You keep the 7 syllables per line. The rhyme is consistent throughout. I liked it very much. I wouldn't change a thing.
Good going.
I certainly felt the turmoil and the wave of change in the crowd. The brevity shows how quickly things can change.
I have no suggestions for change, and I find no errors. Good job. Hope you vented adequately. I'm not into sports, but I have seen others experience outrage as a spectator. Love and loyalty turn into hate in a heated rage.
Well done.
Hi, I found this on read & review. Very unusual approach. We don't think of books as having personalities or feelings. This one begs for attention. You told us what to expect in the intro, but I'm a little slow. I took it metaphorically, so I had to read the part about the spine a couple of times to "get" it. I'd say nicely done.
It's not just the content of the book, but the book itself that calls to us. I liked it. No complaints, no suggestions.
Just a random review. I find no errors or complaints. No suggestions for improvement.
Very interesting story. The only thing that might be missing is a mention of who enters this Olympic event. Is it inter planet? Obviously, it is not restricted to "Earthers", so why weren't they aware of a possible deviation?
Interesting read, no matter what.
Good job.
Hi, just browsing. I liked your story. All too familiar a situation. Good flash fiction and you used all the prompts.
I see no changes to be made, no suggestions.
I could relate to a DIY kind of family and broken things. I can't stand to throw things away, if only I knew how to fix them! Nice job.
Pumpkin
Very interesting. I liked the ways the tables are turned. The woman is in a rush and giving orders. The man is the one exercising caution and compassion for the toddler.
Good flash fiction. It kept me reading to figure out what was going on. I have no suggestions of complaints. I'm guessing this would be very good if extended.
Cute story. So believable, so real. Families and nature are both confusing.
This was pretty good flash fiction. I have no recommendations or criticisms.
Thanks for sharing.
From Read & Review.
I found your poem sincere and moving. You had a consistent rhyme scheme. I have no suggestions for change, no corrections. You put it in the proper category.
Best whishes.
Hi,
I'm sure you know this is highly emotional and brings tears to the eye of the reader. It is easy to identify with the parent of the deceased and the recipient at the same time.
The only recommendation I would make is strictly visual. For older readers like myself, a larger font would make it easier to follow. I like the way you centered the last part, bringing it all together in conclusion.
Nice job.
I loved your poem. It brought tears to my eyes. The closest friends are made real after a horrible torture and death. You have allowed us to feel their grief and remorse, their lostness. Very good job.
Thanks so much for sharing with us.
Found you on Read and Review.
Wow. Good story. It kept me spellbound, waiting to find out what was going on. Then the godfather part took the story on a comical turn. But you stayed with it and kept your characters acting normally.
It ended very nicely. The only thing missing is we don't know if Alex was afraid of Tomas or had kindly feelings for him. Nevertheless, Tomas had been a moral guidepost for him.
I saw no errors and have no suggestions.
Well done flash fiction.
This was on Read & Review. It sounds very personal. Technically, there are no errors in spelling or grammar.
As to the personal part, we are writers and not everything we put on paper is personal. If the reader thinks it is, that is a sign of some success. Your poem has a lot of raw emotion including anger. You can't control how other people react to you. That never changes. At any stage of life people will not react to you the way you'd like. It's human nature to feel alone and misunderstood. You captured that well.
My tendency is to respond to the personal nature and suggest that in time that hate will soften. Maybe people aren't really challenging the writer, but just don't know how to relate.
Keep writing. It's a way of working through feelings when no one else can empathize with you as you wish.
Best wishes from a sympathetic reviewer.
Very short but to the point. Well done. That era of veterans really did not get the hero treatment. Thanks for sharing your poem with us.
No constructive criticisms.
From Read & Review
What a cute story. I like it. Older kids somehow want to spoil it for younger ones, but this character got it right.
The only thing I noticed was all the names started with an R. That could be a little confusing is the story were longer.
Lovely story.
You were right in labeling this "scary". It leaves the reader dangling, anticipating some sinister plot yet to happen. You do a very good job in a short span of describing her healing, inside and out and starting over. No suggestions, except, give us more story.
Hello,
You were listed in Read & Review. you obviously have mixed feelings about Las Vegas, yet overall, you still exalt it. It makes me want to check it out minus the debauchery.
I find no errors or technical difficulties.
Nicely done, good word choices. You've painted a sizzling picture.
From a random find.
Wow, young Charlie is really harsh with himself. Just because he is young and didn't prepare as he wished doesn't make him a coward forever. Maybe, his parents will see when they let him in that they drove him to this, but knowing how drinkers are, probably not. Many kids feel the need to get away from an unsettled, noisy home. You captured that very well. You leave the reader guessing that the future holds for little Charlies.
Good job.
I see no flaws, no typos. It's the kind of story that triggers memories in the reader. We can all identify with experiences of our childhood homes. At the time, it just seems like it's the way it has to be. Later we develop feelings about it. I think you did an excellent job for flash fiction.
I am not a judge and have no influence. I just happened to catch this on Read and Review.
Good luck to you.
I had to chuckle at the end of the poem. How great to be positive even about a negative.
At first I identified with what you were saying. We all have mixed feelings. You did a good job of expressing them.
I find no technical errors. It was a little short. Maybe another line or two could develop your thoughts more. This doesn't have to be limited to romance, although the reader thinks that at first. Overall, great job.
Keep writing.
What an excellent story! And a caring tribute to your son's school. It takes a very special person to be a loving caring mama like you. You should pat yourself on the back for his accomplishment, too.
I have a friend who teaches autistic teenagers, and I know it takes a lot out of her. She has been physically hurt before, but she is so patient and genuinely cares about the progress of the kids. And the education for teachers is ongoing, too.
Your piece is well-written. I see no errors or suggestions. You state your case very clearly. Great job.
A very nice short poem. I'm glad I found it. I see no errors, have no suggestions. You tell a nice story without being preachy or didactic. You not only presented the negatives, but showed the positive relationship, too. It's amazing how so much can be conveyed in so few words.
I like your dark poem. I find no errors or negatives. It arouses a lot of feelings about one's own Christmas memories and remnants. You don't tell what happened to stop this particular Christmas but it causes wonder. Very good job.
A very interesting story. No typos or misspellings. Th spaces you left between paragraphs work visually, so I would add spaces where you omitted them. Grammar and punctuation are great. Your old English worked, too.
The ending wraps up a little quickly. we might like a few more details.
Oerall, a great story. Well done.
Nice version of hatching. However, there are some sentences that are too long. For example, you could put a period after enclosure, and start a new sentence with "But no". Remember, if this is a children's story, the sentences should be shorter and easy to understand.
You might consider breaking it up into smaller paragraphs.
What age group are you targeting? Some word choices are okay for sixth graders, but maybe not second graders.
Spelling is fine. Story is great.
Keep writing for children. Good job.
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