Jim's (jim-d) Reviews

Review Requests: ON

3,451 Public Reviews Given

3,499 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.

I'm good at...

I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).

Favorite Genres

Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense

Least Favorite Genres

Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.

Favorite Item Types

Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.

Least Favorite Item Types

I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.

I will not review...

I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.

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#4848007

Review of The Perfect Murder

Review by Jim

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hey Deano Sharples

,

I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd drop in a sit for a spell.

I thought your story was very interesting. Nick & Tom, what a pair. One thinks up a basic story plot, the other writes the story based on that thought. Nick's initial idea of two people going on a hike to a high mountain, one being left behind to die in the cold was good. I also really like that Jean crossed them both up, that was an excellent touch.

As much as I enjoyed it, it does seem to need a little editing TLC. Should you decide to edit this, I noticed a few lines for your consideration.

1. You used a lot of generalities in your story. What I'm wondering is, how did Nick write a story based on Tom's initial idea? Did Tom contribute other ideas to move the story along? I ask this because of lines like this. "Well, you may be the actual writer, but I'm the one with all the great ideas and that's why we are such a good partnership. All those great films and plays we wrote. They are all my ideas." I just think you need to provide more detail is all.

2. I think that Nick essentially using Tom's latest idea to potentially murder Tom was foolhardy at best. Tom would have seen the similarity between what Nick wanted to do and his latest idea. But I don't have a better idea. Do you?

3. Nick shouted too quickly when Tom initially accused him of him of fraud. If Nick expected Tom to believe him, he wouldn't shout initially, it seems he would shout later as the two of them talked.

4. There are 2-3 places where your 'tenses' appear to be incorrect. Here's one for you. The next morning Nick went into the front room where Jean is reading the paper. She noticed that he was deep in thought and a little troubled. It seems that the word 'is' after Jean should we 'was'. Is is present tense, was is past tense. Since this is written in past tense, it seems to fit better.

A very good story that needs just a little, minor tweaking to allow it to shine for future reviewers. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4847768

Review of Tommy Held the Door and Carter....

Review by Jim

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hey tophatfiddle

,

I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd drop in for a spell.

You've written the beginning of an interesting story here, one I'd like to learn more about. But I find it's missing two of the three components every story needs. It has the buildup/plot, but where's the beginning and end? Please allow me to explain what I mean, though as a retired English teacher, you know far better than I do what I mean. It is well written and flows well, but.... Let's get into my review.

This story seems to jump into things with no introduction. A reader has no idea who Carter3 Reynolds is, where he's from, his background, etc. For that matter, the same can be said for Tommy. After that, we are introduced to a room of 'stuff'. This stuff is only mentioned in the second paragraph; I'm left wondering what it's used for or why it's needed.

Carter meets Phillipston, who appears to be a former comrade of some type. I won't go into that much, but after that you end the story. And it was just gaining steam and had my interest!

Should you decide to edit this, I'd like to offer these suggestions.

1. The title. It's really the first 6 words of the story. Surely you can come up with something better. I know you're new (a newbie) at Writing.com, or WDC as most of us call it. Still, this needs a title that draws a reader in.

2. Write a beginning to this! Introduce us to what's going on, or is going to happen. That equipment in the second paragraph ... What bearing does it have in the story? Introduce us to the major characters in some way.

3. The buildup of the plot is too brief, and too weak. Give us more info!

4. Decide how this will end, and write that.

An interesting story that needs a bit of editing TLC to allow it to shine. Thank you for sharing!

Jim

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#4847259

Review of No Winter Sports Allowed

Review by Jim

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

Hey thereBdragons

,

I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd stop in for a spell.

This is a nice story you've written here. I know how Old Man McCormack feels though. The problem is, as you stated to start the story, his was the most perfect hill in town. I don't blame everyone for wanting to sled, ski, or toboggan down the hill. The issue was, he had it posted, in reality everyone going down the hill was breaking the law!

I loved your twist at the end when McCormack was one of the people sledding/tobogganing down the hill, then donating it to the town. I loved that!

I like the story, it has a good theme to it, a nice feel to it if you will. But, and that can be a huge word, But, it needs help.

Should you decide to edit this, I'd like to suggest a couple of things for you to consider.

1. Double space the last line of one paragraph, and the first line of the next paragraph. It helps with online reading is all. Also consider using the {indent} command to indent the first line of each paragraph as I've done in this review.

2. Lengthen your story! Provide a little background here. Maybe start by showing us how McCormack came to own the hill, or his decision to try and prevent people from using it in the winter. If you lengthen this, why not have McCormack talking with someone, a teen, an adult, whoever about the hill, how much they love going down it knowing they shouldn't. Things like that. It just needs more depth is all.

This is a nice story, it just seems to jump into the plot with no beginning or buildup. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4847131

Review of The Last Two Cups

Review by Jim

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hey Hareem

,

I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd stop by for a minute.

What a lonely person Maya is! Three months have passed since he left and she still longs for him. Sometimes, saying that final Goodbye is the hardest. How do you accept that the one you love has left for good? I remember those days of not letting go, of always wanting to help her. We finally went our separate ways legally and officially, but I still find myself thinking of her.

Try as I might, I could find nothing that needed to be corrected. One thing I will say is this though. Everything you post on WDC (or elsewhere), use a spell checker on it, as well as a Thesaurus. It's the little things that count and make your story or poem look so much better. More professional if you will. I do this for all reviews and posts everywhere. My older stuff has not had this done to it, I'm slowly getting this done.

I will say that I would love to read more about Maya & Daniel in this story. In other words, I'd love for it to be longer. A little more background on the two of them and their relationship.

Should you choose to edit this, I have a few suggestions for you. Suggestions, not a critique of your story. These are formatting suggestions, the way I would format it.

1. Center the title above the story. Since you're still a bit new to Writing.com, or WDC as many of us label it, I tell you how to do this. Highlight the words "The Last Two Cups" with your mouse, then click the Center Icon on the toolbar above your story. It's the same icon you see in most word processors.

2. Do the same thing to highlight your story, but now click the three S, slowly increasing, much look much like this. sss I use Font size 4 in most everything on WDC now. That previous sentence, and the review, is Font Size 4.

3. Double space your paragraphs. I know people say it's no longer necessary, but between using Font Size 4 and double spacing the paragraphs, your story suddenly looks a lot more presentable.

A nice story of love and longing, longing for one who has left. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4846781

Review of Love and protection

Review by Jim

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (3.0)

Hey HuantedInk

(Julia),

I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd drop in for a spell.

You have the start of an interesting story here, but just a start. Now why would I say that? Please allow me to explain.

Every story needs a beginning, and while yours is a little sparse (at least for me), it is usable. You also need a middle part (Confrontation) to build the plot/storyline. Yours seems to fall short in this regard.

What I'm saying is, your story starts in the middle of things. An example would be the carjacking attempt the week before. You don't need to include that segment, but how about an opening of Julian's father introducing Julian to Merrick. We both know Julian would have questions about why Merrick is needed, so a little back-story at that point would work well.

The third part needed in every story, is the ending of it. I hate to say this, but as written, it falls flat on its face.

Here's what I often see, in myself, and experienced writers. You have the story in your mind. You know where you want it to go, you have the flow down pat. Then you start writing it, and forget that your reader doesn't know what you know about it, and leave out vital, needed information. I suspect that happened here.

I also have a few specific comments about what I saw while reading this.

1. His father, Charles vale, sighed. “Julian after last weeks carjacking attempt it’s clear you need someone to look out for you.” If vale is their last name, then it should be capitalized, Vale.

2. “Give it about five minutes I have interviewed and alternative. There are more than one issue here. First, it's not clear who is speaking, though I suspect his mother is talking. Secondly, closing quotation marks are missing from this line, and the word and should be an. I want to also add this. What bearing does his mother have in this story? What does her wearing a designer sundress have to do to further the story? It seems that this was added just to provide descriptions of things. The sad thing is, with no further bearing on the story, it's not needed.

3. “yes I can fight.” Kim replied. Yes should be capitalized.

4. “I mean it looks like Merrick here could easily pick you up and” *Julian said while motioning merrick determined to try and have no bodyguards. As written, this line makes little sense. First, Merrick should be capitalized. Also, I don't understand the use of the * before Julian. If you mean it as a pause, you should use an Ellipse here, not the star. Definition: An ellipsis (three dots: ...) in writing indicates an omission (words removed from a quote), a pause or hesitation in speech, or a trailing off of thought, creating suspense or suggesting more to come. It's used to shorten quotes, show dramatic gaps, or convey unspoken meaning, but overuse can be distracting, so it should be used judiciously.

5. “See she’ll blends, she’s pretty and she took down a tank without messing up her outfit. She’s perfect. Again, you're missing closing quotation marks. Plus, she'll blends should be either She blends in, or she'll blend in.

You have a nice idea for a story here, but it does need a bit of editing TLC. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4846654

Review of My Friend Abby

Review by Jim

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hey Odessa Molinari

,

I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd drop in for a spell.

This is a good, though odd, story you've written. The reason I say odd is that the subject matter seems to be incomplete. What do I mean by that, and how can you edit this, should you choose to?

While this is well written with no language errors I could see, there are a few things this needs to allow it to really shine at readers. That's up to you, and whether you choose to edit this or not. Please allow me to explain what I mean.

1. Please name your main character. That will allow your readers to connect more with the story.

2. The story seems incomplete with an ending that arrives very quickly. I felt you should have built this more. More explanation/interaction between Abby & your main character.

3. Your description of the story says it's a tale of an alter ego. I thought Abby seemed possessed, though I don't think you wanted to 'go there'. As such, it's important that you build Abby's character more. Provide more episodes of your main character interacting with Abby. You jump from her and Abby being young children to them suddenly being 14, then 17. What happened in between those years? Write more about this time frame, provide a little background about Abby and her odd ways. This will allow you to show us a little, and I do mean little bit, of her alter ego. Then build from there, each time showing us a little more about the secret Abby, her alter ego. You don't want to reveal everything that first time.

4. I liked the way Abby seemingly spoke to no one as she drank a bit of Vodka. Build this scene a little more. Abby seemed to be talking to an unseen entity (hence me thinking she was possessed), so tell us more about this. Was Abby drunk? That's a possibility after all....

5. It seems your main character died at the end. IS that how you wanted this to end? You could expand on that some, with details about Abby calling out to her parents. A funeral without Abby there, since she would likely be in jail. All this would require the story be changed to a third person POV though.

All of this is contingent on you editing it though, these are just my thoughts. An entertaining story that's a bit mysterious. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4846566

Review of The Tantalus Gene

Review by Jim

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Hey Words Whirling Round

,

I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd drop for a spell.

This is a beautiful poem you've written, I love it! The flow, the inner rhymes (Sailing aboard the treasures I hoard,) are what stand out to me. It is very smooth on the tongue, the flow natural as I read it.

As I've already said, a beautiful poem. Thank you for sharing this treasure!

Sum1

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#4846360

Review of A Start

Review by Jim

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hey Jacky

,

I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd drop in for a spell.

You wrote an interesting story, one that had me guessing through it. I wondered why Ted was being questioned by David so much, especially at the end when we learned that David was entering the second grade. For a Second Grader, he talked/asked questions that made him seem older, more like a grownup. Was that intentional?

Your ending was a bit abrupt, almost too abrupt. I know this is Flash Fiction, but it needs to provide more information. Nice story, it just seems to lack in places. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4846247

Review of Summertime

Review by Jim

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hey Brenpoet

,

I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd drop in for a spell.

I loved this short story, I'm listening to Summertime as I write this. Being a French Horn player from long ago, I love hearing the horns, and both Ella & Louie. What a great piece!

I am deeply sorry for the loss of your daughter. While you don't say when, you did say she died at 30 years of age. She was far too young. Heck, I'm 71 now, to me passing before the age of 100 is too young!

I agree, it was Serendipity (If you ask me) that the song came on the radio during the drive. And, it was that line that has a small, insignificant writing error. When we were driving back from her funeral service this song came came on the radio and it seemed appropriate to hear it at such a time.

A beautiful tribute to your daughter. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4846075

Review of Veterans Day

Review by Jim

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hey Soldier_Mike

,

I found this on Read & Review and just HAD to send you a review of this wonderful story.

As I read this, I almost knew that Corporal John Stamp wouldn't be with the group because he had passed away. Very sad, but all too real. WWII was too long ago to have many survivors today.

I love stories about Veterans, you and I both know why. You wrote this well, and try as I might, I could find no obvious errors. But I do have one suggestion for you about. It's a suggestion only, nothing more.

1. If you decide to edit this, you might consider using the line command, maybe something like {line:hotair} to set Pieter's memory of how him and John met and became friends. Myself? I'd use a different line command to return the reader to the present. I'd love to see the his Pieter's memories written to be longer, but that would most likely not fit well with the story.

A wonderful story about two men who met, (one a soldier, one a civilian) during WWII. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4845743

Review of The Shoes

Review by Jim

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

Hey Winchester Jones

,

I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd drop in for a spell.

I liked your story, you almost made it so realistic that I felt I was there. Esteban and Fernando were seemed to be young boys I grew up with in Albuquerque. I guess it's those Spanish sounding names.

Your plot here is good, but it seems incomplete. Why do I say that? I say it because your ending was quite abrupt and left me with questions. Here are examples for you:

1. Who killed Fernando, and why?

2. How did Fernando die? Gunshot? That seems to be the likely cause, but you didn't describe it at all.

{indent]I really liked your brief description of the old lady and who Esteban helped her each day.

I think that this needs to be expanded some. A little more background about Fernando and Esteban's relationship. A bit about Fernando taking Esteban's shoes, and why.

Should you decide to edit this, I'd be quite willing to return and and update my review. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4845613

Review of We Are The Dead - Death of A Colonel

Review by Jim

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hey Adherennium

,

I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd drop in for a spell.

Okay, you have my attention and curiosity raised quite a bit. I'd love to know more about this whole plot. I will have to read "We Are The Dead An Introduction of Sorts"

to learn more I guess.

You've started quite the story here, I plot was pretty dramatic. I loved that you included the man who's almost my hero, Nikola Tesla in it. It seems that Lesley Palmira, Nikola Tesla and Arthur Rimbaud were able to stop time momentarily and rescue Colonel Penkovsky. Since this occurred in 1963, and Arthur Rimbaud passed away in 1891, I assume that before has passed, Tesla had somehow invented the machine that stopped time. It would also seem that like the rescue of Penkovsky, a body was substituted for Rimbaud. But since he died of Cancer, that would be difficult to write about.

It's an intriguing concept you've started here, I'd love to read more about this. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4845446

Review of Sheltered

Review by Jim

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hey Winter Wonderin' Wanderin'

,

I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd drop by for a minute.

You had me smiling throughout this read. At first I thought they were in the bomb shelter because of a war. I was slow on the pickup I guess. Either way, I smiled, that's always a good thing.

I love the dialog, the back and forth between your unnamed character and Wilson. I realize Wilson is a Homage to the movie Castaway and loved when you changed Wilson to Spalding. And that made me think that you only had one person in the Bomb Shelter, and two Volleyballs. It doesn't matter really, it was an enjoyable read.

If I were to suggest anything, (suggestions only, there's nothing wrong with your story), it would be this.

1. Double space your lines. It just makes reading on a screen a little easier.

2. Increase your font size to a little larger font. This review is written using Font size four.

Those are just personal preferences, nothing more. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4845151

Review of Thousand+ Words for Nov. 23, 2025

Review by Jim

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hey tophatfiddle

,

I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd drop by for a spell.

Okay, you have my curiosity up. I have no idea where your story is going, and like that old commercial, 'I want to know!'

This is good, except your ending leaves the reader hanging. Yeah, I tied the two characters together, the one Ben mentioned wearing an odd shirt with one short sleeve and one long sleeve. Seemingly the same character Charlie saw at the end of the story.

The problem is, you left me with questions. Here are a couple for you.

a. What happened to Ben? I know he was in the ambulance, what happened before that?

b. Who is the person in that odd shirt, one long sleeve, one short?

c. What did Ben see that he shouldn't have?

Writing the story as a mystery is good, but it all needs to be explained in the end. Your story does not do that, or I'm being incredibly dense right now.

It was nice seeing their accents explained, but I'm not sure you needed to do that. Still, I enjoyed it.

1. In the first paragraph, it wasn't clear who Charlie was. ?I thought he was the Bartender. It wasn't until later in the story that I realized Charlie and Ben were close in age.

A very good mystery that has me wondering. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4844806

Review of Random Act Of Kindness

Review by Jim

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hey Cappy

,

I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd drop in for a spell.

My only question in reading this, is "Would this young boy (Man) do this throughout the year, or is it a holiday thing?" I realize you probably can't answer this, but it's on my mind. Why? I find that people are more giving during the holidays, but not so much throughout the year. That's been my experience at least.

This is well written, but I did see one very minor thing that caught my eye.

1. But to by food, drink, and give money to a complete stranger in need I do not know if he would do what that boy did. You can see what caught my eye. Like I said, very minor.

A good essay about humanity, and how it's still around, despite the times. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4844638

Review of The Border Problem

Review by Jim

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hey Redtowrite

,

I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd drop in for a spell.

Your poem ids beautiful and very true. Your third and fourth paragraphs really tell it like it is. It all depends on what you want to believe, and who you want to believe. I for one, do not believe that immigrant here Carry diseases, drugs, knives. At least not all of them. It is sad that some of them are here for that reason, nothing more. Gone are the days when immigrants came here lawfully.

Then again, as you said in your fourth verse, We're all immigrants, that is true. In reading this a second time, I have a couple of recommendations for you, should you decide to edit this.

1. I love that you centered this on the page, my suggestion is to make the title (The Border Problem) bold, While you're at it, make it a 5 pt font, with the body of the poem 4 pt. A very minor suggestion, and suggestion only, nothing more.

An excellent poem about our southern border. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4844521

Review of Lunar Genesis

Review by Jim

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hey Lonewolf

,

I saw a review of this while crediting reviews for the Super Power Reviewers Group raid and knew I had to read this. And I'm glad I did.

Like many people, I believe we're not the only intelligent species in the Universe. And what form does intelligence take? Most will not resemble humans in any way.

Those plants in Tycho Crater seemed a bit intelligent. Maybe aware is a more apt word. It was Marlowe's return that kicked things off for me. It didn't matter one bit, I still enjoyed the read. Even after reading it a second or third time.

Should you decide to edit this, look at it carefully. Look for places that comma's may be needed. I have no other suggestions.

An interesting, mysterious story. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4843966

Review of The Beautiful and Ugly side of love

Review by Jim

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hey Lonewolf

,

I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd drop in for a visit.

I really enjoyed your biographical essay about Love. I agree with you about giving yourself fully to another. I did that in my first marriage though, began to expect things from me that I couldn't deliver. Money-wise that is. I won't go there though, we're apart now, that's where it is.

Your second paragraph is where I am now. I have given myself to her completely as you wrote there. However, love it as I do, I think it needs a thorough look-over/editing. I won't bother you with details here, instead I'll use general comments

1. Like me, you seem to love run-on sentences. I'll provide you an example. Love’s ugly side is just as powerful as the beautiful side, but a little twisted. When two people enter in a relationship and seemingly really love one another then one deems it necessary to leave the relationship; it leaves a hole in the person they were with, a deep gaping hole that can not be filled by another person, that is if the love in the relationship was real love. Love will make you do stupid things, become jealous, and make you selfish blind you to all of these things as well. This is only three sentences, it should be at least five it seems. Here is a suggestion. Love’s ugly side is just as powerful as the beautiful side, but a little twisted. When two people enter in a relationship and seemingly really love one another and one deems it necessary to leave the relationship; it leaves a hole in the person they were with. If the love in the relationship was real love, a deep gaping hole that can not be filled by another person exists. Love will make you do stupid things, become jealous, and make you selfishly blind you to all of these things as well. I'm not entirely happy with my suggestion, but that's all it is, a suggestion.

2. There are several places that a comma would help a reader pause. Those run-on sentences can be a killer. I know because guilty of using writing them as well. Look this over carefully and see what you think.

A very good Biographical essay, thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4843841

Review of When You Wish Upon A Star…

Review by Jim

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hey Josh T. Alto

,

I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd drop by.

You've written a nice love story here, it's almost predictable. Except for the twist. It seems every story today has a twist, this one is a little different though.

I enjoyed reading this, I found it to be a bit appealing. Your unnamed Main Character (name him!), seems a little interesting, but also self-centered. I like that he's on a well deserved vacation, though you could debate the well deserved aspect. I knew he would find a woman (young girl), I just didn't anticipate your twist.

I really liked that you leave it to the to decide the ending. Did the young girl die? Or did he somehow save her, pull her back from the brink of death. The reader can decide as they finish the story.

Despite enjoying the story, I did see a few very minor things for you to consider, should you decide to edit this.

1. Albeit there was one man, rather young, wearing only shorts and a T-shirt, who looked up exactly at the right time to see the phenomenon. You can delete the word exactly here. It's not needed, and is a bit redundant.

2. His next thought was he must have drunken too much. Drunken should be drank. Or a slight rewording will work. His next thought was he must have had too much to drink.

3. He realized, as a revelation, that he was not the only one who saw that flash and there must be other people somewhere, maybe quite near who share his experience. Share should be shared.

4. He drank up his whisky and ran to his car, a white convertible, which parked on the other side of the street. He had rented the car for the whole vacation. You could reword this a little bit. Perhaps something like this: He drank up his whisky and ran to his rental car, a white convertible parked on the other side of the street. He had rented the car for the whole vacation.

5. He knew he drank too much but he felt quite sure he would find the one he was looking for and the roads were almost empty so late at night. Another possible rewording. He knew he drank too much but he felt quite sure he would find the one he was looking for with the roads were almost empty so late at night.

An enjoyable story! Thank you for sharing.

Sum1

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#4843616

Review of Jumping Spiders

Review by Jim

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hey Purple Snowflakes

,

I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd drop by for a visit.

This is a very cute children's short story. I don't think I've heard of Jumping Spiders myself, it would be a little bit of a shock to see them. You did well meeting the WC prompt, all while telling a story that made sense! Way to go!

I did enjoy reading this, but I also saw one very minor thing for you to consider, should you decide to edit this.

1. The sporadic visits from her daughter and granddaughter only underline her loneliness. It seems that underline should be past tense.

A very cute children's story. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4843053

Review of Ahead Looking Back

Review by Jim

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hey Maddie Silver & Gold Stone

.

You relate a beautiful story withing this poem. The images you created in my mind are awesome. I see a log cabin type home, a horse standing nearby, its rider has his head bowed.

I will say that this is well written, it includes the word prompts needed, and tells a story that is essentially incomplete. Why do I say that? Because you left me hanging! What does the man do? Does he exact revenge on the guilty ones? What does he do in town? Do he raise all sorts of hell there? To me, this poem needs to be at least twice as long. But, that's just MHO, I know what that's worth.

If you decide to edit this, tell us more about his revenge and actions!

A beautiful, but sad poem that starts a story. Starts, not finishes. Thank you for sharing.

Sum1

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#4842886

Review of The Song "CRAZY" by Patsy Cline

Review by Jim

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hey Naomi

,

I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd stop in for a moment.

First, knowing that Tagalog is most likely your native tongue, I will make no comments on your use of English. Anyone who can speak, and write, in a foreign tongue amazes me. My hat is off to you.

I love this story, it helps me know you a little better. I dimly remember days like this, though we didn't gather around the radio as you describe. We didn't get a TV until the mid-60's, we listened to the radio too. I remember being disappointed that I couldn't listen to The Lone Ranger on the radio. After all, it was on the TV, so why couldn't I hear it on the radio?

Ah, the innocence of youth huh!

I will tell you about one thing in this story that needs correcting, should you decide to edit it. You wrote, This song was written by Willie Nelson in the year 1961 and was popularized by Patsy Cline in the year 1968 when I was in my early teens. Patsy Cline's 'Crazy' was released in late 1961, not 1968. That date just seemed far too late to me, so I checked.

An excellent story about childhood, and a song to remember. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4842790

Review of Fall Flies

Review by Jim

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hey Soldier_Mike

.

I found this on Read & Review, even though it's 55 words, you say a lot here.

I think I have the same opinion of leaves that you do. Sadly, our backyard, though small, is fenced. The leaves just don't blow away. We did get a small reprieve in some ways though. Our neighbor's tree sitting next to the fence fell over during a wind storm a couple of months ago. One less tree to provide falling leaves! But, there are still quite a bit left. I'm just hoping my back heals enough, and is strong enough to allow me to get them raked. At lease most of them.

Sum1

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#4842567

Review of Under the Lights

Review by Jim

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hey Winchester Jones

,

I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd drop by for a visit!

I think you're right, the lights went out at the perfect time. Muhammad Ali wouldn't have killed you, but I bet he would have made you wish you were dead!

You would need to be a very experienced boxer to spend any amount of time in a ring with him. The man I fear more though, would be Mike Tyson. Even now. That man didn't know how to throw a jab. Every punch was meant to put you out!

This is well done, though I do question the purpose of it. I realize one genre is Nonsense, I guess you could also add Comedy to it, but why? If you decide to edit this, you might consider lengthening it some, building up the dream sequence some. Start with him working at MSG and falling asleep, dreaming he's going to fight Ali in his prime. Describe this in good detail, including him being knocked down, an wakening when the lights got out.

An interesting story that could stand a bit more backfill to it. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4842440

Review of Family Parties

Review by Jim

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Hey THANKFUL SONALI Party Hopping!

,

I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd stop by for a look-see.

This is very cute, and while a Clerihew has only 4 lines, I wonder if you could write additional verses, or if that's allowed. You've done well with this one, but that 4th line is off on syllable count. I know it's not important in the Clerihew form, but it throws the reader off. You wrote: All he has to do is to pay the bill! That's 10 syllables, where the third line is only 8 syllables, that threw me off. If you choose to edit this, perhaps this would work. He only has to pay the bill! Eight characters, and it stands well in the poem, matching that 4th line.

A nice Clerihew, I will have to try writing one. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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