Sum1's (jim-d) Reviews

Review Requests: ON

3,252 Public Reviews Given

3,300 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.

I'm good at...

I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).

Favorite Genres

Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense

Least Favorite Genres

Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.

Favorite Item Types

Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.

Least Favorite Item Types

I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.

I will not review...

I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.

1

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#4820172

Review of Far Right Fish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey DB Cooper

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 22^nd WDC Anniversary!

The one thing I will say about your article, and you chose it as a genre, is that this is your opinion. You wrote this almost 5 years ago, and edited it a couple of years ago. I feel it's great to voice your opinion, however, I will say that some of your should be backed by references. And that's the issue here. You voice opinions only, but fail to provide hard facts. This reads more like a rant against the far-right than an opinion. In reading this a second time, it seems you wrote this in a hurry. Here's an example of why I get that impression. Conservatives try to scare people with healthcare horror stories and at the same time say people would like it too much and couldn't be replaced with a cheaper alternative. It seems there are a couple of words missing here. Words that would have been seen if you had read this after writing it. A suggested alternative might be something like this. Republican Conservatives like to scare people with healthcare horror stories. At the same time, they say that people would like it too much, that it and couldn't be replaced with a cheaper alternative.

I don't understand that line completely. How can anyone (you named the Conservatives in this) scare people with horror stories, yet also say that like it too much. Scare people? But they like it? It just doesn't make sense to me.

Sentences like this are what made me think that this is more of a rant than an opinion. In writing something like this, you cannot give in to anger. You need to remain calm with your mind at ease so your readers see you as an intelligent person, not someone on a vendetta. It is informative though. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4819922

Review of Moonlit Night

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

HeyArismeir

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 20^th WDC Anniversary!

I really enjoyed reading your story. I have to say that it would be a lot stronger, a lot better read if there were more showing and less telling. This could be accomplished with the use of dialog. That might be hard in this story, but I always feel a story is made a lot stronger with the use of dialog. This allows the author to move from telling to showing, as I've already mentioned. One use might be in the following passage.

A “flair,” as April would call it, the creation of which was one of her obsessions. If we visited somewhere to which she expected us to return, she would scurry about, leaving hearts, knickknacks, ribbons, anything really, so that next time we could spend a day finding them all. “They all say, ‘April was here,’” she explained. “It helps make memories.” I wish she hadn’t been so correct. Maybe a slight change would do ther trick. A “flair,” as April would call it. She would leave anything that came to mind and say, "When we return we can find these memories and recall what we did here together. After all, they all say, ‘April and your unnamed narrator was here,’” (provide us with a name for your narrator) she explained. I wish she hadn’t been so correct. This is not perfect, I added that on the fly. Thinking about it would make it stronger and better, much better than my attempt here to demonstrate it.

I really enjoyed this story though, even with the distractions around me that occurred while reading it. The storyline reminded me a little of the movie "Ladyhawke". Just a little. In that movie a man is cursed to be a wolf at night and a man by day. Meanwhile his lady is cursed to be a woman at night, and a hawk during the day. It starred Rutger Hauer and Michelle Pfeiffer.

I did see a couple of things you might want to look at, should you decide to edit this.

1. In one fell swoop, April careens forwards and the equipment strapped about her neck swings to the front, throwing even greater momentum into her fall. Attempts should not be plural. In one fell swoop, April careens forward and the equipment strapped about her neck swings to the front, throwing even greater momentum into her fall.

2. As I pass, the wood fades into stone and I can practically smell the sweat of many nights spent to fatigue. I don't understand the usage of the word 'to' before fatigue. But, I'm not sure what word to substitute here. I just know that the word to makes this sentence awkward.

This is a very good story though, one that is easily enjoyed. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4819779

Review of Daily Cascade

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Review for "Those Drive-in Movie Theaters!"

Hey Joy

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 24^th WDC Anniversary!

I remember a time when going to a Drive In was the thing to do, much like in the movie you mentioned, Grease. I will keep things private here, but let's just say I'm guilty of about everything mentioned in this entry. I always loved Drive-In's, and miss them a lot. I was never one that was mercilessly bitten. Then again, I don't think Hawaii has many night-time insects. Now, the closest Drive-In to me is about 45 minutes away.

I've always thought the Drive-In idea was an excellent one. To see a movie in the privacy of your own vehicle without distractions (hopefully) from others. Yes, it can get hot in your car, in more ways than one.

I've seen Grease many times, but my first time was not at a Drive-In, it was a walk-in Theater. What is it about being in your car in a public place that makes couples want to 'Make Out', or take it to the next level? Besides a Drive-In, what about parking in a certain place that couples congregate in. Living in Albuquerque, that place was a rest area on 'Nine-Mile Hill. The one time my girlfriend and I went there, we actually sat and enjoyed the lights of Albuquerque, and just talked.

Like I said though, bugs don't seem to bother me at night. The location doesn't matter, I just don't get bit, very often at least.

I really enjoyed your blog entry. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4819483

Review of The Hem of His Garment

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Alex Morgan

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 7^th WDC Anniversary!

You did a good job with the dialog here, using words that might have been used so long ago. I found the dialog easy to read, and thought it helped move the story along. I thought your plot was also good, but it takes a little press of the 'I believe' button to move from the idea of touching Jesus to just touching the hem of his robe. That was a stretch if you ask me.

Another stretch also, was the idea that Jesus would feel power leave him. “I felt power leave me,” Jesus said. That's more of a stretch than moving from speaking to him to touching his robe. I think if you elaborate a little on both of these ideas it would really help. You don't need extensive details, but a little explanation on how Rachel came to the conclusion that touching his robe would suffice, as well as how or why he felt power leave him.

I did see a couple of errors that you might want to correct, should you decide to edit this.

1. And those useless physicians with their foul-tasting medicine sand rancid-smelling poultices. It seems that 'medicine sand' should be 'medicines and'.

2. She thrust out her free arm and grabbed him of his robe. It seems that this needs a slight wording change. She thrust out her free arm and grabbed the hem of his robe

This is a pretty good story. A little editing TLC should allow it to receive better reviews in the future. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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5

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#4819356

Review of The Thing from the Fridge

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey nomlet

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 20^th WDC Anniversary!

Okay, I'll admit you've confused me with this story. It's a decent enough story, the dialog is good, but confusing. Here's what I didn't get from this.

1. First, if Simon and Jill are just cleaning out a refrigerator at school, why are they worried about sugar content? Why is that so important to them.

2. Simon mentions a level of fermentation they are seeing. How did they measure it accurately?

3. While I enjoyed the story, it seems to lack. A lot. Here's my thoughts on it.

Every story needs a beginning, a middle for plot development, and an ending. You seemed to jump in the middle of things with your opening. I realize the two of them are chemistry students, but you need to remember that your readers are most likely not. It seems they are a bit nerdy too, trying to gauge the sugar content in an unknown Tupperware container. And the end. To me you just hit a point and stopped writing because it's convenient. They should have had that fridge cleaned out that afternoon, not the end of the week! Then again, if they are being nerdy about every dish, maybe not. Still, the ending is very week.

This is a decent enough story, but I didn't find it funny at all. That is on me though. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4818898

Review of Short, sweet or scary

for entry "Busted!"

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey WakeUpAndLive

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 9^th WDC Anniversary!

I was wondering why you were being arrested, then my mind clicked on the fact that you were probably doing research for a story or book. For once, I was right!

I liked the flow of your story, even though it was a little quick, Since this wasn't a horror story, I knew you were writing for the Daily Flash Fiction. Yep, definitely word count limited, so it had to flow quickly.

I did like the twist when you said you were writing a book. I do wonder what happened at the police station though. It would seem they almost had to take you in. I know you couldn't write about it because of your word limit. This is a nice, interesting piece of flash fiction. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4818867

Review of A Requiem For The Lost

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey AngelFire

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 18^th WDC Anniversary!

I've gotten away from Free Verse Poetry, I rarely read it now. This one though, it hits a nerve in me for some reason. Your message in the poem is great, I love it. The last line is very special to me. I've lost siblings in the past, as well as close friends, so it resonates.

I will say that in your second verse, the last three lines could be combined into one. If you used ellipses(....) it could be considered a pause after each. It's what I use at times, no matter what critics or reviewers might say. I use it as a pause in speaking, nothing more. It's your call though, you wrote this.

This is a very nice free verse poem, thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4818448

Review of The Sandman

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Ned

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 6^th WDC Anniversary!

Wow, this is some story you've written here. I didn't buy the idea that Kyle was in love with Mara, that's the fodder for her romance novels, not real-life. I loved the flow of this, the plot, just about everything to do with the story. But, I didn't think Mara was so gullible as she turned out to be., However, love can blind you, do those kind of things to you.

You hinted at Mara being aware of the happenings with these line. Mara felt as if she were a character in one of her novels. She told herself she was being foolish. It was crazy to fall in love with a beach bum, but she had and she didn’t care. Yep, love can make you not care about getting too involved. Yeah, experience speaking here.

I hate to say it, but I think Kyle got what he deserved at the end. What the old woman had given Mara was incredible. Too bad it's not really available. Maybe I should thank God it's not available. We would have a lot of people dying on beaches perhaps, and quite a few people being put behind bars.

A very interesting story, a great love story in its own way. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4818319

Review of O'Sullivan's Wharf

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Archie

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 22^nd WDC Anniversary!

I enjoyed your review of O'Sullivan's Wharf. I see you wrote it in 2003, but it's permanently closed now due to a Landlord/Tenant issue. I see it's been replaced by Mack's Barge. I only hope that Mack's Barge offers food that equals O'Sullivan's Wharf.

The reason I looked it up on Google maps is that I have spent a bit of time in the Norfolk area recently. Despite being in the Navy also (Submarine Force), I was never stationed in Norfolk. We have a good friend living in Virginia Beach, so our time has been spent visiting her & her husband.

You tempt me with your brief descriptions of the menu offerings, which is why I checked them out. For a restaurant review, I'd love to have seen more complete descriptions of the items you enjoyed from the menu. Your writing of this is fine, I'd just prefer to see a more description of what you enjoyed, and why you enjoyed it, and recommend it.

You might consider becoming a mystery shopper, or mystery diner. It's something I've considered, now that I'm (newly) retired.

You should write more restaurant reviews and entice everyone to dine there. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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10

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14 days may be credited.

#4817521

Review of Summer Kiss

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Jody!
Gee, today's your Anniversary and I've already sent you one Anniversary Review, but why not a second? So I thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 9^th WDC Anniversary!

Nine years already, and look at all you've accomplished! You make me want to nap with all your energy....

I liked your story, it made me think of times I've had similar night time experiences. Names will be withheld for privacy concerns. Nor will I provide details, it might get messy.

Your ending was special to me. That poor guy seemed to be sweating bullets, it seems he didn't read her body language well. He was probably laughing too hard over the firefly experience. It seems he overthought things, every thing they had going on, and never stopped to read her body language or assess her feelings and attitude. Been there, done that.

The part about the Big and Little Dipper made me chuckle. My wife has trouble with stars and planets. One time she asked about a bright star in the western sky, I told her it was Venus (it was just an educated guess). Turns our I was correct (she checked things on her PC when we got home), and for the umpteenth time she asked me how I knew that. I don't know how to respond to those questions, I just 'know things'. She can run circles around me when it comes to plants or dogs though.

Back to your story. Try as I might, I couldn't find any suggestions about this, other than my personal preference. Using a size 4 font (you may have here because this was easy to read, even for my old eyes, and indenting the first line of a paragraph with the {indent} command using WritingML.

This is a nice romantic story, I'm so glad you shared it!

Sum1

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14 days may be credited.

#4816882

Review of Midnight Chat in a Stranger's Condo

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey DaringBare

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 6^th WDC Anniversary!

I enjoyed reading your story, it flowed well with chat the helped move it along. It was a nice read, but it needs a little writing TLC. Let me explain what I mean.

In your first paragraph you wrote, It was a sight to behold, despite how dark it is outside. It was a sight to behold, is past tense, despite how dark it is outside. is present tense. There are other areas in your story that are replicas of past tense vs present tense. That's the one thing you might focus on, should you decide to edit this.

You might consider using the {indent} command to indent the first line of each paragraph. It just gives your story a more professional look in my opinion. That's my opinion, nothing more.

To me, the ending seemed abrupt and almost forced. It was as if you had written everything you wanted to write and had to end it, but wasn't how. Vela asking Mila for a date was as little 'out there'. They are of two different worlds and probably have little in common. Both seem lonely and need company, but I'm not sure that being with each other is what they need. It's good for your story, but it's not real. Again, that's just my opinion.

This is an interesting story that needs a little bit of attention an editing. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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12

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14 days may be credited.

#4816748

Review of The Passenger

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Jeremy

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 22^nd WDC Anniversary!

Congratulations on the first place win!

I have one thing say before I begin. I wish I could write in the Horror Genre. Sadly, anything I write in that genre ends up sounding like a child's scary story. I'd love to write a horror story as good as this, write something that Shirley Jackson or Stephen King would love to read. Maybe someday, not now.

I award very few, I do mean very few grades of 5.0. This definitely deserves that grade.

If I were to find one thing that I feel needs improving in this, it would be very little. I do feel that your twist involving Marshall's death is a little weak. I know you had a word limit for the contest, but this could be expanded a bit. I'm left wondering why did Marshall jump in front of the Subway train? What was going through his mind, was he depressed over something? Had he planned this long ago? Things like that, a little explanation would answer those questions. Then I'm left with the though, 'Would editing this, explaining things, ruin the whole story?' That's a question that only you can answer. Edit if you choose. I think it's excellent as it is, I just have those questions is all.

An excellent story that has a little twist that I feel few will anticipate. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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13

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14 days may be credited.

#4816631

Review of Sprocket

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Jody!
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 9^th WDC Anniversary!

I found your story to be cute. You had me smiling as I read it. There was one thing I didn't quite grasp completely as the end of the story. You write She pulled out another and began tightening it in its place. Then she emptied her pocket of the sprockets and closed her toolbox, satisfied. Am I correct in thinking that the sprocket she gave Mr. Alexander was not the one that kept her father safe during war?

You did well in writing this, especially being flash fiction and limited to 300 words. I did see one small thing that you may want to consider should you decide to edit this.

1. “Sprocket! I can’t find my googles!” Can't find his Googles?

A very nice Flash Fiction story. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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14

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14 days may be credited.

#4816474

Review of The Gift of the Himalayas

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Prof Moriarty

I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 16^th WDC Anniversary!

I loved your story, I've long wanted to visit your magnificent country, at my age (now 71), I don't think I will be able to make it. The closest I've come was on a business trip when I visited Bangkok Thailand. If I ever do get to visit, I'd love to meet you and be shown around the immediate area.

I've read a bit about the Ganges, you've opened my mind to much more about her. Your descriptions of the river were excellent. I think man will be the cause of his own demise, with all the pollution we caused or generate. Your culture is far different from mine here in the United States, I love almost everything about other cultures.

I do have one small suggestion for you about your story. You wrote I paused and pulled in a deep breath because I now stood knee-deep in the consecrated waters of the Ganges, the soul of my nation and the lifeline of four hundred million people who dwell on her banks, a population larger than that of the United States. I realize you were comparing the population that lives on the banks of the Ganges to the United States, and may have been appealing/relating to us. It's just that I don't see what that last portion of your line has to do with your story. If I mat recommend a minor edit to this, I think this would ring more true. I paused and pulled in a deep breath because I now stood knee-deep in the consecrated waters of the Ganges, the soul of my nation and the lifeline of four hundred million people who dwell on her banks.

This is an excellent story, one I wish everyone could read. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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15

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14 days may be credited.

#4816172

Review of BINGO

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey ridinghhood-p.boutilier

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 20^th WDC Anniversary!

This is cute, and I don't mean in a funny way by saying that. It's just a cute story. I too have a confession to make. I hate Bingo also. Well, I don't hate it, but I'm not a real fan. EXCEPT, I was 20 at the time, and met a young girl playing Bingo. We dated for about 2 years, but she wasn't right for me in many ways. Heck, that was 51 years ago! Wow!

I really enjoyed your story, it flowed well and the realistic dialog helped carry it. The arrival of Michael and his mother was excellent, and timely. Since your brief intro described your story as a 'Bingo Romance', I wondered what eventually happened between you and Michael. It's none of my business, so don't fret about it, thinking I'm being nosy.

BTW, I would have loved to share that pitcher of Sangria with you both. I would have ordered a second one too.

I do think your ending is a bit abrupt and should be edited. How? That would be for you to decide. Thank you for this, it was a fun read. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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16

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14 days may be credited.

#4815981

Review of She Danced With the Prince

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey iluvhorses

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 14^th WDC Anniversary!

I have to say that I expected twist at the end. I think it would have ended much better if you had somehow not used Cinderella as a character in your story. I was hoping you would somehow have the Prince and Tansy become a couple. Yes, I know, it's your story, not mine, it should end as you want it to. It's just that the story of Cinderella has been told so many time, I was hoping for a new view. I realize the story is about Tansy, it should have remained that way. That's just my opinion.

There's one thing that stood out to me. Tansy. I realize she's named after the herb Tanacetum vulgare. To also wear it? I have to wonder about that. A quick Google check at (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tansy) made me wonder about the advisability of wearing one as a bouquet, or wearing the flowers in general.

You had a very nice story going here, but it seemed that you didn't know how to end it, or you just took the shortcut to end it with the newcomer being Cinderella. The ending was very abrupt and sudden. Again, just my opinion.

A nice story that I feel could be much stronger with a slightly different point of view. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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17

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14 days may be credited.

#4814976

Review of Theft and Negotiations

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey zrules

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 14^th WDC Anniversary!

I will say that I enjoyed your story, I found it pretty entertaining. It does need a bit of editing TLC, but more about that in a minute.

Your story moves at a decent pace, the dialog is very good, it carried the story line well. I liked the fact that two thieves were in the house, each trying to steal a precious gem or two. You confused me though with a couple of lines, I will detail that below. You described the scenes well, I almost felt as if I was there with them. Here is my disconnect with your story.

1, Your refer to one of the thieves as a Peregrine Falcon, yet your descriptions reveal he's a man. I know I'm old, but this can be confusing to anyone.

2. You don't describe the other thief very much, but in one line you write My tail moved to the other side of my body as I shifted my weight awkwardly under his gaze. Yet from your descriptions, he too is a man. Again, a bit of confusion here.

3. Your ending is very weak. Yes, you can move to another chapter so-to-speak, but considering you wrote this 12 years ago, that other chapter may not be forthcoming. You might consider a way to strengthen the ending.

I do have a couple of suggestions about your formatting of this. These are not meant to be a criticism of your story, rather they are suggestions for you to make your story stronger, and attract more readers.

1. Add a space between each paragraph. It really helps a reader to know when the scene is changing. Your first paragraph is rather long, you might consider breaking this into at least 2 paragraphs, If I may suggest where, I think you could add a hard return at this point to start a new paragraph. Blessedly, I didn't find any more resistance inside the house as I worked my way up the floors.

2. Use the {indent} command to indent the first line of each paragraph. Again, it helps your story to appear more professional to readers.

3. Increase the size of your font. I'm using a size 4 font in this review, and use that in about everything I post on WDC. Yeah, my older stuff is still the default font size, so I've 'changed my ways' huh. A big reason is that a lot of members on WDC are older, myself included. Using a size 4 font will help.

Your story is very interesting, it just needs a bit of formatting to make it stronger. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

18

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4814787

Review of Sideburns

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Lou-Here By His Grace

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 20^th WDC Anniversary!

Wow, loved your story!

I think back to being a child and the things we did. I have to confess that we never did anything approaching what your characters intended to do.

This is very well written, I couldn't find any writing errors to comment on. So, I'll just give a personal opinion here.

1. You might consider indenting the first line of each paragraph. It just looks better that way in my opinion.

2. You might also consider making the font larger. I use font 4 for all reviews, and most everything I place on WDC. It just makes it easier to read. For us old folks, that's important.

Overall though, an excellent story. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

19

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4814315

Review of Misty's Eulogy

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey The Puppet Master

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 5^th WDC Anniversary!

We've all been there, I know I have. I had a cat I named Winkle. I have no idea why that name, but it was his. His mother was killed by a car when she was crossing the road. Her kittens were 10 days old. We bottle fed them, 3 survived. Winkle was mine for about 10 years, until I joined the Navy. While I was in bootcamp, he passed. I don't know details, I only know he passed. Your story brought back wonderful memories of him. How I'd hold him against my chest and he would snuggle/dig his head into my cheek. Wow!

Your story about Misty and how you lost her tugs at the heart strings. I saw Winkle in about every line you wrote. I have been there a couple of years ago when we lost our older Akita (Dog). Yeah, we have dogs, not cats. I would love to have a cat, but I'm not sure how our small Schipperke would treat her. She killed a small tree mouse a few years ago, I'm afraid she would do the same to a cat/kitten. My wife is a dog person, not a cat one, though she has had a cat 20 years or so ago. I've learned to love dogs, but I remain a cat person at heart.

Your story built scenes of you and Misty playing together, sleeping together, and just enjoying each others company. A story meant for Animal Lovers. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

20

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4813227

Review of The Paper

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Liam

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 14^th WDC Anniversary!

I love the storyline here, but really. Thirty Years? What I loved about it is the idea that a paper would have writing appear on it as if by magic. That it was really. Despite loving the idea of your plot, I had a couple of misgivings and thoughts about things. Let me explain.

1. I've already mentioned thirty years. That seems to be an excessive length of time for Charlie to possess the paper. Surely someone else needed help of some kind long before thirty years passed.

2. I loved the fact that the paper guided him in life, essentially being his guardian angel. Well done!

3. Once Charlie came in possession of the paper things became too 'blurry'. What I mean is your descriptions were general in nature, as if you lost sight of the story's goal. I think that maybe Charlie could have given the paper to someone long before thirty years passed, but then maybe the paper makes it back to him for some reason. Maybe he needs guidance of a new sort, some one close to him terribly perhaps? Just a thought that popped in my head.

Overall though, this was a very enjoyable story, one to remember really. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

21

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4813084

Review of Achromic

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Denine

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 15^th WDC Anniversary!

You've written a very interesting story here, one I can really relate to. I love the idea that everyone has a CIRO, something they had at birth, but covered with a clay covering. How cool is that?

You had me at hello with this story, I loved it. Until the end. Or lack thereof. What I mean is, you leave readers hanging with this ending. What if a colorless CIRO is special? Suppose those who have a colorless CIRO have banded together somehow, and discovered that they are superior in many ways to those who have a colored CIRO? Does the color mean anything, or is it random in its choosing? There are so many things you could bring to light here by editing and lengthening this!

Overall it's a good story that could be a lot longer. But as it stands right now, that ending is horrible. Still, I enjoyed it, thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

22

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4812652

Review of My Little Fiat

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey StephBee
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 20^th WDC Anniversary!

This is quite the story you have here, I found it amusing, and a little off-track if you will. What do I mean in saying that? Off track in the sense that one minute you're with Wendy, planning the transfer of the car. The next you're telling us about you and Wendy and how you worked to get your license. Except Wendy didn't have one, which makes me ask "Did she ever get her license while in Germany? If not, did you keep the car?"

I could feel the camaraderie you and Wendy shared in Germany. I think only a veteran can truly sense that between you two. Yes, others might sense it too, but they wouldn't understand the way a veteran does. Overall, well written, a bit humorous, a fun read. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

23

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4812444

Review of What Shall I Write?

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Maryann

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 23^rd WDC Anniversary!

Ah Mr. Theodor Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Suess, what a character he was! I loved this short easy rhymes. They were all excellent to read, easy to understand. Why am I mentioning Dr. Suess in this review? Your cute poem reminds me of him a lot.

This is very cute really, I loved the monorhyme form of this, it was perfect for me after just waking from a nap. I think you should write about that green crocodile, maybe his name is Matt? And that green kitty cat? He might wear a green hat! Oh the f dun you can have with words after all. That's what Dr. Suess did after all. As I like to say, you gotta have fun, huh!

Well done with this monorhyme poem, very well done. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

24

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4810253

Review of Phone Calls and Conversations

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey elizjohn

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 14^th WDC Anniversary! Okay, to be honest, I saw a review of this and had to read it.

What a wonderful story! I hate to say it, but I had it 'figured out' about half way through Joe's part. Still, you kept me riveted, you made me finish it.

In many ways, this reminded me of the awesome Stephen King novel, The Green Mile.
Except there was no phone call. Those parents had the same feelings as Sabrina and Paul. Yep, one family lost a family member (child) long ago, a second family lost a son much later. I'm glad you didn't get into the guilty/not guilty issue, nor did you dwell on how Sabrina's daughter was killed by Cyrus. That was a nice touch.

I really enjoyed the story setting. One phone call to his mother letting her know that Cyrus was dead. The second phone call to Sabrina by her husband letting her know their child's murderer was dead. You hid the thoughts about a last minute reprieve, all indicators about Cyrus being executed quite well. I'm not sure how or when I realized what was really going on. A very sad story really, I bet one similar to this happens all too often. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

25

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4809901

Review of The astral collection

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey AnaStar

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 19^th WDC Anniversary!

I find your story very interesting, I just wish it was a bit longer, with more of Amy's journeys. I've often wondered about people's dreams and where they come from. Your story does a good job answering that question.

I loved the idea that Amy found that glass ashtray on a train in Tennessere. You give examples of three items Amy brought back from her Astral travels. This almost implies that Amy does not always travel while sleeping. At the same time, it could mean you only mentioned those three, with more around her room. What you might consider doing, should you edit this, is add a line about there being many more items that Diane has put away. Just a thought. An excellent story, thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .