I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link.
This is good! I liked this. I would recommend that you change the second genre to anything else. This is copyrighted 2022. The contest is probably over. Find another genre, get more eyes on your wonderful poem.
You draw a fantastic word pictures with this poem. I could visualize everything you wrote. And I know that which I speak of. I grew up on a farm.
I see no glaring errors, nothing I would suggest that you change.
The problem with flash fiction is that sometimes you have to reread it to understand it. That's what happened to me with this. It took me a moment to realize that it was two cops talking at the end. I have a couple suggestions I'd like you to consider.
First, add to this sentence: Later, in the police car. “She does this every week?”.
Make it something like this: Later, in the police car, the rookie patrolman asked, "So she does this every week?”
"Mostly," Sgt Hopkins said, etc. etc..
Another suggestion, this was written two years ago. The contest is over. Also, Other is a genre no one ever looks in. Change the genres. I'd suggest Family, Comedy, maybe Relationship. Use all three allowed genres. It gets more eyes on your writing.
This is a really fun read, and it wouldn't take much to strengthen it. You can do it! Give it a shot!
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link
Took me a few minutes, but this grew on me, as I reflected on what I had read. This is awesome! I like the rhyming scheme. I never noticed how you set up the syllables until I finished this. Very good.
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review. Link
I rarely give 5-star ratings. Five stars is nearly or absolutely perfect. This is nearly perfect. Really loved this. There is a definite Emily Dickinson feel to this. At least to me there is, but I am no expert on poetry.
On thing I did notice. For the cadence to feel more comfortable, the 2nd line of the 6th paragraph, change the word "wanderers" to its poetic form, "wand'rers". I think it will make it flow better.
I see no glaring errors, nothing else i would change.
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link
This is fantastic! You promptly followed the prompts which prompted me to give a promptly appropriate review. I gave this 4.5 stars, but I could be convinced to give it 5. I rarely give 5 stars because 5 stars is nearly or absolutely perfect. This is close.
I see no glaring errors, nothing I would have you change.
I found this by clicking on the Read and Review link.
This is an amusing look at memoirs. It is written well. And I enjoyed reading this. I loved the name Oh-so-wise Son. Goes along with my family names, my wife Mom, my son, Son and his wife, Daughter-in-Law, etc.
Two thoughts I want to share with you. I would never consider writing my memoirs for two reasons. One: Nobody's interested, and two: In don't remember most of it, any way!
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link.
This is good. I feel a little more tension during the crisis would be a good thing. There are a few typos, for example, there are a few places where you need to add an opening quotation mark. This feels rushed. The characters feel like cardboard cutouts. I suggest you expand this, make it longer. Explore the characters.
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link.
This is not bad. It is a good example of free form poetry. Your words draw mental images, the point of poetry. You have successfully portrayed working in the flower garden.
I found this by clicking on the R ead & Review link.
You have done a good job telling us all about Alex. This would be so much better if you showed us. Try something like this for the first paragraph:
Alex had twin passions. He spent days honing his basketball skills at his high school's basketball court. Playing the saxophone on the balcony of his family's modest two-story house consumed his evenings.
Say something about how he learned the sax. Does Mom play? Maybe there's an old man down the street (you know, an old man in his late 40s) who works at the factory during the day and plays the sax in a band in clubs downtown evenings and weekends. Maybe he mentored and encouraged Alex.
Include the Alex's conversation with the coach as the coach recruits him to the team. Later have the coach give him a pep talk toward the end, ending with him extolling him to find his rhythm. Also, give details of the game. A full-blown play-by-play is not necessary, but give it some drama. Maybe down at halftime, and a second-half comeback. But I don't think a miracle finish is called for.
Basically what I want to tell you is that this is a good story. It just needs some help. Think of this as an outline for a slightly longer story. Flesh it out some and you will have very good story about a guy with two interests.
This is a good essay. As the father of an only child, I understand some of what you are talking about, from a different perspective from which you write. I think you have addressed your situation intelligently, and compassionately. In my humble opinion, I think you could insert a bit of humor, to lighten the mood. However, if you are uncomfortable with humor, do not try it. This is not the type of writing to hone your comedy skills on. There are other pieces to try that on.
One thing I want to be sure point out: Your genres: Self Help, Relationship, definitely. Melodrama? Really? Sorry, this is not melodramatic. A better genre? Personal. I suggest you change the genre to this. It would be a much better choice.
Other than that, I see no glaring errors, nothing I would change. This is an excellent essay, well worth the 4 1/2 stars I give it.
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link.
This is a cute story. I understand that this is flash fiction, and by nature very short. Once the contest is over, I urge you to expand this. One of the problems with flash fiction, in my humble opinion, is that it is too short. No room for real development, or growth. Great for stand-up comedy, not so good for other endeavors.
Stop being a grumpy old man, Dad.
All that said, there is nothing wrong with this story a little more character development wouldn't fix. This would give the story's main conflict - Oozy wanting fresh brains - more room to develop. You might even let Putrid and Rotsy get tempted, and it would be interesting to see their reactions. You refer to them as creatures in the 3rd line. Go ahead and call them zombies. They are, after all.
Basically, this feels like a outline for a story. Not that that is a bad thing. On the contrary, it's just a comment. I just think that lengthening this would improve it.
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link
This is an inspired love poem. What a delight!
I liked that each stanza began and ended with the exact same line. Very nice touch. The rhyming scheme throughout was awesome. Nice work. The cadence wasn't forced, which made it an easy read.
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link
This is a very delightful children's story. All the way through it I kept seeing fanciful, children's book style drawings, reminiscent of Witch Hazel in the old Bugs Bunny cartoons. Yet, your genres do not include Children's? Why? I would think that would've been your first genre.
I see no glaring errors, nothing I would change about the body of the story.
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link
As one who got caught in the infamous 2008 economic meltdown and lost his job, I can definitely identify with this poem
It is very good. I like the juxtaposition of the bleak with the optimistic. The gloom of the meltdown as opposed to the positivity of the flowers. Excellent work.
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link.
This is good. It took a few minutes to realize what was going on, but I did. I think you could make a bigger break when Mom gets home. Maybe center three #s between them, like this:
# # #
Anything to show passage of time.
Another thing that pops into my mind is your genres. This was written 4 years ago. I assume the contest is over. We can use up to 3 genres. Use all three. Anything to get eyes on our writing. I would suggest Family, Comedy, Experience, Friendship, maybe Children's, although this might give children who read it ideas.
Which we don't want.
All in all, this is good.
I see no glaring errors, nothing else I would change.
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link.
I enjoyed this. I wish this site could accept a musical staff. (I can read music, even if I no longer play piano.) I'd be interested in the type of music you have in mind. I see an 80s style hair band rocker, or power ballad. What did you envision?
As for the lyrics themselves, I can feel your pain, which is a good thing. This is very good just the way it is.
Happy WdC BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION MONTH! I chose this for a WdC anniversary review!
This is not bad. It is a wonderful extolling of your love, joy, and happiness at finally being united to The One, and I am very happy for you. You mark it LGBTQ+, which it is (and you should), but this is simply a nice simple love song. I liked this very much.
I see no glaring errors, nothing I would like to change.
Happy WdC BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION MONTH! I chose this for a WdC anniversary review!
This is cute. It's a good parody. I have to admit i don't know "Pretty Fly (For a White Guy)" all that well, but that shouldn't matter in a parody. And in this case, it doesn't. I love song parodies, which also means that I can be harsh on them. There is nothing here to be overly critical about. You have done well, sticking with the flow of the original - which is the most important thing in parodizing. This is humorous, which is the second most important factor.
Happy WdC BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION MONTH! I chose this for a WdC anniversary review!
I do not give 5 stars very often. I consider 5 stars nearly or absolutely perfect. This has earned 5 stars.
Technically this is very good. I saw no glaring errors.
Emotionally is where this got me. It takes a good man to step in and take over when the father can't. (I have other words for the sperm donor who won't, but that's for another day.) I have a great deal respect for Granduncle. Your tribute to him is what got me. It brought a tear to my eye. Perfect! This is what we as writers strive for. And you did this, by the looks of this, effortlessly. I salute you for that.
Like Granduncle, I have fostered and mentored children. Its rewards are genuine and numerous. You can see my take on that in my essay "Happiness " . I call myself Dad, but I have only 1 child and 2 grandkids. And uncounted fosters and proteges, each by themselves a treasure. I hope and pray I'm half the man you have made Granduncle out to be.
Happy WdC BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION MONTH! I chose this for a WdC anniversary review!
This is a wonderful, fanciful tale, with an important message. I'd never heard of sibyls, so I looked them up. Very interesting.
As for the story, the set up is excellent. I've lived near Daytona Beach for nearly 40 years, so the background at the beginning of the story made it easy to draw mental pictures. I did find a couple of typos throughout the piece, but they're easily fixed and easily overlooked. I like Sibyl's sassiness. I've always pictured mermaids as a bit sassy to begin with - I didn't think Ariel was sassy enough. She should've been on a sassiness level of Tinkerbell, IMHO.
I get told often to expand some of my writing, and the answer is always I've said everything I had to say. That said, I would love to see you expand this. Have the narrator ask more questions, let Sibyl's sassiness shine through more in her answers.
As it is, this is very good. I see no glaring errors, nothing I would change outside correcting the few typos.
Happy WdC BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION MONTH! I chose this for a WdC anniversary review!
Well, this was different. Not bad. Definitely not something I would've written, but not bad. I don't have any real suggestions, or criticisms. I found it interesting that some of the words were colored, but I assume that had to do with the contest. With that in mind, I would recommend that you keep the genre Arts, but change the other two. I'd suggest Experience, Emotional, maybe Inspirational.
I saw no glaring errors, nothing else I would change.
Happy WdC BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION MONTH! I chose this for a WdC anniversary review!
Pieces like this are always very difficult for me to review. The reasons is that they are very good, excellent even. It's just that they are not what I am interested in. This is a fantastic poem. I'm just not a fan of poetry.
A good review explains what the reviewer doesn't like. I didn't find any individual part of this I didn't like. Technically, there is nothing wrong with this. It is clear and concise, the cadence is spot on, the rhyming scheme is perfect, the mood is consistent. It is well thought out and well written. You did well. In my humble opinion you found a way to balance reverent with whimsical, which I not easy.
The only thing i would recommend that you change is the first genre. You posted this for a contest in 2004. Please change the first genre to something more apropos. I would recommend Friendship, Emotional, Experience, something like that.
Happy WdC BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION MONTH! I chose this for a WdC anniversary review
This is a great, light-hearted look at superheroes-in-training. I love it! Great concept! This was a great read all the way through! I did notice few things, however. There were a couple of typos. For example, while describing the two bad guys, you say Jack’s hair was long an unkempt, where I think you mean long and unkempt.
Another thing. I'm big on the right genres. Other is never ever the right genre. Nobody looks for something to read in Other. And getting eyes on our words is why we post. I would recommend Teen, Thriller, Young Adult, maybe Satire. To me, this seems both directed to a younger audience, but not small children, and as a parody or satire of the campy old 60s Batman or Green Hornet series.
All in all, this was a good, fun read, and I liked it.
Happy WdC BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION MONTH! I chose this for a WdC anniversary review!
What a delight(fully gross) story about your run-in with that jolliest of old elves. I laughed all the way through it! I can see how that could have psychosomatically twisted your brain. And I have seen the movie "Bad Santa." I think if I would suggest anything, it would be to spend a little more time describing the horror scene the elevator became. It seems a little rushed to me. But don't forget, if you do expand it, too much will drag it down, so it is a fine line you would need to walk.
Oh. And By the way, the shrink's name is absolutely perfect.
Happy WdC BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION MONTH! I chose this for a WdC anniversary review!
This is very good. I felt like this lifelong civilian should stand and salute while reading this. Excellent! This is the emotion you were going for. Good job. This reminded me of a poem I would read on the air when I was a disc jockey, "Freedom Isn't Free." I'd have a hard time maintaining my composure while reading it.
There are a couple changes I would recommend:
In the 5th stanza, you say:
He paid the price for freedom
with face down in the sand
there upon the beaches
of a so foreign land.
I think it would sound better of you say it this way:
He paid the price for freedom
with face down in the sand
there upon the beaches of so foreign a land.
A minor detail, but I think it flows better.
The other change is:
The last stanza reads:
Because of those like him
you and are free today
but for a country to be free
means someone has to pay.
I think you mean:
Because of those like him
you and I are free today
but for a country to be free
means someone has to pay.
Gee like I never do that!
On the whole, this is a wonderful tribute to soldiers, and I for one appreciate you sentiments, and thank you for them. (My brother served in the first Gulf War, and his son in the second.)
Write on
Smiles
Dad
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