I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link.
This is very good. Just a nice slice of life. So why aren't you promoting this? Your genre is Other. Nobody looks in Other for something to read. I would suggest Family, or Experience, Inspiration. This is too good to be hidden where nobody browses.
On the other hand, it must be good if the only thing i can criticize is the genre. I see no glaring errors, nothing I would change.
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link.
There's an old adage that says, always leave 'em wanting more.
You left me wanting more! Good job!
This is very good as it is. I greatly enjoyed this. In today's world, where popular songs are typically 5 minutes long, this seems a little short. IMHO you could add stanzas outlining your recovery to the middle of this.
If you are satisfied with what you have said and are finished with it, leave it as it is.
I see no glaring errors, nothing that demands a change.
I found this by clicking on the Read and Review link.
I think I might have missed something with this. Is this part of a longer piece? This is well written, and I fully understand the canary in the coal mine scenario. (IMHO, Canary in the Coal Mine might be a better title). What I think it boils down to is, flash fiction is very difficult to do well. No time to give background, flesh out characters, provide context, etc., etc. (This comes from one who takes 15 minutes just to say good morning. Am I long-winded? Oh, yeah!) And I will readily admit that I am a tough grader on flash fiction. I had no problem figuring out that Jerry was the bird. I think we are missing a couple of very important details. What is the danger? Why was the alien a threat? How could nobody detect the alien until Jerry calls him out, yet Wallace immediately killed him with one punch to the perfect place?
But, of course, no space in flash fiction for details.
I think you owe it to yourself to revisit this. This is well written, and an intriguing idea. It's crying out to be expanded. Give us more information. I like this. Good luck.
I found this by following the link on Jace's review of this item.
I happen to agree with Jace. I, too, am a "man of a certain age." Obviously, this is not geared to a 65-year-old man, but I still enjoyed this. You seem to have a flare for comedy, in the Erma Bombeck style.
I must agree with Jace. My old eyes would like it if you used a larger font. You'll notice I use a larger font for this. I am currently working on upping the font on my work in my portfolio, and maybe someday I'll finish that task. As an older man, why put off until tomorrow what I can put off indefinitely.
I found this by clicking on the Read and Review link.
I rarely give 5 stars. Five stars is nearly, or absolutely perfect. This is nearly perfect. I'm sure there's something wrong with this that I'm missing (maybe you used the wrong finger to mash the "Submit" button?). But if there is, I can't find it. This is a nice salute to WdC, and i like it.
I found this by clicking on the Read and Review link.
First of all, I am NOT an expert on poetry. This is just one man's opinion about something he knows very little about. You know, like a politician.
This is very interesting. Putting aside the alphabetical point of this exercise, IMHO, this is OK. Not great, certainly not bad, just OK. However, put in the alphabetical portion, which would have gone completely over my head had you not forewarned me, improves this greatly. Bumped it up from 3 stars to 4 stars. Good job.
I see no glaring errors, nothing I would recommend that you change.
I found this by clicking on the Read and Review link.
I'm not sure if this is written from a dog's perspective, or a human acting, like your said, like a dog. Great! Keep us guessing! Excellent use of words.
Personally I see it from a clingy person's perspective, but maybe someone else would say, Dad, you're crazy. It's so obviously a dog it ain't funny. That makes good writing, IMHO.
I see no glaring errors, nothing I would recommend that you change.
I found this by clicking on the Read and Review link.
First and foremost, I am NOT an expert on poetry. This is all one man's opinion concerning something about which he knows very little. In other words, in this case, I may be a politician!
All that said, I like this. It's good. My one though on it is, if it were left up to me (please see disclaimer above), you should make this three quatrains. In each stanza, combine lines 1 and 2, and lines 3 and 4. For example, your first stanza reads:
The midnight air
is soft as silk,
rains down
on dainty fields.
I would recommend that you change this to:
The midnight air is soft as silk,
rains down on dainty fields.
then do the same to the seconds stanza, so the whole thing looks like this:
The midnight air is soft as silk,
rains down on dainty fields.
Whispers of care, a kiss too sweet,
these two for love yet wields.
It's a stylistic point, and it's just a suggestion. (Please see the disclaimer above)
I liked this very much. Keep up the good work!
I see no glaring errors, nothing I would recommend that you change.
I found this by clicking on the read and review link.
This is a delight! Not sure what you drank, but it certainly sounds potent. Woo!
Couple thoughts on this. I know that I never felt good "The Morning After" when I was drinking. (I quit drinking when I got married 40 years ago, and don't regret it). (I don't regret quitting drinking and getting married, both!) Go to school? Hell, I didn't wanna get out of bed! Maybe you could feel at least a little down in the mouth. (A very minor point. When we're write, anything can happen!)
The other thought: Biographical? YES! But we're allowed three genres. I urge you to add comedy to Comedy as a genre! This is hilarious! Choose another genre, any genre, as the third genre. We're allowed three, three will get more eyes on your writing, and that's the important part of posting.
I see no glaring errors, nothing else I would change.
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link.
This is good! I liked this. I would recommend that you change the second genre to anything else. This is copyrighted 2022. The contest is probably over. Find another genre, get more eyes on your wonderful poem.
You draw a fantastic word pictures with this poem. I could visualize everything you wrote. And I know that which I speak of. I grew up on a farm.
I see no glaring errors, nothing I would suggest that you change.
The problem with flash fiction is that sometimes you have to reread it to understand it. That's what happened to me with this. It took me a moment to realize that it was two cops talking at the end. I have a couple suggestions I'd like you to consider.
First, add to this sentence: Later, in the police car. “She does this every week?”.
Make it something like this: Later, in the police car, the rookie patrolman asked, "So she does this every week?”
"Mostly," Sgt Hopkins said, etc. etc..
Another suggestion, this was written two years ago. The contest is over. Also, Other is a genre no one ever looks in. Change the genres. I'd suggest Family, Comedy, maybe Relationship. Use all three allowed genres. It gets more eyes on your writing.
This is a really fun read, and it wouldn't take much to strengthen it. You can do it! Give it a shot!
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link
Took me a few minutes, but this grew on me, as I reflected on what I had read. This is awesome! I like the rhyming scheme. I never noticed how you set up the syllables until I finished this. Very good.
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review. Link
I rarely give 5-star ratings. Five stars is nearly or absolutely perfect. This is nearly perfect. Really loved this. There is a definite Emily Dickinson feel to this. At least to me there is, but I am no expert on poetry.
On thing I did notice. For the cadence to feel more comfortable, the 2nd line of the 6th paragraph, change the word "wanderers" to its poetic form, "wand'rers". I think it will make it flow better.
I see no glaring errors, nothing else i would change.
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link
This is fantastic! You promptly followed the prompts which prompted me to give a promptly appropriate review. I gave this 4.5 stars, but I could be convinced to give it 5. I rarely give 5 stars because 5 stars is nearly or absolutely perfect. This is close.
I see no glaring errors, nothing I would have you change.
I found this by clicking on the Read and Review link.
This is an amusing look at memoirs. It is written well. And I enjoyed reading this. I loved the name Oh-so-wise Son. Goes along with my family names, my wife Mom, my son, Son and his wife, Daughter-in-Law, etc.
Two thoughts I want to share with you. I would never consider writing my memoirs for two reasons. One: Nobody's interested, and two: In don't remember most of it, any way!
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link.
This is good. I feel a little more tension during the crisis would be a good thing. There are a few typos, for example, there are a few places where you need to add an opening quotation mark. This feels rushed. The characters feel like cardboard cutouts. I suggest you expand this, make it longer. Explore the characters.
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link.
This is not bad. It is a good example of free form poetry. Your words draw mental images, the point of poetry. You have successfully portrayed working in the flower garden.
I found this by clicking on the R ead & Review link.
You have done a good job telling us all about Alex. This would be so much better if you showed us. Try something like this for the first paragraph:
Alex had twin passions. He spent days honing his basketball skills at his high school's basketball court. Playing the saxophone on the balcony of his family's modest two-story house consumed his evenings.
Say something about how he learned the sax. Does Mom play? Maybe there's an old man down the street (you know, an old man in his late 40s) who works at the factory during the day and plays the sax in a band in clubs downtown evenings and weekends. Maybe he mentored and encouraged Alex.
Include the Alex's conversation with the coach as the coach recruits him to the team. Later have the coach give him a pep talk toward the end, ending with him extolling him to find his rhythm. Also, give details of the game. A full-blown play-by-play is not necessary, but give it some drama. Maybe down at halftime, and a second-half comeback. But I don't think a miracle finish is called for.
Basically what I want to tell you is that this is a good story. It just needs some help. Think of this as an outline for a slightly longer story. Flesh it out some and you will have very good story about a guy with two interests.
This is a good essay. As the father of an only child, I understand some of what you are talking about, from a different perspective from which you write. I think you have addressed your situation intelligently, and compassionately. In my humble opinion, I think you could insert a bit of humor, to lighten the mood. However, if you are uncomfortable with humor, do not try it. This is not the type of writing to hone your comedy skills on. There are other pieces to try that on.
One thing I want to be sure point out: Your genres: Self Help, Relationship, definitely. Melodrama? Really? Sorry, this is not melodramatic. A better genre? Personal. I suggest you change the genre to this. It would be a much better choice.
Other than that, I see no glaring errors, nothing I would change. This is an excellent essay, well worth the 4 1/2 stars I give it.
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link
This is an inspired love poem. What a delight!
I liked that each stanza began and ended with the exact same line. Very nice touch. The rhyming scheme throughout was awesome. Nice work. The cadence wasn't forced, which made it an easy read.
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link
As one who got caught in the infamous 2008 economic meltdown and lost his job, I can definitely identify with this poem
It is very good. I like the juxtaposition of the bleak with the optimistic. The gloom of the meltdown as opposed to the positivity of the flowers. Excellent work.
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link.
This is good. It took a few minutes to realize what was going on, but I did. I think you could make a bigger break when Mom gets home. Maybe center three #s between them, like this:
# # #
Anything to show passage of time.
Another thing that pops into my mind is your genres. This was written 4 years ago. I assume the contest is over. We can use up to 3 genres. Use all three. Anything to get eyes on our writing. I would suggest Family, Comedy, Experience, Friendship, maybe Children's, although this might give children who read it ideas.
Which we don't want.
All in all, this is good.
I see no glaring errors, nothing else I would change.
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link.
I enjoyed this. I wish this site could accept a musical staff. (I can read music, even if I no longer play piano.) I'd be interested in the type of music you have in mind. I see an 80s style hair band rocker, or power ballad. What did you envision?
As for the lyrics themselves, I can feel your pain, which is a good thing. This is very good just the way it is.
Happy WdC BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION MONTH! I chose this for a WdC anniversary review!
This is not bad. It is a wonderful extolling of your love, joy, and happiness at finally being united to The One, and I am very happy for you. You mark it LGBTQ+, which it is (and you should), but this is simply a nice simple love song. I liked this very much.
I see no glaring errors, nothing I would like to change.
Write on
Smiles
Dad
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