For me, this poem is about grieving what’s been lost, maybe a loved one or a relationship. It beautifully speaks of memory and sorrow, filled with reminders of what once was.
It feels like someone wandering through their past, searching for something lost forever, and realizing that even grief becomes part of you.
A couple of my favorite lines are:
• I wander where the lost wind sings.
• For in this garden, all that clings
Are ghosts of forgotten, fragile things.
It's hard to believe you're just a teenager, writing such poignant things. Nicely done!
What a lovely poem and nice metaphor about love. Only one suggestion: this line mad me pause as I read
The hail took the bee down after a tough fight
Here is a suggestion for revision (suggestion only! I'm sure you can do better!)
Hail took the bee down after a bitter fight.
How poignant. I've read/heard that on our death bed, the thing we regret the most is not saying words like these to the ones we love. If we could only learn this early on in life. They may be just words, but they mean so much to most people. We don't want to die with regrets!
First, let me welcome you to writing.com (WDC). Your first poem is a lovely poem about the tides/waves of Mumbai conveyed as a metaphor of a woman. How she watches over "her people" nurturing them. The sea and the moon are her friends in this scenario, which is a nice image. She has seen so much during her life and yet she never fails to do her job.
Nice perspective on Halloween from a kid's point of view. How cool is it to feel so courageous when we're costumed and masked. It was so much fun! Make me want to be a kid again and have those same great adventures when adult rules didn't matter so much for those few hours.
Your poem seems to mix some dream-like images with bureaucratic language. In light of the political situation these days, this seems so real: we still have hope for humanity despite all the "goings-on" in our political worlds. We feel broken, but want so much to be whole again. Maybe we need to go back in time when life was a little simpler.
I love this. One of the best things one can do is to teach children "curiosity!" Where would the world be if great inventors, storytellers, poets, and so on were not curious. One must ask questions to find the answers; as they say, the only stupid question is the one not asked.
I like this poem. Such a sad tale for one of the most horrific sinkings ever. It me a little of the song "The Edmund Fitzgerald" by Gordon Lightfoot, where the ship went down in the Great Lakes. Nice idea to wrap everything back to the first verse. This could also be put to music to make a "classic" song.
This is interesting. I believe you're already in "heaven" (if you believe in a heaven of some sort) if you try to live a good life, which for me means compassion (to self and others), kindness, and laughter. I do think these are things we spend our lives learning and get better at as we get older. We learn to be honest only to the point we don't hurt others.
Nice! Isn't it interesting how you can write a line or a few words and the rest comes through at some point down the road. This poem paints a great image of nature. I can see the brook, the dragonflies, and the birds as I read this. I love the lines: The bird choir holds rehearsal
In the pine tree concert hall.
This tell a great story of the value we seem to put on a veteran's life these days. It's shameful how they get treated and "dumped like the trash." A dog (the best angels ever!) entering his life is a true blessing. Abandoned dogs must truly have some of the same feelings (physical and emotional) that the veteran feels.
Great job! Sad words, but so poignant these days.
This line really struck me: like how do you encourage peace and then are asked to kill?
What your poem says to me (right or wrong ):
As adults, we see, know, and understand the struggles of life. Maybe sometimes we know too much.
If only we could go back and view life as an innocent child, how wonderful that would be. As children, we don't understand grief, we're always hopeful, not disillusioned with the world around them. All is fresh and new and full of precious moments. As adults, we should learn forgiveness: everyone has their story but we rarely ask or try to understand.
This poem makes me wish we could all project peace and harmony and celebrate our inner child. We all have one inside somewhere! I also think that undergoing grief/sorrow changes us all -- hopefully for the better as we learn the lessons.
Nothing jumped out at me that should be changed, so...
Nice job! Keep up the good words.
This poem showed up in the "Read and Review" section. It's awesome. It flows so well, and the rhymes are perfect. I love nature and the bounty is shares with us. Words like this should inspire the world to protect the earth more. Can't pick a favorite line; they're all great!
I'm not a particular fan of witchcraft, demons, or (of course) abuse, but this is a well-written poem. The rhyming is great, the flow is wonderful, and it tells a terrific little story.
I like the closing line that wraps up the story so well! Will Mummy learn to love her little spawn? LOL.
Good morning (at least it is where I live!)
I came across this poem while browsing the Read & Review section.
It struck a chord with me as I too love music: listening and strumming a little guitar (a little strumming; not a little guitar! LOL)
Anyway, what speaks to me in your words:
• the variety of music from classic symphonies to rock and roll and the joy we find when listening to good music, whether analog/digital or live. All have their place in our lives.
• I enjoy Christmas music, because it brings back memories of childhood Christmases which were the best time of year in the farmhouse where I grew up.
The rhyming is awesome; I'm not sure I could have come up with those words that make the poem flow so well. Nicely done!
I can think of nothing to improve this. It's an awesome story about music in our lives.
For me the poem talks about going to a place that most people fear, but not you. Where is this place? (rhetorical question) It seems to be some place that people find "dark and scary." The forest or a gorge are what come to mind at first. But the place understands who you are and why you're there. For me that's nature, although parts of your poem remind me of drowning (the darkness and silence of being under water).
WE all need a place to go sometimes to escape the chaos and struggles of life. A place to be alone and reflect.
We often fear what we can't define, but searching for a tranquil place is key—like meditation. It's how we discover who we are and learn to accept the good with the bad in our lives.
Now, I may be way off here, but it's my interpretation of the poem!
You free verse flows well, and your word choices are awesome, leaving (I believe) room for personal interpretation. Nice!
This poem caught my eye in the "Read and Review" section as it speaks to me as I am an introvert/loner. I like it that way more and more as I get older. I spend my time doing art and some writing (among other things) and these things make me happy.
I don't dislike people at all, but after multi-people gatherings, I tend to need time to decompress. I've learned to accept this about myself and am grateful and happy that I enjoy my own company, learn on my own.
I do love to be with people outside these things and indeed find them beneficial toward my goals and needs -- or to break the shack-wacky feelings I sometimes get after being alone too long. LOL
Ha! Ha! I had to giggle at this modern take on an old myth.
I always wondered about this Cupid guy! LOL
I love the flow and rhyming. Nicely done!
I also like the contrast between smart and fool in the first two stanzas.
I love poems about nature, so I thought I'd return the review favor and take a look at one of yours.
This is a lovely simple poem about the transient life of a flower. If we pick a flower and it makes us happy, then "yay!"
I have only one minor (grammatical) suggestion:
3rd line: and also are redundant; I'd suggest removing "also."
This is a very interesting piece. I love that you feel and wonder about the night, the lights, and what happens during the almost dark.
I like the first two lines as they remind us that we should all be curious about what goes on around us -- day or night.
And the last line: the answer is in us all. If you are a meditator, we know that all answers are inside us even though we are all connected by the universe and its magical secrets.
How apropos in light of your election coming up, but we won't get into politics here!
It feels like a "prose poem," but your words flow well through the stanzas.
You put forth a valid message in these lines. I particularly like the message of the second verse: To “Think for Yourself” is to do your own research
so that you can form your own conclusions
with your own thoughts.
Not the thoughts of others who tell you what to think.
This is how I like to live my life. Be a skeptic and do your own research. You may come up with the wrong answer, but you might have fodder for debate!
This is a lovely poem with definite undertones of sadness and aloneness. The homeless only want a friend, some food, some shelter, and other basics of life. And, yet, we tend to walk on by and not give them the time of day. We tend to think of all the negative aspects and not the underlying reasons why they are living on the streets. It is so sad in todays world with the homeless population growing by leaps and bounds.
I like that you wrote from the "soul of the homeless person." It adds so much to your message. And I like the reminder that autumn (cooler weather) is leading to frigid winter weather in which the "soul" has to try and survive.
This is an older one of your poems, but it showed up in the Read and Review section this morning.
A poem full of optimism.
We all go through "periods of rain," but eventually, the sun does shine again.
The idea of rainbows and a golden sun do encourage us to get outside and enjoy nature -- nothing better than to take us out of our "despair and sorrow."
Your words flow well, and your word choices are good.
This is a wonderful poem about love and loss.
I think of the suggestion to write letters to people in order to resolve issues and let things go. This is a great example of that!
I love the phrase "dotted your eyes!" Brilliant!
I also like the lines about the eraser dust. What a great metaphor! And, the final "turning the page." The narrator is "letting go!"
How nice to think about and thank all the people that made you who you are. I don't think we do that often enough.
I like that your brought in specific things that you feel grateful for, like
• confidence
• empowerment
• love and contentment
• of course, nature which is the best way to appreciate life
Favorite lines: To nature, whose soothing hand
brought solace to my soul
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