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849 Public Reviews Given
1,002 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I usually love reviewing. I will try to be honest about any plothole or the language issues I find.
I'm good at...
Poetry and all kind of fiction.
Favorite Genres
Romance, Erotica, Emotional.
Least Favorite Genres
Nil
Favorite Item Types
Poems, Short Stories and Novels.
Least Favorite Item Types
Non-fiction.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Sacrifices  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey, 🌝 HuntersMoon Author Icon. A Whitewalker to review you from "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window.. Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

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Imagery Created

Is it how the people see themselves? I have always wondered how I would see myself after some years, but I am left without answers. I cringe at my younger self and I still wonder about my older self. Your poem captures the nostalgia beautifully. It showcases the bygone days and current days too, and I believe to show so much in such few lines is an art in itself.

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Language, grammar and form

The poem is very well-written and the rhymes are spot on like always. I just have a small issue with the word "that" in the sentence the soldier that he sees. I believe whom will be a better word there. Give it a thought! This word distracted me while reading and hence I am pointing it out.



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Punctuation

No issues noted down.


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Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I loved the first stanza where the present starts looking in the past. It is vivid and creates a clear picture in mind. I actually enjoyed vividness in the whole poem.


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Other thoughts and suggestions

Like always, this is one of the good poems of yours. I don't know many people in any kind of army, but reading this made me wonder about the guilt a person might carry. I know it is not in the poem, but it is just how my mind jumped to the thought. I guess it came from the sentence of freinds being in flanders.


Image for GoT


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2
2
Review of The Odds of Irony  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey there. I am here from "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window.'s White Walker's halls to review you. Please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend.

Initial Impressions
I chuckled, and I'm also wondering what are the odds. But having been in a similar situation, I do believe that such thing is possible. It must be possible with more common names all around. I enjoyed the story and the way your Rob felt so puffed up about his beauty. I did wonder if you were going to develop some romance between the two characters, but it is not really essential.

Suggestions
I did not notice any kind of grammatical mistakes in the story.

What I loved
I don't know how you did it because there are not too many words in the story, but despite this the story you weaved sounded more probably and more scenic. I could see the whole scene despite the lack of details about the settings and other stuff. I do believe that this is an art in itself, and I commend you for that.

Parting Thoughts
I wonder if you expanded this or was it merely an exercise of flash fiction. It has the potential to be more, should you choose it to be. You can take it anywhere.

Thanks a lot for giving me my chuckle of the day.

If you liked the review, please drop by "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. with some cheers for whitewalkers.

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3
3
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hey, Prosperous Snow celebrating Author Icon. I'm here from the halls of "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. to review you. Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

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Imagery Created

Such a poignant story with the point of view of penny! I enjoyed that you did not deviate from the POV of the penny and let her see the world from its eyes. It would have been such a shortcut to explain things, but you stuck to the POV and that's the best part of the story for me. Your story touched me, especially towards the end because I was never able to guess their relationship. I did wonder about the year, but I was not able to make the guess.

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Language, grammar and form

Few of the observation on the grammar are as follows:

1) slacks packet: The right word here is pocket.
2) that he has thought about everyday: The word "her" is missing here.
3) through the veil he's regretted : There should be a comma after the word veil.


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Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

AS I said, I loved the POV of the story the most as explained above.


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Other thoughts and suggestions

I think that you should polish this story a bit and maybe add a few more descriptions. That will make the story more powerful, although it is done pretty well now.

Thanks for sharing this.


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4
4
Review of The Stain  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hey, Zwordling Author Icon. I am here from "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. halls to review you. Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

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Imagery Created

Wow. That's the impression that I have after reading the story. As a reader in the story, you never lost me in the story. I was with the protagonist every step of the way. I was confused as she was wondering what was happening. I had always wondered what weird tales look like, and I guess I got a good answer. Your description and story was nicely done.


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Language, grammar and form


There were two errors that I observed which are highlighted below:


What have to done to me,” : This is a typo as this shoulbe you done to me.
Revenge, justice, retribution, on all those who: The comma after retribution is not needed. Infact this sentence can do better with an and after justice. Right now your comma is separating the subject and the verb.


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Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I loved the beginning when you explained the confusion that she felt.


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Other thoughts and suggestions


I am awed how you managed to finish the story I just 999 words. That's the economy of the words right there. The story speaks of the hotels without being horror in itself. The only thing I believe it could have been better in would be ending, but then it will take more words. Otherwise it is a nice story.


Image for GoT


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5
5
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey there. I found your item while looking for action adventure piece to review. This sounded like a perfect adventure for a whitewalkers from "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window.
These are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend.

Initial Impression

This retelling of the escapades of your son was quite interesting. Since you started off with the warning, I guessed what was coming, but your dry sense of humor and self-determination in the story made me want to read it further. The anecdote kept me interested till the end.

Language,Grammar


I found the story very well-written and very well-written. There is one teeny tiny observation. You have used the word "coward" which is not the right usage of the word in the context. You might want to re-read and recheck that sentenCe. A find function should bring that forward. Also, you have used two semi-colons in the piece which are not right as per the English rules I follow. You might want to crosscheck that as well. Otherwise it is a good story.



Other suggestion
I have never thought of making a rocket or bomb myself. They are anyway available in my country and I am too scared of them. I wonder has your son read this essay? And how old is he now?

My favorite part of the piece wad the beginning where you gave beautiful introduction and expressed your regret .

Thanms for sharing this piece. Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*


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6
6
Review of The Beast  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hey there. I am a Whitewalker reviewing you on behalf of "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window.. Please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend.

Initial Impression

Loved it. That's all I can say in short. I mean I can write about how you kept me captivated till the end. I guessed some parts of the story as I read it, but overall you packed quite a punch in such few words. I enjoyed the way you showed the whole scene. I loved that the creature decided to forgive the hunter in the end. And I loved that John made the right decision. It was really a sweet story.

Language,Grammar

The story is very well-written. I just found a tiny error where in you have a comma extra in sentence I am, Kerr. The comma confused me for a moment as I could not really get what it meant, but then further reading clarified it well enough. Maybe it is an intentional thing, but in any case, you might want to give it a second look.



Other suggestion
I have not read many of your pieces, but I have seen the contest that you host and have always wondered about the kind of stories you write. This story just fit the bill for me. My favorite was the end when Kerr invited him to lay besides him and the cub joined him in the sleep. It was a poignant moment and the way you described it made it more poignant and interesting.

Thanks a lot for giving me this interesting story of the day.

Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*

Image for GoT


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7
7
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hey there. I am here from the house of whitewalkers of "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. to review your piece.
These are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend.

Initial Impressions

I was intrigued by what Boo antique the story was going to cover especially because you indicated boo is a puppy. I don't have a pet, but I have seen enough pet stories to guess that they are full time job. Keeping a pet sounds more like baby raising, and your story captured the incident nicely. I loved reading that you were so bothered about the whole loss of bread tie, although I have no idea what that is. But I did wonder why did you not check the kennel first. I also enjoyed the description of the dog's home.

Language,Grammar


I did not see any grammatical error. Thw piece is indeed very well edited. In fact I found it well balanced in terms of showing and telling of the story.



Other suggestion
I don't have any suggestions as such but i do believe that the piece can benefit from a few more antiques of the puppy. You indicated that it has been 10 years, and there is no mention of other such incidence. But you know the hint of the continued habit, if it was there, can add to the overall anecdote well. I am curious to know was you always on your toes because of this habit of your dog or was it once in a while thing

Thanks for sharing this piece of your Pet's life with us.
Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*


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8
8
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey BScholl Author Icon.I found this item while looking for the mystery genre to review for "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window.. Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Clapper* Plot *Clapper*

First of all, let me start the review by telling you that I loved the story. You have marked it as an emotional read, and I was indeed emotional while reading it. The mystery of the ending boggles my mind still. How did the diary thing worked was my biggest question that was in my mind after I finished the story. I wished you had answered it, but this open ending left so much of interpreting thoughts in my mind, I think I like this story this way. The plot you have used flow wonderfully.
*Person* Character *Person*

The character of Ms. Patty is shows through the different retellings, and I think James’s story clearly shows her emotions. The characters felt well-rounded for the story.
*City* Setting *City*

The setting is in some kind of home, but it is on this earth. It sounds like modern world with garage sales.
*Bookstack* Description *Bookstack*

Perfectly balanced description. I enjoyed the way you explained each scene and really showed it to the readers.

*Magnify* Language and Grammar *Magnify*

The story was very well written. I just have a few nitpicks which are indicated in the dropnote below:
Detailed Edit Points ▼
*Gold* Favorites and Not-so-favorites *Gold*

I loved the whole story.
*Thought2* Other thoughts and Suggestions *Thought2*

As I end my review, I would like to commend you on a job done well. I am also wondering if there is a sequel to this short story. That will be my next stop in your port, if it is there.

Thanks a lot for this amazing read. Keep writing. *Thumbsup*

Image for GoT


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9
9
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey, Jay O'Toole Author Icon. I am here to review your item on behalf of I Write group.Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

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Imagery Created

The poem captures the pain of loss quite well. I could feel the mother had enjoyed her life and was worried about passing away. I could even feel the pain in the reassurances you gave. It is quite an emotional poem.


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Language, grammar and form

I stumbled at some of the words, and I think that is because I am not Christian and you are referring to some religious books/stories. Yet I do think you need to take a look at the following sentences:
i) Our efforts need not grope. : I don't think the grope is the right word here. That sentence came out quite weird while reading.

ii)our separation mend. : I think there is a helping verb missing here. You might need to crosscheck it with the previous sentence.


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Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I loved how you captured the emotion in the poem. It is well-done.


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Other thoughts and suggestions

If this poem is true, I hope your mother is at peace now, wherever she is. Thanks for sharing this piece with us.


** Image ID #1929855 Unavailable **


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10
10
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey there.

I am here to review your piece on behalf of I Write. I enjoyed this story a lot. It is a fun take on the mixing of the genres and you have indeed blended the genres effortlessly. I liked the language and the maturity which is shown while handling those characters. You have not idolized them, but these are written in the manner that there is a satirical tone to the whole story.

I especially enjoyed the friendship between Artemis and Aphrodite and how they felt like real friends.

Thanks for giving me a smile of the day.


** Image ID #1929855 Unavailable **
11
11
Review of The Promise  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hey there, 🌝 HuntersMoon Author Icon. I was searching for the inspiration for the contest, and there I came across your poem. Please note that these are my reviews as a reader and are not meant to offend.

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Imagery Created

Your poem weaves a fine tale of the dragons. I loved the emotions you gave to the dragons and how "human" the dragons sounded. It resonated well with the message that you wanted to convey in the end.

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Language, grammar and form

I did not find any grammatical errors with the poem. The rhymes are well done except for perhaps memory and history which do not really rhyme when I speak them aloud. But I don't think it distracts much from the poem.


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Punctuation


Just a small observation regarding punctuation: In the following lines, don't you think there should be a comma at the end of the first sentence?

"‘Til man and dragon ceased to kill
protected it would stay."


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Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I loved how you weaved the messages in the poem. I loved the way you described that the hate can be worse than the violence itself. I also loved the way you explained the age of the dragon with the glistening of its scale.


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Other thoughts and suggestions

It's a wonderful poem and a poem with a cadence. If you haven't thought so, you can add it to the collection of the fantasy poem for children. I know I have read a few more in your port in past.

Also, thanks for sharing it. Your dedication to poetry is my inspiration.

** Image ID #1929855 Unavailable **


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12
12
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey, Gabs,. I found this item in the random review, and like most of your pieces I was pulled in the story. Please note that this review includes my opinion and is not meant to offend in anyway.

*Clapper* Plot *Clapper*

Before starting with the plot, a complaint: You need to give the warning to the reader before they start reading that this is going to be incomplete. I was waiting to know who is she and to see what world you have build. Complaint aside, the story has the great beginning and I would love to know what is going to happen next.

*Person* Character *Person*

Much characterization did not happen for anyone else except for Jace, and that was done quite well.


*City* Setting *City*

Modern day's settings are seen. I could not judge the year, but it felt like the story happening now.

*Bookstack* Description *Bookstack*

Beautifully incorporated in the story.

*Magnify* Language and Grammar *Magnify*

There are some grammatical mistakes in the story, but nothing is as glaring that it needs the instant fix. You can finish the story and then edit everything together.

*Gold* Favorites and Not-so-favorites *Gold*

I loved the basic premise of the story. The idea is interesting and it was well-done too. There was nothing I did not like.

*Thought2* Other thoughts and Suggestions *Thought2*


Do finish the story. It is indeed quite interesting. I enjoyed the mystery aspects as well as the romance of the story. It is such a curious thing to fall in love with someone you cannot see.

** Image ID #1929855 Unavailable **


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13
13
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey there. I am here on the behalf ogf"I Write in December-January-February" Open in new Window. to review your item. Please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

First Impression
Your poem and acrostic are in contrast with each other. It is like that secretly coded letter which showcases the real as well as the superficial sentiments. This might be a dramatic explanation, but that is the idea that I got from the poem. It might be because I have read too many unpleasant novels or something.

{c}Suggestions
None.

Final Thoughts
I wish you would change the description a bit. The description clearly outs what you want to say in the poem and kills the sublimity of the hidden message thing.

Thanks for sharing it.

** Image ID #1929855 Unavailable **


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14
14
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey, there. I am here for a review on behalf of "I Write in December-January-February" Open in new Window.. Please note that these are my views and are not meant to offend.

First impression
You have written a Haiku, and followed the syllable count, but I just could not make it out whether you are happy for rain or not. The poem tells me about squishy mud and soaked hair, but those can be both good and bad. Only good indicator part of rain that is reflected here is from bare toes. Is that what you intended?

Suggestion
You should not be capitalizing "H" of hair I guess. Rest looks fine.

Parting thoughts
A haiku is supposed to be more than a scene. I feel that this haiku falls short of that depth, but it is good for fun. Haiku is a beautiful form which can be used to convey a lot. I am glad to see that you enjoyed it.

** Image ID #1929855 Unavailable **


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15
15
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Hey there. I am here on behalf of "I Write in December-January-February" Open in new Window. to review your entry. Please note that this review represents my views and is not meant to offend in any way.

Initial Impression
I know it is an essay written on the film, but honestly I was a bit lost while reading the essay. I couldn't make it whether you wanted to talk about Alfred Hitchcock or about the movie. I believe you need to focus on one single idea throughout the essay. I haven't seen any of the movies indicated there,but I felt that you were more impressed by Rope than by Vertigo.

Suggestions
There is too much use of the word "swell" here. I actually went to the contest page to see if there was some requirement of using the word "swell"". Is it some kind of pop-reference that I am not understanding? I do know the meaning of the word, but I don't understand why have you used it so many times. Apart from this, I did not have any observations with regards to language.

Final Thoughts
I did enjoy the different movies you have touched upon in this essay. I have added some of them to my to be watched pile as well. Thanks for sharing this.

** Image ID #1929855 Unavailable **


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16
16
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey there. I am here from "I Write in December-January-February" Open in new Window. for a review.

These are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend.

First impression

I did enjoy this small conversation. In my eyes, Santa and Jesus are same. Just different names or may be different ways to celebrate. I loved how you brought all religions into the story.

Language,Grammar

I found the piece well done except for a small error. I used to think eggnog is a single word. But please crosscheck once on your end as it is not the word I regularly use.

Also I really didn't get the distinction between magic and miracles. So that part felt a bit strange to me.



Other suggestion
I immensely enjoyed your thoughts. Especially the point when Santa consoles Jesus about the lost people who come back later.

Thank you for sharing this uplifting piece.

Sending you loads of festive wishes.

Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*

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17
17
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey, W.D. Baker Author Icon. I am here with a review for you on behalf of "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window.. Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

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Imagery Created

You create a picture of the lost love where the protagonists cannot go back and cannot even move ahead. The images created have the feature of regret of something which should have happened. Everything was clearly shown, except the mentions of the children. I understood the reference and the meaning too, but it felt a bit jarring to think of how much time must have passed since the protagonist was thinking about her love.


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Language, grammar and form

The language and grammar all looks fine. Except for one small thing. There is an and or comma missing in the sentence I look around wonder

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Punctuation

I found the stanza breaks too many in the poem especially when you were continuing the same thought in the next lines as well. Otherwise, all was well.


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Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I loved the last stanza of the poem the best. The idea of the hourglass sand was beautiful ending to the poem.


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Other thoughts and suggestions

Reminiscing about the past is all okay and fine, but one should be able to move on as well. I hope you have made your peace with the poem since this poem felt quite personal to me.

Image for GoT


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18
18
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hey, Freewind Author Icon. I am here with the second review for you. Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

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Imagery Created

The initial paragraphs are quite slow, but as and when I understood what was happening, I enjoyed the imagination of the story. But I do feel that the initial paragraphs were quite slower and told the story rather than showing it. I am not sure that you wanted to show it as a metaphor or not, but it does express the metaphor. I enjoyed the description of the joining of the two bodies/swords.

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Language, grammar and form

I did not find any major grammatical error. The piece is quite well-edited and well-written. I liked the language that you have used in the story.


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Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

My favorite part was the second last and the last paragraph.The way you expressed the beauty of swords and their meeting together was quite interesting. It was unexpected and new way for me.


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Other thoughts and suggestions

Honestly I enjoyed the writing, but I really did not feel it was a story. Probably there was something I missed in my understanding of the story, but there was something missing. I cannot pinpoint it out, but there is something missing in the story.

Thanks for sharing it. I apologise I couldn't be of more help.

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19
19
Review of Mountain Brook  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window.! *BalloonR*


Hey, Santa Author Icon. I'm here on behalf of "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. to give you a review. Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Snow1* *Tear* *Snow1*
Imagery Created

You have presented the picture of the journey of water from ice to the lazy river. I have read many "water" based poem in past as well. I won't say this is the best of all, but it indeed is interesting view. I did not find the use of word "hard" right. The rapids are not hard. They are fast, but I don't feel that the word "hard" is the right adjective for the description of rapids.


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Language, grammar and form

The poem is quite well-edited. I did not find any error in the poem.


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Punctuation

There was only a small punctuation error I found. Rocky, hard, rapids. Rapids is a noun here. Rocky and hard are the adjectives I believe. In that case, the comma after hard is misplaced.


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Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I loved the last stanza. It actually carries the cadence of the lazy river in it. It flew lazily creating amazing picture of the lazy river.

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Other thoughts and suggestions

I see you are quite new to the site, and you do have quite an impressive stuff in your port. That's just commendable.

Thanks a lot for sharing your work.

Image for GoT


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20
20
Review of The Seasons  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey, Dandelion Man Author Icon. I am here with a review on behalf of "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window.. Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Snow1* *Tear* *Snow1*
Imagery Created

You have written the senryu and compared the relationship with the season. Although not a new metaphor, you have developed the images quite nicely and associated them with each season. At some places I did feel that you have struggled to keep the poem within the form like in case of the word "leaves intertwining". Isn't it the branches which intertwine with each other than leaves?


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Language, grammar and form

The poem is quite well-edited. I just felt that the word "then" is misused in the first stanza. Apart from, this the poem well-edited.


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Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I learn the description of the second-last stanza the best. I loved the use of daffodils browning in the autumn and that signifying the dying relationship.

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Other thoughts and suggestions

Japanese poetry form is such an interesting form! It makes so much of impact on the reader. Thank you for sharing this.


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Review of Writing For G.O.T  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hey, Joy Author Icon. It has been so long since I visited your port(or any other port for that matter). I though I'll review this latest poem of yours. Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

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Imagery Created

I liked the poem. It makes the use of the prompt quite well and expresses how it is possible to overcome even the difficult adversity of being betrayed. I applaud you for the spirit of giving your hand to everyone despite of the betrayal and your own fear. I was confused by the use of the word "shell" in the poem because shell sounds too superficial.


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Language, grammar and form

I did not find any kind of the grammatical mistake in the poem. The punctuation was also in order.


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Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I liked how you found the positive in the quote which is not that very uplifting. I did not like the way the poem was built up because it felt that your thoughts jumped from one place to another. I also don't know how to make it right. *Blush*


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Other thoughts and suggestions

I don't think this is an error but the development of the poem lacks something. I have read many poems of yours in past, and I know you have written better words. But I also know that this is a GOT poem and is bound to be a bit difficult.


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22
22
Review of "I Remember"  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey, Kat Author Icon. I'm here with a review for you on behalf of "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window.. Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

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Imagery Created

I enjoyed this short poem. It expresses the kind of things which stay in the mind after the person has moved on. I think I can relate to the experience when you say that some things are hard to forget, especially the things you don't say.


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Language, grammar and form

In the second last line, You have used the phrase "hard to forget", while it should be harder as you are making the comparison between the two kinds of things said and unsaid.


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Punctuation

No error found regarding the punctuation.

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Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I loved the simplicity of the poem. I did not like the repetition of the lines:
the expression on your face,
the look in your eyes.

I know the reason they are put in there, but they take away from the poem rather than giving the impact. Maybe it is just me who didn't enjoy it.


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Other thoughts and suggestions

This is something which we all have experienced one or the other time in life. So the poem does explain the reality of the life.

Thank you for sharing the poem.

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey, Kaz Author Icon. I'm here with a review for you on behalf of "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window.. Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

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Imagery Created

The story talks about a protagonist who encounters a dragon and a lady. I did not get why the lady needed to be naked in the story (sounded some sort of unnecessary details to me), but that's well. I also did not get whether the poem was supposed to represent a dream, an illusion or a myth. Probably I am missing the significance of the last sentence, but I did feel that the poem should have something more.


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Language, grammar and form

The first suggestion is the stanza breaks. Your line breaks are good, but the poem needs some stanza breaks to work well.

Apart from this, two of the observations are highlighted below:

i)somehow sooth: I think this is a typo here, and you meant to use the word smooth.

ii) There are some sentences which can be tightened a bit as they are too long for the current flow of the poem. For example, But then paused when I saw what lay draped over his massive arm.

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Punctuation

I only noticed a small error here.
Which gave me quite a fright. should not have a period in the end, put it should have a comma.

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Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I loved the beginning and the rhyme of the first four sentences.

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Other thoughts and suggestions

I think you can make this poem better by adding some more details. But otherwise it is a good beginning.

Thank you for sharing it.

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
Hey Rose Author Icon. I'm here with a review on behalf of "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window..
Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Clapper* Plot *Clapper*

I'm not sure I got the scene you wanted to show here. I got the slave who is in thrall of her master and is wanting to please Him. I got that she is chained and dancing, but rest of the stuff was too abstract for me. I'll give you an example:
her slave's heat consumes her: What exactly is a slave's heat? The phrase would have been perfect had it been explained if you are referring to a fantastical phenomenon or the real phenomenon.


*Bookstack* Description *Bookstack*

As I said I found the description too abstract. I love reading erotica, so it is not that I'm unaware of the subject I'm reading, I just was unable to associate with it.

*Magnify* Language and Grammar *Magnify*

The vignette can use some of the polishing. I am not pointing out the individual errors, but the two words that stood out for me are:

i) A low whimper flys from her lips : The word here should be "flies".

ii) Similarly In agony of spirit she crys out: The word should be cries.

*Gold* Favorites and Not-so-favorites *Gold*

I loved the poetic cadence of the section. It was like the piece was able to put the reader in the trance. Only if would not have been too abstract, the piece would have engaged me.

*Thought2* Other thoughts and Suggestions *Thought2*

I am not sure whether this is a part of a larger read or not, but if it is, I would love to read the first part and re-review the piece based on that.

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Review of Two Hearts  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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Hey, Melissa Murphy--Soon Published Author Icon. Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

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Imagery Created

You're wrong if you think you're not a poet. You definitely are one. The poem talks about the act of making love and presents the whole scene. The images you create are quite beautiful and hauntingly sweet. I loved the way you utilized all the senses in the whole prose.

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Language, grammar and form

The prose poem is a difficult thing to do justice to. Many a times it turns into plain boring prose and not be a poem, while other times, it becomes a flowery poem losing its essence as prose. But your poem definitely maintains the balance between the two.

I did not find any grammatical mistake, but I do wish you had separated the his and her feelings of the first stanza by a line break.

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Punctuation

No punctuation related issues found.


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Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I loved the sweet languages and single words you used in juxtaposition with each other to present the feelings.


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Other thoughts and suggestions

This is the second poem I am reading of yours, and I can assure you that it is poetic enough for me.

Thanks a lot for sharing the poem. *Smile*


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