\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED ITEMS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://web1.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/legerdemain
Review Requests: OFF
1,545 Public Reviews Given
1,790 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to be honest and write about how I feel and what I see. It doesn't mean I'm always right - it means I'm telling you how your work affects me. I'll try to tell you the good with the bad, but don't expect fluff. Fluff sucks.
I'm good at...
Looking at format, spelling and some punctuation...except commas. I hate commas.
Least Favorite Genres
Technical essays, overly detailed fantasies and poetry.
I will not review...
Items that show no obvious effort at editing before promoting for review. If you spell "i" instead of "I", I will close the page and not review it. We're not idiots here.
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
1
1
Review of Linguistic Stew  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Dave Author Icon

I love finding an older piece in the Read & Review feature.

You did great following the Epulaeryu form and making it about food! Sorta. *Laugh* I enjoyed the twist of it being about words. Well done!

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:
I'm not a poet, so I can't comment on forms and intent of the form, just how it made me feel.

Overall, a delight to taste and read.


Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #2229589 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
2
2
Review of The Slave  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Andrew W Author Icon

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window.!
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments:

This felt more like a beginning chapter or hook to a bigger story, I hope you add more. I'd suggest taking advantage of the 1000 word count and writing more next time. I could see a hint like a wound on one of the character's arms or something like that.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*Write more, it sounds interesting!


Overall:
A chilling beginning.

Writer's Cramp!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
3
3
Review of The Next Victim  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Prof Moriarty Author Icon
Wow! Not the twist I expected. This started so sweet and then turned quite evil. I always wonder what inspired the story.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet* The line where the child turned on the mother, I had to read twice. It was surprising it would use rough language.

Overall, an interesting twist and well written, thanks for posting.


Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #2229589 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
4
4
Review of My Perfect Life  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Jacky Author Icon

This is such a charming little story. I wouldn't have guessed the ending and assumed it would be about a dog.
It made me think of when I put a fence in my backyard to safeguard my pool. It was 6ft wooden and felt like a wall around my yard.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet* Add a little dialog?

Overall, which fence did you choose? *Bigsmile*


Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #2229589 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
5
5
Review of Sexy Mama  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Pensivity Author Icon

A sad little write, but an honor to your pup. It's amazing how they can give birth without coaching, classes, or a mate to help.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet* I'd love to read more about her time with you, the puppies and how you gained her trust.

Overall, I like to read about people and the animals in their lives. Thanks for posting.


Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #2229589 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
6
6
Review of Color Me Slowly  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Joel Author Icon

Love all the color imagery in this poem. I love the colors lilac and lavender. The soft colors suit the poem.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"something held" gave me pause, perhaps give that some thought

Overall, a beautiful writing, I enjoyed this.


Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #2229589 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
7
7
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello Christopher Roy Denton Author Icon

I'm not a formal poet so I'll give you my impressions only, and let the experts talk about meter and such.

I loved all the images you created, the only thing I wished for was some cohesiveness to the images. In one line you speak about silky smooth sheets, later sweet scents - maybe have them in the same stanza?

That's all I have for the moment, thank you for sharing your work.

Overall, great imagery. Well done.


Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #2229589 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
8
8
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello PureSciFiPlus Author Icon

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

This had so much to unpack in what felt like a first chapter of a book. You did a good job showing your characters and introducing the scenario they are situated in.
The hook is 'what's in those bags?' We know it's not just food but something valuable?
The last paragraph had some great action.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*The semantics of positions in the part where Linda holds the young children needs to be clearer.
*Bullet*What was the point of not showing what was in the bags and why bury it?


Overall, interesting beginning. Glad you entered.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1558342 Unavailable **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
9
9
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Rick Dean - Dinosaur Author Icon

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

What a condundrum...would you open it? It made me curious, why you choose to have Marta take her top off? Why did she start a fire?

You did well using the prompt image.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"treasures, prizes" - why was the trash so valued?
*Bullet* Look for passive writing - "seemed""somewhat"
*Bullet*"He we bring him to justice" This was a confusing sentence.

Overall, an interesting entry!

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1558342 Unavailable **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
10
10
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Amethyst Angel 💐 Author Icon

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

Great story! I like how the beginning felt so peaceful until you revealed otherwise. You did well revealing Muslim tradition without it feeling like an info dump.
Carrying the story to the end ws done well also.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*The only part I struggled with was Josh's cynisim when she pulled the scarf from her face.

Overall, an enjoyably story. Thanks.
Congratulations on your third place win!

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1558342 Unavailable **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
11
11
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello LightinMind Author Icon

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

This was a beautiful story of transformation. You did a good job showing Naomi's processing and epiphany.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"he had said to her face" - Suggest: he said to her face
*Bullet*"Her parents had named her Naomi,"

Overall, a wonderful story to read.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1558342 Unavailable **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
12
12
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Damon Nomad Author Icon

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

Love mysteries like this...who dun it and where.
I did like the reveal at the end when Dudley does save the day. Good use of the prompt.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*""Don't lie to us." The man ran his hand over his balding head. "What did she tell you? She was some kind of victim? That we were sent here to kill her?"
He gestured at Clyde. "We gonna kill Rita?" --- who?
*Bullet*"Then some pieces kind of fell into place."

Overall, a great story.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1558342 Unavailable **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
13
13
Review of Day 37  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Bookcase Author Icon

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

A good story, but I kept looking for action. Just like the title, it felt like a laundry list of his daily activities.
Wow, that long to find a ship and bodies? That had to be a stink, let alone something I wouldn't watch.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*His name?

Overall, one hopes for a good outcome from this story.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1558342 Unavailable **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
14
14
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Spud Author Icon

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

Great job using the prompt. While the story felt a bit short, I liked the dialog of the two siblings. It felt authentic. Good job with the descriptive work.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"Still she had Todd with her and she'd told their mom where they were going." -- why did Mom let them go if it was dangerous?

Overall, a short but fun story.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1558342 Unavailable **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
15
15
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Kåre เลียม Enga Author Icon

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

The tempo of the waves and weather defined the rhythm of this story. It was intriguing to read Sandy's point of view in this story. I was sad to read there would be no reconciliation. I always feel sad when people don't understand trans. Well done meeting the prompt and sharing the emotion of the story.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:

Overall, a well written story I enjoyed.
Congrats on your second place win!

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1558342 Unavailable **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
16
16
Review of Christmas Mystery  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello WonderousGrace Author Icon
Welcome to WDC! Welcome to WDC!
Love the start of this mystery!
I've had the same sensations, wanting to know a person's history.
Below are some of my comments, in the spirit of review, I hope they are helpful.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*First, a little housekeeping. Stories are easier to read with line breaks between paragraphs.
*Bullet*Next, some dialog would be really interesting.
*Bullet*Spelling: "Parda"

Overall, a great start, keep writing!

Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #2229589 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
17
17
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Chaim Tal Author Icon

Thanks for presenting this helpful and educational item. If I ever see the wall, I will feel more confident that I'm not making a faux pax and seem less like an ignorant tourist.
It was easy to read.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*In your Brief Description, should 'divine energy' be 'Divine energy'?
*Bullet*Are the Tehillims very long to add on?

Overall, a very interesting offering, thank you.


Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #2229589 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
18
18
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Joy Author Icon
I enjoyed this story, you did a great job of connecting the dots between the main character (Buddy), the murder and those pieces from the past.
I felt the wife was very understanding. Personally, finding out the woman kept the secret would have upset me a lot more.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:

Overall, it was a good read, with all the loose ends tied up neatly.

Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #2229589 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
19
19
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello lorilady Author Icon

I found this suggestion from Read & Review.
I liked your heartfelt writing. It would be a cute poem to put inside a Christmas stocking or something.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*3rd stanza - "you'll" find
*Bullet*4th stanza - "wherever"
*Bullet*7th stanza - make the poem evergreen by changing "2016" to "new year"

Overall, a sweet end-of-year poem


Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #998357 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
20
20
Review of Space Holder  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
In regards to this special page "Space Holder" Open in new Window.

 Special Number Page - Do Not Delete Open in new Window. (E)
briefly, it's an empty page.
#1000001 by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
I have the next space holder. I figured some day I'll donate it for an auction or something, but in the meantime, it's hanging out in my portfolio, keeping all the other moldy and dusty bits company.

I'll give it five stars, for holding up its end of the bargain when you created it.

*Laugh**Laugh**Laugh**Laugh**Laugh*

This actually came up on Read & Review...I'm sending the gps back.
21
21
Review of Seize Cruise  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Words Whirling 'Round Author Icon

I liked this poem! Okay, a little morbid, but very expressive about a seaman's life. I had to look up what a scupper is. *Laugh*
*Starv*My favorite line: "bubbles up from a drowned sailor's lips" - great image!
It reminded me of a wonderful tour I had on a tall ship, it was very impressive.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:

Overall, a fun one to read.

Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #1566277 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
22
22
Review of Right Thirst  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Deepak Sagar Author Icon

This was an interesting description of nature doing its work. There's always a winner, today it was the deer and the croc waits for another potential meal.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"so hungry they could eat anything" ~ could should be would.
*Bullet*"but it danced like it got something more than water." ~ from there on, you created an anthropomorphized story, giving the deer human emotions.
*Bullet*"Getting freedom from all the negative parts of his mind and dancing like it got something more than water." ~ perhaps the narrator should be the one to celebrate

Overall, an interesting depiction of natural selection at work.

Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #2326117 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
23
23
Review of Wherever I Go  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Amethyst Angel 💐 Author Icon

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

What an awesome adventure! I really liked how you connected all the characters with one another and Lettie from the past. The cave descriptions were fantastic.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet* Ouija feels cliche, perhaps wishing on another object related to the Z'algath.
*Bullet* The winks felt off, the twitch of a frown or flare of nostrils. Z'algath seems too serious to wink.

Overall, great story, glad they all escaped!

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1558342 Unavailable **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
24
24
Review of Unbeknownst To Us  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hello PrincessThai Author Icon

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

What a great scene! It was definitely out of this world type stuff. I can see these three characters/friends exploring this world.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet* "Bates and Gus at the same time" ~ shouldn't Bates and Greg say this?
*Bullet* This needed an ending to be a complete story, but it's an awesome beginning.

Overall, so far so good, keep writing!

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1558342 Unavailable **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
25
25
Review of Solomon's garden  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello LightinMind Author Icon

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

An interesting take on the prompt. While the beginning felt informational, some of it was relevant to the ending. Apparently Solomon not only managed to have seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines, but had time to command angels and create a garden like Eden. While reading, one knew somehow that would go badly for him.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet* Why toss Higson back?
*Bullet* I liked how Rachel delivered the historical narrative.

Overall, a fascinating read. Well done.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1558342 Unavailable **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
601 Reviews • *Magnify*
Page of 25 • 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://web1.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/legerdemain