Hi. I came across your piece from the 'Read & Review' function.
It's very interesting that you chose to introduce Jim this way. The fact that he didn't react much to his bike being missing, injured and stuck in the water (?) speaks volumes of his passive nature. Especially when he suddenly called Blanca.
Besides that, I think you should use either shorter sentences or concise words when describing a scene. Eg.
As the road bent to the left and around the foot of the hills, a meak river cut behind the hill and bends against it to meet the road head on, as the hill's foot reached its limit for infrastructural construction obstruction.
vvv
The road bent to the left and hugged the hill's foot. A thin river ran alongside it, a staple for the hill's eroded structure.
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This way you can understand what's happening in the scene better. (Reading this, I couldn't tell whether the river was adjacent or ran underneath the road, sorry if I got it mixed up š )
You may take it or leave it as you like. Nice work and keep writing!
Good evening! I came across your poem 'If Trees Are Gone' from the Read and Review function and this is definitely a beautiful poem.
It's raining right now, and the sound of rain pelting on roofs and on trees are different indeed. I agree with the sentiments shared in the poem, plus it's a good read to raise awareness on the importance of trees. Thank you for your poem.
Hi! This was a delightful read. Especially some parts that rhymed a bit. Liked that the vibe is half serious and half comedy and the MC's personality definitely helped! Nice work ā§ā āā (ā ā°ā āæā ā°ā )ā āā ā§
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