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I like to say how I relate to an item. Spelling and grammar are less important.
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Giving encouragement
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Thiller, Detective.
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Fantasy, Sci-fi
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Short stories.
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Items over 4k words.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I'm not sure what a mushroom cut is but trying to do it in a car sounds a bit dodgy. In the UK all hair cutting establishments whether salon or barber would not turn customers away because of gender, they're glad of the money.

I don't know many restaurants that have lasted forty years. Food styles go in and out of fashion and you can't get the staff these days.


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2
2
Review of The Pursuit  Open in new Window.
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
This is very much a WIP. I can see what you are aiming at. Bovinga is obviously the bungling detective for whom everything goes wrong. You might want to find a way to distinguish between the dream and reality, maybe using italics.

You repeat the first line. Is there some meaning to that or is it a typo? In places there is dialogue but it is unclear who is talking and to whom. Is he talking to himself?

Little details about characters and settings would start to fill out this story. Use the five senses to give some feelings to your characters.


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3
3
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
The image ID at the beginning suggests this was written for a contest which may have had a word limit. If that is the case you have done a good job of conveying a complete story in few words.

If that is not the case then this work does not constitute three chapters. Although there is nothing to say a chapter needs to be a certain length this really is too short.

Work on filling each chapter out. Use the senses to describe each scene. A waft of her perfume, the heat on your skin, the taste of your kisses, the sound of your breath, all of these will instil more feeling into the love story.


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4
4
Review of The Discovery  Open in new Window.
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
I get the gist of the story, but the way it is laid out I found it difficult to follow. A substantial amount of dialogue is okay but it needs to be made clear who says what.

The ending seems far too business like. Yes, the DNA report proves he is the father but would he be that accepting?


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5
5
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
I found your story intriguing but somewhat incomplete. It feels like a story that could run to a thousand words or more, not one for this contest.

You are building your wizard character quite well but there is much more to him than you have shown so far. The setting would appear to be either in a past time or another world from what description we have so far.

The long, long story contest is open again. Might I suggest you work on this and enter it there.


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6
6
Review of Katherina  Open in new Window.
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
This makes for a good story outline but that is all it is. Where is your character development, your setting descriptions? Give your victims an identity. Show some emotion.

Each section of this story is enough to form a chapter if you do it right. And rethink how a twelve year old could fight off someone intent on harming the girls.


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7
7
Review of What Happened?  Open in new Window.
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Where are the prompt words? I looked for bold or colour, nothing. I re-read but they were not included. You are a regular entrant so should know better.

As to your story, okay these things happen. A mildly funny anecdote but not exactly a brilliant entry. As my school reports read 'could do better.'


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8
8
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome to WDC. This reads more like a real life experience rather than a work of fiction. Very often the problem child appears to get more attention but this is because the parents don't know what to do and fear comes into it.

Been there, done that. Eventually I did say enough is enough.


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9
9
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
The problem with a lot of these places is that there is a big divide between the 'haves' and the 'have nots' and the 'haves' are determined to keep it that way, often pocketing aid money meant to solve the poverty.

The boy, Kicky, deserved a much better life than he got. The guard you named Napoleon (check your various spellings of the name) got just what he deserved.


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10
10
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This is a good interpretation of the prompt. However, this feels like the start of a novel rather than a stand-alone story. The reason I have not entered this one is that I feel it calls for much more than 1000 words.

Your first paragraph is way too long, especially to be read on line. I got lost a few times. I get that it is setting the norm for Marissa, but is far too much 'tell' and not enough 'show.

The final paragraph leaves a lot of questions. I feel I want to read the next chapter. Good for a novel but not right for a short story.


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11
11
Review of Teapot  Open in new Window.
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This piece has a real flavour of India. I am not sure that I understand the philosophy that Mitti Amma is trying to teach Trupti. Maybe I am not supposed to.

Your characters are well developed. There is a mystical quality to Mitti Amma even is she is just a humble potter. You do not name the man who ordered the red and white tea-set. Maybe you should because I see him in a follow up story where he meets up again with Trupti.


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12
12
Review of Dream  Open in new Window.
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
All of us artists have a dream. I have never sold a single painting/drawing - words are my thing. Now my dyslexic daughter is a different story.

Art is very subjective. The lady in lavender obviously had a darker side. I like the way the lads judged her to be looking for spring flowers for her drawing room. We often decide who a person is from their appearance.


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13
13
Review of Just Desserts  Open in new Window.
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
An excellent horror but for one thing. So the Master became the Mistress - don't you know, women can be far worse than men, ha ha ha.

You give us a setting - the old restaurant. It is described in enough detail without the need for an info-dump. Although we do not have his given name we learn quite a lot about The Master.

Alzacohoth - is that a name from some ancient culture or something you invented? To me it sounds like an indigestion remedy invented by Knight Rider.


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14
14
Review of Young Inventor  Open in new Window.
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
A children's story for grown-ups. Who knows, maybe horses do have discussions about their role in life. I like the reference to animal farm. I know that after the second world war many farm horses were made redundant. Horse meat stew anyone?

Wouldn't it be great if the internal combustion engine had been invented by a female. Mind you, with the way things are going, horse drawn vehicles could make a comeback.


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15
15
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Welcome to WDC. This seems like the start of something much longer rather than a complete story. It is usual for a short story to have only 2 or 3 characters, here you have way too many.

There is no story arc. Nothing happens to people who are just names. There is no dialogue, no real interaction between your characters.


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16
16
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Welcome to WDC. Dreams are always strange and this comes across in your writing. You have not filled in your bio so I know nothing about you. This dream sounds like that of a young person. Are you just about to leave home to go to college?

I see no problems with spelling or grammar.


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17
17
Review of David's Tale  Open in new Window.
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
WOW! What a powerful story. I have known a lot of people who have suffered sexual abuse in childhood but I only see the aftermath, dysfunctional adults. Your story brings forth the reality that they remember time and again.

You really get inside the head of David. The terrified fourteen year old who becomes resigned to his lot. The sixteen year old afraid to face friends and family, ashamed of what he has become.

The only bit of the story which I find unbelievable is that the kidnapper returned David to his home. It is far more likely that he would have been dumped far away or more likely killed.


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18
18
Review of On the Other Side  Open in new Window.
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I do not normally review poetry but in this case I made an exception. This has rhythm and rhyme and it has a story. How many of us have thought the grass is greener only to regret it. I am twice divorced, do I need to say more?

You talk of going over the fence, of finding things which at first seem better than what you have. Then you realise that things are not so perfect so you travel back to your lover. If only it were that easy.


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19
19
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I really get it. In my case I was not allowed to do anything like housework or cooking as a child. Then I turned eighteen and it was a different story. Do this, do that, with no idea how.

When I had a home of my own I was criticised if it wasn't perfect. I couldn't win.

I love your parting words.
Keep writing,
From one (Im)mature lady to another.


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20
20
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
You are relatively new to WDC but not to writing. These chapters show real promise. You start with the accident that killed Lauren's mother then move to the current time.

Lauren is an interesting character, far more grown up than her years would suggest. Maybe she has to be given Shag's drinking. He obviously feels guilty about Abie's death. Maybe he was driving the 18 wheeler.

It can be taken for granted that Abie's Angel will be a successful race horse but I get the sense there will be a lot of dramatic events on route to her success.


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21
21
Review of The Traveling Man  Open in new Window.
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
This sounds like it will be an interesting story. It does need some work. The opening paragraph does not hook you in. Maybe you should start with Phillip walking down the street.

The section were people express their opinions of Phillip could be turned into a conversation. Other stuff like where Bobby lives and the fact that he is a good shot can be brought in with action/dialogue sections.

You need to find a better way of establishing the time period. Clothing can help with this. The important thing is to 'show' not 'tell' your story. This first chapter needs to establish what is normal for Bobby.

The end of the chapter should lead you into the second chapter where something happens to Bobby (the inciting incident). A cliff hanger would be good.


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22
22
Review of Not This Time  Open in new Window.
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
He obviously remembered the anniversary and used that to his advantage. It is typical of kids to con money out of their parents. Mine still do it as adults.

I presume this was written for the Daily Flash Fiction. You do not give a word count so I cannot be sure. Also there are no highlighted words or phrase so I do not know what the prompt was.


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23
23
Review of Little Ships  Open in new Window.
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" Open in new Window.. Come ride with us! *Biking*


I am not surprised this story won the contest. We see an old man staring out to sea lost in his memories of the war. Instead of seeing modern boats in the harbour at Dunkirk he sees the small ships evacuating our troops. We learn about the loss of his family then we slip back in time to his meeting with four English soldiers.

At this point I need to make a few corrections. Firstly Lancashire is not a small town, it is a County. If you look at a map of Lancashire you will find some towns and villages with interesting names you could use. Then there is naming your soldiers. Names should fit the place and the time. George and Alfred are okay but Owen is Welsh and Clint is more American. You have to remember that in those days people rarely moved far from where they were born.


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24
24
Review of The Chat  Open in new Window.
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" Open in new Window.. Come ride with us! *Biking*


Travelling with kids is never easy, especially a five year old like Jack. The reader is left wondering what Amy's secret is, how she calms him so quickly. It is not until the end we find out about the 'ghost' threatening to haunt him forever. Nice trick on Amy's part although it will not last as he grows up.

One problem with this story is the changing POV, although the person remains the same. It would appear that at the beginning you are writing in first person POV then half way through it changes to third person when you write “Cut it out, Jack,” Amy snapped .

I see that this was a Writers' Cramp entry. You had another forty five words to use. You did fulfil all the requirements. If it were not for the changing POV you might have ranked higher.


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25
25
Review of Poetry Terms  Open in new Window.
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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I am a poetry novice. Study of poetry when I was at school was limited to learning a few of the famous ones (Charge of the Light Brigade comes to mind) by rote. I have never studied form or language used in poetry. If I write poetry at all it is little rhyming ditties.

Before writing this review I did your quiz and was surprised to get six out of ten, mainly guess work. I think that if I were to do it a couple more times I might actually learn something. If I were to suggest an improvement it would be at the correct answers stage. Add a dropnote to each answer for those that want to know more by giving examples/explanations.
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