This is just my opinion... It is only meant to help. Take it as you please.
Suggestions...
Okay, well, first off... I want you to know I love this work. It is wonderful.
This song, like all things, needs a bit of editing. Just a bit, in my opinion. Maybe re-work the structure here and there. Maybe have a few more lines on the first verse to match the second.
Overall...
This is great piece. It is one of those well worded songs where you must delve yourself into to understand the meaning behind it. Those are my favourite kinds actually!
I thank you for showing these lyrics. Nice work! Please keep writing!
This is beautifully written. So beautifully written. I haven't seen lyrics or poetry like this in a long time. I love how I read this in my mind as though is was being sung. I really like the rhythm. It flows very easily. I don't see that too often.
Thank you for this!
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This is just my opinion... It is only meant to help. Take it as you please.
Suggestions...
I thank you for showing these lyrics. Nice work! Please keep writing!