There’s something raw in this that I respect. It doesn’t feel written to impress anyone, just like you were trying to get your own thoughts straight. That “I keep on trying” line feels like the part you’re clinging to, like you're repeating it more for yourself than for the reader, and that makes it hit.
It’s not perfect, and it’s not trying to be. That’s what makes it work. You’re not pretending the climb is easy... Just that you're still in it. And that says a lot.
This reads as something really personal, like it came from a moment where you were trying to make sense of yourself. That kind of writing always hits different. There’s a lot of honesty here, and a line like “I stay here I stay with me / Yet oblivious that’s the irony” really stood out. It captures that weird feeling of being present but still unsure of who you are.
The piece is rough in parts. Some of the flow is a little uneven, and there are spots where the spelling could be cleaned up. But honestly, that kind of rawness adds to it. It doesn’t feel polished, but it does feel real — like you weren’t focused on making it perfect, just on saying what needed to be said. That matters.
The ending hits in a softer way. “I am infinite love, that’s an epiphany” feels like a small moment of clarity after a lot of searching. It’s a good note to end on.
There’s something here. Keep exploring it. You don’t need to polish every word to make it meaningful — you just need to keep being honest like this.
This was such a fun read. You really nailed the tone. It’s warm, funny, a little chaotic, and surprisingly heartfelt. I loved how it starts off wholesome, then slowly tips into total mushroom-fueled disaster. Mrs. Stanley's meltdown was hilarious, but what caught me off guard was Alan's moment at the end. That drawing hit way harder than I expected and gave the whole story a real emotional core.
The pacing works really well, and the narrator's voice stays consistent throughout. There are just a couple of little things to tweak. One tense slip where you wrote "Alan replied" instead of "Alan replies," which stands out since the rest is in present tense. I also noticed with punctuation, "Miss. Brown" instead of "Miss Brown," and a line or two that could use a dialogue tag to keep the speaker clear.
Nothing major, though. It’s sharp, well-paced, and delivers both comedy and heart. I'd definitely read more like this.
I liked this one. It feels really personal, like something you’d actually say when you're trying to get grounded or ask for a bit of guidance. It starts off quiet and builds in a nice way, kind of like a small thought turning into something bigger. That last line tied it together well.
Only thing I’d maybe tweak is that a couple of the lines in the middle felt kind of general, stuff I’ve seen in other pieces. But honestly, it still works. The feeling behind it comes through either way.
Simple, clear, and it sounds like you meant it. That’s what matters most.
Really appreciate you sharing this. I found the mood of it really striking — the way you describe the coastline and that beam of light moving through the fog felt grounded and vivid. It gave me that exact feeling you get standing by the sea, where everything’s kind of beautiful and a little overwhelming at the same time. The rhythm of the piece also moves in a way that mirrors that setting, which made it easy to sink into.
That said, some of the wording felt a bit too complex or formal for what the piece is trying to say. Lines like “offering its ubiquitous guidance and helpful direction” or “seamless and swirling periphery” felt more technical than poetic, and they kind of pulled me out of the moment. I think simplifying the language in places would actually make the core images and emotions hit harder.
I thought the ending, with people coming back to the shore and celebrating, was a nice touch. It gives the piece a feeling of closure. That said, it did feel a little sudden, like it came in from a different direction. A bit more of a lead-up might help it feel more connected to everything that came before. Maybe just a bit more lead-in or something to tie it more clearly to the earlier parts would help it feel like a smoother transition. Right now, it almost feels like stepping into a different poem.
That aside, there’s a lot to like here. I’d give it a solid 4 out of 5. With a bit of trimming and smoother transitions, I think it could come together beautifully. The tone is strong, the imagery sticks, and the mood carries which is already doing a lot of the heavy lifting.
This piece hits hard right from the start. The honesty in the opening line grabs you, and the dialogue throughout feels raw and real. Nothing comes across as forced or overly polished, and that actually works in your favor. The conversation carries a heavy tension, like something that has been buried for a long time and is finally being pulled to the surface. It does not explode in a dramatic way. Instead, it slowly unravels, which makes it feel more painful and true. Choosing to keep everything in dialogue was a smart move. It makes the reader feel like they are right there, hearing something intimate and important unfold.
The voice of the main character is what really stands out. You can feel the history behind their words. They speak with calmness and control, but there is so much emotion underneath. It feels like they have worked hard to understand what they went through and are now drawing a clear line to protect their own child. That shift from being hurt to being protective is powerful. The mother's responses feel sadly familiar. The deflection, the coldness, the way she avoids taking responsibility all feel painfully real. Because she never shows true remorse, the decision to cut her off feels not just reasonable, but necessary. This is not someone lashing out. This is someone finally saying enough.
There are a few moments where adding a little space could make the piece even stronger. Right now, the pacing is very tight, which creates tension, but a couple of brief pauses might help some of the heavier lines land more deeply. A moment of silence, a glance away, a clenched fist, or just a beat before responding could let the reader feel that emotional weight even more.
Still, the ending is incredibly effective. There is no outburst, no scene. Just a quiet, steady boundary being drawn, and a commitment to do things differently. It leaves you with a mix of sadness and strength, which is what makes it stick. This is a powerful piece, and you should be proud of how it came together.
It’s light and cheeky, and it honestly feels like something that could’ve happened in a real classroom. That little back-and-forth between the student and teacher has great timing. You’ve got a strong sense of rhythm, and it’s obvious you were enjoying yourself while writing. That makes a difference, and it comes through.
The tone hits a nice balance. Playful without being disrespectful. The student’s got a bit of sass, but it never tips into rude. That can be hard to pull off, but you do it well. And that last stanza? “I hope this lesson will stick, / But, honestly, who knows?” It wraps things up with a kind of quiet shrug that feels honest and funny at the same time. I really liked that. It leaves the whole moment floating like a memory. That works really well.
If you’re looking to polish anything, the line “I laugh with a care” reads a little stiff. Maybe try something like “I laugh, barely there” or “I laugh, just aware.” Nothing major, just something to experiment with if you’re revising.
But really, this lands. It’s charming, tight, and it sounds like you. I’d be happy to read more.
I really enjoyed this. There’s something really calming about the way Tommy’s story unfolds. It felt honest and steady, with just the right amount of heart behind it. The shift from orchestra to the streets gave the piece some real weight, and the Savannah setting added a nice texture.
I especially liked the way you tied music to emotion. The scene with the cowboy was strange but kind of beautiful, and it made me sit with it for a moment. It leaned a little heavy into the mystical by the end, but honestly, it still worked. It felt like the right ending for the tone you had set.
Thanks for sharing this. It had soul, and I’m glad I read it.
I thought this was really sweet. It’s got a warm, familiar feel to it, like something you’d hear from a grandparent telling a little story. The bit about forgetting your password made me smile.
If I’m honest, the rhythm felt a bit uneven in spots. Some lines could flow a little more smoothly, but that kind of worked too. It felt real, not overly polished, and that gave it some charm.
This story dives headfirst into a full-blown sub fantasy — and if you’re into intense domination, foot worship, and gas play, you’ll feel right at home. It’s unapologetically kink-driven, with Andy worshipping Leila to the extreme. The fact that she’s just a classmate (not a teachernas I first thought!) makes his obsession even more telling — she’s elevated in his eyes to the point of divinity, and he fully leans into it.
The writing is raw and straight to the point. There’s not a ton of buildup or internal reflection, but that seems intentional — it reads like someone laying out a vivid daydream. If you’re here for the action, it delivers.
That said, the pacing does start to wear a bit by the end. There are so many scenes and punishments packed in that the impact begins to blur. Breaking this into parts or cutting a little might keep it more focused and satisfying.
Still, the dedication is clear — this was written with passion for the kink, and it shows. If you ever wanted to deepen it, I’d be curious to see more of Andy’s mindset and why this dynamic hits so hard for him. But even as it stands, it knows what it’s doing and doesn’t hold back.
This was really well done. Genuinely one of the more polished short pieces I’ve come across on the site lately.
The concept grabbed me immediately, it's grounded in reality but pushes just far enough into sci-fi to feel slick and timely. The premise is super solid. I was fully in it by the second paragraph, and I wanted to see how bad it was gonna blow up for him or if he would get away with it!
I liked how you wrote the tech side of things. Didn’t go overboard trying to explain every detail, but it still made sense.
The pacing was brisk (which fits the sprint metaphor well), but if I had one critique, it's that I wish you’d let it breathe just a little more. Give us a few extra beats in the aftermath. Let us sit longer in Jaxon’s unraveling. The ending is great, but it hits fast and then it's done. Just a few more lines to let the weight settle could’ve elevated this to a full 5-star piece.
Still, the execution was tight, the premise sharp, and the final question—whether Jaxon is a cheater or just ahead of his time—lingers perfectly.
I really liked this. It’s short, but it hits. The pacing was quiet in a way that made everything land a bit harder by the end. That last line stuck with me.
Carl’s confusion felt really natural. Like something you’d actually hear in a moment like that. And I liked the little details: turning on the lights, looking out at the trees. It made it feel real without needing to over-explain anything.
If I had one note, it’s that I wanted just a tiny bit more from the narrator emotionally, like a small internal shift or moment of clarity. But honestly, the restraint works too. It feels like someone trying to hold it together, and that’s what makes it hurt.
Okay, so I can definitely see the craft in this — the A-to-Z structure is ambitious and fun, and I liked the vibe of the mischievous, slightly eerie fairy. It gave off old-school folklore energy, which I’m always into.
That said, the flow felt a bit off in places. Some lines felt like they were written to tick off the alphabet rather than serve the story, and it kind of pulled me out of it now and then.
Still, this is a really cool idea, and I love how bold you went with the format. If the story had a bit more room to breathe and didn’t have to squeeze into the A–Z box so tightly, I think it’d land a lot better. Definitely curious to see what else you’ve got!
Hey! Just wanted to say this was a really cozy read. I liked the autumn setting, and the bit about Grandma’s pumpkin pie was a nice, warm touch.
If I’m being real, the lines felt more like separate snapshots than one connected moment. Each image is nice on its own, but together it felt a bit scattered. I think if there was more of a clear vibe or emotion running through it, it would’ve hit harder.
That said, the overall mood is soft and calm, which I liked. Appreciate you putting it out there!
I’ll be honest — I’m into the kink too, so I’m not coming at this with judgment. The fart fetish content is front and center, and you lean into it hard, which I respect. Amy’s dominant, cheeky energy is clear from the start, and I like how physical the story is. The descriptions are vivid, and there’s no hesitation in the way you write. That confidence goes a long way in fetish writing — I can tell you know exactly what you’re into, and you’re writing directly from that space.
That said, the story still needs work if you want it to really land — even with readers who are already on board for this kind of content.
The biggest issue is the backstory. The mention of being used as a “fart slave” from age 10 and the parental abuse crosses a line — not just in terms of site rules, but in terms of tone. It’s jarring, and honestly, it takes away from the fantasy you're building. You don’t need that. The dynamic between Amy and the reader already works — it’s playful, kinky, and full of potential. Keeping the context 18+ and consensual would make the whole piece stronger and easier to enjoy.
There’s also a structural issue. The story is written in one giant block, without any paragraph breaks, proper punctuation, or dialogue formatting. That makes it hard to read, even for someone who’s genuinely interested. Breaking up actions would help the pacing a lot. The current format kind of overwhelms the reader before they can even get into the scene.
Lastly, the action itself is very repetitive. It’s a lot of fart/sniff, fart/sniff, over and over without much escalation or variation. That’s fine to a point — this is fetish writing, and repetition can work — but what keeps it interesting is a shift in tone, a tease, or a sense of build-up. Give Amy a line that pushes the boundary. Add a moment of tension or anticipation. Small things like that can make the scene feel less like a loop and more like a full experience.
You’ve definitely got something here — the dynamic works, the kink is clear, and you’re not afraid to go for what you enjoy. That’s a good foundation. Now you just need to clean up the formatting, tighten the story, and give the reader a little more care so they can really fall into the fantasy with you.
Keep going — just polish it up. There’s real potential here.
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