The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Easy to understand.
The Plot: A story written in autobiographical form about a blind date going wrong.
What I enjoyed? Your story made me both happy and sad (if that were possible.). I enjoyed the humor but felt bad that the date turned out to be so horribly wrong. Though I like visiting zoos, but that would not be an idea of a date especially if I knew that the lady doesn't enjoy that. Some of your sentences made me laugh aloud.
Example: For example, when I was a hot young thing, the guy had to have beautiful white straight teeth. Now, they just have to have the majority of their teeth.
Friendly Suggestions: None
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Easy to understand.
The Plot: A blind date turns out to be a disaster.
What I enjoyed? How harsh for Deb! It would be terrible to be in her place. I am sure she is lonely and needs some company. But that is not to be. In a way, it is good that she has learnt her lesson to not create false profiles. A relationship has to be based on trust.
Friendly Suggestions:None.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is also 5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Easy to understand.
The Plot: A poem of unrequited love.
What I enjoyed? The poem is a powerful depiction of the angst that tears the heart whose misfortune it is to love someone with the feelings being reciprocated. Some of your sentences are extremely haunting. Examples - Her laughter like poison, love not returned is doomed to die.
Friendly Suggestions:
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.5
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Slight rough and patchy. With some edits and formatting, the story would read a hundred times better.
The Plot: A forsaken and spurned wife extracts her revenge from her ex-husband.
What I enjoyed? I enjoyed the plotting and executing of the revenge. I admire Jamie for her resolve and courage. She has been through a lot but instead of meekly caving in or getting mad, she gets even. I enjoyed her silent rumination and her exultation when she witnesses the beginning of his destruction.
Friendly Suggestions:
You write: Jamie would have loved to see her ex suffering like had made her suffer.
Suggestion: Jamie would have loved to see her ex suffering like he had made her suffer.
You write: To see his face as the place burned would have been icing on the cake.
Suggestion: To see his face as the place burned would have been the icing on the cake.
You write: They believed she had stole from Pete and had affairs..
Suggestion: They believed she had stolen from Pete and had affairs.
You write: It would be like tangling a carrot in front of him.
Suggestion: It would be like dangling a carrot in front of him.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:Smooth and lucid.
The Plot: A hilarious and satirical take on excessive learning.
What I enjoyed?This is what I call a delightful read. No complexities to deal with. No need to ponder about what the author is thinking. It is straight and simple that excessive learning and specializations only make us less and less relevant to real life. I liked the intelligent manner in which you weaved in this central thought through the fictional narrative of an alien land.
Friendly Suggestions:None
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is also 5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Easy to understand.
The Plot: A horror story where a woman wakes up unmindful of what she has done the previous night.
What I enjoyed? I liked the suspense that you created. I read the entire take literally in one breath to reach to the end and find out what had happened. You describe well the mental confusion of your main protagonist as she wakes up in the morning and goes through her morning rituals.
Friendly Suggestions: There are various ways in which this story can be interpreted. To me, the woman has murdered her husband and daughter and has buried them in the basement of the house. Is she mentally ill? Is she schizophrenic? Is she a split personality? You will have to give something to the readers to make your tale more plausible.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:Simple and easy to understand.
The Plot:An old couple are provoked to get into shape when they see some of their old photos.
What I enjoyed?This is what I call a fund read. It was so refreshing to come across this right in the morning. The camera roll was an intelligent way to show the couple a mirror of what they once were like. The end sentence is amusing and humorous.
Friendly Suggestions:None.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is also 5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:Easy to understand.
The Plot:Two kid boys who are steadfast friends have a fallout but reconcile again.
What I enjoyed? I enjoyed the simplicity of the tale. Usually, I read stories about adults. These are complex reads because mature minds are colored by experiences and harshness of real life. Kids are innocent and naive which is why stories about them tend to be refreshing and sweet. Your character Kiev certainly is a freakish character prone to accidents which makes him quite remarkable. Martin seems to be wiser beyond his years. Both are adorable characters.
Friendly Suggestions: The place where Martin ends up pushing Kiev has to be explained a bit more. You need to bring out what happened and that it was unintentional.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Smooth and lucid.
The Plot: An old spinster who has inherited a business that involves honey and bees. She has lost her sisters to accidents involving bees and worries that the same fate will befall her.
What I enjoyed? The story is a unique theme. You have a thrilling style. You manage to hook the reader right at the beginning. I read the entire tale with bated breath anxious to reach the end. Good work there.
Friendly Suggestions: It would help to clear up the mystery of the deaths of the two sisters and what actually happened to Pudi. Is she schizophrenic?
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Easy to understand.
The Plot: A young girl is being pursued by an unknown adversary who always seems to be one step ahead of her.
What I enjoyed? You manage to hook the reader from the first para itself. You create excitement and suspense. You have created an interesting and thrilling storyline. You bring out well the anxiety and apprehension of the chief protagonist.
Friendly Suggestions: The ending did not work for me. It did not flow logically. Why was the predator lurking after his prey? How does he have all her intimate details? I did not find an answer within your story.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 3.5
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:Easy to understand.
The Plot: A choir member wins the hearts of two deserving women - one is an altar server and the other one is a recluse who lives in the upstairs of the cathedral.
What I enjoyed? Your story had a hook with me wanting to know more about the recluse. She was the highlight of the story. My heart bled for her fate. You have weaved together a memorable love triangle and one cannot help but feel sorry for both the ladies at the end. Nathaniel's identity took me by surprise.
Friendly Suggestions:I did feel puzzled about the ages of your characters. You say that Greta had served for sixteen years ever since she was a teenager. That would put her at at least 39 years. However, I got a feeling of tender teenage love between Nathaniel and her. And if Greta is 39, how old is Nathaniel. If Nathaniel is an angel, isn't he supposed to know the truth about the Apparition. I also had a feeling that Greta was the girl who had thrown acid on the Apparition's face. But that is not what it turned out to be. Maybe, you could consider that and make Nathaniel get a reconciliation between the two ladies. As a form of her self-chastisement, Greta decides to give up all worldly pleasures. She moves into to the cathedral with Greta and the two stay devoted to each other for the rest of their lives.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:Easy to understand.
The Plot:An authoress gets involved with a handsome man at a remote beach. She is heartbroken when she discovers that he has been cheating on her.
What I enjoyed?I liked the premise of your story. A successful author secluded in a remote location where you do nothing but write. Mara is human after all but given her age, status and experience, her gullibility surprised me. She turned out to be an easy prey for Kyle.
Friendly Suggestions: The end about the potion and the destruction of Kyle do not come across as logical. Even though you have mentioned supernatural as one of the genres, you might want to keep the end simple and logical. For example, Mara feeds her a potion which renders Kyle effeminate and impotent for life. But that is just my suggestion. I mean no offence.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Easy to understand. The conversation between Lawford and the art dealer was highly entertaining.
The Plot: A man discovers an old painting in his house. He suspects that it is an original Van Gogh.
What I enjoyed? This was a well-written story. The chain of thoughts that are triggered in Lawford's mind when he sees the painting are beautifully described. You manage to create suspense and are able to hook the reader. The end is hilarious.
Friendly Suggestions:
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is also 5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:Simple and lucid.
The Plot: A brief essay on the institution of marriage with a humorous bent at the end using some hilarious videos.
What I enjoyed? I liked the fact that your essay did provoke me to think deep about the institution of marriage. I come from a culture where divorces aren't so common but unfortunately things are drifting that way. While I agree that marrying for love and companionship are important, it is important to recognize that marriage is a partnership. If one of the partners gains financial security, the other one must be gaining some sort of comfort and friendship. Actually, it is important that each partner recognizes the strengths and weaknesses of the other and takes on the role that he/she is best suited for.
Friendly Suggestions:None
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:Smooth and easy to understand.
The Plot:A tribute to a diligent doctor who tales immense care of all her patients in spite of the fact that she herself is also seriously ill.
What I enjoyed? I was so fortunate to stumble upon this gem of a work. It is rare to find a caregiver like Amber these days which makes her passing away such an irreplaceable loss for society. Of course, her own family would be the one that would suffer the most but since all her patients were like family to her, her passing away would cause immense grief to all. What was great about Amber was that she never gave up on you. She always provided you with hope and succor.
I am also sorry to know about your auto-immune condition. Hoping and praying that you are doing well.
Friendly Suggestions: Breast cancer is curable if detected in time. You could use your story to send across a message to all your readers that all the women in the family need to periodically undergo the tests for breast cancer.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is also 5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:Easy to understand.
The Plot: The story of a young scholar who embarks on an arduous and dangerous search to search for an unlikely treasure: books and knowledge.
What I enjoyed?I marveled at Gerhard's resoluteness and determination to undertake a perilous journey in the search of knowledge. The disparaging remarks of the citizens when Gerhard begins his voyage made has metaphorical connotations. The world is not kind to innovation. You have to be a braveheart to do accomplish anything novel. Gerhard seems to be endowed with the right frame of mind to qualify as one. The vines guarding the books was an unique idea.
Friendly Suggestions: Certain things remain unclear to me. Why does Gerhard turn away when the fig falls from his hand? Does he study the books in the library or not? What special knowledge does he gain from his quest?
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Colorful and a pleasure to read.
The Plot: A royal maiden visits a Prince's ball. She has feelings for the Prince but her hopes are crushed.
What I enjoyed? As I have written at the beginning, I found your choice of words to be vibrant and cheerful. Your talk about flowers and spices transported me to a different world, a heavenly and beautiful one. I marveled at the Prince's chivalry for treating every maiden with utmost respect. In the end, I couldn't help but feel sad for Tansy.
Friendly Suggestions: I found the description between Andrew and Antony a bit irrelevant. But, that's me.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:Easy to understand.
The Plot:A young boy ventures inside a haunted house on Halloween of all days!
What I enjoyed? I liked the courage of the boy who is the protagonist of this story. Having a conversation with a spirt and then venturing upstairs a house that is spooky does take some guts! Your descriptions of the house are powerful and vivid. I found it interesting the way you described the presence of the Spirit - the part where the seat pressed down as if somebody was seated on it.
Friendly Suggestions: You write Holloween.
You write One step at a time I cross the street under the broken street lamp up to the raw iron fence and the gate frozen shut all these years. It should be I crossed the street.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Simple and lucid. A pleasurable read.
The Plot: A story of two lovers who resolve to encounter their destiny together. That one of them is cursed does not deter them from the path of love.
What I enjoyed? I liked the smooth flow of your words. Some examples:
i. with the steadying beam of the lighthouse, love could steer them through the most tempestuous of seas.
ii. Ancient symbols erupted in ghostly inscriptions; the hushed silence of whispered forests whispered across her thoughts; and behind it all, a hidden waterfall shimmered under the moon.
The love between Yvonne and Dylan touched me with its sincerity and steadfastness. You describe the chemistry between them well. The part where Yvonne declares her commitment to a a lifelong bond knowing the pitfalls of the relationship moved me because the relationship is not based one mere passion but love and sincerity.
Friendly Suggestions: I would have liked the story to reveal a bit more of the curse. Without it, it feels incomplete. I was half expecting Dylan to be a vampire or some spirit.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.5
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Easy to understand.
The Plot: A lady ventures inside a strange building and faces disastrous consequences.
What I enjoyed? There are several things I enjoyed. You have a nice style of writing. Right at the beginning, you managed to hook me. There was no way I would have left this story halfway. The feelings of despair and horror are vividly described.
Friendly Suggestions:The horror genre does allow the writer a fair deal of creative license. But if the author manages to weave in a logical plot, it would make for a great story. I found this missing in your tale. At the end, the mystery of what was it that lurked inside the building remains unclear. We know that it is sinister and baleful. But what exactly is it?
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language:Smooth and a pleasure to read.
The Plot:A beautiful description of a woman's struggle to reconcile with her huge personal loss.
What I enjoyed? I loved your language. I liked the way you take us through a journey of all past memories and experiences. I liked your attitude and the manner in which you decide to pick up the threads of your life.
Friendly Suggestions:If you have unplugged your phone, how would you be able to take a call from the insurance guys? Just a thought.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Easy to understand.
The Plot:An interesting depiction of a dental procedure.
What I enjoyed? I enjoyed the smooth flow of your passage. You used perfect words to create a powerful impact. Examples are: sensory anticipation, overpowering numbness etc
Friendly Suggestions: This story has been highly rated by the WDC community and hence I make this suggestion with some hesitation. Right from the beginning, I understood that this is about a medical procedure. This is because of one of the genres mentioned by you is comedy. Maybe you could remove comedy from the genre. And in the item description you mention something like "A woman trembles as she prepares for a forced violation of her body." Just a thought.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.5.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Easy to understand.
The Plot: Two little girls meet the owner of a monstrous house. Her identity turns out to be a real surprise.
What I enjoyed? I enjoyed the way you built up the suspense
Friendly Suggestions: The way you create the characters of your story, I thought the roles should be reversed. In the story, Miranda appears to be the bold one who wants to accost the old lady. But it would make mores sense if Maisy would be curious and bold to discover the identity of the lady. Miranda anyway knows her, right? And because Miranda knows her, she (Miranda) would not be keen to strike up a conversation with her.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.
The following is my humble feedback on your work:-
The Language: Simple and lucid.
The Plot: A birthday treat ends in disaster.
What I enjoyed? I liked the twist that comes at the end when you reveal Roger's true identity. You also were able to disguise well his true antecedents till the end. To be honest, I also did end up laughing at the absurdity of it all. However, your story once again proves that if anything is too good to be true, it usually is. You should be wary of any friend in an unknown city who wants to lavish you with so much affection and care.
Friendly Suggestions: You could try and make the revelation of Roger's identity more dramatic.
I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. My actual rating is 4.
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