That's a grizzly story. A little goryer than I typically like them. But it was not gratuitous gore. Every drop of blood and flesh and whatever the red stuff really was belonged there and it would have made the story less vibrant to leave it out. As usual another great thrill ride.
Cute story, I was waiting the whole time for a jump scare that never happened. I think this is a story that little hooligans with ideas about wells need to read. To satisfy their curiosity before something bad happens. What if pa had not been so close?
Good scene, but you got your their, there, they're mixed up in the first paragraph. Not a big, just change their to there. Also if there is nothing beyond the city but void, where did the plane come from? And where do they get their food from? Just a couple of thoughts.
Good story so far, but it seems a little rushed. Take a little more time, give us some vivid details. Make us see, smell, hear the city more. You've got space. And time, we'll all wait especially if what you add is as thrilling as what you've already got down.
I love it. Your caricatures of each of the colors were perfect. I think you chose their personalities perfectly. Their moods affecting their instruments of creativity is genius. I love how the dominating red is brought down a few pegs into a slot of cooperation. This is a great story and I understand how you won this prompt. Make sure to add a note about winning to your notes.
This is a good start to something longer. You could make it a story about recovery. Or rediscovery she could find who she was after the trauma. Or she could go psycho Rambo on the gang that hurt her. Totally taking a complete and satisfying revenge on them.
Good job, definitely twisted and dark. I would put a link to the contest and prompt, also if possible a linked to or written out the original song all into a pop or drop note. Just so people can fully get where it came from. It is well written and I think it has a chance of winning, so if it does don't forget to come back and update the note.
Awesome story! I am so glad you could help her heal herself like that! Sometimes the results of s simple act of kindness can lead you to find a beautiful treasure. It sounds like her creations were only a part of the treasure she found because of your kindness!
Awesome story! I like the main character! A lot more than i thought i would at first. At first i almost hated her for keeping the rich rich. Then the meeting about the cartel showed how upright and honorable she was. That is a great deal of character growth/ presentation for such a short story. On the way through the story to the end more and more is revealed about her character. It is a deep and nuanced story. I did get a little confused about the two characters names maybe i lost focus reading or maybe you slipped up. Any way around it you should double check that it is clear which is speaking when. Overall i would read it again.
That's creepy., and a definite lesson for anyone stupid enough to mess with the forces of darkness. It is well written. I would try highlighting the prompt words by bolding them so the reader can see them, since I wanted to see how successful you were with the prompt. I think I caught them but...
The first thing this poem made me think of were the poems that strike almost fully formed in the twilight thoughts right before you fall asleep. The kind that beg you to write them down but you pay them on the hand and assure them that you will remember them in the morning and then give in to sleep. Morning comes and the have evaporated into a lingering mist. Unable to recall them, you make a silent promise never to let it happen again.
That is a vivid poem. Appreciate the skill with which you put it together. It is relatively short yet it tells a complete story of a lovely spring day. I know this was a writer's cramp entry. Might I suggest a drop or pop note with a link to the cramp, date, prompt, and the fact that you won. Those are all things you might want to remember later.
THat was truely creepy. It was a slow but predictable creep. I still hit me with a thump as I read the note even though I felt something like that coming. Like it but not exactly it. There is one thing double check that your spelling of Shawn is consistent through the story, it felt like the spelling in the last paragraph was a mistake.
Ahh- mazing it is the best blend of poetry and prose that I have read here or anywhere else. It would be interesting if you put some information on how you wrote it, what inspired it and how long it took into a drop or pop note to satisfy my curiosity.
Nice!!! I loved it. It started a little ominously in a cliche way, but the way the story built to a conclusion that brought them both a sense of peace was wonderful and balanced for me. I liked the characters. It was a bummer the uncle was a murderer.
I found this poem sad. I feel bad for the astronaut. It must be terrifying to just be floating away with no hopes of rescue. I definitely could not handle being an astronaut, I am terrified of heights and you really can not go much higher than outer space. Good poem! It made me feel things and think about things that is the best kind of poem.
I love it. I was worried it would be about cockroaches from the gig I could not quite make out the insects in it. But ants working together, your butt is going to be thoroughly kicked. Then they are coming after the rest of us and there is not enough ant and roach spray to save the world!
That was gross and creepy! Weird with a capital ewe. So what the spider climbed inside him and hijacked his body? Or is he just insane? Very Kafkaesque story. It was unpleasant but I couldn't look away. He ate? Was his lunch meeting with the clerk perhaps?
Cute little poem. I think the information on the form is helpful in understanding it, but the fact that the information takes up more space than the actual poem is irritating to me. I would put that information in a pop note or drop note title a note on the form. That way I feel I would have more of an opportunity to digest the raw poem before getting into the how and why of it.
Awesome. As usual. That had real shades of the stand. It oozed the supernatural out the seams. It made me wonder what gift the dark man had stolen from her. Is the neighbor okay? Was the dream just a dream? That bit got a little fuzzy for me. I do not know if that kind of thing was part of the boy's power.
These are some interesting characters. I think the cop is sweet on him. Having given the why of that obsession such weight I would be interested in a clearer explanation of just why they are obsessed but instead you go into the next heist with no resolution. And if the heists are so difficult and dangerous I think you need to go deeper into that
This is a short poem. It is a silly one. I do not see much poetic value in futons. As I do not see much intrinsic value in a futon. They are neither couch nor bed and really are not good at being either. They are lumpy and uncomfortable. But this poem does not criticize that only the crappy color. That is potential poetic drama missed.
Whoa, twisted and turned at every pathway. A multi level ghost story with ghosts haunting each other. It had so many twists that I am surprised it was so easy to follow. I really feel for the main character. He is so distraught and finds no relief from it. Only more depressing fate.
This is a good poem about the discomfort of sudden loss. It does not target just one loss. It talks the spectrum of them. I do not think it leaves out a single possible relationship that can end. It talks about the difference in the pain between them. Not a difference in severity just a difference in tone.
Oh what a great poem. Has she read it? It is heart tugging. It was so sweet it almost made me cry. My breath caught in my throat reading the sincerity in it. I don't think I could have captured the sentiment as well as you have. For me the last line was powerful and gave me chills. Needless to say I liked this poem!
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