I’ve heard a variation of this story before, but I like the message at the end. I’ve always felt that greed leads to ruin, and you displayed that here wonderfully. This seems like it could’ve been an Aesop’s fable, I’ve always liked those. I hope you write more fables like this one!
This story grabbed my interest from the plug page, I like folklore. I was hoping for a happy ending, I’m glad things turned out good. I think it’s cute that Tommy and Jan grew up together, most would want a childhood like that. You’re a good writer, keep up the good work.
This would be a good choice to be included in a children’s book of poems written by many different authors. You have a vivid imagination, I hope you continue writing this type of poetry. Children need stuff like this. I like the imagery of the stars at night I pictured when reading this.
In paragraph 5 you have the word well where will seems more appropriate. All in all, a good little story. I love dogs, too. I’ve had some good dogs in my life, so I love reading about them.
These characters seem friendly and the dog seems like a good, yet mischievous, dog.
You have displayed some wisdom here, I like what you said about murdering a tyrant. Most people don’t think in these terms. You’re as much a philosopher as you are a writer.
The different comparisons you made rang true, like what you said about death and life. You’ve definitely got skills!
This was an interesting short story about the devil, it was cute and funny in certain areas, and without specifically mentioning who it was, I could tell. I thought it was interesting when he mentioned certain sins, I’ve spent a lot of time trying to avoid them. It was interesting to read a different perspective of someone who is embracing those vices.
I’m curious if this really happened, or if it was fictional. Either way, it was interesting. I like how the window concealed the fact that you were spying on him, you were protected by the glare.
The message here seems to be that not exercising is a virtue, though done in a way that is tongue in cheek. Congratulations on getting this published!
I haven’t read many steampunk stories, but have a.ways wanted to. This was pretty good, the shorter a story is the more skilled the writer. I’ve tried to write flash fiction before, and it’s difficult.
I believe in the late 19th century robots were referred to as automatons. I don’t think the word robot was coined yet at that time.
This is a good way of looking at life. You spoke of the good and bad things in life, and not focusing on the negative things. You have a good philosophical mindset, if you come up with more insightful things like this you could get them published. Keep writing!
This could be a potentially humorous ending, we see these guys about to duel and they become friends. When I was a writer for a television show in 1991 I wrote about a bodybuilder seeking revenge against an enemy who had harmed him when he was a child. The bodybuilder had become a born again Christian so he forgave his enemy, much to the enemy’s relief. This short story echoes that type of scenario.
I admire your dedication to exercise. I’ve tried to stick to an exercise regimen multiple times and fell off. For you to remain true to your training shows a lot of dedication. Others, such as myself, can learn from you in this regard. I’m currently trying to exercise every day in November this month, and so far, I’ve stuck to it.
It’s an incredible coincidence that you wrote about this and I stumbled onto it right when I’m in the middle of trying to get dedicated to exercise. I hope you keep it up, and I wish you the best!
I also have OCD, so I can relate to this a little bit. It’s too bad you missed out on Thanksgiving, but it goes to show you’re a good person who cares about others. Most people wouldn’t care, and would’ve gone despite not knowing that they were negative.
In paragraph 16, you have a comma followed by a word without a space in between. I know this is minor, but I thought I’d mention it, because I would want someone to point something like that out to me in my written works.
The idea of death incarnate is an ancient concept, but no matter what religion you are, or atheist or agnostic, you can’t deny that death exists. I like the way you described Death, you made it sound alive. I’m religious so I believe death may be an Angel, as some believe.
This is good advice, I like the idea of writing poorly then editing and critiquing it until it’s better. Terry Pratchett is a well respected author, I came in hoping for some wisdom, and I wasn’t disappointed. I looked at it the way you did, that a first draft is a rough version of a final draft. I definitely learned something.
This was a cute little poem with a message about standing up for yourself. I can relate somewhat to the feelings of the protagonist, but I do feel I have some natural talent that makes me better than average. People who feel bad about themselves could read this poem and find inspiration.
Summer has always been my favorite season, that’s why I was drawn to this poem. You managed to mention most of the things associated with the summer season. I like the grilling and ice cubes you write about. The squirrels and birds were cute, too. Thank you for sharing your work!
This is an interesting short story with a twist ending I didn’t expect. You did a good job with that. The characters seemed vivid and real. The events seemed plausible. An unusual way to acquire a pet mouse, but that makes the story. I hope to read more from you!
I think a lot of us have been in love with the wrong person and we look back and see that they weren’t right for us. You have a good perception of the problem and the solution. Some people never get that far, and remain in love in an unhealthy relationship.
This is a funny little poem that taught me a word that wasn’t part of my vocabulary. I was unaware that there was a phobia associated with beards and mustaches. I’m unable to grow a beard or mustache, so that’s what drew me to this poem. I wonder if there is a phobia of clean shaven men?
It looks like you did a good job following the prompt. It sounds like drinking with leprechauns is inadvisable. For a short poem you really got your point across. Thank you for providing a definition of the words and the requirements of the prompt. I liked this!
I agree with your position that we get older and we would like to get our youth back. Yogi Berra is a respected athlete in the history of American baseball. This was a good poem, and I liked how you explained at the end the type of poetry this was.
One issue I had is your use of the word chimera, I can’t find a definition of that word that relates to the way you’re using it, can you please explain that to me?
This is a cute short story about a young girl’s first Halloween going trick or treating. I was three the first time I did it, it’s understandable that this girl was six, because her parents don’t allow trick or treating.
Smart grandpa for hustling up a costume so quickly!
If this is an actual personal experience and not a work of fiction, you had an interesting life. It’s sad that you never realized your dream of becoming a writer. I hope you strive to write the story you always wanted to!
If this is a work of fiction, you developed an interesting character. It’s interesting how her life went full circle.
I’m glad they let her sing the song and change the lyrics to apply to her personal situation. I’m proud of American veterans, and I’m glad the young woman was able to get her point across to the crowd. Hopefully, her son follows in his father’s footsteps.
Printed from https://web1.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/samuelorona
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.13 seconds at 4:31pm on Oct 29, 2025 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
