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2,073 Public Reviews Given
2,127 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Minimalist. Focus on technical. I also look at how a work would fit into the traditional publishing landscape. I don't use a template. Warning: I am Australian, and so cultural differences may apply.
Favorite Genres
Most, really.
Least Favorite Genres
Fan-fiction
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and essays.
I will not review...
I will not review porn, fan-fiction or pro-religious/OTT-pro-USA essays. No interactives either, please.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Qui, ditch?  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

This was a fun little bit of pseudo-fan-fiction. Having fun on a golf course, turning it into a quidditch match, meeting others of a similar ilk, and just having fun.

You did make it seem like it was a fun day out, though the narrator fell a little too much to the back at the end. While the narrator was just there to tell the tale, there should have been a little more of them there in order to remind the reader this is being related.

Anyway, still a fun story. Good luck going forward.


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2
2
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. is celebrating A QUARTER CENTURY of Writing.Com!*CakeP*


A Dennis the Menace type character and his poor mother struggling to deal with him. I am impressed that he stayed on the chair in the corner and didn't run away, but he does seem like the sort of child who would cause exasperation. Though he does seem oblivious to the fact he is being naughty... or does he not care? Hard to tell.

And then planning something else at the end that will undoubtedly get him in trouble - does he even realise that? - just sees the cycle go on. While this is set with a genre as 'children's', most educators would not use it because bad behaviour is not really punished.

Technically, there are quite a few errors in the punctuation of direct speech. That needs a thorough edit.

Still, fun little story. Good luck going forward.


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3
3
Review of Loving Ghost  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. is celebrating A QUARTER CENTURY of Writing.Com!*CakeP*


Creepy story; no explanation given as to how Sharon got there, which always adds to the creepiness. It just happened. Did she break in? Did someone break her in? Other powers? None of that matters because she found herself in a place she should not have been.

Switching from the grave to the grave diggers was a nice change that worked well for the story. However, there is a huge PoV jump from Kelly to Sharon in the first section. It is jarring and I had to re-read it a couple of times to ensure I was reading it properly.

Otherwise, a fun story, almost paranormal erotica, and something different that I have not read much of at WdC. Good luck going forward.


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4
4
Review of First Date  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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Nice twist. What is worse than snakes? Well, I think you found it! The whole snake thing was leading the reader down one path but then you did the nice twist, making for an entertaining read, with the back story of Dave trying to get away with not paying.

However, as a story, there were a couple of times where things were Dave overwhelmed the girlfriend story. Him looking bored, slipping the credit card receipt back into his wallet, things like that that distracted from the narrative thrust and almost broke immersion at times. As I read it.

Still, nice little story with a fun ending. Good luck going forward.


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5
5
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. is celebrating A QUARTER CENTURY of Writing.Com!*CakeP*


This was a story that was genuinely scary, especially as someone who comes from a country where, yes, snakes have been known to pursue victims and not just bite and leave. This is a story that is something that can really freak readers out.

There is a build up of some tension, but the story does feel muted. The effects of the venom when running (snake venom attacks the lymphatic system, not the blood) does not feel right, unless this snake is not that venomous, and I don't get real fear from the runner. Concern, yes, but there is the opportunity to really up the ante and make it truly terrifying. Use all 5 senses, especially having the narrator focus on the physiology. This could have really drawn the reader in and been truly terifying.

Still, as a quick story, it works as a scary tale. Good luck going forward.


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6
6
Review of The Vulture  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. is celebrating A QUARTER CENTURY of Writing.Com!*CakeP*


Something very The Fly about this story. The idea that the history of teleportation is littered with incidents like this seems to be a universal one. By sticking with the single PoV and so when the transfer takes place, the thoughts are now foreign, the memories gone, add a degree of creepiness to the tale. We don't notice everything fading from his mind until names of people are gone. Subtle, but there.

I think my biggest issue is the info dump. Vic telling Alec what he already knows, even to make a point, is not how real people speak. And the point isn't even made, because they are already both of a similar mind. Not two people, but a person and an animal before two people, yet the idea stands. It feels clumsy.

Still, the ending makes this something different and genuinely eerie. Good luck going forward.


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7
7
Review of Tattered Wings  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
First, excellent use of the lines from the prompt song. Those lines, that the fairy tales lied to us, have become the crux of the poem, about love that has gone astray, and yet maybe it is the hope that the fairy tale will be real for us that carries us on... hopefully not to "fail again."

It follows the style you have detailed well, and reading it out loud, it is a simple poem to get into a good rhythm.

Really strong poem. Good luck going forward.


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8
8
Review of Furs and Fluffs.  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
I do understand this is not complete, and while I am not a furry myself, and nor is it a big community here, I have actually met a couple.

So, looking at this as a poem.

"Words will act" I don't understand what this is supposed to mean. Considering the change in line length later, maybe an extra word or two to help the reader?

Likewise, I do not get the last line. Hate of what? Why the full stop after pure?

The rest of the poem - how a person does not feel complete outside their fur-suit, how the fursona identifies them but leads to judgement from others, is all quite strong.

Good luck completing this. I think the basis for a good, honest poem is there.

(The star rating is unfair; this is incomplete. I'd like to read it when it is finished.)


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9
9
Review of On the Precipice  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

I liked this poem, the way the poem was from the spider's PoV. The change in circumstance, the light disappearing, the fear. If I hadn't read the opening pre-amble, I would have thought it had been swallowed by a bird or something, but then the ending where it is simply allowed to escape outside is almost like a happy ending.

I read poetry out loud, and the short lines gives rise to pauses, like the spider waiting. I think some of the lines could have been combined to longer ones, so the reader has to speed up to get through them, like panic. But that's just the way I read it.

Fine poem. Good luck going forward.


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10
10
Review of April Fools  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

It took me a while, but when I saw where Randal was going, I laughed. Clarice was oblivious to the tables being turned on her. She is painted as the sort of joker who doesn't know when to stop, so by having the serious counterpoint to everything she was saying, lots of interruptions, would have been frustrating and, yes, the perfect prank to pull on her.

Technically, it was very clean. Story-wise, there was one little hiccup to me. Most of the story focuses on Clarice, making her the PoV character, but then we have one paragraph where Randal mentally whines about the service. It doesn't add to the story, and I feel it is better we know nothing about Randal's thoughts as it makes his ultimate prank work that much better for the reader.

Still, this was a fun story. Good luck going forward.


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11
11
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. is celebrating A QUARTER CENTURY of Writing.Com!*CakeP*


I see that this was written for a newsletter, and I think it is this sort of thing that many writers, especially those nearer the beginning of their writing "journey", need to hear. Five simple reasons, and then 5 simple remedies. I probably would have gone into a little more about people telling writers they are great from the word go and then being told the opposite by an editor can be demoralising and how to deal with that, but that is something I have encountered a lot with beginner writers I help.

While I get it is for a newsletter, I think, as a portfolio item, the only suggestion I would make is to make the headings stand out - bold them or something like that.

As it is, the content is very worthy, and is something I think a lot of writers do need to hear. I hope this gets (or got) traction when it was put into the newsletter.

Good luckj going forward.


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12
12
Review of REUNION  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. is celebrating A QUARTER CENTURY of Writing.Com!*CakeP*


A sad little story, one that I guessed the ending as soon as I realised what he was looking at. Looking for his own name on the memorial, and then disappearing - it was the sort of gentle ghost story that works on a couple of levels.

Technically, thoughts should be differentiated from direct speech, and there was a missing question mark as well, so it just needs a quick edit.

Story-wise, a few things confused me. He clearly knew what he was looking at, because he knew his name was going to be there, and yet he was surprised at some of the other names? And he was worried about the first anniversary, when this was over 70 years ago? Okay, maybe he is stuck in a stasis loop, but his other knowledge sort of belies that a little. Sorry, but these little things drew me out.

Still, a decent enough ghost story with some pathos included. Good luck going forward.


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13
13
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. is celebrating A QUARTER CENTURY of Writing.Com!*CakeP*


This is an interesting story of the meeting of two opposites. The strength of this tale is that it clearly did not take sides (if it did, it was too subtle for me to notice) and neither side ended up on top. The vampire, especially, came across as realistic to its creature type, while the angel was veering more towards the original depiction, which is rather rare. However, angels rarely acted as psychopomps, so I guess that is original for your tale. Is it significant the vampire was named Feras, a form of the Latin word for 'fertile'?

Technically, this does need a thorough edit. A few errors in punctuation of direct speech, and a couple of other little things just need looking at.

Still, this is a fun little tale of forces meeting. Good luck going forward.


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14
14
Review of Dreaming  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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This was an interesting look at your innermost thoughts and creative process - ideas for writing coming from dreams of words. It feels like quite a different manner of writing to that which most writers I have spoken to utilise and experience, and it clearly works for you! This piece was almost the perfect length for what it was, not over-staying its welcome, and coming across in a pleasant, conversational tone.

However, I felt it confused me at times. So, when you dream, do you see the words themselves? The actual words floating through your head? Is this the only way you get ideas for your writing? I feel some of these could do with clarification.

Still, an interesting look into the mind of another writer. Good luck going forward.


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15
15
Review of Disappearing Act  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

I like it when I can't see where a story is going, and this was certainly that. This was just a fun little story with the mother growing exasperated... and getting the best revenge possible without harming the boy's relationship with his father.

A fun little tale, even if looking at it deeper, it is depressing that they use their son to get at one another. It might be "fun and games" but...

I enjoyed it, but I couldn't but feel for the kid. Good luck going forward.


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16
16
Review of Celtic Memories  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

A sad little poem, watching someone marry someone else. The Celtic imagery, quite Irish in tone, set such a nice atmosphere, and then the idea of a knight and member of the fae getting married transported the reader back centuries. And then the kicker at the end.

My only question is was there supposed to be a shape with the way the lines were constructed and placed? I missed it if there was.

Still, I did enjoy the poem itself. Good luck going forward.


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17
17
Review of Djinn Tonic  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

Cute little story, with the old genie in the lamp trope subverted nicely. The long-suffering guy with his wife getting something special. A bit dark, sure, but I smiled.

Technically, this was also very clean.

I think the only thing I wanted more of was Bob's thoughts. They were there at the start, which added to the atmosphere, then they disappeared. It would have been interesting to maybe have them continue?

Anyway, I did enjoy this. Good luck going forward.


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18
18
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This came up in 'Read & Review.'

This is a very affectionate look at an old sub; it actually has the sort of emotion I would expect for someone writing about a pet! It is clear how much you like the life under the sea, and this poem speaks of even missing it.

Now, I read poetry out loud, and this worked well. There are no forced rhymes, and the syllable count (10 +/-1) gives an easy rhythm.

This is a strong poem, one I quite enjoyed. Good luck going forward.


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19
19
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

The thing that got me about this little tale is it reminds me of my friends and myself back when we were teenagers into our early 20s. Not in costume, but doing weird things, and seeming to get zero response. I reckon a few of your readers will tell you this is impossible, it couldn't happen, but I know for a fact it can and it does.

So it was fun to read it.

Technically, very clean - well done! Except, the "...feather in his cap!" does not need the closing quotation marks as the same speaker continues in the next paragraph. Technical and pedantic, yes, but that's the way it goes.

So, fun story well delivered.


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20
20
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
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This was a fun little inner monologue (I can't think of a better description; sorry) about you and your love-hate relationship with your hair. The "too short"/bald hairstyle does not work in many cases, I understand, so it seems you have found a way to live with this and have yourself looked after.

I like the idea of others having chefs, masseuses, etc. while you just want a hairdresser on call. It feels like this has really got to you.

This is a personal piece, and so I think the only suggestion I would have for it is, as it has been made public, that it gets a thorough edit as there are a few missing pieces of punctuation and some run-on sentences. That's all.

But for a little slice of life, this was very entertaining. Good luck going forward.


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21
21
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. is celebrating A QUARTER CENTURY of Writing.Com!*CakeP*


Well, I did not see that ending coming! It puts the rest of the story in an entirely different context. Is the father real? is this a programmed performance? What is this for? Are they human or transhuman? And, I have to say, I was not expecting to have so many philosophical questions coming out of a piece of flash fiction!

Technically, it was very clean; nice job.

My only issue is that the dialect accent was really hard for me to get my head around. Not being from the US, there are still a couple of the phrases I do not understand entirely. I don't know, maybe tone it down a smidge?

Still, this was a strong story and that twist - wow! Good luck going forward.


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22
22
Review of Once upon a Time  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Okay, that is the most depressing fairy tale ever written. Realistic, but depressing. And an end that is coming to fruition faster and faster every year. Good work again. Now I'll go watch some Monty Python to cheer up...


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23
23
Review of Grandfather  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Well, that was dark! Again, you've said this was non-fiction, and it does almost read as a memoir, but it has the beginning-middle-end to be a story, so well done with the combination. But it was so matter-of-fact it hardly felt sad. It just happened. Nice stylistic choice.


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24
24
Review of Surprise Present  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
His fiftieth and my aunt's sixtieth, though her was the 'chocolate' brownies, not the cake. Well, her kids thought it was funny. And, yes, definitely embedded in the annals! Again, you've indicated this is non-fiction, so it seems my family is not the only one who does this! Nice use of reality to tell a fun story.


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25
25
Review of The Balloon  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Sometimes it's the small things that can mean the most, and this is the sort of story that points that out. Of course he can't help but mope, but then taking happiness from a simple gesture - nicely done. Couple of little technical things, but again, a good edit will clean that. Well done.


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