\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED ITEMS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://web1.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/steven-writer
Review Requests: ON
2,321 Public Reviews Given
2,376 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Minimalist. Focus on technical. I also look at how a work would fit into the traditional publishing landscape. I don't use a template. Warning: I am Australian, and so cultural differences may apply.
Favorite Genres
Most, really.
Least Favorite Genres
Fan-fiction
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and essays.
I will not review...
I will not review porn, fan-fiction or pro-religious/OTT-pro-USA essays. No interactives either, please.
Public Reviews
<   1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  ...   >
1
1
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

A fun little piece of flash fiction. It took a little to work out who was who, but then I got it.

Story-wise, surely Beffin would have been a little off-put by Minna's rudeness when she said two pieces wasn't enough. And the growing thing was just accepted, not pushed harder. It felt like they were friends, not a trick-or-treater and householder.

Technically, one drift into present tense ("...gives it to the..."). Otherwise clean.

I guess the biggest thing for me was the tone. There did not feel like there was a sense of terror. The language was just there. No build-up. Beffin was dead and the stomach was missing. That was it. Problem was, I think, there was nothing reacting to it, so it became all tell.

I think if taken away from the flash fiction restrictions, there could be a much more creepy story here. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
2
2
Review of Final Target  Open in new Window.
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This was an interesting story with some nice build. The slow deterioration from home defender to someone who enjoys the kill was well done. I think it maybe could have been a little more subtle, but I do get you had a word count limit in this contest.

Which brings me to the final section. Whereas the rest has a bit about the narrator's feelings, the final section feels like it weas just a series of things that happened. We only get superficial emotions. This could have leant itself for so much more introspection, more physiology coming to the fore, especially when he thinks it his wife who has been shot by Spike, and then when he realises his wife thinks it's him who shot at her. Instead what we get is philosophy of losing it all for greed. While I do understand the Sin is what this was aiming for, it did leave the ending feeling, to me, a little flat.

So, that's the negatives. The narrator was a good character for most of the tale. We felt him feel proud of that first kill, then grow more complacent and happier with what he was doing. His initial confrontation with Frank felt like it lacked some tension, but, again, I get the word count limitations. It is the ending where the tension needs to build more, and we need to be more with Kevin.

The reveal of the wife as an agent (not an air stewardess - nice diversion) was good and was something I did not see coming, so well done there.

Technically, very clean. Nicely done!

I think after the contest is over, this could be worth revisiting and extending out to a 3k word story (which is in the sellable range for genre fiction) because the story is a strong one with some nice twists.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
3
3
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

A sweet little story of things going wrong but turning out all right in the end. Common tale, but I don't think I've read it with a photographer and an ice-cream commercial before, so kudos for adding something different! I liked the way you used the different meanings of "commercial" to create confusion as well.

Technically, it was very clean, especially with the direct thoughts. I wish I saw more of this on WdC.

So a fun little tale, well written and easy to read. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
4
4
Review of The Song  Open in new Window.
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was a charming little story... and one I could strangely relate to.

As a story, the set up was nice - though if Willie was having such a large concert, I am amazed that no-one else recognised him - and the conversation between the two at the coffee shop felt natural and, more importantly, realistic.

Very similar to a conversation I had, though the artist dismissed it as 'Popular' not just another song. And there are many artists I can imagine doing on stage what Willie did for Ian and Ray. Nothing about this felt forced or out of place.

I think my only "issue" is that the ending felt rushed. I would have built up the g=fact the song hadn't been played, Ray saying something along the lines of it's okay because at least they got to see him, a little tension sort of thing.

Technically, it does need a little edit, but I know you're looking at sharing not being perfect here.

So, I really enjoyed this tale. Nice work and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
5
5
Review of Magic Carpets  Open in new Window.
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

This was a charming little poem about flying away on thew wings of imagination, although it was a carpet this time and not wings as such. The magic carpet does feel somehow more in keeping with a vivid imagination.

I read poetry out loud and the 8+/-1 syllable count made this an easy rhythm to get into, very sing-song.

This was a great little poem, and I think is the sort that would appeal to older childrten.

Nice job, and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
6
6
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

This was a simple little Halloween tale, one that felt almost written for children. As a piece of flash, the mixture of tell and show was about right for the word count limits, and the three characters were perfectly fine for the subject.

Technically, there was a missing question mark, otherwise okay.

My biggest question is a format one - why were the paragraph separations inconsistent? It made it feel like there were gaps in the narrative when there should not be. It also split a direct speech of Haggie's into two sections where that did not make sense.

So, fun little story, just needs some presentation work to help it make sense. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
7
7
Review of The Magic Shop  Open in new Window.
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

I admit, as soon as I read the description of the man, I knew how this was going to end. But it was still a fun ride to get there. The depiction of the witch as a "wise woman" is more in keeping with what we know of those women than all sorts of magic and spells, and it is always good to read about them in this light.

Technically it was very clean. Well done.

My only thing is sometimes the way the Cassandra and Andrea spoke did not feel natural, the way relatives this close would speak. A little stilted.

Still, a fun story and I enjoyed it. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
8
8
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

Personification of the cursor is something I am sure a lot of us writers do at some time or another, especially when the words just won't come. Always good to blame something else and not our head!

An interesting piece, and one that's a bit of fun.

Technically, a missing apostrophe was all I saw (should be "Shit's"... for "Shit is...").

Nice job. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
9
9
Review of A Favorite Book  Open in new Window.
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

Oh, that more parents/ caregivers would do this!

Because of her work, my ex did this every night with the kids so she had some time with them.

You have encapsulated the idea of those early times, before complete understanding well in so few words. The importance is implied and yet obvious.

Really well done. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
10
10
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

This is a sweet little story, a conundrum/ quandary for Ken, and yet it all coming out all right in the end. As a story, it follows the romance short story tropes well and doesn't play into anything too cliched, with a funny little ending.

Technically - you typed "frist" instead of "first" at one point, otherwise very clean.

I do think this could be easily converted into a dialogue-only piece, and so could well be used for one of those contests here at WdC. it might even make it a little more personal.

Still, good piece. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
11
11
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

The differences between our two countries are so completely encapsulated in these 12 lines. Not one line of this poem applies to us here; two countries separated by a similar language and a totally different culture.

I read poetry out loud. As a free verse poem, it was easy to read, although I found myself wanting to rush the April line. Maybe a smidge long.

Otherwise, this was an interesting look at a world completely removed from our own.

Thanks for that, and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
12
12
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

A fun little tale which reads like a fairy tale. The little brother fighting, the big brother carrying him back home. The reality of the monsters was dubious; it was like imagination shared, though more in the younger sibling. But the hint it was real made it feel slightly at odds with itself.

There was no sense of tension - Cedrick just defeated everything - and there was no sense of horror, if that was what was being aimed for.

To me, it just fell a little flat. Sorry.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
13
13
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

Auto-correct; they always blame auto-correct! This was a fun story, although I had to look up where La Paz was...

Technically it was very clean, and it was a fun little story. I enjoyed this one, and can imagine it in real life.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
14
14
Review of The Bribe  Open in new Window.
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

This is one of those stories where I guessed what was going to happen from about the first fifth of the tale. The story of a reluctant former sports star is one that has been around for a long time.

Story-wise, pretending he could not play to start with then being put in the mid-field felt like it did not make sense. The fact he couldn't be bothered at the start made him feel like not a nice man, then he went full-in almost showing off. Just because his wife knew his past? It did not feel realistic.

Technically, in direct speech, someone being addressed is separated by a comma, even if that is a pet-name or title.

The story itself was fine, and description of the game mechanics was well-done; I just felt the story lacked something.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
15
15
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read A Newbie.'

You make being an only child seem very depressing. I spent a lot of my life wishing I was an only child, but maybe you have made it seem like that would not have been a good idea.

You have outlined how it felt to grow up and how it still permeates your life today, making it feel like a burden that is almost unbearable.

Technically, very clean. Format-wise, paragraph separation should be more consistent, as it gives emphasis to things that do not need it.

Still, a well-written piece. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
16
16
Review of Wire Walker  Open in new Window.
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This came up in 'Read & Review.'

This is almost a sweet little piece about someone achieving their dream. There did not seem to be a lot of conflict beyond a little bit of self-doubt at the start, but it was there. Still, this felt more like a character study, and for that it was fine.

I did find I wanted more of what was going through his mind. Or if - like me when I had my second wrestling match - he went into autopilot mode. I think I wanted something internal.

Still, nice little piece. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
17
17
Review of Mr Talknicely  Open in new Window.
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

I think we've all met a Mr Talknicely in our time, either as friend or partner. This was exactly how it went down with the couple I knew back in early university.

As a poem, it was easy to read, even though it had an odd rhyme scheme and the last stanza was a little different in structure. But I read poetry out loud, so if it works there, all good.

Thanks for sharing; good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
18
18
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

The poetry form you were given to work with was quite a challenging one and you handled it very well. The reverse of lines did not affect the story told, and it was an affecting little tale of a day at the zoo.

I read poetry out loud, and this was easy to read. A couple of lines felt a little short, but it still worked, and none of the rhymes felt forced.

Nice job and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
19
19
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

This is an interesting concept, almost like a portal-based version of the book Long Earth. It sets up what happened, there is a conflict, and it is all resolved.

And it is all tell and no show. We have nothing about anything any character is feeling, no sense of awe or wonder. This is just a series of things that happened. It feels like an outline for a longer work.

The idea is strong; the delivery just needs more oomph, in my opinion.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
20
20
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This came up on 'Review & Read.'

This came across as a little story with a children's audience in mind. The story was slight, but it was the sort that would entertain youngsters well enough. It had the right mix of character interaction and things happening.

However, I think having the broom speak was a little much. I would have stuck with the cat and witch and left it at that. The broom said something a smug cat would have said so much better,

Also, is there a reason why some paragraphs are separated by double carriage returns and others aren't? Otherwise, clean technically - nice.

Still, a fun story for children. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
21
21
for entry "The Wounded Knight" Open in new Window.
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Interesting little Western tale. The brown scarf belonging to the woman killed, wanted by her widower. It's a different take on the vengeance tale. You built the cowboy up well, almost a bard in the old D&D sense, fighter and songsmith, and it suited the setting nicely.

However, I wonder why the gunshot didn't attract more attention when he killed Brown Scarf? It was not like shooting was happening all the time. If it was something other than a gun, then it should be more explicit.

Technically, quite a few times you got the punctuation of direct speech muddled. That part needs a good edit.

Still, fine little Western tale. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
22
22
Review of The Sweater  Open in new Window.
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

This is a sweet little series of vignettes that form an over-arching story of something that connects a mother and child, despite it seemingly being just a silly object. It is a reminder that things don't have to be expensive to mean something - they just need a sense of that connection.

Technically, this was very clean as well.

This is the sort of tale that could find a home in the Chicken Soup For The Soul styled books. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
23
23
Review of Angel Feathers  Open in new Window.
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
What a sweet story about bats and how they aren't really that bad. Having said that, we need to tell our kids to stay away from flying foxes; they have some issues in Australia. Don't bats carry rabies in the USA, though?

This reads like a story for children to make them not be scared of something essentially harmless and endangered in many cases.

Technically, "...petrified of bats?” Her big should be "...petrified of bats?” her big as her big brother asked is a dialogue tag.

Otherwise, a decent little story for children. Well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
24
24
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

A short, sharp and shiny poem. And yet one with an awful lot to say in such a minimum of words. This is the sort of thing that too many people need to take heed of.

I read poetry out loud and this was easy to recite. This could become a mantra.

Really well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
25
25
Review by S🤦‍♂️ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Even ghosts can be sad about their lot in afterlife. The ghosts of a long-deserted human construct, stuck in their limbo without hope for anything changing or even seeing something new about their world is the sort of existential dread that sometimes keeps me awake at night.

Another sad story to add to your drabbles.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
1,245 Reviews • *Magnify*
Page of 50 • 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://web1.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/steven-writer