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Review of Drabble 10  Open in new Window.
Review by Sumojo Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi, I found this Drabble entry in the Noticing Newbies newsletter.
Out of the editor’s reading suggestions I chose yours as I am also interning Steven’s Drabble activity.
I still haven’t attempted Drabble ten yet—a Drabble about a haircut.
This was a fine effort and kept me guessing until the end. A great surprising take on the prompt.
I enjoyed reading that the stylist chatted aimlessly whilst trimming, I suppose it was all in a day’s work to her.
It’s always interesting to read a fellow entrant’s work. Good luck with the next 15!
Sue


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Review by Sumojo Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, I came across your story in Read and Review. I noticed you are very new to WdC. I’d like to be one of the first to welcome you and to wish you all the best in your writing career.

This story has a feeling of a fairy tale. It has it all—a wise benefactor, and a sad, lonely child in a beautiful garden.
Then came the change of scene as years pass. The juxtaposition between the first and second parts were quite stark. I was taken aback as the story took a dark turn, which I guess is what you were aiming for.

I liked the spaced out text and the font size. It made it easy to read.
The only off putting part of the setting out was the whole seemed to have been centralised. Perhaps you had centred part of the text and all of it became centered. Check out WritingML.

Thank you for sharing your story. It was very emotional.

Sue


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Review by Sumojo Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi there, I’m reviewing this piece you wrote for a blog as next in line at I Write in 25. I found the whole thing interesting as I’d never heard of your subject. I was very surprised though about the foreign language requirement for your English degree. You didn’t mention whether you kept up your pursuit of learning Spanish and I wondered if you found the effort worthwhile and that you’re now fluent in Spanish.
I enjoyed hearing about your methods to retain the trickier Spanish words. The game show idea was very inventive and a fun way of learning. It sounds as if you had fun with your classmates, especially when you were required to write a skit about your subject.

I found this sentence a little too long and confusing: I wound up choosing Spanish which worked out well up until the final semester I needed where my ability to keep up with the expanding vocabulary that the language required caught up to me and I wasn't able memorize what I needed quickly enough.

Thank you for sharing what was an interesting piece.
Sue


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Review by Sumojo Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

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Hi Kare, I so enjoyed reading this story. It reminded me of my visits to Thailand, to Chang Mai and Phuket, Kanchanaburi and so many of the islands. I hoped we hadn’t been those noisy, annoying tourists.

As I read your words I felt that sense of quietness, of calm, even when the narrator was feeling unsure of the outcome of his journey.
I liked the reference to colours, it reminded me of you and your different colour days. Now I know that it was probably your grandmother who said: ‘the traditional colours help keep time.’
The whole was restrained, as if you were keeping so much back. I felt there was so much more to say that you were deliberately refusing to reveal. But again so much like you, Kare.
Such a beautiful telling of the chaos caused when a simple DNA test is taken. I guess not to be undertaken lightly unless one is prepared for the results.
I don’t feel as if I’ve explained adequately how the story made me feel.
But I really liked it.

Sue


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Review of Writing In Images  Open in new Window.
Review by Sumojo Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Bill, I found this essay very interesting. You make a great point when you speak of the written words being nothing but black squiggles on the page, but which have the power to reach a reader’s mind and light it up with imagery.
It’s the same with musical notes. I can’t read music but I’m in a choir and envy the musicians who can read a musical score and hear the music in their minds.
When deaf people hear for the first time via a cochlear implant they can’t make sense of the sounds until the mind can interpret them and they become speech.
How wonderful is the human brain, we read a story and see the scene in our mind’s eye, the characters appear different to all of us, even if the writer drew his characters’s physical features and appearance.
The writer has great power, we can make someone laugh, cry, or draw breath in horror. It would have thought it impossible for a writer not to see the scenes in his mind as he writes those black squiggles on the page, but perhaps not all writer’s minds work in that way.
Thank you for reminding me of the impact those words can have.
Sue


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Review by Sumojo Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi, Jeff, I selected this essay of yours out of a good selection of other interesting topics.
Writing letters used to be so important to me when I left the UK in 1972 and arrived in Perth Western Australia knowing no one except my husband and three year old daughter.
From the moment we landed I felt the urgency to write ‘home.’
I knew my mother would be desperate for some news.
From that moment on my mother and I had a weekly correspondence lasting for years.
Oh the joy of receiving an airmail letter, those pale blue paper-thin sheets which when folded served as its own envelope. We wrote about everyday news, what the children had been doing. It was a written history of my life.
Eventually my parents emigrated to join us and not knowing what to do with the box of my letters, in chronological order, my dad burnt them.

I agree wholeheartedly with your opinion piece, it’s a sadder world without handwritten letters.


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Review by Sumojo Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Jeffrey, this story would put the fear of God in every parent’s hearts.
Little children have no concept of danger although usually six year olds know they shouldn’t wander off.

It reminds me of the time my two -year-old twins were lost in a shopping mall. They had wandered right through a busy car park onto a busy road. I swore I’d never leave the house again.

Good use of the prompt words, I imagine we’ve all used the same phrase many times in some context or another.

I spotted one typo: a recipe for tregedy. tragedy.

Thanks for sharing this story which stirred up a memory for me.
Sue


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Review by Sumojo Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello, I came across this essay on Read and Review.
I found everything you wrote very intriguing. Imagine all those wealthy men—and it seems they were all men—ending their lives in such sad, tragic circumstances.
It’s such a shame they hadn’t used their resources to make the world a better place, I’m thinking of philanthropy. Philanthropists are very thin on the ground these days it seems to me. I can’t really speak of the wealthy citizens of the USA, but I can of our super wealthy ones in Australia.
In Western Australia we have one of the richest women in the world in Gina Rinehart with a net worth of US30.8 billion and yet one never hears of her donating to anything. We desperately need another mother and baby hospital in Perth, where I live. Do you think Gina would miss the three billion? We could call it after her,—‘The Gina Rinehart hospital.’ I’m positive it would add years to her life, put a smile on her sad face.

We do have very philanthropic men here though by the names of Dick Smith and Andrew Forest. They have both given many millions away to various charities and are the happiest people you’d ever want to meet.

It must be so satisfying to be able to afford to make a difference to the world, perhaps to use one’s wealth find the cure for what is now an incurable disease or to find a way of cleaning up the oceans.

It’s the fear of losing what they’ve accumulated which drives the uber- rich to madness or sadness.
Whenever the death of someone known for their wealth dies, I always remark, ‘It doesn’t matter how much money one has, there’s no escaping the Grim Reaper.’
Thank you for your essay, it was food for thought.
Sue


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Review by Sumojo Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, I enjoyed reading your poem. Is it true that eagles pull out all their feathers? I’ve never heard of such a thing. It might be poetic license?
It would be good if humans could remove all the old worn out parts and grow new ones, I’d certainly be in to that!

It lays their defenseless waiting to mend. lays there…

Thanks for sharing.
Sue


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Review of In The Water  Open in new Window.
Review by Sumojo Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, welcome to WdC. You might be a newbie here but you’re definitely not new to writing.

I enjoyed reading this piece, it tells of a life well lived. There were as many downs as there were ups. Much like being on that sailing boat.
It tells of the great highs you experience when you sail, focusing entirely on the moment, forgetting or ignoring the pain. You write of the exhilaration of a successful journey, at one with the boat and the sea.
It also tells of depression. Struggles to achieve at university when you compared yourself with others.

Pain is the central theme. The pain you inflicted on yourself playing sport. Yet as you become older, hopefully wiser, you embraced the pain, realising perhaps that pain is just part of living. I too believe people can’t say they’re living if they don’t suffer, whether physically or emotionally.
Swimming everyday seems to be your pain relief. Long may you continue to be at one with the water.
I do hope being part of Writing.Com gives you joy too.
Sue


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Review by Sumojo Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi, Miya, welcome to WdC. I hope you find everything you hope for here.
Thank you for sharing your story. It’s obviously intended to whet the appetite for more and it succeeded, although the protagonist seemed to be rather young at seventeen to be a paid assassin.
The dialogue flowed well and it sounded natural, you’re obviously used to telling a good story.

Re the setting out for the readers.
It’s easier to read if you leave more white space when text is to be read on a screenIt’s better if you put each line of dialogue separately, this makes it easier to differentiate who is speaking.
I look forward to reading more of your work.
Sue.


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Review by Sumojo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Carly, I'm reviewing this interesting little story for I Write in 25.

The protagonist sounds as if she doubts herself in every way. She was hearing voices in her mind, those voices berating her for her poor performance at work, for her laziness in not cooking a balanced meal and for drinking too much.

I think we've all experienced days like those, when imagined voices seem to be ganging up on us. Yet these voices were being deliberately cruel, driving her into a frenzy of self doubt. Then surprisingly another voice, but this time it is soothing, kind, and admonishes the cruel, intimidating ones with just a few words.

How wonderful it would be if we all had access to a Goddess to reassure and calm. Much like a mother would soothe an anxious child.

I noticed one typo: piss pour, should be spelled piss poor.

Thank you for sharing this emotional piece.
Sue


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Review of The Visitor  Open in new Window.
Review by Sumojo Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found this sweet story on Read and Review and I’m so glad I did.
The story began sadly, and as I, only a couple of weeks ago fainted whilst in hospital and hit my head on the concrete floor, was counting my blessings that I’d escaped with just a bad concussion.

I recognised in the dialogue the way nurses tend to speak to their more elderly patients when they’re unable to escape.

My face broke into a smile though when the face of that gorgeous dog appeared in the doorway holding the red ball in his mouth.
I’m sure animals do have a beneficial effect on the unwell and I hope Emily made a rapid recovery.

Thank you forgiving me something pleasant to read before I close my eyes for the day.
Sue


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Review by Sumojo Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I’ve just finished reading this story and wanted to tell you how it made me feel.
I remember 1954, I was ten. The story took me back to that time and summer. The setting reminded me of my childhood, riding my bike and the smell of new mown grass. The dragonfly, with its iridescent blue wings added to my enjoyment.

I thought Mr Maple must have been Laura’s father, I couldn’t imagine a neighbour speaking to Lara and Dean like he did. The way Dean reacted to Mr Maple though, with silence and compliance was correct for those times. I think today both the children would have told him it was none of his business.

You wrote that they only passed polite words when they saw each other and yet that they wrote to each other while Laura was away nursing? It doesn’t seem likely they would have done that.

It’s a beautifully written piece, very atmospheric and gentle.
Thank you for sharing.
Sue.


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Review by Sumojo Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello I’m reviewing your story for I Write.
Eric didn’t let his sister put him off his performance outfit, he obviously was a person who knew his own mind. I was waiting to see if you were going to describe his clothes, but cleverly you decided to let anyone who reads your story to use their imagination. I have poor Eric dressed in a Latin American flouncy blouse with tight black pants!
As usual you went with the prompt and your imagination ran with it. Well done.
Sue


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Review of Not In The Mood  Open in new Window.
Review by Sumojo Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I loved this cheeky little story. The first sentence had me guessing where this was going. Knowing your fondness for horror I imaging a knife wielding burglar. But, no, it was a fearless lover whose intentions were far from honourable.
One does wonder where and when the expose will occur and why these secret lovers don’t just come clean.
Thanks for the smile.
Sue


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Review of Woke  Open in new Window.
Review by Sumojo Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Amethyst Angel h✟k ♡ Author Icon I was checking the results of the Musicology Anthology when I noticed your entry had been disqualified. I know how you feel as I’ve been there too. No word count? How annoying it is to be disqualified for such a simple error after the hours spent on producing a very fine piece of writing.
I liked your story very much, it was quite inventive. I liked the retired detective angle.

I could sense the struggle you’re having with the idea of a benevolent being and why life’s not fair. I think we all must contemplate that same subject at sometime or another.
I’m sorry you were disqualified and yet your disqualification was the reason I decided to stop and read and review.
I hope you had more success in the other contest you were entering. I know it’s probably frowned upon to say one is disappointed not to have at least been in the first three winners but I was, just a little and I think that is just fine to admit.
You are prolific, talented writer. Please continue to write, I enjoy reading your stories.


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Review by Sumojo Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, welcome to WdC, you may be new here but you’re certainly not new to writing. It was interesting to read about how you came to be a novelist after often feeling you were failing at English at school.
I wonder if you remember that first book in which you got lost in the story? How pleased the author would have been if he only knew he/she’d been the one to open your eyes to the enjoyment a book can bring.

Your blog sounds interesting, I wondered if you’re going to share your days in a blog here on WdC?

That’s why I started blogging. Every week on my blog I pull back the curtain: this line was repeated. I thought it might have been unintentional.

Thanks for introducing yourself.

Sue.


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for entry "Genial Gastronomy" Open in new Window.
Review by Sumojo Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi, Jeff, I’m reviewing this poem for I Write. At first I wasn’t sure what it was I was reading until I checked out Cards Against Authors Activity.
I hope your entry is accepted as I was under the impression our entries for I Write had to be for an official contest.

Anyway well done for following the prompts given. Also for imagining a genie, who had spent so much time and effort granting the wishes of so many, was now forced to spend his hard fought for freedom flipping burgers or rustling up fast food for life. I’m actually wondering if he might prefer his old life.

I’m presuming your fast food recommendations are real places and you have experienced the cuisine. I’m afraid I won’t be making the journey from Australia to try them, but I’m sure with a ex genie in charge the food would be magical!


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Review of Ecstatic Thoughts  Open in new Window.
Review by Sumojo Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi, I’m reviewing this poem for I Write. I must say I’ve never heard of a contrapuntal poem before. I think being faced with the prompts for this contest I would have run a mile!
You have done an amazing job encompassing all four genres in each stanza. You obviously wrote a four line stanza using each genre separately first and then divided them into the three verses you’ve presented—well that’s how I would have tackled it if I’d have been brave enough to even try.
So well done on a nicely finished poem.
Sue


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Review of Brewing  Open in new Window.
Review by Sumojo Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Jeffrey, I came across this story on Read and Review. It was an intriguing read with an ending I definitely wasn’t expecting. I loved the descriptive lines. There were a few but I quite enjoyed the behemoth with padded feet! Unsure of the desert with a migraine though.😳

Poor Delores, it appeared that she wasn’t the only one the storm got to!
I hope Frank wasn’t intending to go on a killing spree at the neighbours. But I guess we’ll never know.

Typo: But the way she been this morning—! she’d.

Great story using so few words.
Sue


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Review by Sumojo Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Carolyn, I see you suggest you were feeling slightly unhinged. I know how you feel. How sick are we are at always protecting ourselves from those who'd do us harm, take what's not theirs for their own without much effort?
Yes, I too sometimes feel like shouting, "come on in the door is open, tramp through my life, my home, take what I have."

I loved your sarcasm, your denial of cats—that's the one which got me—and all the lines which attempt to show your disdain for those who wish us ill.

Great little poem, hope you felt better after letting off some steam.

Sue


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Review by Sumojo Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, I came across this intriguing story on Read and Review. It was a very interesting read. It didn’t really surprise me, although I guess it should, after all it’s difficult to believe the British are so gullible. However it probably would work anywhere, at least in any wealthy country, where the wealthy have more money than sense.
I suppose the experiment proves something, although what I’m still unsure. You write, he wanted to manipulate the internet. Well, we all know, or should by now, the internet is full of lies and illusion. We’re all being constantly manipulated, either by fake news, deep fakes or clever scammers.
Have we learned nothing since the tale of ‘The Emperor’s New Clothes’?
People wanted to believe and yes, to be able to brag how wonderful they were because they’d seen them with their own eyes.
I think Mr Butler is nothing more than a man with too much time on his hands and is no better than one of the thousands of scammers we need to be on guard against on a daily basis.
Anyway thanks for sharing.

Sue


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Review by Sumojo Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello again, what a delicious pay back story. How wonderful it was for Helen to put Evelyn in her place. She was very condescending, especially when she presumed Helen might not be able to afford a suitable dress for a party. You did a great job with the word prompts. I’m always amazed at the different stories that get written using the same three little words to spark ideas.
Great job as usual. I hope you did well in the contest.
Sue


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Review of Angel Feathers  Open in new Window.
for entry "Promises of God" Open in new Window.
Review by Sumojo Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello, Amethyst Angel h✟k ♡ Author Icon I am reviewing this poem for I Write in 25.
I’m probably not the right person to be commenting on this. Firstly I’m not a poet and secondly not religious. However as the saying goes I know what I like.

This poem is about faith. Faith has such a powerful meaning for such a small word. What is faith I ask myself and how do I, myself, travel through life without having much of it?
What do I have faith in?
I have faith in myself that I will always be there for my friends and family if I’m needed.
Do I have faith in others? Not really.
Do I have faith in world leaders that they will stop the killing and attempt to find peace? Again the answer is No.
I was raised to be an agnostic. On my father’s war record which I recently found he named his religion as Realism. So as you can probably guess how I see the world.
Having said all that I wished I did have faith in a supreme being who will rescue me in times of trouble.
I loved reading your poem and envy you your faith. May it be rewarded.

Sue


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