While I have a few problems with this peice, it tells a compelling story. One of the problems that I have with this is that the rhyming scheme is inconsistent, with the majority of lines ending with ight. Another problem is that like many newer writers, you overprioritize the first line in a two-line rhyming pair, and the second line is then forced to make the rhyme work, even if that means making it too long or nonsensical.
A strong poem overall, although there is one problem that repeated throughout this piece. Some lines are far too long and so the place where the rhyming syllables should be isn't always the place that they are. Each verse also feels weirdly separate from the ones directly before and after.
This is a powerfully worded piece, although without context each line loses its meaning. What are you just saying? How important is the decision? Maybe someday what? How will they be king? And what connection is there between the marbles and the other lines? Four thrones out of six calenders.
While I don't know why this was given to me to review by the read and review system, I'll try my best. Besides some slight grammar issues at the beginning, there's nothing really wrong with it, except that it doesn't have much to say about the writing quality instead just summarizing it.
While this piece is pretty well written, I do have some problems with it.
One: some rhymes don't work very well, like bullies and ease or daily and bully.
Two: some lines serve little purpose besides setting up rhymes even to the point of making no sense.
Three: foxes are not men, as implied by line 24
Four: The ending is very Cristian with no warning. While that isn't bad per say, it might surprise people who practice other religions
This is a great standalone short story, although there are a few places where the wording seemed off to me. Nothing problematic, just odd. Finally, the ending is a little weird. The way the dragon acts is just weird enough to surprise a reader, but not big enough to contribute to the story.
This poem (or song) is too repetitive for my tastes. Even if that's intentional, i feel it'spoorly executed. Some of the lines make very little sense to me, like 'Dreaming of true love has passed me by'. To me, this line seems to say that the singer hasn't even dreamed of true love, but that doesn't make sense when you add in the 'experience isolation and loss' line, at least to me
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