Taizia's (taizia2u) Reviews

Taizia

Review Requests: ON

397 Public Reviews Given

541 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

I love to provide feedback on poetry and short stories.

I'm good at...

I'm good at context and providing feedback on what I like, what moved me, etc. I like to ask questions of writers to help expand their thoughts on their writing. Like what is the character's motivation? What next? How did we get here?

Favorite Genres

Fantasy, Sci-Fi, and Mysteries...a good Supernatural story too.

1

Credit this reviewer

#4834071

Review of The Gentle Giantess

Review by Taizia

In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

Just a note, I am not an editor and make no claims to such. This review will reflect my opinions regarding your piece. I will be looking at characters, plot, poetry flow, word choice, and so on. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer. *Bigsmile*

My scoring method:

3 Stars= Avg, nice piece, needs development and some work.
4 Stars= Good Piece with little work needed.
5 Stars= Perfect!

Comments: I like the overall theme within the story...never apologize for who you are. And I enjoyed the visit to the shaman/mystic.

First Impression:
It was kind of hard to follow and i had to take time to read it because there were no spaces between thoughts and paragraphs. I do like how there is a lot of dialogue in the piece to help it move.

Suggestions:
I would add spaces/breaks between scenes to help readers see the transitions. Also, you use a lot of he said, she said, asked....it is ok not to use them and use other methods. Like adding a sentence or two about the character's internal dialogue or something they are doing to help distinguish who is talking.

I also feel like the end was rushed a little. I would loved to have heard Mabel's inner dialogue at the Shaman's. Like gross or he has got to be kidding Mabel thought. I know I was thinking it. Maybe build up some foreshadowing of her towering kingdom or her inner thoughts about apologizing.

Overall Impression:
Your short story has potential and needs to be flushed out more. I love the theme but would love to see more descriptions. What was the room like, describe the Shaman's store, etc. Some inner dialogue as well. I do like the journey and the different scenes.

Thank you,

GROUP

disABILITY WRITERS GROUP

(E)
Sharing, caring, helping each other to get through the days. Writing, delighting many ways
#1817507 by dogpack saving 4premium+

"Review sig"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

2

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#3346334

Review of Admonitions

Review by Taizia

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hey Ken..

The first verse isn't sitting on my tongue too pretty.

The polar bears are losing ground, drought is record breaking,
and yet some people still contend that scientists are faking
the claims they make about what in our future lies.

Mostly, it is the sway of the third verse that upsets my rhythm of the reading. Hmmm, I want to end it at "faking" and start a new sentence on the third line.

It could be just me..I am rusty afterall.

3

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#3148838

Review of My Lucky Star

Review by Taizia

In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi piewhackett1, thank you for allowing me to review "My Lucky Star"

.

Just a note, I am not an editor and make no claims to such. This review will reflect my opinions regarding your piece. I will be looking at characters, plot, poetry flow, word choice, and so on. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer.

My scoring method:

3 Stars= Avg, nice piece, needs development and some work.
4 Stars= Good Piece with little work needed.
5 Stars= Perfect!
Comments:

First Impression:

Cute poem about the bright lucky star. I like the imagery and hopefulness of this piece.

Suggestions:

"Be proud you are a bright shiny star."
The flow of this line doesn't flow like the rest of the stanza. Try reading out loud and rephrasing.

Overall Impression:

I think this is a great piece that needs a little bit of tlc to sparkle...pun intended

. Try reading it out loud and see what you can do. You are on the right track with this piece.

Thank you,

4

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#3148569

Review of McMENSA

Review by Taizia

Rated: E

| (4.0)

This is an interesting piece. Very expressive. The flow works well and the Capitalization is used with nice emphasis. Good job!

5

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#3148560

Review of Dream

Review by Taizia

In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

This is a lovely poem full of emotion. I love the desire you express towards the other...well done.

I have one suggestion.
"This must be perfection; I know it's happiness, " I would put a comma after "I know" for a dramatic pause...it will work. See if you like it. If not, then don't use it...it's your choice.

Love the poem!

~Taizia

Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang!

6

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#3148555

Review of CHANGE

Review by Taizia

In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Sorry about a second review but I hit the wrong button.

This is a powerful poem and I totally can relate to that feeling. I was married to a guy...lets say we had our differences and I had thoughts about doing something to him...with anger. Your poem reminded me of that feeling...Well done!

~Taizia
Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang!

7

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#3148547

Review of Defiance

Review by Taizia

In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi 🌖 HuntersMoon

, thank you for allowing me to review "Defiance"

.

Just a note, I am not an editor and make no claims to such. This review will reflect my opinions regarding your piece. I will be looking at characters, plot, poetry flow, word choice, and so on. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer.

My scoring method:

3 Stars= Avg, nice piece, needs development and some work.
4 Stars= Good Piece with little work needed.
5 Stars= Perfect!
Comments:

First Impression:

Another beautiful piece Ken! I love the strength you describe and the determination!

My favorite part:

Once tall and stately, this mighty tree
stood like a bulwark within the wood.
It fell to the lessons of history
by its very nature. There it stood
spreading its branches protectively
in a posture of shelter, yet its shadow cast
a darkness which diminished collectively
its competition, both future and past.

Suggestions:

There were no errors and couldn't suggest anything.

Overall Impression:

This poem is smooth and well polished...a true Gem to your collection!

Thank you,

8

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#3148521

Review of Illusions

Review by Taizia

In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi 🌖 HuntersMoon

, thank you for allowing me to review "Illusions"

.

Just a note, I am not an editor and make no claims to such. This review will reflect my opinions regarding your piece. I will be looking at characters, plot, poetry flow, word choice, and so on. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer.

My scoring method:

3 Stars= Avg, nice piece, needs development and some work.
4 Stars= Good Piece with little work needed.
5 Stars= Perfect!
Comments:

First Impression:

I have to say this is a funny piece Ken. My favorite part was the unveiling of the aliens and their extermination.

Suggestions:

"The sound of his voice startled him. A dark thought occurred to him."
This is little repetitive right next to each other. Might consider rephrasing.

Overall Impression:

This is a great piece and I love the way you don't know what the aliens really are until almost the end. This was brilliant!

Thank you,

9

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#3147865

Review of Final Breath

Review by Taizia

In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

The flow of this piece is beautiful but the poem confuses me a little.

How can your last whisper be exhaled on someone else's lips? And why would the person be exhaling his own name and not the other person's? Maybe I'm over analysing it.

~Taizia
Newbie in the paper doll gang!

10

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#3147863

Review of The Past

Review by Taizia

In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

A nice poem about finding a salvation that frees the soul from the past.

My suggestion would to dig deeper into your poem and show us your feelings more. You illustrate a poem but what about the heartache, the pain...what did it feel like? What was it like when you were saved? Add this to your poem and you'll have a little gem here.

~Taizia
Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang!

11

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#3147766

Review of Folgers Falls

Review by Taizia

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi George, here is my review on "Folgers Falls"

. Just a reminder, I am not an editor and these are just my opinions and what you do with them is up to you.

First impression:
This is a great hilarious story. I wrote my comments in green within the text of the story. I thought this started off a little slow but toward the end had more punch. Try reworking the begining if you can. I think this is a great piece.
Suggestions:

After tossing and turning all night, I got up an hour earlier than usual. Well, at least I'll get to work early, I figured, and have a little peace and quiet before the rest of the crew rolls in. I would make these thoughts two seperate sentences so it is easier to follow. My rough night became a rough morning. Two wrecks on the way in ballooned my commute time from the normal forty, to an hour and twenty minutes.

Is there any way to give this a little more pep right of. I feel like it's being said with a great big sigh or breath and the person is just telling me because they have to. I want to feel pulled in.

Slumped over at my desk, I had just brought up my emails when I heard, "Hey Georgie Porgie! Let's go get some coffee, old man!" So much for the peace and quiet. I like this interaction between characters it shows personality!

I winced at the early morning burst of energy and enthusiasm from my young buddy, Mark. I love the guy, but Geez, Louise! I grunted with the effort it took to pry myself from my chair. Grumbling, I followed Mr. Go-Getter down the hall for our obligatory morning ritual: a cup of coffee and his "thrilling" account of playing tennis, or hitting the bars, or whatever he did last night. God forbid he should ever have to spend a quiet night at home. Reaching the break-room we discovered no one had made coffee. Personally, I don't usually get an eye-opening burst of energy from a cup of coffee. I'd have been just as happy to grab a Coke Zero, but "Zippy" wouldn't go for that. I like this paragraph a lot better than the first and agian get to see more interesting snapshots of personality in this.

Mr. Attention to Detail had forgotten to place the pot back on the burner. A vigorous stream of freshly brewed coffee poured straight down, directly onto the circular burner, splashing over the raised, rounded edges and onto the counter before cascading to the floor. nice build up to this point...with me chuckling just imaging the scene!

For a change, our morning coffee ritual had proven to be a real eye-opener. "Oh look!" I chuckled, already feeling a surge of energy. "Folgers Falls." ...loving it!

12

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#3147297

Review of I'm New Around the House

Review by Taizia

In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Magoo

, thank you for allowing me to review "I'm New Around the House"

.

Just a note, I am not an editor and make no claims to such. This review will reflect my opinions regarding your piece. I will be looking at characters, plot, poetry flow, word choice, and so on. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer.

My scoring method:

3 Stars= Avg, nice piece, needs developement and some work.
4 Stars= Good Piece with little work needed.
5 Stars= Perfect!
Comments:

First Impression:

I'm loving that this is from the perspective of a baby. I thought it was so cute how the baby was asking the mom all these questions and I giggled about the dad!

Suggestions:

I thought this line "and chase away fright" should be "and chase away the fright".

Also I thought it would be cute to put "all that powery stuff" because they don't know what it is and adds that element of being by a baby.

I would also put a question mark at the end of this line "What do you say we make this a nightly show?" and have the next one on its own.

Overall Impression:

Wonderful poem that needs just a little tlc to be even more special than it already it...Well done!

Thank you,

13

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#3147294

Review of Under the Bed

Review by Taizia

In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Starr* Rathburn

, thank you for allowing me to review "Under the Bed"

.

Just a note, I am not an editor and make no claims to such. This review will reflect my opinions regarding your piece. I will be looking at characters, plot, poetry flow, word choice, and so on. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer.

My scoring method:

3 Stars= Avg, nice piece, needs developement and some work.
4 Stars= Good Piece with little work needed.
5 Stars= Perfect!
Comments:

First Impression:

Keep you feet up! Keep them up! Our childhood fears don't always go away but they may change shape.

Suggestions:

I love how you captured the insight of the child's nightmares of monsters under the bed;however, I did notice that the flow seemed off in places like the lines were drawn out and as lyrical as they could be.

That being said...I also love the imagery you used.
"Night-light glowing,
shadows growing:"

and

"I'm an adult now, and
I know what's right.
I know those things are not real.
Such things no longer give me a fright. "

Overall Impression:

This was really great and I thought you captured the fright very well. Great Job!!!

Thank you,

14

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#3147272

Review of Balloons

Review by Taizia

In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi TaMmY

, thank you for allowing me to review "Balloons"

.

Just a note, I am not an editor and make no claims to such. This review will reflect my opinions regarding your piece. I will be looking at characters, plot, poetry flow, word choice, and so on. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer.

My scoring method:

3 Stars= Avg, nice piece, needs developement and some work.
4 Stars= Good Piece with little work needed.
5 Stars= Perfect!
Comments:

First Impression:

I love the personifications of the colors...and how you utilized their essence...or rather, how you captured their essence in this piece.

I loved this:
I would not be the black one, that'll absorb too much heat and burst
Nor the red one, who always wants to be the first
Definitely not purple, that considers itself so royal
Or green, who is jealous and unstable

Suggestions:

No errors = no suggestions

Overall Impression:

The flow and rhythm of this poem was great and I thought it was very cleverly done! I especially loved the white baloon. Too often people over look the most sparkling one! Great Job!

Thank you,

15

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#3147251

Review of Nowhere

Review by Taizia

In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi SWPoet

, thank you for allowing me to review "Nowhere"

.

Just a note, I am not an editor and make no claims to such. This review will reflect my opinions regarding your piece. I will be looking at characters, plot, poetry flow, word choice, and so on. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer.

My scoring method:

3 Stars= Avg, nice piece, needs developement and some work.
4 Stars= Good Piece with little work needed.
5 Stars= Perfect!
Comments:

First Impression:

Awe!!!! This is touching. Reaffirmation that your not going anywhere to a loved one. I love it!

Suggestions:

It was hard to find one part I liked more than another but I really liked the ending:

I will wake up beside you
even when you go to bed alone,
in your heart, having built a wall
even God will have trouble penetrating.
My love, I am going

nowhere.

I thought this was simply reassuring and tugged on my heart.

Overall Impression:

This was well written and thought out. I loved the flow and rhythm of the piece and there wasn't one spot that I tripped or got bumped...well done!

Thank you,

16

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#3147247

Review of Four Seasons Pizza

Review by Taizia

In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi SWPoet

, thank you for allowing me to review "Four Seasons Pizza"

.

Just a note, I am not an editor and make no claims to such. This review will reflect my opinions regarding your piece. I will be looking at characters, plot, poetry flow, word choice, and so on. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer.

My scoring method:

3 Stars= Avg, nice piece, needs developement and some work.
4 Stars= Good Piece with little work needed.
5 Stars= Perfect!
Comments:

First Impression:

Nice analogy ...love the division of the pizza and reflection on life and marriage! Bravo!

Suggestions:

My favorite part:
Pizza unlike any we'd tasted in America.
In Italy, we learned to appreciate their
Zest for life. The seasons of two lives, divided, like the pizza.
Zones for each decade of our lives together, joined in one single creation.
A lesson in food and marriage, and in life. Thank you, our beloved Italy.

Overall Impression:

I think you did a wonderful job describing the various toppings and then adding just enough visualization to see the comparrison.

Thank you,

17

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#3147240

Review of Don't Close The Door

Review by Taizia

In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi piewhackett1, thank you for allowing me to review "Don't Close The Door"

.

Just a note, I am not an editor and make no claims to such. This review will reflect my opinions regarding your piece. I will be looking at characters, plot, poetry flow, word choice, and so on. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer.

My scoring method:

3 Stars= Avg, nice piece, needs developement and some work.
4 Stars= Good Piece with little work needed.
5 Stars= Perfect!
Comments:

First Impression:

A poem that comes straight from the heart...very nice!

Suggestions:
The rhyme is spot on and the rhythm is good.

This part of the poem I thought could use some editing to help it flow more with the piece.

I want and need you in my life everyday.
As a lover and friend tell me you'll stay.

to:

I need you in my life everyday (makes it seem a much deeper desire this way)
As a lover, a friend, tell me you'll stay. ( I think this adds more to the pleading)

mind you, it is up to you...this is a good piece the way it is but think about it.

Overall Impression:

I thought you were able to capture the heart of the need for someone to stay in a person's life. Well done!

Thank you,

18

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#3147205

Review of Looking Back

Review by Taizia

In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi kristielove, thank you for allowing me to review "Looking Back"

. This is a Helping Hearts Review! The following are just my opinions regarding your piece. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer.

Comments:

First Impression:

I thought this was a nice reflective piece

Suggestions:

There is one stanza that seems to fall into the past tense compared to the rest of the poem:

Rewarded
with friends who I cherish;
Reminded
of friendships that perished.

maybe change to:

Rewarding
are the friends I cherish;
Reminding
me of friendships that perished.

Overall Impression:

I thought this was a very well thought out poem that was simply lovely and insightful...well done!

Thank you,

19

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#3147176

Review of Will you love me?

Review by Taizia

In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi ShellySunshine

, thank you for allowing me to review "Will you love me?"

. This is a Helping Hearts Review! The following are just my opinions regarding your piece. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer.

Comments:

First Impression:

Another beautiful piece.

While simple in design, it is full of delicious emotion. I love how you describe things that you would do and hoping that the other loves you despite of it.

Spelling/Punctuation/Grammar:

I didn't notice any errors within this poem.

Overall Impression:

I think your poems are simply lovely and that I have seen a range of your ability within them. Please keep growing in your writing because you are like the gem that needs little polish to shine brilliantly!

Thank you,

20

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#3147171

Review of Candy Apple Red

Review by Taizia

In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi ShellySunshine

, thank you for allowing me to review "Candy Apple Red"

. This is a Helping Hearts Review! The following are just my opinions regarding your piece. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer.

Comments:

First Impression:

First off...love the delicious red font color...adds a little spice to the eye!

Suggestions:

Shimmering with radiance
Flashes of brilliance
Eve’s tasty trick
Spellbound delicacy
Juicy delicious
Heaven’s deception
Fallen to the ground
Rolling in satin
Sin all around.

Ok, I know this is the whole poem, but I really liked it. I like the word choice and the "spellbound delicacy, juicy delicious." I think you capture the tastiness of the apple. I also love the line Heaven's deception, fallen to the ground, rolling in satin...yummy words!

Spelling/Punctuation/Grammar:

I didn't notice any errors what so ever in this piece!

Overall Impression:

I like how you created this as a tempting apple and throw in the biblical reference to the apple in eden...Well Done! Well Done!

Thank you,

21

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#3147168

Review of I hate being wrong

Review by Taizia

In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi ShellySunshine

, thank you for allowing me to review "I hate being wrong"

. This is a Helping Hearts Review! The following are just my opinions regarding your piece. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer.

Comments:

First Impression:

I don't know anyone who doesn't like to be wrong...specially in this situation. Once again you tackle a topic most people will try to avoid. I can see with this writing you are sincere.

Suggestions:

I like the use of repeating the following lines throughout this piece:

I hate being wrong,
I do not like it at all.

It is as if you are trying to reinforce the sorrowfulness...the guilt that you feel for your actions.

My favorite part:

I hate being wrong,
I do not like it at all.
This feeling of you looking down at me,
I tried to survive the best I could
Doing all in my mind that I should
But it was never good.

The last three lines rhyme...but I think despite the fact that the rest of the poem doesn't, it helps to create a mood or attitude for the piece.

Overall Impression:

This poem is a plea for understanding and forgiveness. Can the other person move on now that you confessed and admit your wrong? The answer maybe unclear but it is obvious that you are sincerely remorseful. Bravo!

Thank you,

22

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#3147165

Review of Michael's Words

Review by Taizia

In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi ShellySunshine

, thank you for allowing me to review "Michael's Words"

. This is a Helping Hearts Review! The following are just my opinions regarding your piece. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer.

Comments:

First Impression:

Suggestions:

I can totally relate to this piece. I too have someone on WDC that I admire for his poetry...🌖 HuntersMoon

.

Spelling/Punctuation/Grammar:

This poem is sincere and has some very lovely parts...for example:

I wanted to see what this was about,
Looked in your port and was ready to shout!
I want everyone to know what a poet looks like,
It is you morning, noon and night.

However, I did notice a few things that were slightly off...for example:

I wanted to be just like you, I still do.
I look at your form and wonder how you do it.

and

Thank you Michael, I will never forget,
Your generous soul and your poetry.
I can never get enough.

you start off and work mostly with end rhymes but these don't rhyme in the same style as the rest of the poem and thow it off slightly.

Overall Impression:

The cohesion and thought of this poem is very good and with just a little bit of work will be polished. Great Job!

Thank you,

23

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#3147162

Review of Recovery

Review by Taizia

In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...

Rated: E

| (2.0)

Hi ShellySunshine

, thank you for allowing me to review "Recovery"

. This is a Helping Hearts Review! The following are just my opinions regarding your piece. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer.

Comments:

First Impression:

Recovery no matter what form it may take is never easy and can often be hard and full of self doubt and discovery.

Am I strong enough? Is this really happening? The questions can be endless and I think you touch on this with your piece.

Suggestions:

In the crux of it lies these words:
What torture will I keep with me
that will transform the way I think?

I like that you added these lines because it expresses what a person must go through to reach the other side.

My only real suggestion is adding a little bit more to this piece. I don't see a lot of connection but random thoughts that relate. I think it would help the reader to see what you are recovering from so they can relate to what you are going through more.

Overall Impression:

It is not easy to talk about one's inner demons or about things they are going through so I give you kudos for that. I think the poem overall moves smoothly throughout.

Thank you,

24

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#3147146

Review of Fury of the Heart

Review by Taizia

In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Just call me Omni

, thank you for allowing me to review "Fury of the Heart"

.

Just a note, I am not an editor and make no claims to such. This review will reflect my opinions regarding your piece. I will be looking at characters, plot, poetry flow, word choice, and so on. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer.

My scoring method:

3 Stars= Avg, nice piece, needs developement and some work.
4 Stars= Good Piece with little work needed.
5 Stars= Perfect!
Comments:

First Impression:

Wow, I could feel the depth of love and concern you have and the darkness that the daughter has. Of course, I probably relate to this more than some people since my dauther is borderline bi-polar.

Suggestions:

Where did your light go, my sunshine?
When did the dark, cold clouds roll in?

Frantic emotions of hurricane proportions
Reeling in the aftermath of their destructive power

You start out so strong with these words...dragging me in and down her spiralling path.

Sudden tears flowing like a torrential rainstorm
Cries of torment as loud as mighty thunder
Eyes flash like a sudden lightning strike
A whisper, soft as the midnight wind-
“I just want this to end”

Chills down my spine with this! I could sense the pain the child is going through.!

The rhythm and flow of this piece was spot on and it read very smooth. I love the powerful word choice in this piece and the promise of hope at the end with:

I hope my sunshine comes back someday!

Overall Impression:

I thought this was a great piece full of emotion and sincerity. The poem is relatable and easily relatable with. I thought you pulled off a command performance in this strong piece. Bravo Mistro!

Thank you,

25

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#3147085

Review of Tribulation

Review by Taizia

In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi 🌖 HuntersMoon

, thank you for allowing me to review "Tribulation"

.

Just a note, I am not an editor and make no claims to such. This review will reflect my opinions regarding your piece. I will be looking at characters, plot, poetry flow, word choice, and so on. Please use, or not use, what you may; after all, you are the writer.

My scoring method:

3 Stars= Avg, nice piece, needs developement and some work.
4 Stars= Good Piece with little work needed.
5 Stars= Perfect!
Comments:

First Impression:

Hi Ken! Love the design/layout of the diamond and the reference of it in the poem.

Suggestions:

The poem reads smooth without any bumps.

My favorite part:
Hmmm, that would be "against self-sold shakles well sealed."

I didn't notice any flaws in this diamond of yours...well done!

Overall Impression:

I like how you are able to describe the shild. To me it is like a shield to the heart that we often put up around it to keep others at bay. Nice work!

Thank you,