well done. the descriptions of the food and setting are great the story arc sad but again well done. the characters are well formed for such a very short piece. the end thou sad again brings a solid believable conclusion. I would have given you 5 stars, but... there is a spot in the middle of the piece I cannot figure out. keep on writing.
ok you have the beginnings of a cool description, but you left a big piece of info out of the picture. why should I, or anyone care about these characters they know nothing about. I can not figure out what your trying to say. try again. just my opinion but I don't see a story here at all. don't give up just try again
outstanding. always good to hear a success story. you have 1 under your belt now so to speak. the butterflies should be easier to manage now. best of luck on your next installment.
ok first changing the spacing helped a lot. I can see you are getting the ideas down for a solid story. As it stands it is a little wordy. by that I mean you can get the old edit pencil out and look for a couple of things; first watch for changes in past and present tense. Next be ruthless and get rid of any words that don't move the story forward. Finally try and show a smooth transition from one scene to the next. Most important to remember this only my opinion keep on writing. you got this.
I would love to read your story but the print is too small and the spacing too close together. I wish I could tell you how to fix it. I do know it can be done. sent me a message when you change it and i will gladly give you a review.
well done. I liked twist starting right away without giving it away. the middle such as it is helps the story move to the verdict reading. on with the end and the twist her thought about not liking Megan much brought it out very well. great job in a short as can be form.
nicely done. The beginning confused me for a moment, but I caught up. seems ol'boy he did too and was quite a bit angrier than you first thought. The end left me wanting more good job.
ok here goes. The scene felt jumbled when he parked. there are alot of misspellings. I don't get the end. It may just be me, but a rewrite is in order.
Well done the article has a good set up. I liked the timing and transition to the second character. An interesting dichotomy of viewpoint. funny unusual and humorous at the same time. This could almost be a fable.
ok I liked it. I hope it does not make me a racist. the story starts with an action, good there is a short back story. Not sure it was needed but the story still moves along well. the character builds tension well with her viewpoint. the end scene was handled well.
good job the actions jumps at the beginning. one thing you might want to rewrite a little missing a few words in the second paragraph. also the impression I got is that he would need three hands to hang on to her, hold a hand over her mouth as well as hold a knife to her throat. the action was great the characters drew me in beginning middle and end all parts in the right place.
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