Your poem was amazing! Reading it I felt almost as if I were following you through your life with a video camera in my mind. You were able to use words to portray precisely how you felt time progresses, slowly at first then more rapidly as you aged. Thanks for your creativity!
Your poem "For my babygirl" was enjoyable to read and I could easily feel the emotional connection you had with the words you chose to describe those feelings. Your verse form was well written and flowed well.
The only hiccup I had with this poem was the second to last stanza..."Just to be there to play with clay,
Daddy will be there each and everyday"...this almost feels like you could not find another word to compliment everyday so you chose the word clay.
I may be totally off and this part of the poem was important to convey some sort of memory so I only consider it my personal hiccup and nothing more. Thanks for sharing your emotions with me and WDC!
First, I want to say the title of this piece is unique and quite intriguing. It was the title itself that drew me to read "The Ice Lake". Also your pen name or user name here added to that intrigue. Your writing is very well written and flows very nicely making it easy to follow. Your descriptions within the writing enables the reader to feel as if it is them beneath the ice.
There are only a couple of suggestions I would like to convey to you about this work. (This is only my amateur opinion)
In the early part of your story you stated. "Her eyes aren't full of color and love as I remember them". Then later you state. "The warm and loving glow disappears"...to me these ideas are sort of contradictory to the reader...maybe I was just looking for something to maybe explain this idea further.
The only other suggestion is in your phrase "My eyes close. One last time..." Maybe these two short phrases could provide more of an impact if they were in one strong sentence? Again just my opinions, however even with these tiny details it was a wonderful work of written art. Thanks for the read!
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