The Top 14 Must Have List for Zombies

A short comedic piece for your entertainment, (or not)?

The Top 14 Must Have List for Zombies



#1: Fabreeze dead body spray ... (for those embarrassing moments).
 
#2: Blood stain remover. (Cause you don't want for the wife to catch you dining without her).

#3: A full head motorcycle helmet. (Cause for some reason, you walkers seem prone to head injuries).

#4: The Johnson and Johnson Finger and Toe Stitch Kit. (Cause as you know, they're the first to fall off).

#5: An undead death insurance policy. (So the kids will have something to fall back on after you BITE THEM)!

#6: A note from your doctor to give to your boss ... before you EAT him.  (Just because you're a zombie doesn't mean you have to be rude)!

#7: Two tickets to the Rob Zombie concert.  (Cause after all, YOU"RE A FREAKING ZOMBIE)!

#8: A working TV featuring the AMC channel ... so you can cheer on the walking hordes.

#9: The ACME heavy duty industrial staple gun. (In case your sweetie's arm falls off while your out for a stroll).

#10: "Oberto's Human Jerky", (to help fight off those cravings between meals).

#11: A bag of "Hershey's Black Mold Kisses",  (I mean even a zombie deserves an after dinner treat. Can I get an AMEN)!

#12:  Several copies of Bill Clinton's zombie declaration petition disclaimer which reads, "I did not partake of that woman's flesh".

#13: Alice Cooper's zombie handbook on how to brew beer using only blood and toenails.

#14: A FREAKING BIB and APRON!!! Because let's face it ... zombies are TOTAL SLOBS!