Screaming Silently Strong Warning! 13+

Raw poem of chronic pain, spiritual pleas, and redemption, refined from 2014 to 2024.

Screaming Silently — Original Poem (Written while under the influence of OxyContin pain meds)

I lie here screaming silently as fire courses down my arm,
Liquid fire, burning muscle, and I tense by great alarm,
I arch my back and grit my teeth, I'm crying out to GOD; RELIEF!
Oh please my LORD, one word from you, is a simple healing nod.

Sometimes a sound escapes my lips, it's power greater than mine,
I hear myself and try to stop, so I don't give way and whine.
No matter how I submit and pray, I'm still standing in the rain,
Oh LORD, I cry out, help me please, I cannot take this pain.

Oh, LORD, I pray, what have I done, to receive such calamity?
I repent, oh LORD, whatever it is, that brought this thing on me.
So I pray for healing from my LORD, but I'm talking to myself.

I protest, but LORD, in the name of the Son,
I've seen you heal much worse, please let me be the one!
Still the silence is deafening.

Still I persist in petitioning The LORD, my arm now withering down,
As I witness The Holy Spirit healing others in town to town,
Oh LORD, I say, is there hidden purpose, in what you still allow,
All I hear is "something's coming", and thoughts now scrunch my brow.

The pain is growing day by day, my tricep, like a building razed,
I moan and writhe in all the nights, I cry throughout the days.
My resolve is gone, as I sit for weeks reclining in a chair,
Feeling my fingers being crushed in a vice, I couldn't go anywhere.

I went to the Feast of Unleavened Bread, determined to file a brief,
In the morning I woke, and to my delight, to my brief, the answer; RELIEF!
Oh Praise you LORD, I did now say, with feeling not like before,
I went to Surgeon, Dr. Peloza, and there I got the score.

The pads between my vertebrae, were breaking down on me,
I needed an operation, a fusion it needed to be.
By now, I will do anything Sir, I told him then and there,
Remembering how the pain did win; about that, I truly care.

I think about it, to this day, remembering so vividly,
The horror of those first 3 years; the suffering was killing me.

—NoisyWren, '14


10 long years later…

Screaming Silently 2024

Liquid fire sears my arm,
I lie here, tensed, alarmed.
Back arched, teeth clenched, I plead —
"Lord, a nod to grant my need!"

A sound escapes, raw and wild,
Beyond my strength, this wound not mild.
I pray, I beg beneath the rain,
Yet still I drown in endless pain.

"What sin has brought this curse to me?"
I repent, I'm blind to what You see.
I cry for healing, voice unheard,
Alone in silence, cold and blurred.

I've seen Your hand mend greater woes,
Why not me, Lord? Make it so!
Others rise while I decay,
"Something's coming," whispers say.

Pain gnawed my tricep, razed my bones,
Nights twist with moans, days weep alone.
My fingers crushed, resolve undone,
I slump, a shell, nowhere to run.

At Feast of Booth's, I raised my plea,
I Woke to mercy — my sweet reprieve!
The surgeon spoke of discs worn thin,
A fusion forged where pain had been.

Three years of hell still haunt my mind,
A vivid scar time can't unwind.
Yet praise now flows, both fierce and free,
Thanks to my Lord, who answered me.

—NoisyWren, '24