Maybe, just maybe

what's worse than a real problem? a hypothetical chance you know mostly won't happen

Come sit, let me talk to you about something from the heart
A rare moment, as I barely do it, yet this time that heart is saying "worry not"

You ever thought to yourself "what if" and then kept dreaming about it for days?
Creating a false hope, one which exhausts your mind and for which your soul dearly pays?
"What if things did not go downhill?"
"What if in that moment time just stood still?"
"What if I could have done things differently?"
"What if I had the chance to see things for what they were clearly"

Then that thought lingers, dictating your dreams whether on day or night
Unable to resist the temptation of what could have been, looking back on how things could have gone right
It's annoying, isn't it? especially while knowing that it's useless
Yet you dedicate to that imagination so much time, like some sort of obsession turning you restless

I had that. still not sure if I got rid of it though honestly
I had a thought of that kind; a dream I thought was so simple yet turned out to be a fantasy
At first it was built on a "what if" of the past, which obviously was such a torture
But then I got rid of it, only to replace it with a "what if" of the future
And at first glance, those seem to be easier to deal with
After all the future can still be changed, that's still a fact, not a myth

What I did not realize though, is that building the future must be based on hope, not past questions or regrets
Turns out the "what if" of the past lingered, poisoning my dream, refusing to give me some rest
I got stubborn: instead of letting go of the past I aggressively tried to make it fit into my plans
Thought God owed me happiness as long as i worked for it, without paying heed to how ridiculous were my demands
And dear god was never uncapable, but had to teach me reason in that state, even if it was through pain
Had to make me understand that the past is the past, and clinging that much to it brings no profit or gain

And so, I bid farewell to that dream. and started building a new one
Can't say I totally got over the past, but somehow now my business with it is almost done
It's just...when things are left unresolved, you can't help but think of alternative happy endings for them
I keep thinking of making the most of a chance when it comes, even though It won't
Only to snap back to reality, thinking sometimes of the worst, while hearing a voice inside saying "don't"

What do you think? am I the crazy one? or have you also been there?
Have you also had a taste of this, this sensation that tightens your chest and makes your lungs fragile even to air?
Though I hope you didn't go through it, but if you did, I hope you're holding your own
And if not then understandable, though please take care and remember you're not alone