decay

kind of edgy and a vent poem.

DECAY
I am slowly decaying, my body becoming nothing but a shell of what I once was.
The once long, beautiful hair that used to be part of what I loved the most about myself, the part of me I took care of the most without needing a reminder, the only thing that resembled my mother in my appearance, is now a short, messy, dirty problem I need to be remembered to take care of everyday. It no longer brings me joy, and only wastes the little energy remaining in me.
The perfect skin that was only somewhat damaged by accidental wounds while playing outside or simply running around as any other child would is now wounded and scarred purposefully by myself, either with tools or my own hands, to the point where I am no longer trusted alone.
The seemingly endless energy that looked like something that would be a life long problem ended suddenly, and became nothing but an empty void that is tiring to even be around.
No one seems to recognize me, but I do not recognize any old faces that might have seen me at my prime, so in my eyes, I see no problems at all.
It might not seem like it, but I once had happy, healthy, real friends.
I also had a life outside the screens.
I had a life outside wanting to be recognized by something.
I had a life.
Every cry for help I did was ignored.
Brushed off as an “imaginary problem”.
I am slowly decaying.
All the things I said before, they are not even my biggest problem.
The decay makes me hallucinate.
It’s nothing new for me, i have hallucinated my whole life ever since i was 5,
But now, 10 years later, it has gotten out of hand.
Meltdowns,
Self-destructing episodes,
Suicide attempts,
And i am not even an adult.
I am slowly decaying,
And I make myself want to throw up.