Survival Kit

The Writer's Cramp - 11/29/25 - W/C 465

Margaret Little checks her credit card online. Seems there is a problem. So she calls the customer service number. The following is what happened during that call.

“Yes, thank you, I’d like to report a scam.”

The person on the customer service line gets quiet for a second, then says “Okay, so what is the nature of the scam ma’am?”

“Well, it seems someone has ordered a Zombie Survival gift pack using my credit card.”

There is no response from the customer service person.

Again, Margaret repeats her request. “Hello? I’d like to report that someone has ordered a Zombie Survival gift pack using my credit card. Now I’ve checked and there is no way I would order a gift pack that includes a shovel, an ax, a knife, a flashlight, a roll of gorilla tape, a can of Spam, a first aid kit and a how-to guide. And it costs $109.00.”

“Okay…and you are sure that you didn’t request this zombie gift pack?”

Margaret Little paused for a moment. She thought about the noises she had been hearing outside the past few days. The reports on the news channels about recent incidents around the world that could be zombie related.

“Well, I don’t think I did. You see, I am on a fixed income. There is reason to believe that I would consider any purchase over one hundred dollars to be extreme. Do you think I should buy a zombie survival pack?”

The customer service representative stuttered, “Well, um, I, well…”

Margaret Little interrupted the representative, “Let me tell you. I am 85 years old. I don’t think I am able to use a shovel or an ax. Perhaps I could use the Spam for lunch, and the flashlight at night to read the how-to guide. A first aid kit would be useful when I cut myself with that knife. Then perhaps I could use the tape to fix that window in the bathroom…”

Margaret Little paused.

The customer service person replied, “Well, ma’am, I also cannot think of why you would want to buy that item. Is there any reason you believe that zombies are around you? Are you in danger right now? If you are, perhaps you need to call 911, not customer service.”

A door bell could be heard by the customer service representative.

Margaret Little paused for a moment to answer her door. The delivery of a Zombie Survival Kit came by courier. She resumed her conversation with customer service.

“Well, it seems I did order this kit. It was just delivered to me. So I thank you for your time.” Margaret Little hung up.

The credit card customer service representative then started to laugh.

“Are you alright Ben?” questioned his coworker. 


“You will never, ever, guess this one.”

W/C 465