A Journey

Learning how to deal with and understand my strong emotions

I sit and close my eyes. I have so many feelings and emotions fighting to be heard. All fighting to be acknowledged. Just fighting.

I'm feel myself become angry. I see a giant red fire ball circling me. It begins slowly at first, then circles faster and faster. I feel myself being drawn in. It wants me to enter its fiery ball of fury. I makes me feel like hitting, breaking, damaging anything, and everything I can. It is so hard to pull away from this feeling. I can't resist, for its pull is so strong. I can no longer bare this feeling it gives me. I am drained and tired of being in this angry ball of negativity, and so I turn and walk away.

As the anger fades, I begin feeling sadness. I look up and see a blue cloud, not white. This blue cloud is raining long, sad, tears. My vision begins to blur as my own tears fill my eyes. My whole being starts to tremble, and I feel an ache in my heart that deepens as the blue cloud approaches. It also brings with it such sadness the closer it becomes. I'm tired of being sad, so I blow the cloud away, and walk in another direction.

I turn yet again and see a sand that is slowly sucking in everything around it. Quicksand. I see it is hopelessness, and yet I find myself running towards it. I must try with all my might to stop what is happening, but no matter how hard I try to move away all of the things in its path, it does no good. I feel my whole world, and everything in it, will not stop sinking into this abyss. I watch as it slowly gets sucked in. There is no stopping quick sand, so I lower my head and walk away. I'll try the opposite direction, and let the sand take its course.

From all I have seen and felt, I am feeling so tired. I come upon a tall mirror, and in it I see my reflection. I then look deeper into the mirror, and I can see all that is around me. On my right - the fire ball is still turning, and burning, in its endless rage. On my left - the blue cloud is still weeping, crying, and drowning in its own tears. I can see the quick sand, and it is still sucking the life from the world, my world.

I look at my self. I can only see a tired old woman. I try to smile, but can't because I am unable to ignore all that is happening around me. All of my energy, my life, continually being sucked away by one form or another.

I step around the mirror, for it is time to leave it, the fire ball, the cloud, and the quick sand, all behind. I need to let them go. And so I begin a new journey. I'm walking with my head down so I can watch as I take one step, then the next. One, two, three....., I'm counting, because counting calms my mind. I'm staying only with the thought of each step. With this visual, and nothing else. I begin taking deep breaths. Exhaling the pain, the anger, the sadness, the hopelessness. I'm inhaling hope, calmness, laughter, love. This goes on for some time. Then I notice I am walking with my head held high, and I am looking straight ahead. All that I had seen, or felt, has slipped far far away, and I am now in a place of calm, and I open my eyes