I don't quite understand

I wrote this poem back when I was feeling EMPTY while simultaneouly engaging in festivals

I don’t quite understand the void inside,
Or is it around me, slowly eating me as a whole?
All I know is that love and laughter surround me,
Yet the light of my life feels too blinding for my soul.
I'm left grasping in the dark, too blind to see.
I reach out, trying to grow towards its touch,
But it burns—suddenly everything's out of control.

I don't quite understand the lonesomeness I feel,
Even when I'm with it.
It makes me feel all sorts of things,
From joy to shame, from doubt to fleeting fame.
And I end up confused again—
Was it love? Envy? Was it real? Who’s to blame?
I wanted to move on, to move away;
But somehow, I always settle down in the same spot,
Like I've got caught in a sway.
Why do I even go back?
Is it my feeling?
Do I feel too much? Or too little to keep it in a rack?

I don’t quite understand my feelings lately.
I question my sanity,
I even question if this is the reality.
But surely I know that it hurts as I fall—
But then again, do I feel anything at all?
Wait—no, that can’t be true.
I know I feel blue.
A deepening blue. A dreadful blue.
And strangely, I don’t want this to end—
End of something that is actually very true.